Author Topic: Jokes so bad they're punny  (Read 665081 times)

Offline 24/7

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Re: Jokes so bad they're punny
« Reply #6840 on: December 6, 2022, 11:58:49 am »
That was a sighter, he's keeping his powder dry.
Testing his comic range, you might say, trying tar-get us to reveal our position.....

Offline Ghost Town

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Re: Jokes so bad they're punny
« Reply #6841 on: December 6, 2022, 03:27:15 pm »
What a bore!
"Every man has a right to utter what he thinks truth, and every other man has a right to knock him down for it."
Samuel (not Glen) Johnson, as reported by James (not Joey) Boswell. They must have foreseen RAWK ;D

Offline 24/7

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Re: Jokes so bad they're punny
« Reply #6842 on: December 6, 2022, 03:31:32 pm »
What a bore!
You been rifling through my book of puns.......?!

Offline bradders1011

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Re: Jokes so bad they're punny
« Reply #6843 on: December 6, 2022, 03:37:59 pm »
Bet he wishes he'd never put his head above the parapet.
If I were a linesman, I would execute defenders who applauded my offsides.

Offline liverbloke

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Re: Jokes so bad they're punny
« Reply #6844 on: December 7, 2022, 05:24:29 pm »
^ oh you guys  :wave

yesterday i accidentally drank a whole bottle of invisible ink

i went to the doctor's but he couldn't see me
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Offline blert596

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Re: Jokes so bad they're punny
« Reply #6845 on: December 7, 2022, 05:27:13 pm »
Jeez. The calibre of puns in here is awful. But I suppose I'll just have to grin and Barrett
All the badge kissing in the world don't make up for the fact that they are, frankly, not Liverpool Football Club. It's not their fault. Its just how it is.

Online Crosby Nick

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Re: Jokes so bad they're punny
« Reply #6846 on: December 7, 2022, 11:04:14 pm »
This thread really needs a mod to put it out if it’s misery. In before the glock.

Offline farawayred

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Re: Jokes so bad they're punny
« Reply #6847 on: December 8, 2022, 02:03:18 am »
Hollow points make a big mess.
Cruyff: "Victory is not enough, there also needs to be beautiful football."

Offline 24/7

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Re: Jokes so bad they're punny
« Reply #6848 on: December 8, 2022, 04:58:44 am »
This thread really needs a mod to put it out if it’s misery. In before the glock.
Mods need paying. Salary? 9 mil.

Offline liverbloke

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Re: Jokes so bad they're punny
« Reply #6849 on: December 8, 2022, 03:47:50 pm »
santa's given up smoking

it was bad for his elf


...oh come on, what do ya want? it is christmas y'know  ;D
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Offline JohnnoWhite

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Re: Jokes so bad they're punny
« Reply #6850 on: December 9, 2022, 12:24:57 am »
santa's given up smoking

it was bad for his elf


...oh come on, what do ya want? it is christmas y'know  ;D

Rein-deer me . . . . ;) ;) ;D
There is nothing wrong with striving to win, so long as you don't set the prize above the game. There can be no dishonour in defeat nor any conceit in victory. What matters above all is that the team plays in the right spirit, with skill, courage, fair play,no favour and the result accepted without bitterness. Sir Matt Busby CBE KCSG 1909-1994

Offline 24/7

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Re: Jokes so bad they're punny
« Reply #6851 on: December 9, 2022, 09:33:08 am »
Oooh! Seasonal puns! About time this thread was spruced up a bit... 8)

Offline bradders1011

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Re: Jokes so bad they're punny
« Reply #6852 on: December 9, 2022, 10:15:45 am »
I always laugh at Christmas jokes like that, they sleigh me.
If I were a linesman, I would execute defenders who applauded my offsides.

Offline liverbloke

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Re: Jokes so bad they're punny
« Reply #6853 on: December 9, 2022, 10:25:27 am »
I always laugh at Christmas jokes like that, they sleigh me.

yule laugh at anything
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Who would have thought liverblokes no draws idea would not be his worst idea of the weekend

Offline 24/7

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Re: Jokes so bad they're punny
« Reply #6854 on: December 9, 2022, 11:14:49 am »
Trying to lose weight at xmas with some bicep reps - am using 10kg baubles.

Offline Andy @ Allerton!

