OK....word of warning anyone thinking of this 30 from 30. If you where there then this may blow your mind. It did with me....I am finally getting counselling after 25 years. I will be honest and say I lost the plot a few weeks ago.....I have been diagnosed with delayed post traumatic stress disorder. Fuck me this I bollocks....25 fucking years!!!! Maybe I need to go home...I don't know....but I know just spouting on here helps😥 .....seriously thank you
I'm sorry to hear you've hit a rough patch mate. That must've come as quite a shock, to be diagnosed after 25 years, but then maybe not... maybe the diagnosis will help, if it confirms what you might have suspected yourself?
These situations are all unique, and we all have our own symptoms.
I'm struggling again. I'm finding these inquests difficult in a way that I hadn't anticipated. Some days I think, '25 years, and finally we're seeing these bastards in court, under proper scrutiny, and knowing that this time they won't be able to wriggle their way out.'
But it's not the release I was hoping it would be.
Most days I feel depressed at the sheer mendacity of these people. I look at the catalogue of errors, the colossal, casual negligence of the various people involved, and hear how casually they're relaying it to the court and I think, 'Say that again, will you? And think about what you've just said, because that nearly killed me.'
I'm still stunned at the cynicism and corruption and dishonesty of these people, even now - I shouldn't be, but I am. And last week's testimony, from the two PCs in the control box, made me really angry.
I'm getting texts from mates, other survivors, who are furious at some of the bullshit that's coming out, and - like me - they've known the catalogue of negligence for years; but to finally hear it and see it spelt out, in such depressing detail, is difficult to take.
We fought for this process, we fought for this day to come, and we know we need to go through it, but this is proving more difficult than I expected. The news that it will run for another year is a nightmare.
It even gets to the point where I read the Echo transcript and there's been a little joke made, to lighten the mood, and the Echo reporters writes 'the court laughed' and I just think 'I can't be doing with this today'.
For the first time ever, I'm going away this weekend without my girlfriend, cos I just need to get away from everything, and clear my head and have some peace.