Topic: Alcohol Issues - The Carl van Riel Memorial Thread

[24/7]

2 months, 12 days, only had a craving once, this weekend, when I found out Chris Lam had committed suicide (see survivors' thread) 

Resisted. Still sober. This year's challenge is 6 months. Ultimately, I want to be in a position where I never drink another drop again. In the same way that I'd never smoke a cigarette again, because I know I'd be violently sick if I did.

[TepidT2O]

Bravo!

[So… Howard Philips]

Hurrah!

[Son of Spion]

 

[rob1966]

Well in Jim

[Jm55]

I’ve recently made the decision to stop drinking, at least for a while.

I’ve been drinking roughly 20-25 pints a week plus probably a bit more in wine etc for a fair while now (which is actually less than previously).

That’s obviously a lot, and potentially bad news for my liver, but the more pressing (and historical) problem for me is every now and then losing control and acting like a total prick when I drink. It again happened on Saturday where I went to the wedding of a good friend, had a great day then, whilst waiting for the taxi home got into an altercation with one of the bride’s relatives and ended up acting like an aggressive prick - thankfully no actual physical harm was done but suffice to say the friend is no not speaking to me despite me profusely apologising and telling him I don’t remember a thing of it (which is no excuse but is totally true).

I spoke to a doctor on Monday who has put me in touch with a charity, they ran an Alcohol Use Disorder (AUD) test and I scored about 26/40 which is relatively close to severe and certainly illustrative of a problem. The advice they gave me is to abstain for the foreseeable future and go from there, I’m being put in touch with an alcohol support worker as well but they haven’t contacted me yet.

I generally go 3 days a week without drinking but I do really look forward to the weekends so tonight, an especially tomorrow considering the match is going to be really really hard. It’s absolutely galling seeing photos of people off to Paris whilst I’ll be at home by myself drinking fucking lemonade. I realise it’s a psychological thing and it should hopefully eventually pass but it isn’t half difficult, feels like such a shit way to see a European Cup Final in.

[Pheeny]

Good Luck Jm and well done for making the first step.

[jillcwhomever]

I’ve recently made the decision to stop drinking, at least for a while.

I’ve been drinking roughly 20-25 pints a week plus probably a bit more in wine etc for a fair while now (which is actually less than previously).

That’s obviously a lot, and potentially bad news for my liver, but the more pressing (and historical) problem for me is every now and then losing control and acting like a total prick when I drink. It again happened on Saturday where I went to the wedding of a good friend, had a great day then, whilst waiting for the taxi home got into an altercation with one of the bride’s relatives and ended up acting like an aggressive prick - thankfully no actual physical harm was done but suffice to say the friend is no not speaking to me despite me profusely apologising and telling him I don’t remember a thing of it (which is no excuse but is totally true).

I spoke to a doctor on Monday who has put me in touch with a charity, they ran an Alcohol Use Disorder (AUD) test and I scored about 26/40 which is relatively close to severe and certainly illustrative of a problem. The advice they gave me is to abstain for the foreseeable future and go from there, I’m being put in touch with an alcohol support worker as well but they haven’t contacted me yet.

I generally go 3 days a week without drinking but I do really look forward to the weekends so tonight, an especially tomorrow considering the match is going to be really really hard. It’s absolutely galling seeing photos of people off to Paris whilst I’ll be at home by myself drinking fucking lemonade. I realise it’s a psychological thing and it should hopefully eventually pass but it isn’t half difficult, feels like such a shit way to see a European Cup Final in.

Can I ask you a question and it’s one I ask a lot of my own drinking friends too? Why is it shit watching a European Cup Final and not actually drinking? The point I’m making is are you drinking because you enjoy it, or because after doing it for years you’ve just become conditioned to doing it? It’s almost sounding as if you are relying on the drink to get you through, just watching the game. That would ring out some big warning signs to me about your drinking, if that's the case. It's as if you are using drinking as a prop and that is rarely a good thing.

[Jm55]

Can I ask you a question and it’s one I ask a lot of my own drinking friends too? Why is it shit watching a European Cup Final and not actually drinking? The point I’m making is are you drinking because you enjoy it, or because after doing it for years you’ve just become conditioned to doing it? It’s almost sounding as if you are relying on the drink to get you through, just watching the game. That would ring out some big warning signs to me about your drinking, if that's the case. It's as if you are using drinking as a prop and that is rarely a good thing.