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Re: Jokes so bad they're punny
« Reply #6855 on: December 9, 2022, 03:30:17 pm »
You can tell the sex of an ant by placing it gently on the surface of a pond.

If it sinks then - girl ant. If it floats then...
Quote from: tubby on Today at 12:45:53 pm

They both went in high, that's factually correct, both tried to play the ball at height.  Doku with his foot, Mac Allister with his chest.

Offline liversaint

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Re: Jokes so bad they're punny
« Reply #6856 on: December 9, 2022, 09:09:02 pm »
Oooh! Seasonal puns! About time this thread was spruced up a bit... 8)

Fir effort
You say Honey? I say Fuck off.

You dont win friends with Salad

There is another option. Mr Ferguson organises the fixtures in his office and sends it to us and everyone will know and cannot complain. That is simple.

Offline Lfc19ynwa

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Re: Jokes so bad they're punny
« Reply #6857 on: December 9, 2022, 09:19:36 pm »
Oooh! Seasonal puns! About time this thread was spruced up a bit... 8)

Been some crackers on here

Offline 24/7

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Re: Jokes so bad they're punny
« Reply #6858 on: December 9, 2022, 09:25:28 pm »
Been some crackers on here
Have to maintain my presents in this thread. What can I say, it's a gift...

Offline liversaint

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Re: Jokes so bad they're punny
« Reply #6859 on: December 9, 2022, 10:07:41 pm »
Been some crackers on here

And some turkeys
You say Honey? I say Fuck off.

You dont win friends with Salad

There is another option. Mr Ferguson organises the fixtures in his office and sends it to us and everyone will know and cannot complain. That is simple.

Offline 24/7

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Re: Jokes so bad they're punny
« Reply #6860 on: December 10, 2022, 08:01:29 pm »
My other half asked me how come I know so much about Jordan's hormonal timeline.


She's clearly forgotten that I'm a qualified Hendochronologist.

Online Riquende

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Re: Jokes so bad they're punny
« Reply #6861 on: December 12, 2022, 07:06:53 pm »
A successful doctor and a deaf man were both trying to woo a young lady (yes it's the 1970s). Each day, the doctor would leave the girl amazing gifts: bouquets of roses, fine wines, expensive jewellery, you name it. And each day, the deaf guy would leave her a single apple.

After weeks of this, she resolved to find out what the apples signified, so she went to the deaf man and asked him: "Each day, I get incredible things from my other suitor, a doctor, but you only ever give me one apple, one on each day. Why is that?"

And the deaf man replied,

Spoiler
What?
[close]
"The nicest thing about quotes is that they give us a nodding acquaintance with the originator which is often socially impressive."

~ Kenneth Williams, with whom I'm noddingly acquainted. Socially impressed?

Offline Andy @ Allerton!

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Re: Jokes so bad they're punny
« Reply #6862 on: December 12, 2022, 07:22:10 pm »
If I live to be a hundred, I'll never work women out. Asked my wife if it was OK if I had a tattoo. She said "Yes. Fine."


Now she's fucking moaning about the pipers in the back garden.
Quote from: tubby on Today at 12:45:53 pm

They both went in high, that's factually correct, both tried to play the ball at height.  Doku with his foot, Mac Allister with his chest.

Offline Ghost Town

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Re: Jokes so bad they're punny
« Reply #6863 on: December 12, 2022, 09:26:47 pm »
The last two posts combined reminds me of a slightly hard-of-hearing mate of mine who thought he'd signed up for a course on The History of Tattooing - he now knows more abouut Luke Skywalker's antecedents than is strictly healthy.
"Every man has a right to utter what he thinks truth, and every other man has a right to knock him down for it."
Samuel (not Glen) Johnson, as reported by James (not Joey) Boswell. They must have foreseen RAWK ;D

Offline AndyInVA

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Re: Jokes so bad they're punny
« Reply #6864 on: December 13, 2022, 09:22:33 am »
Man to ice cream vendor

Man. I would like a 99 please

Vendor. Hundreds and thousands ??.

Man. I'll just start with one please.



