Author Topic: Jokes so bad they're punny (Read 669659 times)

soxfan · « **Reply #2200 on:** January 11, 2019, 08:43:28 pm »

What do you do with a dead chemist?

You barium.

Groundskeeper Willie · « **Reply #2201 on:** January 12, 2019, 12:04:16 pm »

I was going to do a joke about the clitoris, but I hear that can be quite sensitive to a lot of people.

24/7 · « **Reply #2202 on:** January 12, 2019, 01:29:18 pm »

Quote from: Groundskeeper Willie on January 12, 2019, 12:04:16 pm

I was going to do a joke about the clitoris, but I hear that can be quite sensitive to a lot of people.

Whereas the reality is you just couldn't put your finger on the punchline. For me, it simply rolls off the tip of my tongue.

Tesco tearaway · « **Reply #2203 on:** January 12, 2019, 02:59:30 pm »

Quote from: 24/7 on January 12, 2019, 01:29:18 pm

Whereas the reality is you just couldn't put your finger on the punchline. For me, it simply rolls off the tip of my tongue.

What do you call a bag of fannys?
Clitorish alsorts.

24/7 · « **Reply #2204 on:** January 12, 2019, 03:05:50 pm »

Okay, for sake of balance, we need a version of that joke for penises!

Brian Blessed · « **Reply #2205 on:** January 12, 2019, 03:52:31 pm »

What do you call a bag of dicks?

The halftime thread

24/7 · « **Reply #2206 on:** January 12, 2019, 03:54:05 pm »

Quote from: Brian Blessed on January 12, 2019, 03:52:31 pm

What do you call a bag of dicks?

The halftime thread

WINNER

Red_Mist · « **Reply #2207 on:** January 12, 2019, 05:54:02 pm »

I saw a man in the supermarket earlier who reminded me of Michael Jackson....

He came up to me and said ‘don’t forget about Michael Jackson’...

only6times · « **Reply #2208 on:** January 12, 2019, 06:01:34 pm »

https://www.grandoldteam.com/forum/threads/can-we-win-the-league-in-the-next-10-years.106034/

Crosby Nick · « **Reply #2209 on:** January 12, 2019, 07:23:41 pm »

Quote from: Red_Mist on January 12, 2019, 05:54:02 pm

I saw a man in the supermarket earlier who reminded me of Michael Jackson....

He came up to me and said ‘don’t forget about Michael Jackson’...

Fucks sake

Tesco tearaway · « **Reply #2210 on:** January 12, 2019, 07:23:58 pm »

Quote from: Brian Blessed on January 12, 2019, 03:52:31 pm

What do you call a bag of dicks?

The halftime thread

24/7 · « **Reply #2211 on:** January 12, 2019, 08:00:48 pm »

I just spotted an albino dalmatian.

Well, it was the kindest thing I could think of doing....

bradders1011 · « **Reply #2212 on:** January 12, 2019, 09:20:57 pm »

Quote from: 24/7 on January 11, 2019, 06:21:21 pm

That's a FAB 1

Laughed more than I should have.

Red_Mist · « **Reply #2213 on:** January 13, 2019, 09:59:16 am »

My mate bet me £100 that I couldn't do a butterfly impression...

I thought, ‘that's worth a little flutter’...

Dench57 · « **Reply #2214 on:** January 14, 2019, 04:16:01 pm »

Quote from: Red_Mist on January 12, 2019, 05:54:02 pm

I saw a man in the supermarket earlier who reminded me of Michael Jackson....

He came up to me and said ‘don’t forget about Michael Jackson’...

ruined me

Dench57 · « **Reply #2215 on:** January 14, 2019, 04:26:53 pm »

I got a vasectomy because I didn’t want any kids but when I got home they were still there

sinnermichael · « **Reply #2216 on:** January 14, 2019, 05:49:34 pm »

I went skydiving today. This guy strapped himself to me, we jumped out of the plane and as we plummeted, he said,

"So, how long have you been an instructor?"

Andy @ Allerton! · « **Reply #2217 on:** January 14, 2019, 07:39:37 pm »

I once bought a car that was so shit, it didn't come with a warranty. It came with an apology.

BlackandWhitePaul · « **Reply #2218 on:** January 14, 2019, 07:43:35 pm »

We all know Albert Einstein was a genius, but his brother Frank was a monster.

Big Red Richie · « **Reply #2219 on:** January 14, 2019, 09:39:12 pm »

slow burner.

Alan B'Stard · « **Reply #2220 on:** January 14, 2019, 09:46:59 pm »

How many South American’s does it take to change a lightbulb?

A Brazilian.