To be clear - watching Liverpool play in a European Cup Final will never be shit, it just feels a bit shit by comparison. 15 years ago I was in Athens, and it just feels like the things which I do which I enjoy have been gradually eroded over the years to the point I’m sat in my living room by myself drinking soft drinks.

I’ve clearly got a problem with alcohol, you can see that from both the objective assessments that I’ve undertaken as well as subjectively looking at some of the situations I’ve gotten myself into over the years, that’s fairly clear. The one thing that I don’t think I suffer from, not consciously anyway, is drinking to get me through something or to hide from something, at least not more than what is normal. I think most people like a drink during a nervy football match, or a drink after a bad day (or a good day) or whatever, for me it’s never really gone beyond that as I’ve been lucky enough to have a pretty good life so there’s not really that much to escape from.

For me the idea of sitting out in the sun from about 3 this afternoon, having beers in the garden with some tunes on and gradually building up to the match is what I’d like to be doing, and of course I can do all that minus the alcohol but because I never have done, it all just feels a bit grey without it. That will change over time of course but currently it feels like a major part of my life has been taken away and that feels a bit sad.

[jillcwhomever]

To be clear - watching Liverpool play in a European Cup Final will never be shit, it just feels a bit shit by comparison. 15 years ago I was in Athens, and it just feels like the things which I do which I enjoy have been gradually eroded over the years to the point I’m sat in my living room by myself drinking soft drinks.

I’ve clearly got a problem with alcohol, you can see that from both the objective assessments that I’ve undertaken as well as subjectively looking at some of the situations I’ve gotten myself into over the years, that’s fairly clear. The one thing that I don’t think I suffer from, not consciously anyway, is drinking to get me through something or to hide from something, at least not more than what is normal. I think most people like a drink during a nervy football match, or a drink after a bad day (or a good day) or whatever, for me it’s never really gone beyond that as I’ve been lucky enough to have a pretty good life so there’s not really that much to escape from.

For me the idea of sitting out in the sun from about 3 this afternoon, having beers in the garden with some tunes on and gradually building up to the match is what I’d like to be doing, and of course I can do all that minus the alcohol but because I never have done, it all just feels a bit grey without it. That will change over time of course but currently it feels like a major part of my life has been taken away and that feels a bit sad.

Thanks for the answer and being so honest about it. It’s good that you don’t feel you need the drink to help you get through things. You are also right it is just a question of getting used to doing these things, without the drinking.

I have never been a big drinker due to not being able to drink.  But now having given me the all clear I can drink, although I still hardly bother drinking. My biggest problem though is when I am out with my friends who do drink, it’s a constant battle with them. They are forever twisting my arm about drinking. Now sometimes I’m happy to have one, but that’s never enough of course. So now, I basically just don’t drink when I am out with them.

I think there’s a really big problem in this country with what I would term social drinking. A lot of the time people do it, because they think they have too rather than doing it through choice. If you’re going out with your friends, you have to drink. If you go to the match, you have to drink again. Now, that’s fine in itself until people get to the stage that it does begin to damage them. But because people have spent so long doing it, everything feels as you say a bit miserable when suddenly you are not. But you do get used to it and on the bright side hopefully you will have less flashpoints such as the one at the wedding.

I know it’s not easy, but really just give it a try there’s plenty of people on here who are going through similar things. Just stick at it, hopefully the alcohol support worker will be in touch soon, and then he will give you more ideas and some motivation. On the plus side when the Reds win that shiny thing tonight, you will remember it. 😊

[Bcnsean]

To be clear - watching Liverpool play in a European Cup Final will never be shit, it just feels a bit shit by comparison. 15 years ago I was in Athens, and it just feels like the things which I do which I enjoy have been gradually eroded over the years to the point I’m sat in my living room by myself drinking soft drinks.

I’ve clearly got a problem with alcohol, you can see that from both the objective assessments that I’ve undertaken as well as subjectively looking at some of the situations I’ve gotten myself into over the years, that’s fairly clear. The one thing that I don’t think I suffer from, not consciously anyway, is drinking to get me through something or to hide from something, at least not more than what is normal. I think most people like a drink during a nervy football match, or a drink after a bad day (or a good day) or whatever, for me it’s never really gone beyond that as I’ve been lucky enough to have a pretty good life so there’s not really that much to escape from.

