Topic: Alcohol Issues - The Carl van Riel Memorial Thread

[jason42]

Nah mate more hassle and cost that its worth mate - my old man is seathing as i got laid off while on a doctors note for depression, but fuck it.

Onwards and upwards hey?

How is it hassle and cost? It doesn't cost you to appeal your dismissal and it doesn't cost to contact the Employment Tribunal...

[Harinder]

Nah mate more hassle and cost that its worth mate - my old man is seathing as i got laid off while on a doctors note for depression, but fuck it.

Onwards and upwards hey?

No. Jason has a point here. Depression comes under the DDA. In dismissing you there would have been a need to follow process and show your employer made adequate provision to help

http://www.tacklementalhealth.org.uk/faq/

[Red Genius]

No. Jason has a point here. Depression comes under the DDA. In dismissing you there would have been a need to follow process and show your employer made adequate provision to help

http://www.tacklementalhealth.org.uk/faq/

Which they did - needed my doctors note - didn't get it until 2 days later.

Look guys, i got shafted, the writing was on the wall, but the spin is available to them because of the way i handled it.

I wasn't a twat, or non contactable, but they wanted me out and my dismissal is about break procedure, it's better off left that fighting it.

I have to fight for a new job, that's where the new battle is.

[24/7]

How is it hassle and cost? It doesn't cost you to appeal your dismissal and it doesn't cost to contact the Employment Tribunal...

This. They SHOULD have followed due process......and if they wanted to bypass the 'usual' procedure, they should have entered into a Compromise Agreement. Trust us, you have a case. Do it.

[Red Genius]

This. They SHOULD have followed due process......and if they wanted to bypass the 'usual' procedure, they should have entered into a Compromise Agreement. Trust us, you have a case. Do it.

Kev is it?

My dad was a super successful project manager, i don't need to reel off what he done. But he feels the same, however i have things i need to sort first (place, new job, good mind) - those things shit on getting into a legal battle with my ex company.

They were twats, we move on - if you want a rolling commentary here you  go;



(In your own best interests, given that the company has clearly indicated you still have the right to appeal, which I strongly recommend you take, I have deleted the content herein because placing it in the public domain could potentially jeopardise your appeal and any subsequent litigation - believe me, this is best for you - you've been shafted - take the legal route - it is your RIGHT! If you can prove they knew your circumstances when inviting you to the disciplinary, you have an extremely strong case for constructive dismissal on the grounds of prejudicial practice on their part.)

[John C]

Did they write to you to ask you to attend a meeting on 19/7 mate?

[Red Genius]

Did they write to you to ask you to attend a meeting on 19/7 mate?

Yes, they did - i wasn't at the address, i was in hospital which they knew about (tried to top myself)

[jason42]

Yes, they did - i wasn't at the address, i was in hospital which they knew about (tried to top myself)

This is best spoken about via PMs as this forum is in the public domain.

My employer tried to do something very similar with me but I fought them and got things sorted.

[Red Genius]

This is best spoken about via PMs as this forum is in the public domain.

My employer tried to do something very similar with me but I fought them and got things sorted.

Really don't care mate - it's perfectly OK, i am who i am, like me or lump me - meet me in person, and i'm larger than life.

[Red Genius]

Anyone wanna identify theft me will realise i got fuck all - so it's ok mate

[24/7]

RG - it's Jim, but Kev is cleverererer than I.


I modified one of your posts - see below.


This is the alcohol issues thread but it doesn't mean you can't get help/advice.


Let me tell you this though - to fight this, you need to be sober.


We will help insofar as we can. Stay sane. Stay with us. There is a wealth of knowledge and experience that you can, pardon the phrase, tap into.

[Red Genius]

RG - it's Jim, but Kev is cleverererer than I.


I modified one of your posts - see below.


This is the alcohol issues thread but it doesn't mean you can't get help/advice.


Let me tell you this though - to fight this, you need to be sober.


