Author Topic: Shanklyboy's and Fat Scousers ( Leo who's still alive ) auld arse thread  (Read 3990413 times)

Online nozza

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Re: Shanklyboy's auld arse thread - Over 1000 Pages of Wisdom For Young Uns!
« Reply #40000 on: June 24, 2015, 09:28:15 pm »
 ;D
Well here's my Gurkha story and it comes from last Friday (I think, maybe Saturday). And this is absolute gospel.

Me mate comes into work, saying how bad it was getting home the day previous - He lives in Watford. Total gridlock, never happened before, never seen anything like it. The whole of Watford was at a standstill and instead of getting home in one hour, it took three.

So he went into his local bar, which is in a gym I believe, and  hardly anyone else drinks there except this gang of buildies. Sure enough they were in there and me mate goes over to ask them what's causing all the mayhem. One of them says, "There's some bloke in town with a Gurkha, and he's got a bag full of explosives with all wires 'angin' out of it".

Me mate thinks this builder bloke has lost the plot or something and slips away for his quiet pint.

Next day he sees the local newspaper, and guess what. The builder was telling it as it was - except it was a burqa!

http://www.watfordobserver.co.uk/news/13341762.Reaction__Man_dressed_in_a_burka_arrested_after_Market_Street_bomb_scare_in_Watford/


 ;D ;D


Offline Mutton Geoff

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Re: Shanklyboy's auld arse thread - Over 1000 Pages of Wisdom For Young Uns!
« Reply #40001 on: June 24, 2015, 10:07:06 pm »
Had some bad news last night not unexpected though my Niece was diagnosed with Terminal Bowel Cancer about 5 years ago the prognosis was a year but she is a fighter, sadly now she is in the hospice and we are talking about just days.

God i wish i had half the courage she has shown in the last few years and she is only 42, I am so proud of her.
A world were Liars and Hypocrites are accepted and rewarded and honest people are derided!
Who voted in this lying corrupt bastard anyway

Offline AndyMuller

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Re: Shanklyboy's auld arse thread - Over 1000 Pages of Wisdom For Young Uns!
« Reply #40002 on: June 24, 2015, 10:11:28 pm »
Had some bad news last night not unexpected though my Niece was diagnosed with Terminal Bowel Cancer about 5 years ago the prognosis was a year but she is a fighter, sadly now she is in the hospice and we are talking about just days.

God i wish i had half the courage she has shown in the last few years and she is only 42, I am so proud of her.

Bloody hell mate thoughts are with you and your niece at this awful time.

Offline Pheeny

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Re: Shanklyboy's auld arse thread - Over 1000 Pages of Wisdom For Young Uns!
« Reply #40003 on: June 24, 2015, 10:51:21 pm »
Thinking of you and your family Geoff.

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Re: Shanklyboy's auld arse thread - Over 1000 Pages of Wisdom For Young Uns!
« Reply #40004 on: June 24, 2015, 11:19:43 pm »
Had some bad news last night not unexpected though my Niece was diagnosed with Terminal Bowel Cancer about 5 years ago the prognosis was a year but she is a fighter, sadly now she is in the hospice and we are talking about just days.

God i wish i had half the courage she has shown in the last few years and she is only 42, I am so proud of her.
Awful disease Geoff, thoughts are with you and your family mate.

Offline Harinder

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Re: Shanklyboy's auld arse thread - Over 1000 Pages of Wisdom For Young Uns!
« Reply #40005 on: June 24, 2015, 11:36:37 pm »
Thoughts with you and yours Geoff.
Just clicked on the main board and my virus scanner came back with this

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:lmao

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Re: Shanklyboy's auld arse thread - Over 1000 Pages of Wisdom For Young Uns!
« Reply #40006 on: June 24, 2015, 11:39:07 pm »
Had some bad news last night not unexpected though my Niece was diagnosed with Terminal Bowel Cancer about 5 years ago the prognosis was a year but she is a fighter, sadly now she is in the hospice and we are talking about just days.

God i wish i had half the courage she has shown in the last few years and she is only 42, I am so proud of her.

Sorry for your woes Geoff.

It reminded me of a friend of mine. He married a girl who was way out of his league. They studied Divinity together, that opened my eyes to the workings of Love that I have carried since then.

