Author Topic: Jokes so bad they're punny  (Read 665044 times)

Offline Solomon Grundy

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Jokes so bad they're punny
« on: May 3, 2016, 07:11:04 pm »
I'll start you off :

There is an egg, tomato and a sausage sizzling away in a frying pan.

Sausage says to the tomato - "Bloody hell it's hot in here!"

Tomato turns to the egg and says - "Fuck me, a talking sausage!"
« Last Edit: May 13, 2020, 02:37:20 pm by 24/50 geek! »

Offline CHOPPER

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Re: Jokes so bad they're funny
« Reply #1 on: May 3, 2016, 07:11:54 pm »
A man was shot dead with a starter pistol in Liverpool city centre today. Police believe it was race related.
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Offline Solomon Grundy

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Re: Jokes so bad they're funny
« Reply #2 on: May 3, 2016, 07:13:21 pm »
A man was shot dead with a starter pistol in Liverpool city centre today. Police believe it was race related.

 Type of joke me auld fella would come out with that mate. ;D

Offline Mashy-rawr!nooo

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Re: Jokes so bad they're funny
« Reply #3 on: May 3, 2016, 07:13:28 pm »
I'm starting a career in window cleaning. It is just something I can see myself doing.
My Grammar is shit. I no it and you no it.
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Offline Chakan

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Re: Jokes so bad they're funny
« Reply #4 on: May 3, 2016, 07:13:49 pm »
2 Elephants fell over a cliff.

Boom Boom

Offline CHOPPER

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Re: Jokes so bad they're funny
« Reply #5 on: May 3, 2016, 07:15:24 pm »
Just got an E-mail back from Screw-Fix thanking me for the communication, but they are not a dating agency.
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Offline jed the red

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Re: Jokes so bad they're funny
« Reply #6 on: May 3, 2016, 07:30:41 pm »
This skeleton walks into a pub, he asks for a pint of lager and a mop!

Offline Derzyjudek

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Re: Jokes so bad they're funny
« Reply #7 on: May 3, 2016, 07:34:43 pm »
What do you call a cat covered in open sores?.......................puss.
Quote from: grifter

I'd rather take a belt sander to me cock and crush me own bollocks with a nut cracker than go within 100yds of her stinky flabby twat.

Offline only6times

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Re: Jokes so bad they're funny
« Reply #8 on: May 3, 2016, 07:38:03 pm »
2 monkeys in a bath. One says "Ooh ooh argh argh ooh ooh!" The other says "put some more cold water in then".
bitter,not me.a granddad,but I'm not even 40

Offline Chakan

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Re: Jokes so bad they're funny
« Reply #9 on: May 3, 2016, 07:39:00 pm »
What's brown and sticky? A stick.

Offline only6times

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Re: Jokes so bad they're funny
« Reply #10 on: May 3, 2016, 07:39:55 pm »
Just got stung by a bee.  Frigging Ł25 for a jar of honey!!!
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Re: Jokes so bad they're funny
« Reply #11 on: May 3, 2016, 07:40:26 pm »
What's the fastest fish?  Motorpike and sidecarp.
Sit down, shock is better taken with bent knees.

Offline Solomon Grundy

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Re: Jokes so bad they're funny
« Reply #12 on: May 3, 2016, 07:48:52 pm »
2 monkeys in a bath. One says "Ooh ooh argh argh ooh ooh!" The other says "put some more cold water in then".

;D

That made me laugh out loud.

Offline db79

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Re: Jokes so bad they're funny
« Reply #13 on: May 3, 2016, 07:49:04 pm »
2 Blondes walk into a bar............
You'd of thought one of them would've seen it!

Offline Solomon Grundy

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Re: Jokes so bad they're funny
« Reply #14 on: May 3, 2016, 07:50:06 pm »
What's brown and sticky? A stick.

What do you call a fly with no wings? A walk.

Offline Chakan

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Re: Jokes so bad they're funny
« Reply #15 on: May 3, 2016, 07:51:18 pm »
What do you call a fly with no wings? A walk.

What do you call a deer with no eyes? No Eye Deer
What do you call a deer with no eyes and no legs? Still no eye deer.
What do you call a deer with no eyes and no legs and no willy? Still no fucking eye deer.

Offline db79

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Re: Jokes so bad they're funny
« Reply #16 on: May 3, 2016, 07:53:48 pm »
Did you hear about the magic tractor?, it went down the road and turned into a field.

Offline Solomon Grundy

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Re: Jokes so bad they're funny
« Reply #17 on: May 3, 2016, 07:54:14 pm »
What do you call a deer with no eyes? No Eye Deer
What do you call a deer with no eyes and no legs? Still no eye deer.
What do you call a deer with no eyes and no legs and no willy? Still no fucking eye deer.

 Deary me... :D

Offline TepidT2O

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Re: Jokes so bad they're funny
« Reply #18 on: May 3, 2016, 07:54:41 pm »
How do you tell the difference between a male ant and a female ant?

Put them in water and see which is buoyant.
“Happiness can be found in the darkest of times, if one only remembers to turn on the light.”
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Re: Jokes so bad they're funny
« Reply #19 on: May 3, 2016, 07:54:57 pm »
What do you call a deaf gorilla?

