Author Topic: Stupid Things Your Wife / Husband / Partner Say (Read 77593 times)

Oingy Boingy · « **Reply #200 on:** October 24, 2010, 05:00:54 am »

One a mate came out with...

On a stag do in Prague we were sitting outside a bar watching the females go by whilst passing all the usual comments, trying to fit in the stags quiet brother piped in with this slice of classic Partridge

"Here guys check out the Camel's toes on this bitch"

much hilarity and pisstaking has ensued.....we're still not quite sure what the soft fucker actually thought a camel toe was and why

Sir Harvest Fields · « **Reply #201 on:** October 24, 2010, 07:07:10 am »

camels toes. classic

lafuriaroja · « **Reply #202 on:** October 25, 2010, 01:03:07 am »

Was visiting my parents a few weeks ago and told my mom that I was going to get my nose looked at for breathing problems- pretty sure I have a deviated septum- and she told me that I should try yoga and go on a cleanse to fix it.

rodderzzz · « **Reply #203 on:** October 25, 2010, 03:41:04 am »

I'm living in Vancouver now with my misses, who's Canadian, she knew fuck all about footy when I met her but fair play to her she likes to know how they're getting on and watches the odd game now and then. Anyway, the Blackburn game KO at 7am here and it wasn't on telly till 1pm I thought, fuck it, I'll have a lie in, avoid the result and watch it at 1pm instead of trying to find a link! I say to her when we get up, if you see the Liverpool result I DO NOT want to know it im watching it later. Anyway! ten minutes later she's on the laptop and she suddenly covers up the screen, I look over and she says 'did you see the screen' I say 'No did it have the score on' she says 'yeah, do you want to know?' I say 'NO' she goes 'I think you do' FUCKIN HELL! thanks for that!

She thought I didn't want to know the score because they keep getting beat and i didnt want it to ruin me day! FFS

Sir Harvest Fields · « **Reply #204 on:** October 25, 2010, 07:07:35 am »

thats like the screens in one of my regulars. i only have one eye so cant watch 3d shite tv but its about 3-4 seconds ahead of the screen im watching it on. so if there is an attack the noise behind me tells me the end result. so fucking annoying.

J-Mc- · « **Reply #205 on:** October 25, 2010, 10:31:36 am »

Quote from: Harvest Fields on October 25, 2010, 07:07:35 am

...i only have one eye...

Fucking hell mate, from RAWK terrorist to pirate in just over a week......you don't keep jobs long do ya!

Was in 6th form a few months ago and we had to watch some presentations that had been recorded a few weeks earlier to show what stuff we've got to talk about in them and what we need to include, all that shite.

So the class is sat there when my mate turns round and goes "Miss.....is this being filmed?"

Que the whole class rolling on the floor laughing before another one turns around and goes "Are they still in our class?" (they never were.)

Was one of those you had to be there moments but was funny as fuck at the time.

Sir Harvest Fields · « **Reply #206 on:** October 25, 2010, 10:53:00 am »

Quote from: J-Mc- on October 25, 2010, 10:31:36 am

Fucking hell mate, from RAWK terrorist to pirate in just over a week......you don't keep jobs long do ya!

you wanker. thats just lost me a mouthful of cider and ten minutes cleaning my monitor lol.

Doc Evil · « **Reply #207 on:** October 25, 2010, 06:13:45 pm »

Walking past a massive house with my sister many years ago:

Me: "That's a big house isn't it? "
My sister: "How can you tell?"

JimmyGrunt · « **Reply #208 on:** October 25, 2010, 06:59:20 pm »

Bird last night...

"Does Goldilocks have blonde hair?"

Also, ordering the Indian last night, i said 'i want the dips for the popadoms aswell, (she doesnt get them all usually) mint, onion & mango", she's sat there looking at the menu....

"They don't do mango, they only do mint, chutney and onion"

pascoli · « **Reply #209 on:** October 25, 2010, 07:39:31 pm »

"i thought you might wake up regretting gettin it done, but thought i'd just leave you too it. At least i stopped you from getting the liverbird as well. On your neck."

todda · « **Reply #210 on:** October 26, 2010, 12:57:49 pm »

My ex-missus decided we should get a Rabbit for the kids, now I never really wanted a Rabbit but, I got in from work one night and there was the Rabbit complete with hutch, so we put the Rabbit in the hutch and asked my eldest daughter what she wanted to call it "little Bill" came the reply after the kids program, so Little Bill it was.

Anyway after a few weeks of letting the freaking thing run riot round the living room, shitting all over the floor, i had it on my lap and the fuckin thing pissed on me then scratched my arm. "That's it I said, no more in the house it stays in the hutch" anyway after another few days I said to the missus "have you been keeping an eye on the Rabbit?, to which the reply came "yeah I fed it last Week", fuckin' hell said it'll be starving, better feed it so I went out to the hutch called it, could hear nothing, fearing the worst I opended the door and there was Little Bill lying there cold and stiff. Oh shit, we've killed the Rabbit I said. better get a bin bag and bury it, so I put it in the binn bag, dug a hole and buried it.

