Topic: The Thread About Kids and How To Raise Them

[rob1966]

Great to hear that all ok.

Our 4 month old is due for open heart surgery to repair a hole at Evelina London at the beginning of June. Seems a huge op for someone so small but the Docs are so matter of fact that it cant help but inspire confidence.

I have never been so nervous about something in my life and trying to balance work, being a new parent and trying to adjust our lives to the new "normal" is incredibly hard.

Really not sure how we will react when he goes down for the op as its all just been in the distance since he was diagnosed. Now all a bit too real!

Can't imagine going through that with my kids. They are so matter of fact about the op as its the norm for them, they do this every day. They are extremely professional about it all though. Your lad will be right as rain soon enough.

My lad had an op at 3 in Wythenshawe, my wife made me sit with him while they sedated him (she couldn't) and I cried my eyes out as he went under, it was stressful until they came to get us to take us to recovery, but I kept telling myself he was in good hands.

I had open heart surgery when I was 32 at Wythenshawe and came through it fine, your lad will be too.

[Groundskeeper Willie]

So then. The kid missed the weekend's football training. His behaviour was beyond abysmal on many occasions for several days so I made the decision to let him stay at home when I went to coach the kids. He loves football and nothing else seems to bother him in terms of punishment, so this is what I'll go with. I've explained it to him very clearly that if he wants to play football, he needs to cut out the shit. I'm not asking him to become an angel, but to at least start by cutting out unwarranted tantrums, with all that entails. I've reminded him a couple of times when I've noticed he's going off and it seems to help.

[McrRed]

Really good thread this. Props for the Op.

I've got 2 boys aged 8 and 3 and I've also been a primary teacher for 13 years so I reckon I've got a reasonable handle on kids and their upbringing /behaviour.

With my lads, they followed a classic pattern with the first one causing my wife and I some anxiety about whether we were doing  the right things when it came to feeding, crying, bed times etc. As the first born he relied a lot on us to stimulate him and it wasn't until he started school that he was happy playing by himself. He was a nightmare to get to sleep, taking between 1-2 hours to go down up until about 3 years old. Our second boy was much different. He was much more chilled from day one and has gone to sleep straight away since he was just a few months old. One thing we did differently with him was to let him fall asleep during a feed (they were both breastfeeding fed) then put him down instead on having a set time. Worked like a charm. Our second boy has a much better capacity to play independently but then he has had his brother to interact with instead of just his parents.

With regard to discipline, at both school and home I place a high value on firm but fair. Even dead young kids (like 2 years and up)  understand most if not all of their actions and explaining why behaviours are good and bad will have an effect. You have to be consistent and back up what you say, making sure you and any partner are in agreement. You can try with grandparents but my kids' are as soft as shite and spoil them - you have to accept that to a certain extent. Don't go mental at them if it's the first time they've done something wrong, especially if they're young and might not have known better. Their brains are still developing, particularly the rational parts, so they'll often do stupid stuff as alot of the time they are running on instinct.

It's really important to steer them in the right direction but not do things for them that they could do themselves or try themselves. Don't try and make all their problems go away, especially at school. Be there for them if they are really upset about something but otherwise just give them advice and get them to take control or have a quiet word with their teacher. It's also important to realise that children will often tell you what they think you want to hear rather than the truth.

Finally , I don't think there's any harm in a tiny proportion of fear. It sounds really reductive and anachronistic but I think it's  healthy for them to know that there is a kind of hierarchy and that you are in charge. If you keep your powder dry and don't shout and get angry all the time, you can use that angle if you really have to. Just make sure you try and remain calm inside while pretending  get to act cross - a good skill to master as a teacher!

This stuff is no guarantee and kids are all different. They do act differently at school compared to home a lot of the time just as adults behave differently at work, home and with mates.

Like this but slightly disagree.

It's a common misconception that most of us make, including teachers, to think that children know right from wrong like we do. They don't. We attribute all kinds of wilfulness to their actions but most of the time it's misplaced.

Children don't think like us. They have many times more thoughts than us but they don't know right from wrong until they're older - usually, but not always, late juniors.
They understand "no!" from about one year old. They often know they'll get in trouble for something. They'll say sorry. But they don't know why.

What we do with them teaches them right from wrong. Eventually.

Hell, many adults haven't learned and regress with the slightest bit of stress or pressure - anyone ever "borrowed" a pen from work or driven at 32 mph?

And the bit of fear? It's my biggest regret with my kids. They're all grown up now but they're still slightly intimidated by me. There's a barrier there even though we talk often and I'm a good guy.