Whilst the infamously tough course was not for him, She became a Minister, they had a child and he took the role of the Minister`s spouse that women must have taken for centuries.

Unfortunately she was diagnosed with lung cancer. She was a non-smoker, and had no family history of the disease. She died within the year at the same age of 42. With a small child, and no career he was made a widower and homeless soon after. A Manse needs a Minister. I`m not having a go, that`s just how it is.

I`m not a religious person. Things like this just make me think very much of the Depeche Mode lyric:

I don't want to start any blasphemous rumours
 But I think that God's got a sick sense of humour
 And when I die I expect to find Him laughing



The best way to scare a Tory is to read and get rich” - Idles.

Offline John C

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Re: Shanklyboy's auld arse thread - Over 1000 Pages of Wisdom For Young Uns!
« Reply #40007 on: June 24, 2015, 11:48:50 pm »
Awful news that Geoff.

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Re: Shanklyboy's auld arse thread - Over 1000 Pages of Wisdom For Young Uns!
« Reply #40008 on: June 25, 2015, 12:15:31 am »
Had some bad news last night not unexpected though my Niece was diagnosed with Terminal Bowel Cancer about 5 years ago the prognosis was a year but she is a fighter, sadly now she is in the hospice and we are talking about just days.

God i wish i had half the courage she has shown in the last few years and she is only 42, I am so proud of her.

Age and experience seem to be of little help when a family member from a younger generation is being called before their time. And the illogical guilt for surviving hangs heavy.

Thoughts are with you and your family Geoff.
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Offline Crimson_Tank

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Re: Shanklyboy's auld arse thread - Over 1000 Pages of Wisdom For Young Uns!
« Reply #40009 on: June 25, 2015, 01:03:27 am »
Horrid news Geoff, thoughts are with you and yours.
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Offline Lady_brandybuck

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Re: Shanklyboy's auld arse thread - Over 1000 Pages of Wisdom For Young Uns!
« Reply #40010 on: June 25, 2015, 04:42:09 am »
Sorry to hear that Mutton, may you find strenght in these times and give her all the love and comfort she needs.
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Offline john_mac

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Re: Shanklyboy's auld arse thread - Over 1000 Pages of Wisdom For Young Uns!
« Reply #40011 on: June 25, 2015, 06:20:41 am »
Oh yeah, shame John Mc's in Australia. I'm going to get off to Kirkby now, go see a few lads. But then, John's never there anyway. He should have been a Gurkha, or Kung Fu, walking the planet, leaving only spilt lager on the rice paper.

Leo, haven't gone yet, another couple of weeks. I was actually walking the sandpaper of Oldham yesterday, such a lovely place. Think I'll be about town today, give us a shout after
We'll See Things They'll Never See

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NAKED BOOBERY

Rile-Me costed L. Nee-Naw "The Child" Torrence the first jack the hat-trick since Eon Rush vs Accursed Toffos, many moons passed. Nee-Naw he could have done a concreted his palace in the pantyhose off the LibPole Gods...was not was for the invented intervention of Rile-Me whistler.

Offline jambutty

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Re: Shanklyboy's auld arse thread - Over 1000 Pages of Wisdom For Young Uns!
« Reply #40013 on: June 25, 2015, 10:15:31 am »
Soft arses.

That was me daughter.

Such a beautiful girl wouldn't have an ugly arl arse like me unless I was minted and terminal.

Kill the humourless

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Re: Shanklyboy's auld arse thread - Over 1000 Pages of Wisdom For Young Uns!
« Reply #40014 on: June 25, 2015, 10:56:12 am »


Such a beautiful girl wouldn't have an ugly arl arse like me unless I was minted and terminal.


Thanks for alleviating the stress. We were all trying desperately not to say it.
NAKED BOOBERY

Rile-Me costed L. Nee-Naw "The Child" Torrence the first jack the hat-trick since Eon Rush vs Accursed Toffos, many moons passed. Nee-Naw he could have done a concreted his palace in the pantyhose off the LibPole Gods...was not was for the invented intervention of Rile-Me whistler.