Always makes me smile.
Credit to Tommy Cooper

Offline liverbloke

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Re: Jokes so bad they're punny
« Reply #6865 on: December 13, 2022, 01:22:50 pm »
my mate nearly choked on some shiny metallic christmas decorations

the doctor says he's now got tinselitis
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Who would have thought liverblokes no draws idea would not be his worst idea of the weekend

Offline Statto Red

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Re: Jokes so bad they're punny
« Reply #6866 on: December 13, 2022, 03:55:42 pm »
I went into a cafe the other day & asked for a planet of the apes dinner.

They replied "what's that"

I said "you whack it under the gorilla".
#Sausages

Offline Terry de Niro

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Re: Jokes so bad they're punny
« Reply #6867 on: December 13, 2022, 04:01:00 pm »
I went to the butcher shop the other day and asked "Is that a pig's head in the window?" and he replied.
"No, it's a mirror".

Offline Andy @ Allerton!

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Re: Jokes so bad they're punny
« Reply #6868 on: December 15, 2022, 02:08:45 am »
My missus asked me if I'd seen the cat bowl.

To be honest, I didn't even know he played cricket.
Quote from: tubby on Today at 12:45:53 pm

They both went in high, that's factually correct, both tried to play the ball at height.  Doku with his foot, Mac Allister with his chest.

Offline liverbloke

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Re: Jokes so bad they're punny
« Reply #6869 on: December 15, 2022, 08:14:10 am »
popped into the local pet shop

said to the guy behind the counter - a fly please

he said - erm we don't sell flies, sir

i said - well, there's one in your front window
Quote from: Lee1-6Liv
Who would have thought liverblokes no draws idea would not be his worst idea of the weekend

Online Mumm-Ra

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Re: Jokes so bad they're punny
« Reply #6870 on: December 15, 2022, 03:03:02 pm »
popped into the local pet shop

said to the guy behind the counter - a fly please

he said - erm we don't sell flies, sir

i said - well, there's one in your front window

:lmao love it

Offline bradders1011

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Re: Jokes so bad they're punny
« Reply #6871 on: December 15, 2022, 11:36:44 pm »
They're doing experiments to get busses to run on parsley fuel.

Eventually they'll make the trains run on thyme.
If I were a linesman, I would execute defenders who applauded my offsides.

Offline 24/7

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Re: Jokes so bad they're punny
« Reply #6872 on: December 15, 2022, 11:38:46 pm »
They're doing experiments to get busses to run on parsley fuel.

Eventually they'll make the trains run on thyme.
Nah - delays will be blamed on bay leaves on the line.

Offline Ghost Town

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Re: Jokes so bad they're punny
« Reply #6873 on: December 16, 2022, 02:23:49 am »
They're doing experiments to get busses to run on parsley fuel.

Eventually they'll make the trains run on thyme.
Sage words there, Rosemary
"Every man has a right to utter what he thinks truth, and every other man has a right to knock him down for it."
Samuel (not Glen) Johnson, as reported by James (not Joey) Boswell. They must have foreseen RAWK ;D

Offline Lfc19ynwa

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Re: Jokes so bad they're punny
« Reply #6874 on: December 16, 2022, 06:36:53 am »
They're doing experiments to get busses to run on parsley fuel.

Eventually they'll make the trains run on thyme.

We can still expect dillays

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Re: Jokes so bad they're punny
« Reply #6875 on: December 16, 2022, 06:59:02 am »
We can still expect dillays

Manchester Picallilli is the worst station for that.

Offline 24/7

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Re: Jokes so bad they're punny
« Reply #6876 on: December 16, 2022, 08:19:25 am »
Will be a miracle if any buses or trains cumin on time...

Offline Andy @ Allerton!

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Re: Jokes so bad they're punny
« Reply #6877 on: December 16, 2022, 09:29:23 am »
Going to be tricky if your caraway for an MOT or off the road, but I suppose you can gingerly ask basil about the plans to get over the rue it may have caused.

Quote from: tubby on Today at 12:45:53 pm

They both went in high, that's factually correct, both tried to play the ball at height.  Doku with his foot, Mac Allister with his chest.

Offline 24/7

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Re: Jokes so bad they're punny
« Reply #6878 on: December 16, 2022, 09:38:26 am »
Trying to pepper us up with multiple spice puns on one post? It's an ass salt on the eyes that is.....

Offline amir87

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Re: Jokes so bad they're punny
« Reply #6879 on: December 16, 2022, 09:50:59 am »
Enters thread... leaves.