So, after 5 kids and nearly thirty years as a teacher i would ditch the fear if i could have my time again. Don't take shit. Be consistent. Oh, and completely ignore what others think about you - do what you think is right, always.

Your kids are going to be great people.

[Disregarder]

Like this but slightly disagree.

Your kids are going to be great people.

Yeah I reckon your right about children's behaviour and how much control they have, although I'm sure you've seen it when they notice that you've clocked them doing something naughty but they keep slyly doing it you see what you'll do and where the boundaries actually are. These occasions seem to imply some form of cognition about their actions and the consequences. I'm no psychologist though!

Found what you said about your kids still being intimidated by you really interesting.  I guess that it's important for your relationship with  your kids to evolve over time but aye, they shouldn't be scared of you, perhaps more hesitant to find out what might happen if they cross certain lines. These will also change over time.

[dalarr]

Thanks for making this thread and to all who have posted. I'm a pretty inexperienced father. My daughter is two years old and we're expecting our second daughter in july. It's refreshing and comforting to read these posts and realize that even the most experienced parents make mistakes from time to time. Sometimes I get that feeling that everyone around me does a better job than me/us when it comes to parenting, although I know that that's not the case.

[Corkboy]

From the Play Football thread in Inspire A Rawkite. May as well go in here too.

Corkboy pére et fils combined for half a dozen in five a side tonight. It's one of the best things to do as a Dad, I feel really lucky. To be able to play with your son in a game, no matter what level really, is a genuinely nice thing. He's 15, about five ten and has bigger legs than me so he's well able to cope, but it's good for him, too, playing football with men in their forties and fifties. Not just for football but as a developing young man, it's good for him to see how men behave towards one another in a setting like that, social but competitive. I think it's harder for him to act like a "typical teenager" at home when we do something like that together with other men. He has to conduct himself appropriately or they'll let him know. He's a pretty grounded young fella anyway but it's a good thing for him to do stuff with ould fuckers, gives him some perspective.

So, footballing Rawkites, try to stay playing long enough to play football with with your kid, not just in the back garden (although that's great too) but as equals. I'm a 47 year old smoker. If I can do it.....

[kavah]

^ great advice that, I played for a team in the Liverpool business houses league years ago that had 3 dad and lad pairings - and we had quite a decent team. And the kids were typically better behaved than the fathers ...

[Groundskeeper Willie]

I was playing goal when my eldest, who inspired this thread, was just a wee lad. I recently got back between the sticks  for the local team after an 8 year hiatus. Not a training session beforehand, just right in there. Won 8-2 and the kid was really proud to see his dad play.

I also coach the U9 team that he plays for, might have mentioned it before, and he's got talent. He missed a training session the other week because of his behaviour, might've mentioned that too, and it seems to have worked well. No severe tantrums, just "normal" bad behaviour. And when he's about to go off on one, I remind him what is at stake if he blows up.

[rob1966]

Just looked at my 6 year olds homework and he's got a list of words - the last one is Quim    What the fuck?

[Crosby Nick]

Just looked at my 6 year olds homework and he's got a list of words - the last one is Quim    What the fuck?

Sex Ed has really become a lot more informal since my day.

[TheTeflonJohn]

A crow bar always comes in handy when you`ve got kids, multiple uses.

[Snail]

Found out I'm seven weeks pregnant today and this is the first thread I see

[TepidT2O]

Ah well


That's just magic...

What great news..

[Snail]

Ah well


That's just magic...

What great news..

Thanks pal. Wasn't exactly expected but life is full of surprises eh?

[TepidT2O]

Thanks pal. Wasn't exactly expected but life is full of surprises eh?

The thing is, there's often not a right time to have kids, so when it's not exactly planned you have to embrace it, because there's always a reason to put things off....

But you'll, make a great mum. My advice, don't give them a fucking choice about which football club to support.

Everything else is mere detail

[Snail]

The thing is, there's often not a right time to have kids, so when it's not exactly planned you have to embrace it, because there's always a reason to put things off....

But you'll, make a great mum. My advice, don't give them a fucking choice about which football club to support.

Everything else is mere detail

My fella's dad has fucking Liverbirds on his licence plate, I think we'll be sound.

[TepidT2O]

My fella's dad has fucking Liverbirds on his licence plate, I think we'll be sound.

Ah you'll be fine then...

Scared the living crap up of mine with the Torres bounce mind...

[Crosby Nick]

Congratulations Sian! Buckle up.

[jillcwhomever]

My fella's dad has fucking Liverbirds on his licence plate, I think we'll be sound.