Offline jambutty

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Re: Shanklyboy's auld arse thread - Over 1000 Pages of Wisdom For Young Uns!
« Reply #40015 on: June 25, 2015, 12:51:57 pm »
I was waiting for one of you to say summat like "Fuck, mate, how rich ARE you?"
Kill the humourless

Offline Crimson_Tank

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Re: Shanklyboy's auld arse thread - Over 1000 Pages of Wisdom For Young Uns!
« Reply #40016 on: June 25, 2015, 01:55:56 pm »
How rich are you?
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Offline 24/7

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Re: Shanklyboy's auld arse thread - Over 1000 Pages of Wisdom For Young Uns!
« Reply #40017 on: June 25, 2015, 02:31:54 pm »
How rich are you?
Nono......

How rich ARE you?"

Offline jambutty

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Re: Shanklyboy's auld arse thread - Over 1000 Pages of Wisdom For Young Uns!
« Reply #40018 on: June 25, 2015, 03:05:05 pm »
Not THAT rich. 8) :wave
Kill the humourless

Offline red mongoose

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Re: Shanklyboy's auld arse thread - Over 1000 Pages of Wisdom For Young Uns!
« Reply #40019 on: June 25, 2015, 03:20:04 pm »
Had some bad news last night not unexpected though my Niece was diagnosed with Terminal Bowel Cancer about 5 years ago the prognosis was a year but she is a fighter, sadly now she is in the hospice and we are talking about just days.

God i wish i had half the courage she has shown in the last few years and she is only 42, I am so proud of her.

My thoughts and prayers are with you and your family Geoff.

YNWA
« Last Edit: June 25, 2015, 03:21:40 pm by red mongoose »
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Hear what little Red-Eye saith:
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Offline 24/7

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Re: Shanklyboy's auld arse thread - Over 1000 Pages of Wisdom For Young Uns!
« Reply #40020 on: June 25, 2015, 04:37:42 pm »
Geoff I just clocked your post - so sorry for your loss mate :(

Offline pooley

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Re: Shanklyboy's auld arse thread - Over 1000 Pages of Wisdom For Young Uns!
« Reply #40021 on: June 25, 2015, 05:25:58 pm »
Just had  a listen to this and it took me right back to the days of getting in to the boys pen as soon as the turnstiles opened, climbing the railings in to the Kop and standing on the near empty terracing as this tune echoed around.   https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_rQheOglFos
I wish I could still climb up the drain-pipe that used to be at the back of the toilet that was outside the kop.

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Re: Shanklyboy's auld arse thread - Over 1000 Pages of Wisdom For Young Uns!
« Reply #40022 on: June 25, 2015, 05:43:20 pm »
Just had  a listen to this and it took me right back to the days of getting in to the boys pen as soon as the turnstiles opened, climbing the railings in to the Kop and standing on the near empty terracing as this tune echoed around.   https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_rQheOglFos
Oh blimey! Instant nostalgia.
NAKED BOOBERY

Rile-Me costed L. Nee-Naw "The Child" Torrence the first jack the hat-trick since Eon Rush vs Accursed Toffos, many moons passed. Nee-Naw he could have done a concreted his palace in the pantyhose off the LibPole Gods...was not was for the invented intervention of Rile-Me whistler.

Offline Fat Scouser

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Re: Shanklyboy's auld arse thread - Over 1000 Pages of Wisdom For Young Uns!
« Reply #40023 on: June 25, 2015, 07:03:30 pm »
Just back from Lpool. Really strange trip, I've never been to town and come away without having at least a few pints. Hard walking past the aul haunts, watching the bevvers garlging and laughing. But liver scan tomorra, so I just stayed in me mates for a couple of nights and watched him getting pissed and smoking himself red-eyed. But I went to see another mate of mine, and he's got Cirrhosis an all but he's still bevvying. All I can say is, it was a warning to myself.

I'm not talking bad about him though. Never would. It's a lad I grew up with, known him over 50 years, love the bones of the fella. For all his medical woes, he was still his old self, hilarious lad, could make a cat laugh. I just wish he'd behave now. But he told me straight... 60 in a month, and if he makes it, that'll do for him. And if he does, I'll be back up there. And I'll drink to him myself.
"A peasant you are. A peasant you will remain. And we shall use all our wealth and power, to make your lot even worse and keep you exactly where you are, Bondage!"    The Boy King, Richard II, after  putting down the The Peasants Revolt in 1381.

