Topic: Weird stories thread

[Emmy]

Man operates - on himself

An unemployed Bosnian performed kidney stone surgery on himself because he did not have any money to pay medical bills.

Emir Javoras, 29, from Javor, used a razor blade and needle to remove the stones, news agency Fena reported.

Javoras said: "I woke up in the middle of the night in terrible pain, but I couldn't ask doctors to do anything about it because I am poor, have no money and no health insurance. I noticed my genitals had swollen and the pain was enormous.

"The stones had passed out of my kidney and had got stuck in my urinary tract. I cut the skin under my testicles and with the help of a sterilized needle I managed to dig out three stones."

Doctors in the nearby town of Zenica said they were shocked someone had managed to perform such an operation by themselves, and cleaned and restitched the wound for free.

Story filed:  25/11/05

 

[Roger]

Payne panders pussies

London - Britain's most notorious arranger of sex parties for the well-heeled and well-connected is to sell her saucy memorabilia to help out a local cats' refuge, the auctioneers announced on Wednesday.

Cynthia Payne, who spent six months in jail for running the country's most notorious bordello in the 1970s and 80s, is selling a range of racy items via Rosebery's auction house in London.

Among the lots is a French maid's outfit, reputedly worn by a middle-aged male client, photographs, newspaper clippings and a mink fur coat, as well as an old-fashioned projector used to show sex films.

Also for sale are "luncheon vouchers", the currency she used as payment for the sex parties she arranged, famously based on the prosaic food tokens given out by British companies to pay for staff meals.

The items, to be sold as one lot, will benefit Streatham Cat Rescue in south London, near the house where Payne held her infamous parties, and still lives.

Payne - dubbed Madam Sin by a tabloid press which enthusiastically covered her court case - claims that MPs, barristers, journalists and police officers were regular guests at her orgies.

"You had to be at least 45 to come to one of my parties. It was like a vicar's tea party with sex thrown in," she once said.

In 1980 she was sentenced to 18 months in jail, and "retired" in 1986 after another prosecution attempt failed.

Payne's very British world of cheeky sexuality was immortalised by a 1987 film starring Julie Walters, titled Personal Services.

 

[AdamS]

Norway-- A shocked pig farmer could not believe his eyes as he watched a man drop his trousers and assault several members of his herd. The farmer managed to grab a camera and get evidence of the public bestiality, and the animal lover has been convicted, newspaper VG reports.
"It was hard to comprehend what I was in fact seeing," said the Skien farmer. He managed to get nine shots of the former policeman he spotted sexually assaulting his pigs.

Telemark police said the case is closed and the man fined NOK 8,000 (USD 1,060) for violating animal protection laws.

"He has abused these animals in such a way that violated the animal protection act. The man has admitted guilt and accepted the fine," Telemark deputy police commissioner Runar Karlsen told VG.

The farmer decided to talk about the incident because of village rumors that he has been spreading evil gossip about a respected citizen.

The farmer was on a regular trip out to the pens to feed his herd - five sows and a boar, which were kept in a large fence bordering the woods a few hundred meters from his farm.

"Then I saw a man standing among the pigs, inside the electrical fence. Suddenly he took off his underpants and stood there naked from the waist down. Then things started to happen that I didn't think were possible," the farmer said.

"I took nine pictures of the man in action. It was embarrassing delivering the film for development, and I explained in the photo shop what had happened," he said.

Police said that the photographs were central to resolving the case.

Courtesy of: aftenposten norway

[Walshy nMe®]

Think I have stumbled into Roger's personal private collection 

[Roddysul]

DUBAI (Reuters) - Snow has fallen on mountains in the United Arab Emirates, a rare occurrence in the normally warm, desert Gulf Arab state, meteorologists say.


Heavy snow fell on the Hajar mountains, shocking residents in the northern emirate of Ras al-Khaimah who told local newspapers they had never seen snow there before.


The mountains, which run from the UAE to the sultanate of Oman, rise to 2,500 metres (8,200 feet) in some places.


