Author Topic: Have I Got News For You (Read 49626 times)

BIGdavalad · « **Reply #80 on:** May 25, 2007, 06:23:45 pm »

Quote from: Ephraim Longworth on May 25, 2007, 06:14:55 pm

There's a line - he likes to stretch line to breaking point... then watch it snap :p

That's a good thing

rushyman · « **Reply #81 on:** May 25, 2007, 06:24:31 pm »

do you remember mel b on the show and he was knocking her on the head? That was funny

¡Basta Ya! · « **Reply #82 on:** May 25, 2007, 06:27:43 pm »

Quote from: BIGdavalad on May 25, 2007, 06:23:45 pm

That's a good thing

It can be, till he is really disrespecting dead children etc etc. He just goes to far for my taste, and my taste is pretty unshakable until you start with that stuff.

Rigga · « **Reply #83 on:** May 25, 2007, 06:57:36 pm »

Quote from: Ephraim Longworth on May 25, 2007, 06:27:43 pm

It can be, till he is really disrespecting dead children etc etc. He just goes to far for my taste, and my taste is pretty unshakable until you start with that stuff.

I doubt you'd mention dead children without being able to back it up mate so I won't argue, but I can't ever remember him sinking that low. Dead rockstars etc yeah, but kids?

cornelius · « **Reply #84 on:** October 13, 2007, 02:04:17 pm »

Anyone see it last night? I'm still laughing at the Arnold Schwarzenegger clip.

¡Basta Ya! · « **Reply #85 on:** October 16, 2007, 04:33:14 pm »

Apparently, this was actually recorded during the last series of "Have I Got
News For You" when Jimmy Saville was a guest on Paul Merton's team.
Incredibly, it didn't make our screens. (It seems that Mr. Merton doesn't
like Mr. Saville very much)

Out-take 3:09'36
During the headline round:
DEAYTON: You used to be a wrestler didn't you?
SAVILLE: I still am.
DEAYTON: Are you?
SAVILLE: I'm feared in every girls' school in the country.
(Audience laugh)
DEAYTON: Yeah, I've heard about that.
SAVILLE: What have you heard?
DEAYTON: I've...
MERTON: Something about a c*nt with a rancid, pus-filled cock.
(Huge audience laugh; Awkward pause)
SAVILLE: I advise you to wash your mouth out, my friend...
MERTON: That's what she had to do! (Audience laughs)
HISLOP: Weren't you leaving money in phone boxes or something?
(Saville glares at him) Or have I got completely the wrong end of the...
SAVILLE: (To Deayton, heavily) The question you asked was about wrestling.
DEAYTON: Yes. And then you mentioned girls' schools. I don't know whe...
SAVILLE: Well I understood this was a comedy programme. I realise now how wrong I was. (Audience laugh)
DEAYTON: So were you a professional wrestler?
SAVILLE: Yes I was.
DEAYTON: (To audience) Glad we got that cleared up.(Pulls face; audience giggles)
HISLOP: Feared by every girls' school in the country...
SAVILLE: That's right.
MERTON: Due to having a rancid, pus-filled cock.(Huge audience laugh)
DEAYTON: Erm...
HISLOP: You're on top form tonight, Paul...
SAVILLE: (Strangely) I'm...this is not what I...
FLOOR MANAGER: (OOV) OK, do you...(inaudible section)...shall we, for pick-ups...
MERTON: I'm terribly sorry. I don't know what came over me.
SAVILLE: A pus-filled cock, I imagine. (Shocked audience laugh)
MERTON: Oh, it's nice to see you joining in. We'd been waiting for you, you sad senile old shitter. (Audience appears to do double-take)
DEAYTON: I think we...d-d-you you want to apologise to our guest, Paul?
MERTON: Sorry, I do apologise. Sir senile old shitter, is what I meant to say.
(Audience laugh; pause) Sir senile old shitter...who fucks minors.
(Audience unrest)
HISLOP: Sorry, I'm just looking at our lawyer again. (Waves) Hello!
(Audience laughs)
DEAYTON: Shall we get back on course with this, or sha...
SAVILLE: I do fuck miners, that's quite correct. I have always done so. They can do the most wonderful things with cigars. The coal...
MERTON: What, they stick them up your senile, pus-filled arse?
(Audience laughs)
FLOOR MANAGER: (OOV): Come on...I'm getting an ear-bashing here. It's...
MERTON: Oh they want to continue. Sorry, I'll contain myself. Carry on...
DEAYTON: Right (Pause) You used to be a professional wrestler didn't you?
(Huge audience laugh)
SAVILLE: (Calmly) I did.
DEAYTON: You didn't have a nickname or anything?
SAVILLE: Yes - 'Loser'. (Audience laughs)
___________________________________
Out-take 4: 21'20
Following a discussion about caravans:
DEAYTON: Last month, Roger Moore sold his luxury caravan in Malta. Asked by the...
MERTON: I visited your caravan the other week, Jimmy.
SAVILLE: Did you really?
MERTON: Oh yes. Interesting what you can find, if you have a bit of a poke.
(Audience laugh)
HISLOP: He just told you, it was twelve years ago...
SAVILLE: No, I lived in it for twelve years.
MERTON: And fucked twelve year olds. (Audience laugh)
DEAYTON: Here we go again...I'll be backstage if anyone wants me.
MERTON: (Indicating Saville) That's what you said to the kids on your show, wasn't it?
(Audience laugh)
SAVILLE: No, they never did want me.
HISLOP: Not even Sarah Cornley?
SAVILLE: She was an exception.
DEAYTON: Who's Sarah Cornley?
SAVILLE: Sarah Cornley is...
HISLOP: About fifteen grand in damages, wasn't she?
(Uncertain audience laugh)
SAVILLE: That's right.
HISLOP: So if I was going to mention that you threatened to break her arm if she said anything...
SAVILLE: You'd be very wrong. (Pause) I said I'd break both her arms.
(Audience unease)
MERTON: Fucking hell. I mean, you're just sitting there, all shell suit and cigar wearing those fucking...I don't know what they are.
SAVILLE: Chrome-plated SC-700 sun-visors, these are. Sent to me by...
MERTON: We don't give a shit. Ladies and gentlemen, Sir James Saville OBE. Jim has fixed it for me to have my arms broken. Meet this depressing old fucked up c*nt of a fucker on television who's riddled with cancer and fucking pubic lice.
HISLOP: (To lawyer again) Hello! (Audience laughs)
MERTON: Christ, I mean ha ha, big fucking joke - the fucking lawyers are involved, tee hee. It doesn't change anything.
DEAYTON: (Visibly out of character) Do you wanna stop, or...?
MERTON: No I don't fucking want to stop. It's all shit! You'll expect a comedy walkout in a minute, won't you? I mean, big bloody joke - I'm going to quote Shakespeare in a minute, how fucking out of character. And Ian knows about football - oh my fucking sides.
SAVILLE: You've never fucked anyone in your life, boy.
MERTON: Oh fuck off...
FLOOR MANAGER: (OOV) ...About five minutes, just to...(Phil Davey enters)
PHIL DAVEY: OK, well top that as they say. You're looking troubled by that, aren't you mate? I tell you, I came back from Amsterdam recently...
RECORDING PLACED ON STAND-BY; CUTS BACK TO CLOSE-UP OF DEAYTON
AWAITING HIS CUE
DEAYTON: OK. Second time lucky. (Pause) Last month, Roger Moore sold his luxury caravan in Malta. Asked by the New York Times about his relaxed acting style...

