Fixed it for you...
Ha. That's what I meant to say.
A mate of mine was having a piss in a doorway just as a jeep pulled in. Beefy constable and skinny mustachioed sergeant (think Blakey from on the buses) jumped out.
Sergeant - 'What's he doing Constable?'
Constable - 'Having a piss, sir'
Sergeant - 'He's a dirty bastard, isn't he Constable?'
Constable - 'He's a dirty bastard, sir'
This repartee went on for a few minutes and then came the punch line;
Sergeant - 'Laddie, do you want to spend the night in the Bridewell?'
Mate - 'No sir, certainly not sir'
Sergeant - 'well you'd better wipe up this disgusting mess then.'
Mate - 'I've got nothing to wipe it up with'
Sergeant - 'Use your bloody tie then' (This was in the 1960s when clubs required blokes to wear collars and ties which kept out all the hooligans looking to start fights and break beer bottles over people's heads)
So my mate wiped up the piss, dumped the tie in the bin and the Landrover drove of to have more fun.
When the mate recounted the tale the next day we all pissed ourselves laughing until I realised that I'd lent him the tie to get in the club.
Community policing, hey?