At this point the ex missus comes up with a headstone for it and scratched on the piece of rock was:-

Little Bill - VIP you can't make that stuff up. VIP I said it's RIP, Rest in Peace!

barnseysbarmyarmy · « **Reply #211 on:** October 26, 2010, 01:13:36 pm »

That or VIR.

SamAteTheRedAcid · « **Reply #212 on:** October 26, 2010, 01:27:13 pm »

Quote from: todda on October 26, 2010, 12:57:49 pm

My ex-missus decided we should get a Rabbit for the kids, now I never really wanted a Rabbit but, I got in from work one night and there was the Rabbit complete with hutch, so we put the Rabbit in the hutch and asked my eldest daughter what she wanted to call it "little Bill" came the reply after the kids program, so Little Bill it was.

Anyway after a few weeks of letting the freaking thing run riot round the living room, shitting all over the floor, i had it on my lap and the fuckin thing pissed on me then scratched my arm. "That's it I said, no more in the house it stays in the hutch" anyway after another few days I said to the missus "have you been keeping an eye on the Rabbit?, to which the reply came "yeah I fed it last Week", fuckin' hell said it'll be starving, better feed it so I went out to the hutch called it, could hear nothing, fearing the worst I opended the door and there was Little Bill lying there cold and stiff. Oh shit, we've killed the Rabbit I said. better get a bin bag and bury it, so I put it in the binn bag, dug a hole and buried it.

At this point the ex missus comes up with a headstone for it and scratched on the piece of rock was:-

Little Bill - VIP you can't make that stuff up. VIP I said it's RIP, Rest in Peace!

That is class! I can see why she's an ex!

caspertheghost · « **Reply #213 on:** October 26, 2010, 01:31:50 pm »

One of the guys in work suffers from serious wife stupidity - he was asked "hey, you see Ashley Cole and Joe Cole, are they related?"

His mrs has a 2:1 degree 'n'all.......

lostpet. · « **Reply #214 on:** October 26, 2010, 02:53:42 pm »

Me: There's a good job in Munich, what do you think about moving there?

Her: No thanks, i dont want to go to Russia

Me: Russia?

Her: is it not in Russia? are you sure, are you just playing with me?

Me: *goes and gets atlas*

Her: Oh! Well i didnt do Geography in school.

Sir Harvest Fields · « **Reply #215 on:** October 26, 2010, 03:03:33 pm »

todda that is fucking ace. sad but fucking ace.

Chakan · « **Reply #216 on:** October 26, 2010, 03:05:49 pm »

Todda VIP = Very Important Pet.

Mr Grieves · « **Reply #217 on:** January 30, 2011, 03:58:43 pm »

Mrs Grieves and I watching the news last night, the scenes of the demonstrations / civil unrest in Egypt comes on,

Mrs Grieves, " Don't they all have to go to work in the morning?"

Rusty Oysterburger · « **Reply #218 on:** January 30, 2011, 04:31:03 pm »

We were in a restaurant a while ago and appros of nothing...

Mrs O: "Whats the name of the alien in Star Wars?"

Me: "What one? There are loads of different ones"

Mrs O: "You know, the little one that speaks funny..."

Me: "Oh, you mean Yo..."

Mrs O interrupting: "The one that speaks like 'de do don't de do'".

Me: "Hahahahahahahahahahaha, oh yeah that scouse alien in Star Wars, aaahahaha"

SMD · « **Reply #219 on:** January 30, 2011, 04:32:46 pm »

Quote from: Rusty Oysterburger on January 30, 2011, 04:31:03 pm

We were in a restaurant a while ago and appros of nothing...

Mrs O: "Whats the name of the alien in Star Wars?"

Me: "What one? There are loads of different ones"

Mrs O: "You know, the little one that speaks funny..."

Me: "Oh, you mean Yo..."

Mrs O interrupting: "The one that speaks like 'de do don't de do'".

Me: "Hahahahahahahahahahaha, oh yeah that scouse alien in Star Wars, aaahahaha"

RedRabbit · « **Reply #220 on:** January 30, 2011, 05:29:00 pm »

My grandmother was a legend for stupid sayings ( am I allowed use her?).
Favourites are:
"The dog is upstairs, lying on the bed with his four legs in the air like a human".
"Stand back and let me into the sink".
"Who's been using the soap with dirty hands?". Love that one.

Richiemc · « **Reply #221 on:** January 31, 2011, 09:48:39 pm »

Got a text from my fiancé earlier this evening claiming we have made a 30mill bid for Roy Carroll! She wouldn't even know who Roy Carroll is if he licked his Herr lip in front of her so havnt got a clue where that came from. Fucking shit myself for a second though

StevenLFC · « **Reply #222 on:** February 21, 2011, 06:49:53 pm »

3 absolute crackers from my fiancée today. Firstly, we were driving in the car with the radio on and Ce Lo Green's "Forget You" came on. The "She's an X-Box, and I'm more Atari" line came on, but she sang out loud "She's an X-Box, and I'm retarded." She was convinced that was the correct lyric.