Anything you want, it can't hear you.
Craig Burnley V West Ham - WEST HAM WIN - INCORRECT

Offline TepidT2O

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Re: Jokes so bad they're funny
« Reply #20 on: May 3, 2016, 07:55:23 pm »
A toothless beaver walks into a pub and asks where's the bar tender.
“Happiness can be found in the darkest of times, if one only remembers to turn on the light.”
“Generosity always pays off. Generosity in your effort, in your work, in your kindness, in the way you look after people and take care of people. In the long run, if you are generous with a heart, and with humanity, it always pays off.”
W

Offline Chakan

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Re: Jokes so bad they're funny
« Reply #21 on: May 3, 2016, 07:55:31 pm »
Deary me... :D
:D

Funny the things you remember from school ;D

Offline db79

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Re: Jokes so bad they're funny
« Reply #22 on: May 3, 2016, 07:56:12 pm »
Did you hear about the carrot that died?, there was a big turnip at the funeral............

Offline Solomon Grundy

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Re: Jokes so bad they're funny
« Reply #23 on: May 3, 2016, 07:56:21 pm »
What do you call a deaf gorilla?

Anything you want, it can't hear you.

:D

Offline Solomon Grundy

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Re: Jokes so bad they're funny
« Reply #24 on: May 3, 2016, 07:56:45 pm »
Did you hear about the carrot that died?, there was a big turnip at the funeral............

 Haha! :D

Offline semit5

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Re: Jokes so bad they're funny
« Reply #25 on: May 3, 2016, 08:14:43 pm »
How do you make anti freeze?

Hide her jumpers.

Offline jed the red

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Re: Jokes so bad they're funny
« Reply #26 on: May 3, 2016, 10:14:53 pm »
Two parrots sat on a perch, one says............................

can you smell fish?

Two fish in a tank, one says......................

can you drive this fucker?


 :wave

Offline fingermouse

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Re: Jokes so bad they're funny
« Reply #27 on: May 3, 2016, 11:09:04 pm »
Thought I saw Michael J Fox in a garden centre today. Although I'm not entirely sure it was him - he had his back to the fuscia.

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Offline CHOPPER

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Re: Jokes so bad they're funny
« Reply #28 on: May 3, 2016, 11:15:15 pm »
Just got back in from a charity football match for stroke victims. I've never seen such a one sided match.
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Offline TepidT2O

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Re: Jokes so bad they're funny
« Reply #29 on: May 3, 2016, 11:16:57 pm »
Just got back in from a charity football match for stroke victims. I've never seen such a one sided match.
I laughed..
“Happiness can be found in the darkest of times, if one only remembers to turn on the light.”
“Generosity always pays off. Generosity in your effort, in your work, in your kindness, in the way you look after people and take care of people. In the long run, if you are generous with a heart, and with humanity, it always pays off.”
W

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Re: Jokes so bad they're funny
« Reply #30 on: May 3, 2016, 11:21:17 pm »
Did you hear about the carrot that died?, there was a big turnip at the funeral............
Couldn't help laughing at that one, thought to my self how can you laugh at that one, read it again and still laughed :butt :)

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Re: Jokes so bad they're funny
« Reply #31 on: May 3, 2016, 11:22:41 pm »
I laughed..

You'll be laughing on the other side of your face in a minute.

Offline CHOPPER

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Re: Jokes so bad they're funny
« Reply #32 on: May 3, 2016, 11:25:26 pm »
Took me bird out last night for a few beers, as we get to the end of the night I said I love you. She says is that you talking or the beer talking? I said thats me talking to the beer.
@ Veinticinco de Mayo The way you talk to other users on this forum is something you should be ashamed of as someone who is suppose to be representing the site.
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Offline Shady Craig

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Re: Jokes so bad they're funny
« Reply #33 on: May 3, 2016, 11:37:58 pm »
What did  Batman say to Robin before they got in the car?

"Get in the car"

Offline Shady Craig

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Re: Jokes so bad they're funny
« Reply #34 on: May 3, 2016, 11:41:48 pm »
What's Brown and Rhymes with Snoop?

"Dr Dre"

Offline Shady Craig

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Re: Jokes so bad they're funny
« Reply #35 on: May 4, 2016, 12:10:26 am »
I bought some shoes off a drug dealer, I don't know what he laced them with but I'm tripping to fuck.

Offline soxfan

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Re: Jokes so bad they're funny
« Reply #36 on: May 4, 2016, 04:18:27 am »
What's a duck's favorite drug?

Quack.
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Offline soxfan

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Re: Jokes so bad they're funny
« Reply #37 on: May 4, 2016, 04:19:44 am »
A man walks into the doctor's office with a piece of lettuce hanging out of his bum. The doc takes one look and he says, "Jeez, it looks like we have one hell of a problem here."

The guy responds "this is just the tip of the iceberg."
“Do not intermingle with people who act like 'they know it all'. If you do, you will wind up as lost and lonely as they are.”
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Offline Ken-Obi

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Re: Jokes so bad they're funny
« Reply #38 on: May 4, 2016, 04:21:00 am »
Overheard a dad telling his daughter as they waited together for the school bus:

"Be careful standing near those trees".

"Why? The sky is clear and there's no change of lightning".

"I don't know really, they look kinda shady to me".
Someone should do the right thing - go back in time to 1992 and destroy the codes to Championship Manager before it is ever released

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Re: Jokes so bad they're funny
« Reply #39 on: May 4, 2016, 05:38:06 am »
Took me bird out last night for a few beers, as we get to the end of the night I said I love you. She says is that you talking or the beer talking? I said thats me talking to the beer.

 :lmao