Author Topic: Jokes so bad they're punny (Read 670021 times)

Son of Spion · « **Reply #6040 on:** May 5, 2021, 04:14:57 pm »

Quote from: 24∗7 on May 5, 2021, 12:18:25 pm

In trouble with Transport Police though - tried to ride without updating his Oyster card - got collared.

Did they give him a flea in his ear?

bradders1011 · « **Reply #6041 on:** May 5, 2021, 10:32:21 pm »

Quote from: 24∗7 on May 5, 2021, 12:18:25 pm

In trouble with Transport Police though - tried to ride without updating his Oyster card - got collared.

Hope they didn't give him ruff treatment.

24/7 · « **Reply #6042 on:** May 5, 2021, 10:51:03 pm »

Quote from: bradders1011 on May 5, 2021, 10:32:21 pm

Hope they didn't give him ruff treatment.

Heel be fine(d)

Son of Spion · « **Reply #6043 on:** May 5, 2021, 10:52:58 pm »

Quote from: 24∗7 on May 5, 2021, 10:51:03 pm

Heel be fine(d)

That's so paw.

24/7 · « **Reply #6044 on:** May 5, 2021, 10:58:07 pm »

Quote from: Son of Spion＊ on May 5, 2021, 10:52:58 pm

That's so paw.

Police coordinated the arrest by communicating on their walkies-talkies...........ohfuckoff........

Son of Spion · « **Reply #6045 on:** May 5, 2021, 10:59:42 pm »

Quote from: 24∗7 on May 5, 2021, 10:58:07 pm

Police coordinated the arrest by communicating on their walkies-talkies...........ohfuckoff........

*Shakes head*

Elmo! · « **Reply #6046 on:** May 5, 2021, 11:05:19 pm »

Quote from: 24∗7 on May 5, 2021, 12:18:25 pm

In trouble with Transport Police though - tried to ride without updating his Oyster card - got collared.

He was going to have to stay in jail until the court case but his owner went to the Bank and paid his Bond.

Son of Spion · « **Reply #6047 on:** May 5, 2021, 11:06:42 pm »

Quote from: Just Elmo? on May 5, 2021, 11:05:19 pm

He was going to have to stay in jail until the court case but his owner went to the Bank and paid his Bond.

'Ken ell.

sinnermichael · « **Reply #6048 on:** May 6, 2021, 04:28:14 pm »

I thought my girlfriend was joking when she said she wanted to go to a Monkees' concert in Switzerland, then I saw her face, now I'm in Geneva.

Elzar · « **Reply #6049 on:** May 6, 2021, 04:29:09 pm »

Quote from: sinnermichael on May 6, 2021, 04:28:14 pm

I thought my girlfriend was joking when she said she wanted to go to a Monkees' concert in Switzerland, then I saw her face, now I'm in Geneva.

I hated that, yet I still laughed.

Andy @ Allerton! · « **Reply #6050 on:** May 9, 2021, 06:23:16 pm »

I just got a cold cold before from a weird bloke. He started shouting "I'M THE DANDY HIGHWAY MAN"

I tried to interject, but he just shouted "WHO YOU'RE TOO SCARED TO MENTION!!!"

I was going "Hello.. Hello.. FFS.."

But he carried on; "I SPEND MY CASH ON LOOKING FLASH AND GRABBING YOUR ATTENTION!!!!"

I tried again to tell him that I wasn't interested.

But he was adamant.

BlackandWhitePaul · « **Reply #6051 on:** May 9, 2021, 07:56:37 pm »

I've just started the Adam Ant diet.

Don't chew ever, don't chew ever.

hixxstar · « **Reply #6052 on:** May 9, 2021, 08:51:05 pm »

"You know, ..Me and my wife have been together over 30 years now"....

"But we dont have sex no more"

"We get undressed and we cant stop laughing" ...

(Roger Dangerfield)

sinnermichael · « **Reply #6053 on:** May 10, 2021, 11:55:37 am »

Just bought a rare Prince CD on Ebay for 20 pounds. So chuffed that I think I'm gonna party like it was £19.99.

BarryCrocker · « **Reply #6054 on:** May 10, 2021, 12:36:49 pm »

Quote from: BlackandWhitePaul on May 9, 2021, 07:56:37 pm

I've just started the Adam Ant diet.

Don't chew ever, don't chew ever.

Sir Capon of Debaser · « **Reply #6055 on:** May 10, 2021, 12:37:15 pm »

Quote from: sinnermichael on May 10, 2021, 11:55:37 am

Just bought a rare Prince CD on Ebay for 20 pounds. So chuffed that I think I'm gonna party like it was £19.99.

I read that as Youre going to party like it’s 19 pounds and 99 pence

gary75 · « **Reply #6056 on:** May 11, 2021, 07:05:34 pm »

Apparently the EFL have sanctioned an extra day off for every Championship side next season.

No one will be playing Wednesday.

24/7 · « **Reply #6057 on:** May 11, 2021, 07:43:58 pm »

Quote from: gary75 on May 11, 2021, 07:05:34 pm

Apparently the EFL have sanctioned an extra day off for every Championship side next season.

No one will be playing Wednesday.

