Topic: Weird stories thread

[Chakan]

Just cause I think it's cool

A woman who belongs to the Church of the I'm sorry I seem to have lost the ability to think for myself is allowed to wear a pasta strainer on her head in her driver's license photo due to religious beliefs, the AP reports.

Lowell, Mass., resident Lindsay Miller says wearing the colander allows her to express her beliefs, like other religions are allowed to do, according to AP.

The Church of the I'm sorry I seem to have lost the ability to think for myself is a satirical movement promoting a lighthearted view of religion. Members of the church often are referred to as "Pastafarians."

The Massachusetts Registry of Motor Vehicles says usually head coverings are not permitted for license photos, but exceptions are made for religious beliefs, AP reports.

Last year, a similar incident happened in Utah involving a former porn star who said she intended to make a statement and was allowed to wear a colander as a hat in her driver's license photo, The Spectrum reports.

At the time, Jessica Steinhauser, 41, was the fourth person in the USA to be allowed to wear the pasta strainer in an official photo and the first in Utah, said Bobby Henderson, the church's founder.

The Church of the I'm sorry I seem to have lost the ability to think for myself came out of a satirical open letter in 2005, protesting the Kansas State Board of Education's decision to allow teaching Intelligent Design as an alternative to evolution in public schools.

"We are not anti-religion," Henderson said. "We are anti-crazy nonsense done in the name of religion. There is a big difference. Our ideal is to scrutinize ideas and actions but ignore general labels."

[J_Kopite]

"The Church of the I'm sorry I seem to have lost the ability to think for myself"

[Barneylfc∗]

Flying Spaghetti Monster = I'm sorry I seem to have lost the ability to think for myself

Any reason for this autocorrect?

[Alan_X]

Flying Spaghetti Monster = I'm sorry I seem to have lost the ability to think for myself

Any reason for this autocorrect?

We got fed up with the number of smartarses quoting the FSM in every thread about religion.

[Corkboy]

Ironic, that a joke religion satirising the inability of people to think for themselves should be autocorrected in that way.

[Red Beret]

25 oddest stories of 2015.

http://www.buzzfeed.com/alexfinnis/wtf-britain-2015?bffbuk&utm_term=.diB3MbwK7Q#.norWGR4dkY

[LanceLink!!!!!]

http://www.westernmorningnews.co.uk/Grandmother-horrified-man-performed-sex-act/story-28312484-detail/story.html

[Chakan]

And people wonder why the US is fucked.
http://mashable.com/2015/12/14/town-rejects-solar-panels/#aYHAhaaZouq3

The good people of Woodland, North Carolina are not 100% convinced by these solar panel thingamabobs, to put it lightly.

On Tuesday, the Woodland Town Council voted to reject a rezoning application that would allow a solar farm to be built by Strata Solar Company, the Roanoke-Chowan News-Herald reported. It also put a moratorium on all solar development.

The council had previously ruled in favor of three other solar farms that are yet to be completed, but suspicious locals put the kibosh on the latest application.

Retired science teacher Jane Mann told the publication she was concerned the panels would prevent photosynthesis from occurring, keeping plants, which rely on the chemical process, from growing. Plants in the area around the solar panels are brown and dead due to not getting enough sunlight, Mann claimed.

No reports have yet emerged as to whether science education is also "brown and dead" in Woodland.

Local resident Bobby Mann, for his part, announced he was worried the panels would "suck up all the energy from the sun," the paper said.

Let's have a moment of quiet sympathy for representatives of the Strata Solar Company, who had to try and counter the fears of locals with, um, facts.

Brent Niemann, for one, tried to argue the panels only use sunlight that hits them directly rather than sucking it up willy nilly. "The panels don’t draw additional sunlight," he said. "This is a tried and true technology."

The global climate change accord completed in Paris on Saturday was the most significant indication yet the world is turning way from fossil fuels and looking to renewables. It looks like there's still some convincing to do in Woodland, however.

[Red Beret]

I have no idea of the context of this image.  A guy with a pitch fork literally through his arse cheeks.  Maybe he sat down on a pile of hay without checking first.  Or maybe a farmer caught him banging his daughter.  It's disturbingly fascinating.

Spoiler

[close]

[Barneylfc∗]

What a dick

http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/world-europe-35189938

A German man died on Christmas Day after blowing up a condom dispenser with a homemade bomb in a botched robbery, police say.