"This is certainly a rare occurrence that happens every 20 to 30 years," Adel Saeed, forecaster at the Central Meteorology Office, told Reuters on Thursday.


The Hajar mountain range also runs through Oman, rising as high as 3,000 metres in some areas. The tallest peak, Jabal Samhan, is covered in snow every winter but meteorologists said it was heavier this year.


The UAE includes Dubai, a top Middle East tourist destination which is bustling this time of year with visitors from colder countries seeking warm weather.

[Roger]

Woman convicted of rape in Norway

In a landmark case a 23-year-old woman has been convicted by a Bergen court for the rape of a 31-year-old man.

The woman was sentenced to nine months in prison and ordered to pay NOK 40,000 (USD 6,385) to the man.

The incident occurred on Jan. 4 last year in a Bergen apartment. The man testified that he fell asleep on a sofa and woke up to find the woman performing oral sex on him.

The woman eventually admitted sexual contact but claimed that it was voluntary and that the man was willing and smiled.

The case has attracted attention and is the first time a Norwegian woman has been charged with raping a man.

(Aftenposten English Web Desk/NTB)

http://aftenposten.no/english/local/article1027927.ece

[5FTH]

DUBAI (Reuters) - Snow has fallen on mountains in the United Arab Emirates, a rare occurrence in the normally warm, desert Gulf Arab state, meteorologists say.


Heavy snow fell on the Hajar mountains, shocking residents in the northern emirate of Ras al-Khaimah who told local newspapers they had never seen snow there before.


The mountains, which run from the UAE to the sultanate of Oman, rise to 2,500 metres (8,200 feet) in some places.


"This is certainly a rare occurrence that happens every 20 to 30 years," Adel Saeed, forecaster at the Central Meteorology Office, told Reuters on Thursday.


The Hajar mountain range also runs through Oman, rising as high as 3,000 metres in some areas. The tallest peak, Jabal Samhan, is covered in snow every winter but meteorologists said it was heavier this year.


The UAE includes Dubai, a top Middle East tourist destination which is bustling this time of year with visitors from colder countries seeking warm weather.

http://www.ifyouski.com/news/newsarticle/?ObjectID=7382515

[Roger]

http://www.timesonline.co.uk/article/0,,2-1596741,00.html

he has too much time on his hands but Mr. Gash seems to have a point!

[Roger]

Diet Success for 33-Stone Man

By Anna Farley, PA

A man who was taken to a mental health hospital when he weighed 33-stone because he could not stop eating has lost five stone in 11 weeks, it emerged tonight.

Chris Leppard, 23, suffers from Prader-Willi Syndrome, which means he cannot tell when his stomach is full and could eat so much that it would kill him...

http://news.scotsman.com/latest.cfm?id=4564310

[Murf]

Looks a great thread

[Roger]

Rare tree stolen from Kew's country garden

Riazat Butt
Monday October 10, 2005
The Guardian

Thieves have stolen one of Britain's rarest trees from Kew's country garden in West Sussex.

Botanists said that the southern beech tree, Nothofagus gunnii, which disappeared last week, would probably die because of the damage caused to the roots and lack of the care needed to make it grow.

Scientists at Kew's £80m seed bank, designed to protect endangered species, said the 60cm (2ft) sapling had been monitored to see the interaction between its root and the soil.

It grew from seeds collected from Tasmania in 2000 and was due to be added to Kew's national collection of Nothofagus.

http://www.guardian.co.uk/uk_news/story/0,3604,1588432,00.html

[gjr1]

Hi,

Not too weird but I found it funny

---


Bowler attacked by angry batsman
Andrew Butt (left) and Michael Butt (right)
Brothers Andrew and Michael Butt were playing for Elsworth Village
A 14-year-old bowler was attacked by a batsman he had just clean-bowled as violence erupted during a cricket match in Cambridgeshire, a court heard.

Batsman Michael Butt, 32, admits assaulting bowler Joshua Fay, now 16, but denies assaulting his father, Edward, and a further charge of affray.