Any joke at their expense 😁

bradders1011 · « **Reply #6058 on:** May 12, 2021, 12:43:33 am »

I was raised by a couple of Australian alcoholics.

They were my Fosters parents.

Tesco tearaway · « **Reply #6059 on:** May 12, 2021, 11:23:30 am »

Quote from: bradders1011 on May 12, 2021, 12:43:33 am

I was raised by a couple of Australian alcoholics.

They were my Fosters parents.

blert596 · « **Reply #6060 on:** May 12, 2021, 11:42:02 pm »

My wife left me because of my insecurities.

Oh hang on she's back. She just went to make a cup of tea

afc tukrish · « **Reply #6061 on:** May 12, 2021, 11:53:59 pm »

Quote from: blert596 on May 12, 2021, 11:42:02 pm

My wife left me because of my insecurities.

Oh hang on she's back. She just went to make a cup of tea

24/7 · « **Reply #6062 on:** May 13, 2021, 08:38:47 am »

Tesco tearaway · « **Reply #6063 on:** May 13, 2021, 11:42:35 am »

Quote from: blert596 on May 12, 2021, 11:42:02 pm

My wife left me because of my insecurities.

Oh hang on she's back. She just went to make a cup of tea

sinnermichael · « **Reply #6064 on:** May 13, 2021, 01:15:59 pm »

I was sat in traffic the other day.

Got hit by a car.

Medellin · « **Reply #6065 on:** May 14, 2021, 01:00:06 pm »

Some Liverpool graffiti..

Ye Ma's an anti-vaxxer.
Calls herself Mrs Doubt Pfizer.

Crosby Nick · « **Reply #6066 on:** May 14, 2021, 01:02:40 pm »

Quote from: Medellin on May 14, 2021, 01:00:06 pm

Some Liverpool graffiti..

Ye Ma's an anti-vaxxer.
Calls herself Mrs Doubt Pfizer.

afc tukrish · « **Reply #6067 on:** May 14, 2021, 01:11:56 pm »

Quote from: Medellin on May 14, 2021, 01:00:06 pm

Some Liverpool graffiti..

Ye Ma's an anti-vaxxer.
Calls herself Mrs Doubt Pfizer.

sinnermichael · « **Reply #6068 on:** May 14, 2021, 03:51:04 pm »

I was late for my geometry class. I got on the rhombus.

24/7 · « **Reply #6069 on:** May 14, 2021, 04:57:21 pm »

Quote from: sinnermichael on May 14, 2021, 03:51:04 pm

I was late for my geometry class. I got on the rhombus.

You take a bus? So square.

farawayred · « **Reply #6070 on:** May 14, 2021, 05:03:11 pm »

Quote from: 24∗7 on May 14, 2021, 04:57:21 pm

You take a bus? So square.

I hope we don't circle forever on this. Draw parallels with previous cases of how they moved to the vanishing point.

Redwhiteandnotblue · « **Reply #6071 on:** May 14, 2021, 08:31:30 pm »

Quote from: sinnermichael on May 14, 2021, 03:51:04 pm

I was late for my geometry class. I got on the rhombus.

You should've come by plane.

Tesco tearaway · « **Reply #6072 on:** May 14, 2021, 09:48:09 pm »

Quote from: sinnermichael on May 14, 2021, 03:51:04 pm

I was late for my geometry class. I got on the rhombus.

Sounds like you got into a right angle.

24/7 · « **Reply #6073 on:** May 14, 2021, 10:03:36 pm »

Quote from: Redwhiteandnotblue on May 14, 2021, 08:31:30 pm

You should've come by plane.

Very good - but a little protracted no?

sinnermichael · « **Reply #6074 on:** May 14, 2021, 10:23:00 pm »

Everyone joking about the Indian variant. My neighbour caught it and has been in a korma for a week and he's only just buried his naan.

bradders1011 · « **Reply #6075 on:** May 14, 2021, 11:03:45 pm »

Quote from: sinnermichael on May 14, 2021, 10:23:00 pm

Everyone joking about the Indian variant. My neighbour caught it and has been in a korma for a week and he's only just buried his naan.

Make sure you passanda group's condolences.

bradders1011 · « **Reply #6076 on:** May 14, 2021, 11:04:03 pm »

I went to see Dr. Hook a few years back.

Worst prostate exam ever.

Tesco tearaway · « **Reply #6077 on:** May 14, 2021, 11:09:35 pm »

Quote from: bradders1011 on May 14, 2021, 11:04:03 pm

I went to see Dr. Hook a few years back.

Worst prostate exam ever.

Fucking hell!!!!

liversaint · « **Reply #6078 on:** May 15, 2021, 12:07:05 am »

Quote from: sinnermichael on May 14, 2021, 10:23:00 pm

Everyone joking about the Indian variant. My neighbour caught it and has been in a korma for a week and he's only just buried his naan.

When your Chips are down..

Crosby Nick · « **Reply #6079 on:** May 15, 2021, 12:43:11 am »

Quote from: bradders1011 on May 14, 2021, 11:04:03 pm

I went to see Dr. Hook a few years back.

Worst prostate exam ever.

Haha