Topic: genuinely shit films thread

[Crosby Nick]

You’d never guess the name

Spoiler

Volcano

[close]

There was another volcano movie out at the same time wasn’t there? With Piers Brosnan.

One of those ‘two similar films released at similar time’ things.

[gerrardisgod]

Dante’s Peak.

As equally shite.

[iamnant]

Maybe bar The Wedding Singer, every thing Adam Sandler has ever been in, or thought about being in.

Nonsense. Uncut Gems and Punch Drunk Love are absolutely brilliant films.

[Samie]

EVERY SINGLE Resident Evil film.  I think there's about  six of them and not one of them is like the games.

[Tesco tearaway]

EVERY SINGLE Resident Evil film.  I think there's about  six of them and not one of them is like the games.

The games were terrifying 
Fucking loved them 

[Ray K]

EVERY SINGLE Resident Evil film.  I think there's about  six of them and not one of them is like the games.

I was going to suggest every single Paul WS Anderson film is genuinely awful, but Event Horizon is a superb horror film (and Hello to Jason Isaacs).

[Lastrador]

I think by far the worst film I have ever seen is "Meet the Spartans", a parody of Snyder's 300 in which I didn't laugh once, well I sarcastically laughed at how impossible bad it was. When it ended, I was mad as hell that I had wasted about 1 hour of my life on that piece of excrement. Trash like that shouldn't leave the script, and the script should have been burned. I think even calling it a movie is far fetched and apparently it grossed about $84 million on the box office.

On a more controversial subjugate, one highly acclaimed movie I couldn't stand and quitted about halfway through is "The Deer Hunter". I'm not one to leave a movie unfinished, less so one so celebrated, but I really hated that movie. I can't quite remember what it was that bothered me, as I attempted to watch it some years ago. I think I remember the sound mixing being pretty bad, and every scene feeling absurdly and indulgently long, especially the wedding scene. But I think my overarching feeling was one of extreme uninterest in the story and the characters. Should probably give it a go once again but I probably won't, as it definitely left a really bad impression.

[liverbloke]

What was that film where a volcano erupts under New York, or something like that?
And the head of the subway system jumps out of the back of a train holding an injured driver in his arms.
He jumps into molten lava and throws the driver to safety says something like “No driver dies on my watch!” while he’s up to his knees getting burnt alive.

Well that film is shite.

Woah that sounds awesome - gonna go to my local Blockbusters and get it out on Betamax 

I think by far the worst film I have ever seen is "Meet the Spartans", a parody of Snyder's 300 in which I didn't laugh once, well I sarcastically laughed at how impossible bad it was. When it ended, I was mad as hell that I had wasted about 1 hour of my life on that piece of excrement. Trash like that shouldn't leave the script, and the script should have been burned. I think even calling it a movie is far fetched and apparently it grossed about $84 million on the box office.

On a more controversial subjugate, one highly acclaimed movie I couldn't stand and quitted about halfway through is "The Deer Hunter". I'm not one to leave a movie unfinished, less so one so celebrated, but I really hated that movie. I can't quite remember what it was that bothered me, as I attempted to watch it some years ago. I think I remember the sound mixing being pretty bad, and every scene feeling absurdly and indulgently long, especially the wedding scene. But I think my overarching feeling was one of extreme uninterest in the story and the characters. Should probably give it a go once again but I probably won't, as it definitely left a really bad impression.

I know what you mean about the slow start but man by the end of the film it leaves you exhausted and mentally broke - so it does its job

Another one for the shit list

I just watched the Bill Bryson/Robert Redford movie A Walk In The Woods and I always enjoy a good road movie/buddy movie but man this was poor - and it stars Robert Redford and Nick Nolte (and Emma Thompson who seemed to get better looking with age) so was expecting more

Anyhoo, Redford apparently wanted Paul Newman to play his buddy and this would've worked better for me because even though Nolte is a cracking actor, his character just wasn't likeable and the chemistry between the 2 didn't work

It could have been so much better - but it wasn't

[Andy @ Allerton!]