Butt's brother, Andrew, 43, denies affray, assault and damage to property.

The incident took place during the game at Elsworth, in August 2004, Cambridge Crown Court heard on Monday.

Jurors heard how Michael Butt, from St Ives, had his off-stump knocked out after hitting several sixes off Joshua.

Batsman 'flipped'

Joshua, who gave evidence via a video link, said: "I bowled him out and I was walking back down the wicket and I just said 'hit that' under my breath in celebration.

"He turned around and said 'What did you call me? You called me a tosser'. I couldn't reply because he was behind me and to my right."

Joshua, who plays cricket for Cambridge St Giles, said: "He just flipped and lost it. I have never seen anyone act like that before. Just the look in his eyes."

The court heard Michael Butt then hit the teenager in the back with his bat and punched him several times.

Joshua's father, Edward Fay, and the father of another teenage player were also attacked, the court was told.

'Insulted' opponents

Michael Butt's counsel, Lynn Tayton, suggested Joshua was annoyed because "he's (Michael Butt) a bit of a slogger and knocked a couple of sixes off your bowling".

She also suggested that members of the Cambridge St Giles team had insulted their opponents.

Miss Taynton said Michael Butt had punched Joshua, but claimed Joshua had punched him back.

Joshua told jurors that he would not take on someone "twice his size".

The incident happened during a match between Cambridge St Giles and Elsworth village.

The hearing continues.

http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/uk_news/england/cambridgeshire/4327398.stm

[Roger]

Bet theyre the butt of some jokes cos of that!

[blurred]

At least he hit him in the back - could be painful to take a bat to the googlies!

[Rusty]

I reckon the batsman had a point to prove, probably trying to cover himself in glory, though it look slike he's made a slip-up. He'll now have to stump up for the fine they give him, I just hope he isn't run out of town as a result of this.

[Roger]

Man operating on pigeon sedates it with vodka

Associated Press
Oct. 13, 2005 08:15 AM

TORRANCE, Calif. - A man found operating on a pigeon that he sedated with vodka was later arrested after animal control officers raided his house and discovered about 300 living and dead birds inside.

"There's droppings everywhere," Patrick Wren, the head of Torrance's animal control department, said Wednesday. "I'm wearing a mask. That says it all."

About 120 dead pigeons filled bags and boxes alongside Gerard Redmond Enright Jr.'s home, officials said. Other birds in pet carriers throughout the house were euthanized because they were sick or malnourished, Wren said. advertisement 
 
County health officials declared the home unfit for humans.

Enright, 61, who was arrested for investigation of animal abuse, denied mistreating the birds. He said he had devoted his life to saving them.

"I'm literally in shock," said Enright, who often walks with his pigeon, Twister, to a local Starbucks.

Police said animal control officers went to Enright's home in a Los Angeles suburb after getting complaints from People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals.

Enright acknowledged operating to remove a large tumor from the bird, saying he watched his own veterinarian perform such a procedure. He said he gave the bird a shot of vodka before operating.

http://www.azcentral.com/offbeat/articles/1013vetbusted13-ON.html

[theCanadian]

Man operates - on himself

An unemployed Bosnian performed kidney stone surgery on himself because he did not have any money to pay medical bills.

Emir Javoras, 29, from Javor, used a razor blade and needle to remove the stones, news agency Fena reported.

Javoras said: "I woke up in the middle of the night in terrible pain, but I couldn't ask doctors to do anything about it because I am poor, have no money and no health insurance. I noticed my genitals had swollen and the pain was enormous.

"The stones had passed out of my kidney and had got stuck in my urinary tract. I cut the skin under my testicles and with the help of a sterilized needle I managed to dig out three stones."

Doctors in the nearby town of Zenica said they were shocked someone had managed to perform such an operation by themselves, and cleaned and restitched the wound for free.

Story filed:  25/11/05

 

Oh my fucking God that's horrendous!!!

That's why we have 'free' healthcare in Canada!

