I'm loving it but I get where OP's coming from with his angst. Everything really really matters when you're up at the top, there's no shrugging of the shoulders, and we can see that it's going to be a very tight race. If we are in the mix come March, which I think we will be, the anxiety will be unbearable. 13/14 gave me PTSD that I'll never get over until 19's in the bag
Ah mate, you've set me off again. Already written in here once but now you've got me casting my mind back to my own PTSD and the feeling and emotion that came before it.
I'm sitting here just reminiscing on the run in back then. I remember celebrating Barkey's Everton goal like it was Gerrard at the Kop end! Or in the days before the final day, just praying for a Carroll hat trick as unlikely as it was. Just hoping that sheer determined will of mind could catapult that extraordinary event into actually happening.
But to go slightly further back, it's some of the other games that I recall more, some without even watching them! I remember getting goal updates from games where Sunderland were against Chelsea and Man City and 'fighting for their lives' in the relegation scrap. I mean, the vibration on my phone would go off in my pocket and I'd think "Fuck fuck fuck, a goals gone in here. Please, please,
please not them!". The heart would quicken immediately, begin to almost beat out of my chest, sweat forming instantly on my now clammy palms. All this for what I expected to be a mere fleeting moment of hope before reading the writing on the wall (or more appropriately on my iPhone) that City or Chelsea have scored another, and for the excitement and tension to evaporate as quickly as it arrived and to sit there dejected and think 'it's just never going to happen is it?'. Only in these particular incidences to energetically whip the phone out of my pocket, inspect the screen, frantically double check what I was reading and note which team had definitely scored and that it wasn't an own goal and then shout in the faces of my mates "Sunderland have levelled!!" or "Sunderland are fucking winning lads!!".
I vividly remember being in a pub having a few beers in the evening while at Uni and just going absolutely mental when it came in that Wickham or Borini had scored. It must have looked absolutely hilarious to other people frequenting that boozer because we'd be somewhere where the football wasn't on and it'd be fairly muted before suddenly the three of us are bouncing up and down in the pub hugging and shouting as people look over like "What the fucking hell are they happy about?".
Oh god, you've almost got me right back in that very moment Mumm-Ra. I want that feeling back again! I don't think anything quite compares to being in the hunt. Obviously our games are absolutely vital, that goes without saying, but other games really take on a magnitude and an importance that they simply just don't in other seasons. And I think right now you sort of go "Oh great, Middlesbrough have equalised in the last minute against City" and you're pretty happy about it but no more than that. Even I am willing to admit that it's too early to know for certain whether it will matter later in the season or not.
But when you are in that moment towards the end of the season and when you are in that situation where you are relying on other teams to help you out, it's absolutely crazy how much other games begin to dominate your week as well as the Reds. Who are they playing? What's their form like? Is anyone important injured? What do we know about suspensions? Do we reckon they can get something? I thought Sunderland would get fuck all from both. It's why it absolutely went off when they ended up taking points off both. A draw against City and a win against Chelsea.
Going the other way, the vibration of the phone, the nerves setting in again, who has scored this time? Oh. Oh no. No, no no! "Lads, Nasri's equalised". Dreading it. Expecting it. Just waiting for the confirmation that they've got a third and they've won and all the enjoyment of Sunderland's goals? For nothing. We sat there for the agonising last two minutes of normal time before I announced that there was five minutes added on.
Five minutes! One the best teams in the league at
home against one of the worst teams in the league with a whole five minutes to get another. Just a matter of time surely? So we waited. It's all you can do when you can't watch the match. We waited for the phone to light up and confirm City had snatched a winner after their late, late equaliser. The phone lit up. Full time 2-2. They couldn't do it. They'd dropped two points at home to Sunderland! A couple of beers turned into a few more than a couple I can assure you.
Obviously we had 08/09 but those pesky Red Mancs never did quite lose or draw one of the important games we hoped they would in Villa or Spurs for example. In 13/14, it was all in the balance during our winning streak right up until it was snatched cruelly away against Chelsea. I guess you have to be in the title race or a relegation battle to truly understand it. I think that season I only ever began to. As it's nothing like the team you're challenging for 4th position against going behind, because ultimately staying up or winning the league title means
absolutely everything whereas fourth is just a generally good season. The Champagne isn't popped for fourth lads.
I want it back even if I'll be sick to my stomach as soon as it arrives. That "I can't focus on anything for longer than two minutes without going back and checking the various permutations and the fixture lists for the tenth time that day" feeling. That agonising wait for the weekend, going through every possible scenario for the match this weekend feeling.
But ultimately, despite losing Suarez that summer and thinking title challenges were off the cards for a long, long time, that season ultimately whetted my appetite for
that feeling again whenever it eventually came around next in my life, even if I was 40, 50 or 60 (I was 27 in 2014). I reckon I became even more envious and jealous of the Red Mancs after that. Not just for the title's that they've actually won, but for how that back straight must have felt when they were in the hunt in March, April and in May whether they won or lost at the end of each particular season over the last couple of decades.
I guess we're all enjoying it now. No real pressure, everything's a bonus if we're above fourth, but if we can carry like this till later down the track then suddenly it's absolutely everything. Sorry guys but when it gets to March I want us all to be panic stricken, overjoyed, despairing, emboldened, buoyant, calm, anxious and everything in between because it'll mean it matters and most important of all? It'll mean we have a chance.