For me the idea of sitting out in the sun from about 3 this afternoon, having beers in the garden with some tunes on and gradually building up to the match is what I’d like to be doing, and of course I can do all that minus the alcohol but because I never have done, it all just feels a bit grey without it. That will change over time of course but currently it feels like a major part of my life has been taken away and that feels a bit sad.

Hi mate,

Have you tried reading "This Naked Mind" by Annie Grace? It really puts these things into perspective. I quit 4.5 months ago, and it was largely thanks to this book. It turns some of those negative FOMO thoughts on their head. Would highly recommend. If you are genuinely thinking of knocking it on the head, you've got to get past those nostalgic thoughts like "you won't enjoy it as much" or "everyone else is drinking", as outside of being physically addicted they are probably one of the main cause of relapses

[24/7]

If you can stay sober through that, you can through anything. It was the toughest test I've had in all the time I've done dry months. But I resisted.

The players will take a well earned break now.

So will I.

See you next season..... võib-olla......

Love and light.


❣️🙏

[spen71]

Back to day 1 again!    Went two weeks sober, massive row with the mother of my kids (again).   Don’t feel the best but know it’s only temporary!

[Johnny Foreigner]

Back to day 1 again!    Went two weeks sober, massive row with the mother of my kids (again).   Don’t feel the best but know it’s only temporary!

good luck mate.. i will write some more down the road, but myself is quite ok now (fucked up massively just before christmas - and still work to do/not over yet and consequences) but if i can offer a small piece of advice; talk to someone/get some help.. i resisted for too long and thought it was just kumba ya etc, but it has helped me massively..

[AndyInVA]

Back to day 1 again!    Went two weeks sober, massive row with the mother of my kids (again).   Don’t feel the best but know it’s only temporary!

Don’t be too hard on yourself. Dealing with ex’s as parents is the single worst nightmare out there. Day 1 again.

Good luck getting through this day and the next day etc. There are no easy answers of course.  My best help was going to bed very very early to end the day early. Also ice cream to fight the alcohol urges.

[spen71]

Back to day 1.    A year since my mum died, ironically of multiple organ failure due to the booze.     Massive guilt as should of done more to help her!

[spen71]

4 weeks now without a drink.   Good old PAWS has come back,  always a tricky period for me

[AndyInVA]

Well done Spen.

did a quick google on PAWS as post acute withdrawl symptoms

that sounds pretty hard.

do you have another outlet to discuss what is going on, have you found an AA group or joined a more focused web site for people giving up booze

I see there a few RAWKs giving up booze but not much posting going on

I did find it easier back a few years ago when several of us gave up at one time and the board was more active

[spen71]

Well done Spen.

did a quick google on PAWS as post acute withdrawl symptoms

that sounds pretty hard.

do you have another outlet to discuss what is going on, have you found an AA group or joined a more focused web site for people giving up booze

I see there a few RAWKs giving up booze but not much posting going on

I did find it easier back a few years ago when several of us gave up at one time and the board was more active

I use sober recovery,   Got to get myself back to AA.  Pride is stopping me at the moment.    Had a falling out with a couple of blokes there just before my dad died.   Then fell off the wagon

[AndyInVA]

I use sober recovery,   Got to get myself back to AA.  Pride is stopping me at the moment.    Had a falling out with a couple of blokes there just before my dad died.   Then fell off the wagon

is it just one group near you or are there several

even in my small town in the US there were about 4 or 5 groups. it took me a while to find one I felt comfortable in. I probably went 10 times or so and I just got out of it what experiences other people had and hearing how they dealt with things.

[spen71]

is it just one group near you or are there several

even in my small town in the US there were about 4 or 5 groups. it took me a while to find one I felt comfortable in. I probably went 10 times or so and I just got out of it what experiences other people had and hearing how they dealt with things.

Quite a few in the area,  I’ll push myself next week.    A bit under the weather at the moment.   PAWS and a bit run down. 

[AndyInVA]

A bit under the weather at the moment.   PAWS and a bit run down. 