[Roger]

Giving a child a goldfish can land you in jail
by JANE MERRICK, Daily Mail
 
09:15am 15th October 2005

Funfair or fete stallholders who give goldfish as prizes to children under 16 could be jailed for up to a year under new animal protection laws.

Daily Mail












Giving a child a goldfish can land you in jail
by JANE MERRICK, Daily Mail
 
09:15am 15th October 2005

Funfair or fete stallholders who give goldfish as prizes to children under 16 could be jailed for up to a year under new animal protection laws.

Daily Mail

[Graeme]

I'll give it 15 minutes before the thread is torn apart by fish gags

[ScouserTommy37]

I'll give it 15 minutes before the thread is torn apart by fish gags

Your a synical cod.

[BIGdavalad]

Your a synical cod.

He is in tuna with the way people on here think though.

As it happens though - this (banning goldfish prizes) is just fucking stupid.

[Roger]

Not quite the same is it?

 

[Barney_Rubble]

Give em a coconut.










Or an O-Level...

[hooded claw]

Or an O-Level...

Or a gra-mo-phone, eh granddad? 

[Barney_Rubble]

Heheh, I was thinking whether to change it to GCSE or something, but in the original Private Eye Cartoon a few years ago it said 'O-Level'...

[BIGdavalad]

MoD man left gun at Sainsbury's
A Ministry of Defence worker mislaid his automatic pistol in the toilets of a Sainsbury's store, say police.

The weapon, a Sig Sauer 9mm, was left at the store in Bancroft, Hitchin, on Saturday evening and has so far not been found, said Hertfordshire Police.

A police spokesman said the weapon was loaded with 13 rounds of blank ammunition, but could cause injury.

Police have been searching areas near the store and have advised members of the public not to touch it.

Anyone with information about the weapon is asked to call Hertfordshire Police.

From the BBC

[Roger]

How is he so sure he left it in the bog?

 

[Bronx Red]

He was probably stroking it while he was having a shit 

[The 5th Benitle]

I'll give it 15 minutes before the thread is torn apart by fish gags

No, that would be very childish

[BIGdavalad]

How is he so sure he left it in the bog?

 

She put her holster on the cistern while she went and forgot to pick it up. I did post the follow up story from the MOD Oracle (MOD news site), but I noticed it was from the Scum, so I've deleted it again.

[Roger]

She

Original story said 'he' but this now says it all I suppose...

 

[BIGdavalad]

Original story said 'he' but this now says it all I suppose...

 

 

[Roger]

Man and dog bounce to new record 
 
A new world record was set in Edinburgh after an American completed 206 jumps on a pogo stick in one minute.
 
Shopkeeper Ashrita Furman carried out the attempt next to the statue of Greyfriars Bobby, while carrying a dog.

Mr Furman, who has the highest number of Guinness World Records, had to complete in excess of 173 jumps - more than two per second.

He now holds 102 records and said he was already planning his next stunt.

Mr Furman has been up Mount Fuji on a pogo stick, bounced a mile on a space hopper along the Great Wall of China and pushed an orange at speed with his nose.

He also holds records for backwards cycling, an underwater pogo attempt and most hop-scotch games in 24 hours...

http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/scotland/4349538.stm

[Roger]

MoD man left gun at Sainsbury's
A Ministry of Defence worker mislaid his automatic pistol in the toilets of a Sainsbury's store, say police.

The weapon, a Sig Sauer 9mm, was left at the store in Bancroft, Hitchin, on Saturday evening and has so far not been found, said Hertfordshire Police.

Found in a post box

http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/england/beds/bucks/herts/4352684.stm

[Raul!]

Pierced man told to wear box on his head

A pensioner with more than 450 piercings has hit out at a St Albans accountant who refused to complete his tax returns.

Tattoo-covered 72-year-old John Lynch complained he was being unfairly discriminated against after Mr Raibeart MacDougall from Paylesstax, based in Hatfield Road, declined to take his business.

Mr McDougall said he would only see him again if he wore a box over his head.