We will help insofar as we can. Stay sane. Stay with us. There is a wealth of knowledge and experience that you can, pardon the phrase, tap into.

Hey Jim, apologies.

Am not sure you can help me, Carl on the other hand has been a god send.

Ever met someone you think you love? ever had yer business go tits up? ever turn to alcohol to forget? i do.

[24/7]

RG - listen to the advice you receive. YNWA.

[Red Genius]

Chatty fuck aint i Jim

I give it a rest for tonight and go bed.


Thanks you all for yer time and effort.

[John C]

Yes, they did - i wasn't at the address, i was in hospital which they knew about (tried to top myself)

You should have an opportunity to reconvene the meeting then mate. Its worth pursuing it to an ET, you'd be surprised how many employers fear attending an ET due to the possible costs. Their counsel will often advise them to settle so you may atleast get some compensation.

Then get your head nice and straight and look forward to the Reds first PL win in the next 3 years.

Good luck.

[jason42]

You should have an opportunity to reconvene the meeting then mate. Its worth pursuing it to an ET, you'd be surprised how many employers fear attending an ET due to the possible costs. Their counsel will often advise them to settle so you may atleast get some compensation.

Then get your head nice and straight and look forward to the Reds first PL win in the next 3 years.

Good luck.

I think pretty much every employer fears the ET and is why the majority of them will look to settle/compromise before the ET simply due to the cost of the QCs etc needed there.

RG - you have to get this sorted mate - DO NOT JUST ACCEPT THIS!!!!

[Thé_Ḓárk_P̌áşşéngér]

Last night I remembered why I love drinking: Today I've remembered why I hate it. Last night it took the pain away: Today there's nothing else.

[AndyInVA]

Last night I remembered why I love drinking: Today I've remembered why I hate it.

thats really quite a beautiful statement

Ill have to remember that one

I hope its out of your system and you can make a better job of staying off it. If your serious, I would suggest the one day at a time approach. It really works.

Just say to yourself, dont drink today

[Thé_Ḓárk_P̌áşşéngér]

thats really quite a beautiful statement

Ill have to remember that one

I hope its out of your system and you can make a better job of staying off it. If your serious, I would suggest the one day at a time approach. It really works.

Just say to yourself, dont drink today

It's the first time in a long time I've been able to remember the previous night, so that's got to be a good thing, right?

[AndyInVA]

It's the first time in a long time I've been able to remember the previous night, so that's got to be a good thing, right?

LOL small victories yeah

no not really mate, its still bollox, its quite obviously drinking to harmful levels

you need to do something to get a grip of things

[Red Genius]

I know Carl has said he is taking a sabbatical from this thread - However i could use some of his arse whooping advice, i'm a bit concerned... normally i've been a bit of a binge drinker, however for the last couple days it's been non-stop, from the moment i wake until i eventually go to sleep.

What worrys me most is that i'm a bit of a self destructive clown, in times like these i just seem to go awol on the pop with no control...

Oh what i'd give to turn the clock back 18 months.

[Johnnyboy1973]

What sort of arse whooping advice would you like? Now, stop drinking, it'll just depress you and not make anything better.

There you go, that should put you off to bed and you probably wont feel like another drink for a whole day.

Sarcasm aside, I don't know what you want to hear.

The reality is you're an alcoholic but show no desire to stop drinking but want advice.

Here's some.

Just try and do a smidgen with regards to your dependency and visit a counselor to get over your misplaced guilt.

[Les Willis]

I haven't read much of this thread, but I always fail to get pissed until I've drunk 2 and a half bottles of wine... after that I feel I've had an evening. Too much?

[Red Genius]

What sort of arse whooping advice would you like? Now, stop drinking, it'll just depress you and not make anything better.

There you go, that should put you off to bed and you probably wont feel like another drink for a whole day.

Sarcasm aside, I don't know what you want to hear.

The reality is you're an alcoholic but show no desire to stop drinking but want advice.