The 29-year-old and two accomplices attached the bomb to the vending machine in a quiet street before taking cover in their vehicle.

But the victim did not close the door in time and was struck in the head by a steel shard from the explosion.

His accomplices took him to hospital but he later died of his wounds.

The men told staff at the hospital in the western town of Schoppingen that their unconscious friend had fallen down the stairs.

But one of them later admitted to police that they had blown up the machine.

Police confirmed that none of the money or condoms from the machine had been taken.

The two surviving men were arrested before later being released from custody.

[The Gulleysucker]

Fascinating.

Since 2007, 12 human feet clad in running shoes have been found on the shores of British Columbia, including two that have turned up in February

http://www.theguardian.com/world/2016/feb/23/british-columbia-canada-human-feet-mystery


....After several years and a dozen cases, McLintock said their work suggests the feet are separating from the bodies during decomposition. This occurs more quickly underwater than it would on land.

“The forensic anthropologists can be really sure of that because they can tell looking at the ends of the bones whether they disarticulated naturally or whether there’s any sign that any mechanical force has been applied to them, whether there’s any trauma, whether there’s any tool marks on them,” she said. “And none of them have had anything like that. All the evidence is pointed to just this natural articulation process.”

But some people still have questions – like why did the feet only start turning up after 2007? The answer may be advancing shoe technology. More and more sports shoes are using air pockets or light foam in their designs, which “eventually allows them to be light enough to float and to wash up on shore”...

[Buggy Eyes Alfredo]

At the Yunnan Wild Animal Park in China, two tourists killed two peacocks after taking selfies with them. The zookeepers said the birds were roughly handled in a feeding area.The animals then had many of their feathers plucked.

[saoirse08]

Fascinating.

Since 2007, 12 human feet clad in running shoes have been found on the shores of British Columbia, including two that have turned up in February

http://www.theguardian.com/world/2016/feb/23/british-columbia-canada-human-feet-mystery


....After several years and a dozen cases, McLintock said their work suggests the feet are separating from the bodies during decomposition. This occurs more quickly underwater than it would on land.

“The forensic anthropologists can be really sure of that because they can tell looking at the ends of the bones whether they disarticulated naturally or whether there’s any sign that any mechanical force has been applied to them, whether there’s any trauma, whether there’s any tool marks on them,” she said. “And none of them have had anything like that. All the evidence is pointed to just this natural articulation process.”

But some people still have questions – like why did the feet only start turning up after 2007? The answer may be advancing shoe technology. More and more sports shoes are using air pockets or light foam in their designs, which “eventually allows them to be light enough to float and to wash up on shore”...

I had my money on the Armenian mob! Fascinating story, tho.

[LanceLink!!!!!]

Someone keeps shitting in my local swimming pool.

https://www.vice.com/en_uk/article/joel-golby-falmouth-pool-shitter-ruined-disco-503?utm_source=vicefbuk&utm_campaign=global

[The Gulleysucker]

I'll drop this in here....


Monster 'fatberg' found blocking east London sewer..



A 250-metre long "fatberg" weighing 130 tonnes has been found blocking a sewer.

The solid mass of congealed fat, wet wipes, nappies, oil and condoms formed in the Victorian-era tunnel in Whitechapel, London.

Thames Water described it as one of the largest it had seen and says it will take three weeks to remove.

The company's head of waste networks Matt Rimmer said: "It's a total monster and taking a lot of manpower and machinery to remove as it's set hard."

The company says fatbergs form when people put things down sinks and toilets that they shouldn't.



"It's basically like trying to break up concrete," Mr Rimmer said.

"It's frustrating as these situations are totally avoidable and caused by fat, oil and grease being washed down sinks and wipes flushed down the loo.

"The sewers are not an abyss for household rubbish and our message to everyone is clear - please bin it - don't block it."

Fatberg in numbers

250 metres

130 tonnes

6 metres longer than Tower Bridge

The same weight as:

520,000 packets of lard

11 double decker buses

Work at Whitechapel Road to remove the immense fatberg started this week.

Eight workers will break up the mass with high-pressure hoses, suck up the pieces into tankers and take it to a recycling site in Stratford.

