I saw a few posts on here about memories of your first love and how to get past it. Well my first ever girlfriend broke up with me on Tuesday and I've been really down ever since. I don't think it's depression but I'm really worried that that's what's gonna happen and I want to open up about it before it gets any worse because I'm usually a really positive and generally happy person and I've never had any problems with mental health before so the way I reacted was surprising. Usually when I'm sad time makes things better but it's been three days and every day I've felt worse and worse. I can't home today and just cried for a solid hour and I don't know how I'll get past this. I realise now that I basically built my whole life around her and everything in my life was centred around her so I'm left with a big hole in my life which I don't know how I can fill. The thing is I can't even blame her because she's a great person and I can't help feeling like it's my fault because I know that I'm really not a good person at all and I know I need to work on improving who I am as a person or I'll end up destroying my life. The thing is I've never really had too many friends so I've had to deal with this on my own pretty much and that's why I'm writing this here because right now I feel like I have nothing to look forward to in life and I feel like my whole lifes falling apart. Sorry if that sounds dramatic and I know that it isn't true but it's how I'm feeling at the minute.
You are being far too hard on yourself here. What you are feeling is normal and completely natural under the circumstances. Although a bit of a cliche, time is indeed a healer, but three days is absolutely no time at all. The loss of a loving relationship often affects a person in the same way as a bereavement. It's a big loss, and loss is a big deal for human beings. My first relationship ended after six years and it felt like someone I loved had died. It takes us quite a bit of time to process that kind of loss and upheaval in our lives. You will get there, but you have to give yourself time and space in which to process everything.
You may well feel a bit worse before you start to feel better, but that's the process working itself through. Don't beat yourself up for feeling as you do. As I said, it's normal.
Crying is not a bad thing. It helps get the pain out and it's just another part of the process of adjusting to losing what was, and adjusting to what now is. You are bound to feel raw, but it's best to acknowledge it and ride it out, because it will ease in time.
You clearly invested a lot of time, energy, emotion and love into your relationship and, as you say, this now leaves a big void. I know what that feels like, and it's absolutely horrible. As I said, it's very much like a bereavement, and it takes time to come to terms with things of such magnitude, but you will do. I am 100% certain of that. The void is something that will eventually be filled with other things, other people and other experiences, but in the meantime I think it's best to just accept that it's there for now.
You sound like you have a bit of a downer on yourself generally anyway, going by how you say you aren't really a good person. Maybe this is something you feel you could benefit from addressing in the future, when you feel a bit more able? Self-reflection is no bad thing so long as it's not needlessly self-critical. It's a good way of working out what we can improve on in order to help us get through life more effectively. Self-development, however you decide to go about it, can be a very positive way of filling a void in our lives. It can provide direction and purpose.
You don't sound dramatic at all. You sound like someone experiencing a big loss in their lives and going through all the associated thoughts and feelings that go along with that. Sometimes, when I feel like that I just do nothing. I take time out where I can and I try to ride out the wave of emotion. I do this because I know it cannot be sustained, and will calm sooner or later, and then I will be more able to think about how to move forward. You know this too, because you say you have experience of time being a help in the past. It's just that some things affect us more deeply and take longer to process. Try to give yourself that time and space, and always keep in mind that these feelings are normal given the circumstances.
Take care of yourself.