Here's some.

Just try and do a smidgen with regards to your dependency and visit a counselor to get over your misplaced guilt.

You know what fella, you don't need to walk on egg shells, so i appreciate the honesty.

Look - i drink because if i had a bollock of courage i'd have topped myself long ago..

What do i want? Just to be fucking happy.... wake up with a smile on my chops again. I'm a bit of a twat in the sense i'm more loyal than an elephant circling a dead relative.

I needed to vent, so went boxing earlier - now i've a fuck off cut on my cheek (fairly sure i let the twat give me it too because the pain felt good)

I dunno mate, only i can tell myself to stop drinking, do me a favour and bitch slap me in the morning mate.

[Johnnyboy1973]

Look - i drink because if i had a bollock of courage i'd have topped myself long ago..

But, you have courage by not throwing the towel in. It's always easier to walk away from something than stick at it. Just as it is always easier to drink than not.

What do i want? Just to be fucking happy.... wake up with a smile on my chops again.

Dont we all. But, looking down the bottom of a bottle isn't going to get you there. It's a path, but you have to take the fist step.

I needed to vent, so went boxing earlier - now i've a fuck off cut on my cheek (fairly sure i let the twat give me it too because the pain felt good)

...... and that's why you need to talk to a counsellor. This beating yourself up wont lead anywhere healthy. To move forward you have to forgive yourself for the past. That doesn't mean that you dont regret it or forget it but it does allow you to live with it.

[Red Genius]

My dad's been banging that very same drum, he thinks i need to see a shrink.

My problem is i've hurt people closest to me and whilst that was a twattish thing to have done, i'm really not a twat however i cannot reconcile those mistakes.

I genuinely don't deserve forgiveness, how do you ever justify being the reason a absolutely amazing person would want to self harm themself because of the head fuck you gave them, throw into that mix that's your best mate and love them unconditionally and it's like shitting on your family....

I cannot make right the wrongs i've made, i also cannot move past not being able to make right the wrongs i've made to those who i care about, i can't  seem to just accept it and move on.... i seem to need to find a balance, find forgiveness elsewhere - to the extent that this selfish prick has been looking at charity jobs purely to create a scenario where i can find a way to find closure.

[AndyInVA]

My dad's been banging that very same drum, he thinks i need to see a shrink.    HE MIGHT BE RIGHT

My problem is i've hurt people closest to me and whilst that was a twattish thing to have done, i'm really not a twat however i cannot reconcile those mistakes.    WE HAVE ALL DONE THAT

I genuinely don't deserve forgiveness, how do you ever justify being the reason a absolutely amazing person would want to self harm themself because of the head fuck you gave them, throw into that mix that's your best mate and love them unconditionally and it's like shitting on your family....   YOU DONT GET FORGIVENESS WHEN YOU FUCK UP. DONT LOOK FOR IT OR EXPECT IT. THE SELF HARM CANNOT BE ALL YOUR FAULT. I FIND IT HARD TO BELIEVE. BUT I DONT TRULY KNOW YOUR SITUATION

I cannot make right the wrongs i've made, i also cannot move past not being able to make right the wrongs i've made to those who i care about, i can't  seem to just accept it and move on.... i seem to need to find a balance, find forgiveness elsewhere - to the extent that this selfish prick has been looking at charity jobs purely to create a scenario where i can find a way to find closure.

my other comments in CAPS above

i think the word closure is total bollox. things just hurt less or fade in your memories. I dont you ever get closure on anything

you do need to find a balance by the sound of it and you do seem to be carrying a burden. its hard to give advice as i dont think alcohol is your only problem

depression, guilt and anger all seem in there

I understand about the desire to feel pain. Ive been there too, albeit a very long time ago

I dont know your situation but I have one suggestion I have given to others also

get some depression meds and go on them for three months or so

I did em for 6 months

it allowed me to get straight before I quit booze when I came off them

i think its hard to fight any addiction problem until you get your head screwed on a bit better

maybe you do need a shrink, but you seem to have so many issues, without at least getting a bit more 'well' fixing any of your problems in isolation will be pointless

thats my late night opinion for you. hope it helps

[Red Genius]

Cheers Andy,

I'm prescribed with sertraline - and diagnosed with depression, insomnia and anxiety (individually or collectively!)