Alan B'Stard · « **Reply #2221 on:** January 14, 2019, 09:57:13 pm »

How does a train eat?

It goes chew chew.

Alan B'Stard · « **Reply #2222 on:** January 14, 2019, 09:58:24 pm »

What time does Sean Connery get to Wimbledon?

Tennish

24/7 · « **Reply #2223 on:** January 14, 2019, 10:11:10 pm »

Get out.

24/7 · « **Reply #2224 on:** January 14, 2019, 10:41:29 pm »

Following the madness of the festive season, Santa's Little Helpers often suffer from exhaustion ,stress, burn out, self-esteem issues and existential crisis.

So this year, Santa is showing his caring and supportive side by giving them resources to strengthen and recharge emotionally and spiritually.

First up is his Elf Help book....

Andy @ Allerton! · « **Reply #2225 on:** January 15, 2019, 12:01:38 am »

What's red and bad for your teeth?

A brick.

Fitzy. · « **Reply #2226 on:** January 15, 2019, 07:48:23 pm »

Quote from: Andy @ Allerton on January 14, 2019, 07:39:37 pm

I once bought a car that was so shit, it didn't come with a warranty. It came with an apology.

Does this post come with an apology?

Fitzy. · « **Reply #2227 on:** January 15, 2019, 07:50:29 pm »

Quote from: Red_Mist on January 12, 2019, 05:54:02 pm

I saw a man in the supermarket earlier who reminded me of Michael Jackson....

He came up to me and said ‘don’t forget about Michael Jackson’...

Why is this making me laugh

Slightly Less Mediocre Baron Bennekov · « **Reply #2228 on:** January 15, 2019, 08:19:18 pm »

I’m developing a phobia of German sausages.

I fear the wurst...

Slightly Less Mediocre Baron Bennekov · « **Reply #2229 on:** January 15, 2019, 08:22:48 pm »

My wife is always stealing my T-shirts and sweaters...

But if I take one of her dresses suddenly “we need to talk “.

24/7 · « **Reply #2230 on:** January 15, 2019, 09:28:53 pm »

Quote from: Fitzy. on January 15, 2019, 07:48:23 pm

Does this post come with an apology?

Oh Andy is an apology to himself, no fears.....

I've been a good boy · « **Reply #2231 on:** January 15, 2019, 09:37:47 pm »

Son: why is my sister's name Teresa?

Dad: well, your mum loves Easter, and Teresa is an anagram of Easter.

Son: That makes sense, thanks Dad!

Dad: You're welcome, Alan.

Ziltoid · « **Reply #2232 on:** January 15, 2019, 10:06:53 pm »

Quote from: Red_Mist on January 12, 2019, 05:54:02 pm

I saw a man in the supermarket earlier who reminded me of Michael Jackson....

He came up to me and said ‘don’t forget about Michael Jackson’...

Brilliant

Qston · « **Reply #2233 on:** January 16, 2019, 12:53:35 pm »

Quote from: King.Keita on January 15, 2019, 09:37:47 pm

Son: why is my sister's name Teresa?

Dad: well, your mum loves Easter, and Teresa is an anagram of Easter.

Son: That makes sense, thanks Dad!

Dad: You're welcome, Alan.

Made me laugh more than it should

sinnermichael · « **Reply #2234 on:** January 16, 2019, 01:23:27 pm »

Last night my girlfriend and I watched three movies back to back.

Luckily I was the one facing the TV.

LanceLink!!!!! · « **Reply #2235 on:** January 17, 2019, 10:21:50 pm »

Nelson was about 5ft 6ins tall. His column is 17ft 4in.

That's Horatio of 1:3

24/7 · « **Reply #2236 on:** January 17, 2019, 10:24:26 pm »

Oh that's good

The Gulleysucker · « **Reply #2237 on:** January 17, 2019, 10:46:27 pm »

Quote from: LanceLink!!!!! on January 17, 2019, 10:21:50 pm

Nelson was about 5ft 6ins tall. His column is 17ft 4in.

That's Horatio of 1:3

Mr Pedant says his column is actually 169' 3" so Horatio should be around 1:30

But it's still funny...

liversaint · « **Reply #2238 on:** January 17, 2019, 11:01:52 pm »

Quote from: Qston on January 16, 2019, 12:53:35 pm

Made me laugh more than it should

Same here. When it was first posted in this thread......

Brian Blessed · « **Reply #2239 on:** January 17, 2019, 11:08:14 pm »

Quote from: The Gulleysucker on January 17, 2019, 10:46:27 pm

Mr Pedant says his column is actually 169' 3" so Horatio should be around 1:30

But it's still funny...

possibly meant his statue, although that’s 8’1”.

Pedants unite