Mr Lynch, a banker for 30 years before embarking on his body decoration hobby, said: "I went to see Mr MacDougall in April and I left my forms with him and a cheque for £115. Several days later he returned them in the post with a letter saying he could not complete the returns.

"The ironic thing is he did not have to see me again. All he had to do was post the returns back to me. I think it's disgraceful it's blatant prejudice."

Mr MacDougall wrote in his letter: "Call me an old fart but I felt very uncomfortable looking at your face with all those piercings."

[Roger]

Exclusive picture of your May 2003 story.....














 

 

[BIGdavalad]

An intensive search is continuing after a second soldier lost a firearm within a week.

An SA80 assault rifle went missing during an army exercise in Pembrokeshire's Brecon Beacons, the Ministry of Defence confirmed.

It reportedly belonged to a sergeant major in 14 Signals Regiment who was taking part in the training with 900 other soldiers.

The exercise was suspended when officers realised the weapon - capable of firing 700 rounds a minute - had been lost on Monday morning.

An MoD spokesman said: "There is an SA80 rifle that has been lost. It went missing during an exercise in Pembrokeshire, and belonged to a member of 14 Signals Regiment.

He added: "The incident is being investigated by the Special Investigation Branch."

On Saturday another soldier left a gun loaded with 13 rounds of blank ammunition in the disabled toilet of a Sainsbury's store in Hitchin, Herts. She was named in a national newspaper as Captain Alice Bromage.

A 20-year-old man from Ickleford, Herts, was arrested on Tuesday on suspicion of theft by finding the 9mm pistol.

Herts Police confirmed that the US-made Sig Sauer automatic pistol had been found. It was recovered by officers from a postbox in the Hitchin area on Wednesday morning.

Just to prove we don't do anything by halves. 

[Yasar]

Man operates - on himself

An unemployed Bosnian performed kidney stone surgery on himself because he did not have any money to pay medical bills.

Emir Javoras, 29, from Javor, used a razor blade and needle to remove the stones, news agency Fena reported.

Javoras said: "I woke up in the middle of the night in terrible pain, but I couldn't ask doctors to do anything about it because I am poor, have no money and no health insurance. I noticed my genitals had swollen and the pain was enormous.

"The stones had passed out of my kidney and had got stuck in my urinary tract. I cut the skin under my testicles and with the help of a sterilized needle I managed to dig out three stones."

Doctors in the nearby town of Zenica said they were shocked someone had managed to perform such an operation by themselves, and cleaned and restitched the wound for free.

Story filed:  25/11/05

 

I guess he was really stuck between a rock and a hard place with that one.

[Roger]

22 October 2005
PC DIALS £12K BILL
A MAGICIAN got a £12,000 phone bill after his computer tried to connect to the internet half a million times in 16 days.

Nic Picot's PC dialled a premium rate number to a dormant Demon account every three seconds.

BT sent a 3,800 page bill at 41.6p a call though they all failed to connect.

Nic, 52, of Watford, said: "I can't understand why it acted the way it did." He is refusing to pay and is taking the bill to telecoms watchdog Ofcom

BT cut the bill to £8,000 but said: "Customers are responsible for equipment."

Mirror

[Roger]

22 October 2005
I TOOK CAPTAIN KHAZI'S PISTOL
..AND FIRED IT 3 TIMES
By Tom Pettifor
THE man who took a gun left in a toilet by an Army captain fired it three times.

Matthew Smyth kept it for two and a half days - hiding it in his bedroom before burying it in a wood close to his home.

The decorator told how he picked up the 9mm Sig Sauer out of "curiosity and excitement" after spotting it in the disabled toilets of his local Sainsbury's.

An alert was launched last Sunday after Captain Alice Bromage, dubbed Captain Khazi, left her gun at the store in Hitchin, Herts.

Smyth admitted taking the weapon home - loaded with blank ammunition - despite suspecting it may have been dumped by an armed robber.

He boasted to at least five friends about his find and claims to have received an offer of £500 for the weapon from London gangsters...

Mirror