In 2013, Thames Water found a bus-size fatberg in a sewer in Kingston.


http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-england-london-41238272

[CraigDS]

Probably full of cig butts too 

[DivisiveNewSigning]

Wrong time to check this thread as I'm eating my lunch.

"Fatberg" ffs.

[The Gulleysucker]

So, there you are, thinking your own job is bad.

Think again....http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/av/uk-41604930/scraping-out-the-london-sewers-by-hand

[ABZ Rover]

So, there you are, thinking your own job is bad.

Think again....http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/av/uk-41604930/scraping-out-the-london-sewers-by-hand

Holy shit!!






and fat,

and jonnies

and god knows what else......

[B0151?]

Man with world's longest penis now 'registered as disabled' because of his 18.9inch manhood

Doctor Jesus David Salazar Gonzalez said: "We have advised him 'Mr Roberto, the best thing for you is that the doctors give a normal shape to your penis so that it doesn't hurt you, in order to have sexual relationships, in order to have children.

“But he doesn't accept it, he'd rather have a penis bigger than the rest of the people.”

[Peabee]

Someone keeps shitting in my local swimming pool.

https://www.vice.com/en_uk/article/joel-golby-falmouth-pool-shitter-ruined-disco-503?utm_source=vicefbuk&utm_campaign=global

“Someone” 

[Poet]

Man with world's longest penis now 'registered as disabled' because of his 18.9inch manhood

Doctor Jesus David Salazar Gonzalez said: "We have advised him 'Mr Roberto, the best thing for you is that the doctors give a normal shape to your penis so that it doesn't hurt you, in order to have sexual relationships, in order to have children.

“But he doesn't accept it, he'd rather have a penis bigger than the rest of the people.”

Should sign up to the local baseball team.

[TepidT2O]

It’s bizzarre .. apparently he stretched it when he was younger by adding weights to it...

[Peabee]

It’s bizzarre .. apparently he stretched it when he was younger by adding weights to it...

His ‘actual’ penis is 6 inches, with the rest being skin, according to the article. 

So he can’t even use it...?   

[So… Howard Philips]

His ‘actual’ penis is 6 inches, with the rest being skin, according to the article. 

So he can’t even use it...?

Twelve inches of foreskin?

Is that a fiveskin?

[kesey]

Volunteer bottoms wanted

A US engineering firm wants volunteers to test out a butt-kicking machine

The Idaho Statesman says Leavitt & Associates needs some firm bottoms for research on its 'manually self-operated butt-kicking machine'.

The firm normally designs industrial plants, bridges and commercial buildings, but the butt-kicking idea grew rapidly after it was first suggested at a meeting.

"We were in a meeting and someone said we needed a device that would let a client kick our butts," company head J Reese Leavitt said.

"Groups can use this to put someone dressed up like, say, Osama bin Laden, and charge $1 to kick his butt," office manager Sandy Burmeister said.

And your name is Roger .

The plot thickens.

[BoRed]

Romanian court tells man he is not alive

Constantin Reliu, 63, fails to overturn 2003 death certificate because he appealed too late

Shaun Walker
Fri 16 Mar 2018 18.14 GMT

In a case reminiscent of a Kafka novel, a Romanian court has ruled that a 63-year-old man is dead despite what would appear to be convincing evidence to the contrary: the man himself appearing alive and well in court.

Constantin Reliu asked the court in the town of Barlad to overturn a death certificate obtained by his wife after he had spent more than a decade in Turkey, during which time he was out of contact with his family. The court told him he was too late, and would have to remain officially deceased.

“I am officially dead, although I’m alive,” a bemused Reliu told local media outlets. “I have no income and because I am listed dead, I can’t do anything.”

Reliu left Romania for Turkey in 1992, apparently to seek employment. He last returned to the country in 1999, and appears to have cut off all contact with his family. After years of silence from her estranged husband, Reliu’s wife obtained a backdated death certificate for him.

The Romanian daily Adevarul said Reliu’s wife had argued in court that having heard nothing from her husband since 1999, she had assumed he had died in an earthquake while in Turkey. The paper said Reliu believes she sought the death certificate in order to annul the marriage and allow her to remarry.

He may never have found out about his death in his homeland had he not been apprehended by Turkish authorities earlier this year and deported back to Romania because of expired documents. Reliu had planned to renew his passport in Romania and return to Turkey, but on arrival, he was detained by immigration officers who informed him he had died in 2003.