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Offline Fat Scouser

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Re: Shanklyboy's auld arse thread - Over 1000 Pages of Wisdom For Young Uns!
« Reply #40024 on: June 25, 2015, 07:16:43 pm »
Posted before I read. Sorry about that. And I'm sorry to hear of your grief Geoff. Seems a bit weird saying congratulations to Jam Butty, but it's got to be done... congrats, mate.

This age malarkey is getting on my wick. Sorry John. I must have drove past yours yesterday. I honestly thought you'd already gone, so didn't even phone or text, thinking I'd get walloped with an Aussie sized bill. And, well, fuck it, here's the truth... I didn't want to start moaning in here. We have enough of that to contend with in real life. But this Hep C malarkey is gettin me now. They call it Brain Fog. And I was never the sharpest, but my head's gone. I don't know what I'm doing half the time. I can't concentrate. Short term memory is shot to bits, but I got lost a few times the other day going round places that I've known all my life. It's woeful. But I can't be arsed going on about it, and I see the doctors in about a fortnight. So hopefully they can stop it getting any worse, or at least tie a bell round me neck so they can find me when I go on a ramble.

Anyway... John, I'm gutted I didn't call you. Andl commiserations and congratulations to Geoff and Jam Butty. Sorry that sounds so trite. But it's meant.
"A peasant you are. A peasant you will remain. And we shall use all our wealth and power, to make your lot even worse and keep you exactly where you are, Bondage!"    The Boy King, Richard II, after  putting down the The Peasants Revolt in 1381.

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Offline Jagged Princess

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Re: Shanklyboy's auld arse thread - Over 1000 Pages of Wisdom For Young Uns!
« Reply #40025 on: June 25, 2015, 10:27:21 pm »
Had some bad news last night not unexpected though my Niece was diagnosed with Terminal Bowel Cancer about 5 years ago the prognosis was a year but she is a fighter, sadly now she is in the hospice and we are talking about just days.

God i wish i had half the courage she has shown in the last few years and she is only 42, I am so proud of her.

Sorry to hear this sad news Geoff, my thoughts are with you.
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Offline JohnnoWhite

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Re: Shanklyboy's auld arse thread - Over 1000 Pages of Wisdom For Young Uns!
« Reply #40026 on: June 26, 2015, 05:00:36 am »
Had some bad news last night not unexpected though my Niece was diagnosed with Terminal Bowel Cancer about 5 years ago the prognosis was a year but she is a fighter, sadly now she is in the hospice and we are talking about just days.

God i wish i had half the courage she has shown in the last few years and she is only 42, I am so proud of her.

Not been around for a while folks and just seen this post. So sorry to hear the bad news Geoff. May she be spared any pain mate. Thoughts are with her family at this so difficult time.
« Last Edit: June 26, 2015, 07:54:00 am by JohnnoWhite »
There is nothing wrong with striving to win, so long as you don't set the prize above the game. There can be no dishonour in defeat nor any conceit in victory. What matters above all is that the team plays in the right spirit, with skill, courage, fair play,no favour and the result accepted without bitterness. Sir Matt Busby CBE KCSG 1909-1994

Offline kopite.keith

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Re: Shanklyboy's auld arse thread - Over 1000 Pages of Wisdom For Young Uns!
« Reply #40027 on: June 26, 2015, 07:17:34 am »
Sorry for your sad loss, Geoff
« Last Edit: June 26, 2015, 03:03:43 pm by kopite.keith »
When in Rome...

Offline Fat Scouser

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Re: Shanklyboy's auld arse thread - Over 1000 Pages of Wisdom For Young Uns!
« Reply #40028 on: June 26, 2015, 04:19:58 pm »
Just back from Liver Scan at the Ozzie. Liver's got no worse. So, that's good news. Now if I could just remember where I'd left it. Funny one...

A few weeks back, my Missus was leaving. I'm in a bottom floor flat. It was mid day Saturday afternoon, sunny, loads of people walking past. I went to the window. It's a big window, ledge is about knee high. I pulled back the net curtain and was shouting some nonsense after her. She went the colour of boiled shite, ran at me, told me to get in... I was bollocko.

Straight up, I didn't know. Thank fuck nobody seen me, Scouser on a Southern housing estate, parading in the nip. I can imagine the Vigilantes, pitch forks and burning torches coming for me right now. But I honestly didn't know I was in the nod. I found out what it was though.