Rob Jones Maybe? · « **Reply #86 on:** October 16, 2007, 04:46:11 pm »

My god a video clip of that would be too much to handle, that is among the funniest things I've seen in a long time, if only for shock value.

BIGdavalad · « **Reply #87 on:** October 16, 2007, 05:51:26 pm »

I don't think it's true. The only reference to it is on various fora and a site that has the transcript and makes it very clear that it's fake.

There's no results for 'Jimmy Saville and Sarah Cornley' on google other than this transcript.

¡Basta Ya! · « **Reply #88 on:** October 16, 2007, 09:22:34 pm »

Ooops, apologies, I thought it was real.

BIGdavalad · « **Reply #89 on:** October 16, 2007, 09:24:37 pm »

Quote from: Ephraim Longworth on October 16, 2007, 09:22:34 pm

Ooops, apologies, I thought it was real.

I wish it was, because it does sound fucking hilarious.

I only found out because I wanted to know what the shell suited one had done to Sarah Cornley.

¡Basta Ya! · « **Reply #90 on:** October 16, 2007, 09:27:09 pm »

I was laughing out loud reading it and you can imagine a Merton rant including "fucked up c*nt of a fucker" somewhere in it.

-HH- · « **Reply #91 on:** October 17, 2007, 07:06:14 pm »

Quote from: BIGdavalad on October 16, 2007, 09:24:37 pm

I wish it was, because it does sound fucking hilarious.

I only found out because I wanted to know what the shell suited one had done to Sarah Cornley.

Maybe she wrote it...

Rob Jones Maybe? · « **Reply #92 on:** October 17, 2007, 10:47:08 pm »

It fits their respective styles quite well, although it's not hard to imitate either of them.

sinnermichael · « **Reply #93 on:** April 18, 2008, 12:24:05 pm »

new series starts tonight. jack dee hosting.

Rob K · « **Reply #94 on:** April 18, 2008, 12:47:07 pm »

Nice one.

sabbathfan · « **Reply #95 on:** April 18, 2008, 12:48:42 pm »

I love HIGNFY and think Merson and Hislop are great. I have no respect for them though after the way they turned on Angus after his whole scandal.

sinnermichael · « **Reply #96 on:** April 18, 2008, 02:07:25 pm »

Quote from: sabbathfan on April 18, 2008, 12:48:42 pm

I love HIGNFY and think Merson and Hislop are great. I have no respect for them though after the way they turned on Angus after his whole scandal.

that was classic

RJH · « **Reply #97 on:** April 18, 2008, 04:33:23 pm »

Quote from: sabbathfan on April 18, 2008, 12:48:42 pm

I love HIGNFY and think Merson and Hislop are great. I have no respect for them though after the way they turned on Angus after his whole scandal.