Reliu said he wants to return to Turkey and has set up a small company there, but is now faced with a confusing legal battle to regain his identity and obtain a passport.

A spokeswoman for the court explained to local news outlets that Reliu had been too late with his appeal against the death certificate and had thus lost the case. The ruling is apparently final and cannot be appealed against, leaving Reliu in legal limbo.

https://www.theguardian.com/world/2018/mar/16/romanian-court-tells-man-he-is-not-alive

[BabuYagu]

Monster 'fatberg' found blocking east London sewer..

It's basically like trying to break up concrete," Mr Rimmer said.

...

It's Rimmsy! I always wondered what job he would be doing if it wasn't for going into space. Turns out he works cleaning fatbergs out of sewers.

[The Gulleysucker]

http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/world-us-canada-43998174

I suppose we should be grateful he was a school shitter rather than a shooter.

[Corkboy]

Nowt queer as folk.

[rafathegaffa83]

http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/world-us-canada-43998174

I suppose we should be grateful he was a school shitter rather than a shooter.

Was thinking this would be in this thread

[Barneylfc∗]

https://metro.co.uk/2018/08/24/couple-trying-to-conceive-for-four-years-had-mistakenly-been-having-anal-sex-7877868/

A married couple who had been trying to conceive for four years were told they had mistakenly been having anal sex all this time.

The unnamed husband, 26, and wife, 24, from Bijie city in China, were forced to go to the doctors earlier this year to figure out why they couldn’t have a baby.

But when they visited obstetrician Liu Hongmei, they made a shocking discovery.

While asking about the wife’s medical history during visit, Doctor Liu was told that the couple had sex regularly.

The wife also revealed that the experience was ‘unusually painful’ for her every time, but she suffered through it in the hope of becoming pregnant.

The woman’s symptoms led Doctor Liu to believe that she may have had some sort of gynaecological disease.

But following an examination, the wife was revealed to be a virgin.

Doctor Liu then inspected the woman’s anus and discovered that she ‘could fit three fingers’ inside.

It was then that the medic is said to have learned the couple had been mistakenly having anal sex for four years, resulting in their failure to conceive.

She said: The couple were very young, the man 26 and the woman 24. They were very healthy, but, despite being married for four years, couldn’t conceive.

‘Their family was giving them a lot of stress because of it.’

Doctor Liu reportedly handed the couple each a sex-ed handbook and also gave them ‘guidelines’ before they were sent home.

The advice appeared to work, as news of the wife’s pregnancy arrived just a few months later.

They reportedly informed the now retired doctor that they were finally expecting – by sending 100 eggs and a live hen as gifts to her former hospital.

The doctor said: ‘Four years of marriage and neither the husband nor wife knew how to get pregnant. Couples so lacking in general knowledge are very rare.’

‘But it is not uncommon for people to lack or have misconceptions regarding sexual knowledge.’

[TepidT2O]

 

[Lush is the best medicine...]

Genius from the husband, normally you’d just get the snip on the sly

[Lush is the best medicine...]

https://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/2018/08/27/swimming-banned-french-beach-sexually-frustrated-dolphin-named/

[Buggy Eyes Alfredo]

http://www.bbc.com/news/amp/world-asia-44844367

[Buggy Eyes Alfredo]

Football players suspended from team for running naked with Oreos wedged in buttocks


BYRON, Ill. (AP) — Ten football players at a Northern Illinois high school were suspended from the team for three games last month after they ran across a field naked with Oreo cookies wedged between their buttocks.

The Rockford Register Star reports that the Byron High School players were suspended for indecent exposure but that school administrators concluded they went on the "Oreo Run" at the school's football field voluntarily and were not victims of hazing.

The paper reported the story after obtaining a letter sent to parents of students who admitted to participating in the run in October.

The students were forced to sit out games on Nov. 19, 17 and 23 -- the last of which was the Class 3A state championship game in which Byron lost 24-20 to Monticello High School.


https://wjla.com/news/offbeat/football-players-suspended-running-naked-oreos-buttocks

[rob1966]

https://news.sky.com/story/national-lampoon-themed-christmas-display-causes-panic-11570719

National Lampoon-themed Christmas display causes panic
A passing veteran thought someone was in distress when he saw a Clark Griswold dummy dangling from a family home.
14:59, UK,
Monday 03 December 2018

 
 
By Rebecca Taylor, news reporter

A family's attempt to win their neighbourhood Christmas lights competition ended up causing panic when a passer-by thought a man was stuck on their roof.