Cool to see you're still around missing you on the footie ones. 

[TepidT2O]

Congratulations Sian! Buckle up.

I think it's a bit late for that...

[jillcwhomever]

Found out I'm seven weeks pregnant today and this is the first thread I see

Congratulations. 

[Crosby Nick]

I think it's a bit late for that...

Haha,  no glove, no love. Golden rule.

[Snail]

I think it's a bit late for that...

Should've told him to get off at Edge Hill.

[JerseyKloppite]

Congrats Sian!

Our little one coming up to 18 months, the time goes so quickly...

[Filler.]

Just looked at my 6 year olds homework and he's got a list of words - the last one is Quim    What the fuck?

Christ, I'd be tempted to suggest asking the teacher what the word meant the next day (mine's 7).


Thoughts have been with you all these last few weeks with kids in hospital. We thought our 7 year old had Spina Bifida for a while. Children's hospitals are a hard place to be.

From the Play Football thread in Inspire A Rawkite. May as well go in here too.

Played a dads and kids footy match in our village last Boxing Day. Am new to the village, but a few of the dads and I - who I've got to know at the village school and become friends with- wanted to go. I'd heard it being played the previous year, as the park is downwind. 11 am kick off. Perfect.

Was about 20 a side, 7 year olds to my age, some quick teenagers, some 'fuck you' 30 year olds, some duffers. My lad wasn't up for getting stuck in, tho one or two of his school mates were in their element. Nobody knew me, so I was almost picked last , not helped by how shite I looked. I was wearing rags, and a spanking new pair of £9.99 boots from Decathlon. Black.

One of my mates, a Man Unted supporter, was on my side, and decided to play the destroyer role in midfield. I've never been friends with a supporter of this team before - all very new to me. But he's the most psychotically competative c*nt I've ever met. Lovely fella, but the ref had had enough after 30 mins and gave him a very loud bollocking to 'calm the fuck down'. We lost 3-0. I played wide left. There's a big space here I thought. I tracked back, stayed wide with my lad mainly, got on the end of the occassional pass (smh), played a few in. Captain came up after and said... 'shit me, someone who can play the game', which was nice.

Am already looking forward to Boxing Day. Going to make sure I'm up against him wearing the number 10.

[Filler.]

Found out I'm seven weeks pregnant today and this is the first thread I see

So, Liverpool 3-1 Everton? Congrats




_{edit: (i.e.. after the game 7 weeks ago )}

[Snail]

So, Liverpool 3-1 Everton? Congrats




_{edit: (i.e.. after the game 7 weeks ago )}

Thanks everyone.

[Crosby Nick]

Thanks everyone.

You're welcome. Looking forward to welcoming baby Sadio Phillipe Divock next season.

[rob1966]

Found out I'm seven weeks pregnant today and this is the first thread I see

That's brilliant news, congratulations.

Christ, I'd be tempted to suggest asking the teacher what the word meant the next day (mine's 7).

I'm not sure Mancs know the word, my missus didn't, but still tempted to ask. Thing is, she's about 25/26, bloody gorgeous and I'm not sure a 50 yr old married man should be discussing quims with her 

[Groundskeeper Willie]

You're welcome. Looking forward to welcoming baby Sadio Phillipe Divock next season.

Saphidiv is a great name.

[Cohiba]

Just seen the news, congrats Sian - you will make a great mum!

[McrRed]

Sian that's brilliant. Congratulations!

[Dublin Red]

Found out I'm seven weeks pregnant today and this is the first thread I see

Congratulations.

My little one just turned 9 weeks.

Rollercoaster, but loving every minute of it!

[Groundskeeper Willie]

Missus been under the weather lately. Turns out kid #5 is due February.

[Dublin Red]

Missus been under the weather lately. Turns out kid #5 is due February.

Congrats. I think

[Corkboy]

Missus been under the weather lately. Turns out kid #5 is due February.

Hahahaha, congrats!

[Groundskeeper Willie]

Thanks peeps. We were going to settle with 4 and I thought I didn't want any more kids, but I have to confess that my gut is filled with happy butterflies.

[Dublin Red]

Thanks peeps. We were going to settle with 4 and I thought I didn't want any more kids, but I have to confess that my gut is filled with happy butterflies.

What about your wallet?

[Red Viper]

Found out I'm seven weeks pregnant today and this is the first thread I see

Missus been under the weather lately. Turns out kid #5 is due February.

Congratulations guys.

[Groundskeeper Willie]

What about your wallet?

It's weeping.