To be honest mate, the sertraline has done fuck all apart from made me unable to shoot my load (side affect)

I think i need to deal with the root cause which is clearly me not being able to find recompense for the mistakes i've made, and unfortunately fella the self harm was all due to me mate - i was a pisshead moron and my ex bless her took the flack for all my shit (emotionally and financial) until it broke her back, in short i behaved without respect to both myself and her. I look back at that episode and it makes my stomach turn, problem is bridges are now burnt and i can't mend them.... every tom dick and harry is saying 'just move on' but it's not about moving on, i want to put plasters on the wounds i made before i just up sticks and 'move on' - i spent long enough being a selfish c*nt, i just want to put things somewhere closer to being right before i just jog on in my life however as it is my ex doesn't even want to communicate with me (i can't blame her really)

So i'm left in a situation where i feel unresolved. The irony is everybody (family, friends) talks about putting myself first and getting myself 'healthy' i however feel in order to do that i need to earn it, i.e - do what i can to repair some of the bridges i burned.

Anyways (you'll be pleased to hear) the coffee (and not alcohol) is making me ramble....

Always happy to chat, tend to find those who have an understanding or have been there tend to be able to relate with me.... so any advice guys - i'm all ears.

[blert596]

My problem is i've hurt people

I'm no expert mate, but I'd say that your problem isn't that you've hurt people but that you're an alcoholic.

The hurting people is probably a result of actions caused by the fact that you are an alcoholic.

If you can try and deal with that, then hopefully it'll result in less hurting of other people, less guilt etc, less drink. The problem (in what is undoubtedly probably a rather simplistic view) is that you need to identify and believe that changing something is worthwhile.

Best of luck with things mate.

[TepidT2O]

My problem is i've hurt people closest to me and whilst that was a twattish thing to have done, i'm really not a twat however i cannot reconcile those mistakes.

Nothing you can do to hurt your family would hurt them as much as you killing yourself.

Nothing you do even gets close. Nothing.

It's not brave to kill yourself, it really isn't.

I speak from experience.

[Corkboy]

It's not brave to kill yourself, it really isn't.

I speak from experience.

Je......Jesus?

[TepidT2O]

Je......Jesus?

Family member.

[Corkboy]

Family member.

Joke, you seemed to have come back from the dead.

[AndyInVA]

Cheers Andy,

I'm prescribed with sertraline - and diagnosed with depression, insomnia and anxiety (individually or collectively!)

To be honest mate, the sertraline has done fuck all apart from made me unable to shoot my load (side affect)

I think i need to deal with the root cause which is clearly me not being able to find recompense for the mistakes i've made, and unfortunately fella the self harm was all due to me mate - i was a pisshead moron and my ex bless her took the flack for all my shit (emotionally and financial) until it broke her back, in short i behaved without respect to both myself and her. I look back at that episode and it makes my stomach turn, problem is bridges are now burnt and i can't mend them.... every tom dick and harry is saying 'just move on' but it's not about moving on, i want to put plasters on the wounds i made before i just up sticks and 'move on' - i spent long enough being a selfish c*nt, i just want to put things somewhere closer to being right before i just jog on in my life however as it is my ex doesn't even want to communicate with me (i can't blame her really)

So i'm left in a situation where i feel unresolved. The irony is everybody (family, friends) talks about putting myself first and getting myself 'healthy' i however feel in order to do that i need to earn it, i.e - do what i can to repair some of the bridges i burned.

Anyways (you'll be pleased to hear) the coffee (and not alcohol) is making me ramble....