The Heerlein family in Austin, Texas, decided to recreate the decoration scene in National Lampoon's Christmas Vacation, complete with a hanging Clark Griswold.


In the scene, Clark, played by Chevy Chase, slides down the roof of his house while adding the lights and ends up dangling from the gutter.

So the Heerlein family hung a dangling Clark front and centre of their decoration, but it took veteran Alfred Norwood Jr by surprise when he walked past one day.

Believing someone was really in distress, he moved a ladder to try to help, called police and even tried to wave down passing cars.

Alfred Norwood Jr, a veteran who was passing by, tried to help. Mr Norwood was caught on the family's CCTV camera offering help to the apparent victim.

He told ABC 13: "I was trying to get him down any way I can. Except when I started talking to him, he never said nothing!

"Then I thought, 'Oh my God I hope he's not dead, let call 911.'"

According to police officers, Mr Norwood's call was not the first one police had received about the Heerlein house.

Chris Heerlein, the man behind the decoration, and his sister-in-law Leah Wheless, tracked Mr Norwood down after the incident and gave him a gift card for his troubles.

Ms Wheless said: "He was doing everything he could to get the ladder!

"He didn't give up. Whatever he had to do, he was going to save old Clark Griswold."

[ChaChaMooMoo]

Indonesian woman mauled to death by giant pet crocodile

An Indonesian woman has been mauled to death by a pet crocodile in Sulawesi after she fell into its enclosure.

Deasy Tuwo, 44, had reportedly been feeding the crocodile at the pearl farm where she worked, and where the animal was being kept illegally.

The 700kg crocodile, named Merry, is thought to have bitten off her arm and most of her abdomen.

The reptile has been relocated to a conservation site while authorities look for its owner.

Ms Tuwo was head of the laboratory at the pearl farm and was feeding Merry on 10 January when she fell into the crocodile's enclosure.

Her colleagues discovered her body the next morning.

Hendriks Rundengan from the North Sulawesi Natural Resources Conservation Agency (BKSDA) told BBC Indonesian that officials had tried to visit the facility several times in the past to remove the crocodile but had not been allowed in.

"We've come here a few times but the fences are always locked," he said in an interview on Wednesday.

According to AFP, authorities believe Ms Tuwo's body parts may still be inside the 4.4m-long crocodile.

Police are now trying to track down a Japanese national who owns both the farm and the crocodile.

The Indonesian archipelago is home to several species of crocodile that regularly attack and kill humans, AFP reports.

In April 2016, a Russian tourist was killed by a crocodile on the Raja Ampat islands, a popular diving site in the east of the archipelago, it says.

Worldwide, crocodiles are estimated to kill about 1,000 humans per year, many more than sharks.

Crocodiles do not necessarily set out to hunt humans, but they are opportunistic killers.

In Africa alone, there are several hundred crocodile attacks on humans per year, between a third to half of which are fatal, depending on the species.

https://www.bbc.com/news/world-asia-46901245

[ChaChaMooMoo]

US hunter killed by deer he thought he had just shot dead

A hunter in the US state of Arkansas has died after being gored by a deer he had just tried to kill.

Thomas Alexander, 66, was hunting near the Ozark mountains when he shot the buck and watched it collapse.

Assuming the animal was dead, Mr Alexander went to check on the body - at which point the deer stood back up and attacked him.

He managed to call his wife, who rang the emergency services, but he was declared dead later in hospital.

Keith Stephens, from the Arkansas Game and Fish Commission, told local media that Mr Alexander's death was "one of the stranger things that's happened" in his 20-year career.

"I don't know how long he left [the deer] there, but he went up to check it to make sure it was dead," Mr Stephens said. "And evidently it wasn't."

He also told the BBC that paramedics had tried to take him to hospital in an air ambulance, but "unfortunately, he stopped breathing before they could get in the helicopter so couldn't be air-lifted due to efforts at CPR".

He added that there would be a post-mortem examination to determine the exact cause of death, but "the hospital did note that he had several puncture wounds".

The commission has been searching for the wounded animal.

https://www.bbc.com/news/world-us-canada-50180755