EVERY SINGLE Resident Evil film.  I think there's about  six of them and not one of them is like the games.

The first one is exactly like the game

[Andy @ Allerton!]

I was going to suggest every single Paul WS Anderson film is genuinely awful, but Event Horizon is a superb horror film (and Hello to Jason Isaacs).

Really?

I thought Event Horizon was absolutely laughable.

Some decent effects and a good setting and a great idea that turned into a mish-mash of ill connected bollocks.

Most of the jumpscare and cutscenes didn't add anything to the premise.

"A Haunted House in Space" - more like a pile of steaming dog turd orbiting the Earth.

Thing about what happened to the ship, think of where it went and the implications of that - then look at the actual scenerio and the sitauations. To me it seemed like someone loved Doom (The Game) and thought urk. I'd like to do that and set it on Mars, but then it would be seen as obviously nicked and we haven't got the budget for a massive set or the baddies, so we'll do a half-arsed rip off high on jumpscares and low on story.

[AndyInVA]

Watched Debt Collector 2. Somehow missed Debt Collector 1.

A professional Australian actor looks like he is actively trying to mimic Jo Pesci and the English male actor is actively trying to impersonate Jason Statham

Seemed ridiculous that the lead characters would be so obvious knock offs

[CornerFlag]

Really?

I thought Event Horizon was absolutely laughable.

Some decent effects and a good setting and a great idea that turned into a mish-mash of ill connected bollocks.

Most of the jumpscare and cutscenes didn't add anything to the premise.

"A Haunted House in Space" - more like a pile of steaming dog turd orbiting the Earth.

Thing about what happened to the ship, think of where it went and the implications of that - then look at the actual scenerio and the sitauations. To me it seemed like someone loved Doom (The Game) and thought urk. I'd like to do that and set it on Mars, but then it would be seen as obviously nicked and we haven't got the budget for a massive set or the baddies, so we'll do a half-arsed rip off high on jumpscares and low on story.

Apparently the film was cut to shit by executives, it was supposed to be way different in places and now most of the missing footage filmed has been lost.  There may be some guy who has some of it, I'll see if I can find the article, or one of them.

https://ew.com/movies/event-horizon-lost-footage/

[RedSince86]

I'm Thinking Of Ending Things.

Utter bore fest, just watched a video explaining it and the ending on Youtube.

I couldn't wait for it to end, i even missed the last post credit shot.

[Machae]

Law Abiding Citizen, was going well until the end, such a massive let down

[FiSh77]

EVERY SINGLE Resident Evil film.  I think there's about  six of them and not one of them is like the games.

Can't beat this for wooden acting

<a href="https://www.youtube.com/v/H8E9xb4IUKE&amp;ab&amp;start=262&amp;end=275" target="_blank" rel="noopener noreferrer" class="bbc_link bbc_flash_disabled new_win">https://www.youtube.com/v/H8E9xb4IUKE&amp;ab&amp;start=262&amp;end=275</a>

[Andy @ Allerton!]

Apparently the film was cut to shit by executives, it was supposed to be way different in places and now most of the missing footage filmed has been lost.  There may be some guy who has some of it, I'll see if I can find the article, or one of them.

https://ew.com/movies/event-horizon-lost-footage/

Ah right. Never knew that. Does explain why it was such a hodge-podge of ideas.

[Barneylfc∗]

EVERY SINGLE Resident Evil film.  I think there's about  six of them and not one of them is like the games.

Just reminded me about Assassin's Creed. Who do I need to contact to get those 2 hours back?

[Hedley Lamarr]

Assassin’s Creed had plenty of potential.  Justin Kurzel is a great, stylish director, there’s plenty of material and it had a brilliant cast.

I can’t remember a single thing about it.

I actually prefer terrible films to flat out dull ones. 

[Andy @ Allerton!]

The new Charlie and the Chocolate Factory

What were they thinking? The original was an absolute classic. The best film ever would have paled compared to it and this was not the best film ever.

Massively creepy and downright strange (Which, you may argue, was the point)

But pretty vapid compared to the original.

[Jwils21]

Left Below, with Nicholas Cage.