They couldn't have just let it go though? But I do think they went a bit too far.

I read the last episode of this series is going to be the 100th since Deaton left, and that they're going to have an "extra special" guest host.

Rob Jones Maybe? · « **Reply #98 on:** April 18, 2008, 05:27:35 pm »

Quote from: sabbathfan on April 18, 2008, 12:48:42 pm

I love HIGNFY and think Merson and Hislop are great. I have no respect for them though after the way they turned on Angus after his whole scandal.

Sure the coke fell up his nose...

Plus they'd all do it to anybody else just as quick. Classic one that was.

Circa1892 · « **Reply #99 on:** April 18, 2008, 05:34:09 pm »

Quote from: sabbathfan on April 18, 2008, 12:48:42 pm

I love HIGNFY and think Merson and Hislop are great. I have no respect for them though after the way they turned on Angus after his whole scandal.

It was ALWAYS going to happen.

The fact Paul Merton and Angus Deayton pretty much hate each other was probably a factor aswell. Off to see Merton in York in a few weeks, should be good!

Looking forward to tonights show, always great when Jack Dee's in the chair!

-HH- · « **Reply #100 on:** April 18, 2008, 09:14:24 pm »

Haha, Alexander Boris de Pfeffel Johnson - tough on children. Not so tough on the causes of children.

In the interests of fairness the same could be said of Ken Livingstone.

Not Brian Paddick.

sabbathfan · « **Reply #101 on:** April 19, 2008, 12:13:44 am »

I don't mean the show. That was a classic episode. I mean the way they went to the producers and said "either you get rid of him or we are leaving".

That is a really shitty backstabbing thing to do. Dunno if it was the final nail in the coffin but if they'd stuck up for him maybe he'd have survived. Instead they stabbed him in the back and twisted it. It was a joke on tv but they knew what they were doing. Pair of c*nts in my estimation. Still funny, but c*nts also.

fudge · « **Reply #102 on:** May 2, 2008, 09:16:52 pm »

ha ha haha, anyone watching Brian Blessed

what a fucking legend that man is

Rob Jones Maybe? · « **Reply #103 on:** May 2, 2008, 10:08:00 pm »

Hilarious, not laughed so much in ages.

-HH- · « **Reply #104 on:** May 2, 2008, 10:54:11 pm »

It was class.

anon-y-mouse · « **Reply #105 on:** May 2, 2008, 10:55:19 pm »

Not laughed at telly so much in ages, hilarious.

jackh · « **Reply #106 on:** May 3, 2008, 12:39:20 am »

Absolutely brilliant!

Ben J · « **Reply #107 on:** May 3, 2008, 07:52:59 pm »

If anyone else acted like that I'd find it really annoying.

Just something about Brian Blessed allows him to pull it off.

brunny · « **Reply #108 on:** May 4, 2008, 12:10:53 pm »

Amazing episode.

StuH · « **Reply #109 on:** May 5, 2008, 12:06:55 am »

Did anyone watch/record the extended version on the Sat night... its even funnier! Blessed is clearly off his tits

vicgill · « **Reply #110 on:** May 5, 2008, 04:26:33 pm »

Quote from: fudge on May 2, 2008, 09:16:52 pm

ha ha haha, anyone watching Brian Blessed

what a fucking legend that man is

I remember him when he used to talk without the plum in his mouth

sinnermichael · « **Reply #111 on:** May 6, 2008, 12:51:33 pm »

I loved it at the end when you see a guy with his head on the copier. and they say "Albania still has some way to go with their cloning program"

kopite-jft96 · « **Reply #112 on:** May 6, 2008, 12:54:48 pm »

that brian blessed is a a bit loud

funny though

YNWA

sinnermichael · « **Reply #113 on:** May 6, 2008, 01:14:56 pm »

bill bailey presenting this week

kopite-jft96 · « **Reply #114 on:** May 6, 2008, 01:16:48 pm »

Quote from: stmichael on May 6, 2008, 01:14:56 pm

bill bailey presenting this week

haha. i saw him when i was in a hotel in hammersmith a few years ago

Xabidodger · « **Reply #115 on:** May 6, 2008, 09:20:51 pm »

Blessed was fantastic. Very funny and Alan Duncan looked like the sad tosser he is.

MFletcher · « **Reply #116 on:** May 7, 2008, 07:05:48 pm »

The highlight was when he denounced the Spartans as "nancy boys", then realised what he'd said.

That's the best HIGNFY that I've seen in a long, long time.

Elli · « **Reply #117 on:** May 7, 2008, 09:02:21 pm »

God it was totally lost on me. Not a fan at all.

RJH · « **Reply #118 on:** May 9, 2008, 01:30:21 am »

Just watched the extended version of the Brian Blessed episode - even better

IrishDave · « **Reply #119 on:** May 9, 2008, 04:35:19 pm »

I fucking love HIGNFY but I have to say Blessed annoyed the crap out of me. Some guest hosts certainly seem to think they are the 'stars' of the show for the evening.

Some just host the show. I definitely prefer the latter. Hislop and Merton are where the talent is.