You really need to hear Partridge narrate Nomad for full effect.....Alan recuperating in the swimming pool after the end of his "Footsteps of My Father" walk.
"My foot is still very swollen and the wound hasn’t fully closed up. I know this calls for a verruca sock but the foot is far too swollen to fit one, so I’ve opened up three hot water bottles using a pair of scissors and, with the help of gaffer tape, I’ve clad my foot in the bottles rubber pelt to create a hardy, if quite heavy, verruca boot.
I lower myself into the water and slosh around for a while, letting the warm water lap at my back, flank and tits. And then I hear: ‘Morning.’
My blood runs cold. I recognise that voice. It’s my swimming nemesis, Dawn. I don’t deign to reply. Indeed, I rarely deign much at all. Guess I’m not much of a deigner. Instead I seethe at her silently.
‘You’ve got a welly on.’
For a terrible, terrible,
terrible split second, I convince myself that ‘welly on’ is pensioner slang for an erection. I surreptitiously paw at my Speedos to flatten the boner, but there is none, and then I realise she’s referring to my improvised footwear."