Totally normal feelings. Try and sleep and stay out of trouble and get to it next week

I was listening to a podcast today from the Telegraph about alcohol problems in UK from the lockdown with a retired person and someone in their 20s talking about how they let it get out of control. I had to trurn it off in the end as I identified with the personality type of drinking vodka during the day and just letting days fly by and drinking 1L of vodka in 2 days with drinking as soon as I could. Even now I miss vodka so much and the urge is still very much there. Listening to the pod was bringing up all my old desires to drink. Its hard to quit and undo years of patterned behavior. Good luck.

[Jm55]

Been over 2 months now since I’ve had a drink and it’s been largely easier than i thought it would be.

To be clear I’ve not gone a month without a drink since I was under the age of about 15 and by 25 August it will be 3 months.

When the weekends come I do miss it, I’ve got a wedding tomorrow which will be annoying but with each passing week I care about it less. There’s obviously trigger points, seeing bottles of beer in the supermarket fridge on a hot day, people drinking white wine in the sun or us beating City last week but it’s by and large been manageable and no where near as hard as I thought it would be.

I was speaking with a local alcohol charity who advised me to give it at least 3 months without touching a drink, I suspect I’ll never go back to what I was doing before as I’ve no longer any interest in it, I’ve lost about a stone in weight, started going to the gym 3-4 times a week and mentally improved immeasurably.

Going on my stag do next month so they’ll be beers there for sure but I’ve deliberately booked a trip which isn’t all about drinking and nights out (I’d actually done that well before making the decision to stop drinking for a while).

[TepidT2O]

That’s very impressive.   Give yourself a Pat on the back !

[Johnny Foreigner]

Over the years, RAWK has been an invaluable source for both amusement, factual knowledge but also support. thank you moderators !. This specific thread has given me laughter but also tears (no names mentioned, but I think the members that have been around for a while can relate).  I will not bore you with details as I am not a great writer (in my second language though) but I'll do a short summary..

I come from a working family (drinkers and alcohol around - think most managed though; kept jobs/familys etc). Been drinking over the years; some issues but somehow controlled it though.. covid - kids moving out etc - it escalated - frequency and volume - and it got out of hand.. some really bad things last year (luckily no-one got injuried etc), but my drinking problem got official within the closest family and friends, and with the officials..

Have to admit - that was the lowest I ever felt, and didnt really have much hope for the future.. After some thought and good help from two close friends; I started to feel a bit stronger and could face it..

Asked for help through the "official" system - and do sessions/talks weekly with experienced people that is helping, but not naive.. Prior to this whole issue; I wasn't too positive about therapy and councillors etc (kumba ya etc), but it probably saved me..

I have a program now with regular talks (still drink etc, but is taking regular blood samples (that is measuring- the past 3-4 weeks of alcohol consumption and giving you a score/result). 2022 with the history is not easy, but much better than 2021/2022 - managed to keep the family which is the most important item to me..

If I could offer some advice (I am not over the finish line yet  - probably never will be), that will be :

* If you know that you are on a slippery/dangerous slope - try to change and not let the train hit you...
* talk to people - after my fuck-up; I have had more honest discussions with my family, my closest mates, and the "professionals" than I have ever had.. My actions have been condemned, but I have only felt warmth and support, and my mates have pretty much opened up - and we have become closer...

still a long way to go, but feeling stronger than I have done in years.. take care

[spen71]

Six weeks now!  Apart from the sleep issues feel so much better

[John C]

Carl would have been 49 today.
RIP Carl.

[TepidT2O]

Shine on you crazy diamond…

We still miss you

[spen71]

8 weeks without a drink or a smoke.   A bit restless and irritable, so going to an AA meeting.

[AndyInVA]

8 weeks without a drink or a smoke.   A bit restless and irritable, so going to an AA meeting.

That is really impressive. Those are pretty much the hardest weeks. Well done for the 8 weeks and well done for finding a method of support and finding the positive in AA. So many people only see the negative in it and refuse to go. I hated going to the meetings but recognized that when I was there it did feel more comfortable to be around people suffering the same as I was.

[Johnny Foreigner]

8 weeks without a drink or a smoke.   A bit restless and irritable, so going to an AA meeting.

Well done mate and good luck !