Don't mean to be disgusting, but I can't get constipated and I hadn't been for a couple of days. It's mad. The HepC and liver damage, makes me constipated. But if I don't do me ablutions, the liver can't shift the toxins out me system. So they get into the blood and into the brain. Poisoned by me own shite, I don't think I could cope with that. But I can't even have me regular 8 to 10 pints of laxative. So I'm eating that much fruit I'll probably be swingingn bollocko in the window next.

Anyway, no news, good news, sort of thing. Just got to wait to see the Doctors now. Oh yeah, and why I came in.... Heads up, great film about Lemmy on BBC4 tonight. Well, I think it'll be the same one they showed a while back. And if it is, it's brilliant.
"A peasant you are. A peasant you will remain. And we shall use all our wealth and power, to make your lot even worse and keep you exactly where you are, Bondage!"    The Boy King, Richard II, after  putting down the The Peasants Revolt in 1381.

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Re: Shanklyboy's auld arse thread - Over 1000 Pages of Wisdom For Young Uns!
« Reply #40029 on: June 26, 2015, 06:54:21 pm »
For me, it's a nice over ripe banana and a massive strong black coffee - then it's a case of moving the women and children to safe ground.
« Last Edit: June 26, 2015, 07:12:08 pm by Dr. Beaker »
NAKED BOOBERY

Rile-Me costed L. Nee-Naw "The Child" Torrence the first jack the hat-trick since Eon Rush vs Accursed Toffos, many moons passed. Nee-Naw he could have done a concreted his palace in the pantyhose off the LibPole Gods...was not was for the invented intervention of Rile-Me whistler.

Offline Fat Scouser

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Re: Shanklyboy's auld arse thread - Over 1000 Pages of Wisdom For Young Uns!
« Reply #40030 on: June 26, 2015, 08:18:24 pm »
I'm not at the age when being nuts is acceptably funny or sena pods are top of me menu. Ciggie an a cup of tea usually sorts it. Anyway... great Flamenco documentary on BBC4. I think it's great, loved Paco De Lucia from first hearing. And the history's a brilliant story, but the singing always reminded me of this... https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YUjAnbpM4fs
"A peasant you are. A peasant you will remain. And we shall use all our wealth and power, to make your lot even worse and keep you exactly where you are, Bondage!"    The Boy King, Richard II, after  putting down the The Peasants Revolt in 1381.

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Re: Shanklyboy's auld arse thread - Over 1000 Pages of Wisdom For Young Uns!
« Reply #40031 on: June 27, 2015, 01:45:09 pm »
It's that singing though, reminds of me of chucking out at Yatesies when I was a lad
"A peasant you are. A peasant you will remain. And we shall use all our wealth and power, to make your lot even worse and keep you exactly where you are, Bondage!"    The Boy King, Richard II, after  putting down the The Peasants Revolt in 1381.

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Re: Shanklyboy's auld arse thread - Over 1000 Pages of Wisdom For Young Uns!
« Reply #40032 on: June 27, 2015, 03:35:12 pm »
Thanks for the posts lads and lassies she is still fighting bless her,

had a little distraction last night though, my family bought my wife and I tickets to see Frankie Valli in the MEN arena she adores the guy, I like the music,  i thought of not going but was persuaded by both my Daughters who paid for the tickets and the hotel room , so i made sure my Niece's husband would text us if he needed to,

anyway Frankie was born on May 3rd1934 and god knows he is doing well for his age, it was a great performance with a brilliantly tight orchestra, and a good backing singers.

All these auld arses up thinking they are teenagers dancing, singing and giving it large for the whole of the second half set including us. I can see a run on Radox products today.
A world were Liars and Hypocrites are accepted and rewarded and honest people are derided!
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Re: Shanklyboy's auld arse thread - Over 1000 Pages of Wisdom For Young Uns!
« Reply #40033 on: June 27, 2015, 03:38:37 pm »
Sorry i forgot congrats Jambutty
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Re: Shanklyboy's auld arse thread - Over 1000 Pages of Wisdom For Young Uns!
« Reply #40034 on: June 27, 2015, 04:05:08 pm »
It's that singing though, reminds of me of chucking out at Yatesies when I was a lad
I love Flamenco, but I love the singing as well, even though I haven't got a clue what they're singing about (gout probably). But it is mainly the guitar that does it. Very stirring, powerful stuff. Paco's brilliant and I love a bloke called Geronimo Maya as well but that's probably just because of his name.