Secondly, we were watching The Chase in ITV before, and the following question was asked "What flightless bird gives it's name to the nickname of a person from New Zealand?" Now the answer is obviously Kiwi, my other half shouted out "Penguin". I asked her "Where the hell would you find a penguin in New Zealand?" Her reply was "I don't know, in a zoo maybe."

Finally, we were sitting in a resteraunt an the song My Girl came on. She says "I love the film with this song in it, what's it called again?" "My Girl" I said. "Oh yeah, how did you get that so quickly?" "Coz it's the title of the song" "Oh yeah"

scousepower · « **Reply #223 on:** February 21, 2011, 07:02:04 pm »

When we were in a Chinese I told my girlfriend to swap chopsticks with me because she had left-handed ones. Took her a good few minutes for her to realise.

theboyspen · « **Reply #224 on:** February 22, 2011, 12:06:18 pm »

When our dog wants to go out he stands by the door. My missus always says "The dog's queuing up to go out!"
Cracks me up every time!

royhendo · « **Reply #225 on:** February 22, 2011, 03:27:23 pm »

Two weekends ago, driving to the in-laws' gaff.

"Am I driving on the right side of the road?"

SwedenRed · « **Reply #226 on:** February 22, 2011, 03:52:00 pm »

The wife... "Do you think you can... ?"

In other words, what she is actually saying is... "DO IT"!
Fu**ing women.

Sri Sudachan · « **Reply #227 on:** February 22, 2011, 03:56:52 pm »

Quote from: SwedenRed on February 22, 2011, 03:52:00 pm

The wife... "Do you think you can... ?"

In other words, what she is actually saying is... "DO IT"!
Fu**ing women.

Is it as stupid as saying to her you just saw a triangle UFO?

Lent§ · « **Reply #228 on:** February 22, 2011, 03:58:09 pm »

Quote from: Sri Sudachan on February 22, 2011, 03:56:52 pm

Is it as stupid as saying to her you just saw a triangle UFO?

Or kicking out house guests for having their shoes on!

Sri Sudachan · « **Reply #229 on:** February 22, 2011, 04:01:22 pm »

Quote from: Lent§ on February 22, 2011, 03:58:09 pm

Or kicking out house guests for having their shoes on!

It's a Thai custom, I'm not responsible for it

Lent§ · « **Reply #230 on:** February 22, 2011, 04:01:55 pm »

Quote from: Sri Sudachan on February 22, 2011, 04:01:22 pm

It's a Thai custom, I'm not responsible for it

I meant SR

MidwestWool · « **Reply #231 on:** February 22, 2011, 04:02:51 pm »

Quote from: Doc Evil on October 25, 2010, 06:13:45 pm

Walking past a massive house with my sister many years ago:

Me: "That's a big house isn't it? "
My sister: "How can you tell?"

Are you Gary Neville?

Crosby Nick · « **Reply #232 on:** February 22, 2011, 04:04:35 pm »

Quote from: StevenLFC on February 21, 2011, 06:49:53 pm

I asked her "Where the hell would you find a penguin in New Zealand?" Her reply was "I don't know, in a zoo maybe."

Think you get them at the bottom of the South Island.

Sri Sudachan · « **Reply #233 on:** February 22, 2011, 04:06:07 pm »

Quote from: Lent§ on February 22, 2011, 04:01:55 pm

I meant SR

errrrrr , I knew that

StevenLFC · « **Reply #234 on:** February 22, 2011, 04:07:41 pm »

Quote from: Crosby Nick on February 22, 2011, 04:04:35 pm

Think you get them at the bottom of the South Island.

Yeah, I noticed that when I Googled it. She doesn't know that though.

Crosby Nick · « **Reply #235 on:** February 22, 2011, 04:16:30 pm »

Quote from: StevenLFC on February 22, 2011, 04:07:41 pm

Yeah, I noticed that when I Googled it. She doesn't know that though.

Perhaps she was calling your bluff?!

StevenLFC · « **Reply #236 on:** February 22, 2011, 04:23:03 pm »

Quote from: Crosby Nick on February 22, 2011, 04:16:30 pm

Perhaps she was calling your bluff?!

Nah, she's just thick.

Col · « **Reply #237 on:** February 22, 2011, 04:53:22 pm »

Was just chatting to a girl about going to America.

"Where you're going... is it anywhere near Disneyland Paris?"

The Flying Pig · « **Reply #238 on:** February 22, 2011, 05:03:41 pm »

Aunt to me yrears ago:-

"pass them exams lad and the world's your lobster".

Brian Blessed · « **Reply #239 on:** February 22, 2011, 05:12:14 pm »

On the phone last night I asked her, "I got Jesus Christ, Vampire Hunter. Want to watch it?"

"Okay, but how do Cheezits fight hunt vampires?"

Not really stupid, more a very good point.

Author Topic: Stupid Things Your Wife / Husband / Partner Say (Read 77593 times)

royhendo