Speaking for myself (major fuckup etc a few months ago); I am now enrolled in a program talking to a qualified person once a week/fortnight which is very good actually.. I had my doubts but it is quite ok talking to someone experienced that dont judge; listen but can be "tough" and know the score. I have chosen not being tee-total, but doing voluntarily blood samples to stay in "normal" consumption. 4 months now and coming from a not good place (doing good now)  ; life is pretty decent now ! (clouds though). I have learnt a lot in this thread (should have changed patterns before, but that is bygones), so happy to help in any way (Pm's etc)

[spen71]

Well done mate and good luck !

Speaking for myself (major fuckup etc a few months ago); I am now enrolled in a program talking to a qualified person once a week/fortnight which is very good actually.. I had my doubts but it is quite ok talking to someone experienced that dont judge; listen but can be "tough" and know the score. I have chosen not being tee-total, but doing voluntarily blood samples to stay in "normal" consumption. 4 months now and coming from a not good place (doing good now)  ; life is pretty decent now ! (clouds though). I have learnt a lot in this thread (should have changed patterns before, but that is bygones), so happy to help in any way (Pm's etc)

Total abstinence is the only way for me.  When I start I don’t stop

[spen71]

Quiet on here.   3 months without a drop now.   Physically feel great,  just mental health is crap!    They say the good news when you get sober is you get your emotions back,   The bad news is you get your emotions back

[AndyInVA]

Quiet on here.   3 months without a drop now.   Physically feel great,  just mental health is crap!    They say the good news when you get sober is you get your emotions back,   The bad news is you get your emotions back

Isn't that the truth. When I drank a lot I could always find someone to blame for whatever issues befell me. Being sober gives you so much more clarity and it usually becomes apparent that some of the problems in my life were basically down to me and shitty decisions and shitty behavior. Although physically I started to feel better and mostly better mentally there was some reckoning to be had to get myself back on track. It is a pretty hard to not only come back from the addiction but also making amends and making better decisions.

[spen71]

Isn't that the truth. When I drank a lot I could always find someone to blame for whatever issues befell me. Being sober gives you so much more clarity and it usually becomes apparent that some of the problems in my life were basically down to me and shitty decisions and shitty behavior. Although physically I started to feel better and mostly better mentally there was some reckoning to be had to get myself back on track. It is a pretty hard to not only come back from the addiction but also making amends and making better decisions.

In the sober viscous circle now instead of the drunk one.   A bit depressed, so motivation has gone, so get nothing done.   So get a bit more depressed. Etc etc

[AndyInVA]

In the sober viscous circle now instead of the drunk one.   A bit depressed, so motivation has gone, so get nothing done.   So get a bit more depressed. Etc etc

Its weird you writing that. I had totally forgotten about that stage of getting sober. I used to feel like there was so much time in the day. Being sober in the evening means there are so many more hours to have thoughts rolling around in your head and time to think on mistakes made etc.

Ultimately after a while i liked never happening to apologize for anything the next day. Still got weird hang overs from time to time from either too many crisps or just body reacting to something.

I totally lost my motivation also, frankly never got it back to the same level. Feel a lot more careless if stuff gets done anymore, if it doesnt, it doesnt.

Just stick with it. It does of course get better. Try to stay busy.

[AndyInVA]

Hows it going Spen and anyone else.

This is always a tough time of year.

[spen71]

Hows it going Spen and anyone else.

This is always a tough time of year.

Thanks for asking Andy.   Not drinking but mental health is not great.   Never liked Xmas, since my parents died even less.   The cold is not helping

[AndyInVA]

Thanks for asking Andy.   Not drinking but mental health is not great.   Never liked Xmas, since my parents died even less.   The cold is not helping

I know what you mean. It is supposed to be this big happy time and for plenty of people it is anything but. I hate being divorced at Xmas and not having my daughter in a regular happy family and not being shuttled between the two. I hope you find solace where you can and maybe force yourself to do something that brings you something positive. I used to write on my desk at home in my lost moment. EXERCISE. FRESH AIR. Somehow just doing something positive made me feel better than I was.

All the best. Good luck. I'm glad you are not drinking, it is always makes tough times worse when everything else starts falling in because of booze and bad choices.

[spen71]

Well managed to fall off the wagon!    People are my biggest trigger     Think I’ll have to be a hermit