Funny how music can really move you even when you don't know what they're singing about. Even when you do, as with gospel for instance (as I was saying the other day) where, in my case anyway, I don't even believe in any religious stuff - I don't even think JC existed as anything other than a normal bloke, if he existed at all - but the music really moves me. I've even got this fantastic stuff - by the fantastically named Novospassky Monastery Choir which is also very moving and a bit scary, and I'm almost in tears listening to that too, and I haven't got a bloody clue what they're singing about either (but I've got a good idea like).

I think it's the desperation, that something better than this exists, that I find so moving. There is obviously a very real need for us humings to believe that there is something better, to help us deal with injustice and probably death too. It's the patheticness (is that a word)  - and I don't mean that disparagingly funnily enough - that is so soul-wrenching for me anyway.

Added to that, music also seems so much better at communicating emotions than words, and that is weird. When they wire your brain up to see which parts activate when you do various things, they find that when you're dealing with music, the whole bloody thing lights up like a Christmas Tree. It's almost like that's what your brain is for. You never know, it is very mathematical, maybe it's the language of the universe. Maybe the makers of Close Encounters were on to something!
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Re: Shanklyboy's auld arse thread - Over 1000 Pages of Wisdom For Young Uns!
« Reply #40035 on: June 27, 2015, 05:04:40 pm »
I like this girl incidentally - part flamenco, part North African, and a bit jazzy. 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SAfuAM1UOWs
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Re: Shanklyboy's auld arse thread - Over 1000 Pages of Wisdom For Young Uns!
« Reply #40036 on: June 28, 2015, 04:24:17 pm »
Aye Doc, music, about the only reason to have human beings here. Well, maybe one or two others. But seeing what music was on the Beeb Friday an Saturday night, I thought this might give you a chuckle...
"A peasant you are. A peasant you will remain. And we shall use all our wealth and power, to make your lot even worse and keep you exactly where you are, Bondage!"    The Boy King, Richard II, after  putting down the The Peasants Revolt in 1381.

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Re: Shanklyboy's auld arse thread - Over 1000 Pages of Wisdom For Young Uns!
« Reply #40037 on: June 28, 2015, 07:09:36 pm »
I imagine when 'she's' recording that shite, the ol' brain must be lighting up like a wet swan vesta.
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Re: Shanklyboy's auld arse thread - Over 1000 Pages of Wisdom For Young Uns!
« Reply #40038 on: June 29, 2015, 05:46:31 am »
Suppose it's the oldest generational problem in music taste/society.

Who's the latest fad? Who's the hot talent? Who's the different one?  Who's got the daftest name? Who's the one with the top chance of raping the scene and pissing off with tens of millions? Ah drives me ferkin' mad!!

So much "now" shite around - I get headaches and can't be arsed to listen overmuch.

If they don't "get to me" in the first 15 seconds - nae chance.

« Last Edit: June 29, 2015, 05:48:30 am by JohnnoWhite »
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Re: Shanklyboy's auld arse thread - Over 1000 Pages of Wisdom For Young Uns!
« Reply #40039 on: June 29, 2015, 08:57:36 am »
Sadly Johno, music's just another thing that big business has robbed. I know it's always been that way. Even Elvis was manufactured by Colonel Tom Parker. And I can't believe there isn't kids in garages with guitars, making great stuff. But the monster of uncontrolled Capitalism has taken over everything, and why pay kids who want to be Joe Strummer when they can pay a new Donny Osmond a few buttons every 12 months or so.

Having said that, there is good stuff still being made. And people think I'm mental for banging on like that. But Gary Barlow Prince Charles's tax-dodger mate, and NHS robber Richard Branson coming out with Sex Pistols Anarchy in the UK credit cards, sort of proves me point. Like the saying goes, they'd sell themselves the rope to hang themselves with, or something like that.

Simon Cowell, so much to answer for.
"A peasant you are. A peasant you will remain. And we shall use all our wealth and power, to make your lot even worse and keep you exactly where you are, Bondage!"    The Boy King, Richard II, after  putting down the The Peasants Revolt in 1381.

http://misterinobody.weebly.com/