Always happy to chat, tend to find those who have an understanding or have been there tend to be able to relate with me.... so any advice guys - i'm all ears.

if the drugs are doing nothing, you need to get your arse back to your doctor and get him/her to prescribe you something else

finding the right meds for your body is typical. some work, some dont

you might try and get some sleep meds too. I was on sleep meds for years and they seriously improved my sanity

as far as trying to repair bridges, personally I would just forget that

if the wounds you inflicted on others are still quite raw, they probably hate your fucking guts and want nothing to do with you

it will be hard to fix anything while they are pissed off with you

leaving town may be an option. i know I have felt like making that kind of decision when I have screwed up in the past. for me, working in the gulf seemed an attractive option

i dont know that you need to 'earn it' to feel healthy

i think you just do things bit by bit and slowly over time you feel better

there is no magical elixir

if you have it in you to quit cold turkey, then that will help massively, but its a hard ask

good luck

[TepidT2O]

Joke, you seemed to have come back from the dead.

I have many talents

[Red Genius]

if the drugs are doing nothing, you need to get your arse back to your doctor and get him/her to prescribe you something else

finding the right meds for your body is typical. some work, some dont

you might try and get some sleep meds too. I was on sleep meds for years and they seriously improved my sanity

as far as trying to repair bridges, personally I would just forget that

if the wounds you inflicted on others are still quite raw, they probably hate your fucking guts and want nothing to do with you

it will be hard to fix anything while they are pissed off with you

leaving town may be an option. i know I have felt like making that kind of decision when I have screwed up in the past. for me, working in the gulf seemed an attractive option

i dont know that you need to 'earn it' to feel healthy

i think you just do things bit by bit and slowly over time you feel better

there is no magical elixir

if you have it in you to quit cold turkey, then that will help massively, but its a hard ask

good luck

Know its a bit late Andy, however my insomnia is keeping me up!

You're right about the meds, i'd take a pic and show you but atm that option is down on this site

Am not leaving town mate, i will deal with it all head on.. i may have made my mistakes but i'm not a complete arsehole

[libby_lfc]

Look mate, you are never going to get 'closure'... and you can't say therapy won't help, you have to try it. Same as the meds, keep going and trying til you find what works.

The booze is what's caused the issues in your past. You just have to accept what happened, sure there were shit patches, but we all deal with them at some point. I've had my fair share of things I regret and people I've hurt, but you just have to accept that the past is the past. You can't change the past, as desperately as we all might want to. All you can do is try and change your present and your future, one day at a time. If you slip up and drink one day, tomorrow is a new day, and always a chance to start over.

Whoever's been in the depression thread will have seen how much I used to struggle, in fact RAWK is what finally helped me take the step after years of wallowing, and go get help. I was on anti depressants for about a year, they helped immensely and in that time I could focus on learning and teaching myself ways to cope, and eventually felt strong enough to come off them last month. It took a few different medications and a lot of work, but I did it. It's not always easy, but I do it.

If I can turn it around, you can. Just remember that there is always tomorrow, and you CAN get better.

PM if you need mate.

[JLStretton]

Still been drinking, going to make a fresh start from today and really try sort myself out, no more lying to myself that its under control.

[Red Genius]

Still been drinking, going to make a fresh start from today and really try sort myself out, no more lying to myself that its under control.

Every day is a new opportunity mate.

If it helps make you feel any better and believe you can do it, i've been rattling back the booze since Friday with no breaks other than sleep.

Knock it on the head mate, or you'll end up a proper fuck nut like i am, an nobody wants that for you mate.

[TepidT2O]

Still been drinking, going to make a fresh start from today and really try sort myself out, no more lying to myself that its under control.

I don't know much about you apart from on here, but can I suggest that the only way you have the booze under control is to stop completely.?

What's good is that you KNOW you can do it.  Ok the wheels fell off (you had a hell of a tough ride, it happens), but you've done amazing things before and you can do it again.

Good luck!