I knew a fella who would save the oil from a sardine tin and use it to oil his pushbike chain
tight c*nt.
Also the fuckers that need a piss as soon as you enter a pub or begin a conversation with someone they vaguely know on the way to the bar in order to postpone them getting the first round in. Them fuckin bastards as well when your in a crowd at the bar start looking gormless at the back and take a great interest in the light fittings, twats. You can hear the money cogs ticking in their head, there is 6 of us, we will have maybe 7 bevies tonight so someone will have to buy 2 rounds, well it aint gonna be me. Fuckin ell it doesn,t matter if occasionaly you get two rounds and your mates only get one,what comes around karma and all that. I can guarantee that these fuckers are the ones not short of a few bob either.
While we are on it, fuckin coupons in the papers, 5p off a packet of Ryvita, 25p off toilet duck. I'm by no means flush but I couldn,t be fuckin arsed getting a pair of scissors and cutting the fuckin thing out, I'd fuckin die of embarrasement in a checkout handing a load of these at the end. I,ve nowt against people who haven,t a pot to piss in using these but supermarket staff should check your car before giving out the deduction. ie, "Right, you want 40p off a box of Persil, where is your car madam " "Its that new Mazda RX8 over their" "I'm sorry madam but you can fuck right off yeh tight c*nt"
Fuckin twats who never buy ciggies or the c*nts that smoke rollies. They take one of your lovely tailor made B&H then later offer you a rolly, fuck off, how is that a fair exchange yeh c*nt. If you magnify it there is no way on earth you would say "Tell you what, I'm married to J Lo and your married to Joe Brand, you can shag mine if I can shag yours "
The twats accept your ciggies all night and every fucker I know who smokes rollies can,t let a night go by without saying " Dya know what, I bought this half ounce of Golden Virginia 4 years ago and I've still got a few weeks worth left. I fuckin know you have cause yeh keep accepting my fags twattie. But you keep your rollies, yeh two fingers that look like you've shoved them up your arse, your nicotine stained muzzie and yeh stringy bits of flem that stick between your top and bottom lip when your telling me how your ciggies work out at 7p for 60.
Last one, asking someone if they want anything from the chippy and they say, "No thanks, I'll just have a few of your chips" Will yeh fuck, I,ve been gut burstin full halfway through a chippy meal and if I get an inkling that I may be asked when I'm finished " Oh, can I have them few chips you left " I will fuckin force them down my mouth till every bit has gone. I'd rather make myself sick than give chips to someone who you previously asked if they wanted any. I include my missus in this to cause she often will say no, then when I come back from the chippy "Mmm that omlette looks nice" Yeh I fuckin know it does, once I knew she would ask so when I was full and some omlette and chips where left I said I'm just going to get a drink and slung it in the swing bin before she got the chance