Haven’t seen it? Don’t.

[So… Howard Philips]

Apparently the film was cut to shit by executives, it was supposed to be way different in places and now most of the missing footage filmed has been lost.  There may be some guy who has some of it, I'll see if I can find the article, or one of them.

https://ew.com/movies/event-horizon-lost-footage/

Was 't the original a lot more gory and cuts were made to ensure it got a lower age rating in the US?

[CornerFlag]

Was 't the original a lot more gory and cuts were made to ensure it got a lower age rating in the US?

It was part of it, the gore was stronger and the sex was filmed with porn stars playing the original Event Horizon crew.  Not sure about the cuts for the lower age rating, it was an R anyway in the States, maybe the scene of the original crew being so nude put the fear of God up the film board there, you can eviscerate someone and it's an R, but show a few pubes and it's NC-17.

[liverbloke]

The new Charlie and the Chocolate Factory

What were they thinking? The original was an absolute classic. The best film ever would have paled compared to it and this was not the best film ever.

Massively creepy and downright strange (Which, you may argue, was the point)

But pretty vapid compared to the original.

Roald Dahl wasn't a fan of the original film and he thought Wilder was too 'soft'

He wanted Spike Milligan or Peter Sellers in the lead role because he thought they were true 'eccentrics'

I remember I think Sophie Dahl saying he would've preferred the 'new' version because it was so much darker - a thing that his books always were

2 more things - Charlie was originally a little black boy (in his original pre-publication written story) but that was changed for reasons of erm race
and Dahl called the original Ompah Lumpahs (or however you spell it) Little Black Pygmies From Darkest Africa but that was deemed as racist which upset Dahl

Anyhoo - has anyone mentioned the utter shite that are the Harry Potter movies?

Tried to watch them but tend to be distracted about half-way in

Yeh they're supposed to be for kids but aren't all the Star Wars, Marvel, DC, Transformers for kids too and they've gotten a mention

[Andy @ Allerton!]

Roald Dahl wasn't a fan of the original film and he thought Wilder was too 'soft'

He wanted Spike Milligan or Peter Sellers in the lead role because he thought they were true 'eccentrics'

I remember I think Sophie Dahl saying he would've preferred the 'new' version because it was so much darker - a thing that his books always were

2 more things - Charlie was originally a little black boy (in his original pre-publication written story) but that was changed for reasons of erm race
and Dahl called the original Ompah Lumpahs (or however you spell it) Little Black Pygmies From Darkest Africa but that was deemed as racist which upset Dahl

Anyhoo - has anyone mentioned the utter shite that are the Harry Potter movies?

Tried to watch them but tend to be distracted about half-way in

Yeh they're supposed to be for kids but aren't all the Star Wars, Marvel, DC, Transformers for kids too and they've gotten a mention

Yep Harry Potter - tripe.

Also Hunger Games, Twilight Saga and all the other shit like that.


Oh and the Ring, the Grudge and the Scream films - absolute pants. Seen scarier things in my washing basket.

[liverbloke]

Just watched Silver Dream Racer for the first time since I was a kid watching it on telly

Man what a load a shite

As a kid I loved it - I was into bikes and thought it was cool and exciting

Now as an adult I realise that it is as bad as the usual straight to video Woolies bargain bin £1.99 crapola

Yes, I know it wasn't going to be a ground-breaking masterpiece - but at least maybe cult-ish

Essex has the acting range that goes right from A to well erm 'A' - every emotion is the same goofy face of a man so in love with himself

He's such a serious man in real life too. I remember a recent interview with him where he said that he was writing great songs but no-one was interested - and that he had a book of poetry out too that was also great 

It also stars Beau Bridges, Cristina Raines as Julie Prince and Harry H. Corbett (in a minor role) who all show Essex how acting should be done - but why they agreed to appear in this crap is only something their accountants will know

At one point in the movie Essex's girlfriend raises a LOT of money by selling her car (why she didn't do this in the first palce is a mystery) and seeing all this money Essex says 'You silly billy' - yes this is how good this is

***FILM ENDING SPOILER***

At the end Essex wins the race on his Silver Dream Machine    (NOTE: the movie is called Silver Dream Racer but the title track released to promote the movie is called Silver Dream Machine  ) and his front wheel begins to wobble. Now the screams and horror from his girlfriend and everyone in the paddocks at this wobbly wheel makes you think they are over-reacting a bit but NO Essex with arms raised high in victory loses control of his Silver Dream Racer/Machine (delete as applicable) and crashes (albeit very slowly) into the hoardings and then his bike explodes burning him alive!!!!!! What the fuck!

Why he - being a seasoned experienced 'racer' - didn't just steady the bike, brake or simply jump off the bike is also a mystery 

Anyway, as a kid I was horrified at this but now years later I am glad he died 

This should really be a cult film classic - awful cliched plot, shit 'acting' from Essex, terrible script-writing but with an unexpected horrific ending

Oh and the song Silver Dream 'Machine' (yes, not 'Racer') isn't that bad actually - unlike the movie itself

Did I really write THAT much about this film 

Shame they didn't make a sequel - oh yeh he died didn't he

[Lee1-6Liv]

Just watched Silver Dream Racer for the first time since I was a kid watching it on telly

Man what a load a shite

As a kid I loved it - I was into bikes and thought it was cool and exciting

Now as an adult I realise that it is as bad as the usual straight to video Woolies bargain bin £1.99 crapola

Yes, I know it wasn't going to be a ground-breaking masterpiece - but at least maybe cult-ish

Essex has the acting range that goes right from A to well erm 'A' - every emotion is the same goofy face of a man so in love with himself

He's such a serious man in real life too. I remember a recent interview with him where he said that he was writing great songs but no-one was interested - and that he had a book of poetry out too that was also great 

It also stars Beau Bridges, Cristina Raines as Julie Prince and Harry H. Corbett (in a minor role) who all show Essex how acting should be done - but why they agreed to appear in this crap is only something their accountants will know

At one point in the movie Essex's girlfriend raises a LOT of money by selling her car (why she didn't do this in the first palce is a mystery) and seeing all this money Essex says 'You silly billy' - yes this is how good this is

***FILM ENDING SPOILER***

At the end Essex wins the race on his Silver Dream Machine    (NOTE: the movie is called Silver Dream Racer but the title track released to promote the movie is called Silver Dream Machine  ) and his front wheel begins to wobble. Now the screams and horror from his girlfriend and everyone in the paddocks at this wobbly wheel makes you think they are over-reacting a bit but NO Essex with arms raised high in victory loses control of his Silver Dream Racer/Machine (delete as applicable) and crashes (albeit very slowly) into the hoardings and then his bike explodes burning him alive!!!!!! What the fuck!

Why he - being a seasoned experienced 'racer' - didn't just steady the bike, brake or simply jump off the bike is also a mystery 

Anyway, as a kid I was horrified at this but now years later I am glad he died 

This should really be a cult film classic - awful cliched plot, shit 'acting' from Essex, terrible script-writing but with an unexpected horrific ending

Oh and the song Silver Dream 'Machine' (yes, not 'Racer') isn't that bad actually - unlike the movie itself

Did I really write THAT much about this film 

Shame they didn't make a sequel - oh yeh he died didn't he

I remember watching this on tv as a kid and being traumatised by the ending but thinking that was a great film.

Just watched the ending on youtube, the bike crashed, burst into flames and extinguished in 3 seconds

[El Lobo]

I feel like if you choose to watch a film starring David Essex you really deserve everything you get, and should almost be banned from saying its shit afterwards. And maybe forced to watch it again.

[liverbloke]

I feel like if you choose to watch a film starring David Essex you really deserve everything you get, and should almost be banned from saying its shit afterwards. And maybe forced to watch it again.

Now you tell me!

[bradders1011]

I feel like if you choose to watch a film starring David Essex you really deserve everything you get, and should almost be banned from saying its shit afterwards. And maybe forced to watch it again.

The worst bit of Jeff Wayne's War of the Worlds too.