Topic: Sabu Pundit

[Alan_X]

First go:

My scouse, to quote Queen: “Is this the real life or is this fantasy?” for what member off this band of brothers (and sisters) is able, any more, to distinguish fact  from fiction in the face of the steamy wet-dream appointment of the number one target for all clubs: Herr Jürgen Klopp writes SABU PUNDIT? Who can say with honesty, with hand on heart, that they would rather have another acting as our manager, our Messiah, our saviour, since the much regretted sacking of Rafa Benitez

The response of rival fans (not Charlton Heston: unavailable for comment at time of going to press)  to Liverpool securing Klopp is a measure (not Schmitt) of the esteem in which he is held: their heads are cracked from the Carlo Nashin’ off ‘em.  Compare and contrast when [Brendan] got the gig:  they frankly didn't give a flying fuck what we had at home.     

Liverpool have pulled off a coup of considerable proportions,  and this orgy in the public eye will long be remembered in the annals of soccer. It is a telling reminder that Liverpool is still a draw for the top talents (of a certain age) and we have half a chance, thanks to our glorious past to which Klopp's sentimental heart has reacted…the trophies, the memories, the badly laid grass…surely if FSG sign Ms Charlie Dimmock, Klopp will be forced to be grounded for life (at Liverpool)? Thank you very much.

[AirConGipsyRed]

First go:

My scouse, to quote Queen: “Is this the real life or is this fantasy?” for what member off this band of brothers (and sisters) is able, any more, to distinguish fact  from fiction in the face of the steamy wet-dream appointment of the number one target for all clubs: Herr Jürgen Klopp writes SABU PUNDIT? Who can say with honesty, with hand on heart, that they would rather have another acting as our manager, our Messiah, our saviour, since the much regretted sacking of Rafa Benitez

The response of rival fans (not Charlton Heston: unavailable for comment at time of going to press)  to Liverpool securing Klopp is a measure (not Schmitt) of the esteem in which he is held: their heads are cracked from the Carlo Nashin’ off ‘em.  Compare and contrast when [Brendan] got the gig:  they frankly didn't give a flying fuck what we had at home.     

Liverpool have pulled off a coup of considerable proportions,  and this orgy in the public eye will long be remembered in the annals of soccer. It is a telling reminder that Liverpool is still a draw for the top talents (of a certain age) and we have half a chance, thanks to our glorious past to which Klopp's sentimental heart has reacted…the trophies, the memories, the badly laid grass…surely if FSG sign Ms Charlie Dimmock, Klopp will be forced to be grounded for life (at Liverpool)? Thank you very much.

Thank you Alan

[Alan_X]

Thank you Alan

Need to do a few changes but almost there.

[MartianRed]

Sabu's game report for today should be fun

[Buck Pete]

How happy are you with the season? What would you give it out of ten?

my scouse Pitta Season he got a gravity ass an’ that but way down the packing odour e.g SABU rate ITN Pez artiste diseased Mr RetchAnnul Bose-Unkempt, Mr Junk Rayban, Mr/Ms Reader Chucklebutty  etc but SABU not givin’ it no marks not even givin’it juan as in a kermitted real ale shun ship.

Reflecting on our summer business last year, how would you judge it now?

IT is always imp roof bickers Mr Bilge Aids and his MightgoSoft is  rally kite a sexful Kompany and they got plenty dollar witch he can do reef surge and div elopement.   


The appointment of Klopp was greeted with a fair amount of delirium round these parts. Now this has passed (has it?  ), have you been impressed? Do you think there are things he could work on?

Hair Krupps can Wark on warter an’ is the beast manger that Libpole FC can hop for. The Krupp’s tan color fangs is “impressive, moist impressive” to coat Mr SkiveWorker senor Aldo SABU like to see it use the FALSE on touch-up line e.g rowdyhouse kicks and rabid punch.


Most enjoyable game of the season?

MidgetLand 2 MingeUnknighted 1


Worst performance of the season? (What did we learn from it, if anything?)

Get beated by Mrs Pundit on Top Tramps (Indian Jones version). AND it was hers day Bute.


Player of the season?
 
Thai-Girl Woods: beckers the leper don’t change its spuds overnight so SABU reckon he banking cockatiel Waitroses Atlee too adder thyme, like the ill-fetid Frodo in Lust Vigours. 

Honour rubble mention to Ms Evel Knieval who bring down Mr Jones Submarino.


Looking at our squad at the time of writing, what are the three key positions we need to improve?

Findin’, Ince hurtin’ an’ twistin.


Leicester City are champions. Honestly, how does that make you feel in regard to our pursuit of number 19? Has an opportunity been missed or does it signal a time for renewed optimism?

How bladdy is home off Red Wharf, this Lister Seedy, winnin’ Barclays Primer Leak? Libpole she hat Mr Loose Wires and Damn Jewel Stainage in unbroken modes an’ also no game in YouRap but still forking it up like Mr Greedy after Rimmerdamn so SABU make plea: Mr Bend ‘Em Rocha shod be sac again by the Bored. Shame sham shame. Thank you very much.

Mr Loose Wires and Damn Jewel Stainage

[thisyearisouryear]

I have never understood his posts (apart from play on names) without some kind soul translating it. It requires creativity beyond my level I think   

PS: Btw what accent is this supposed to be ? Some distortion of scouse ?

[Alan_X]

I have never understood his posts (apart from play on names) without some kind soul translating it. It requires creativity beyond my level I think   

PS: Btw what accent is this supposed to be ? Some distortion of scouse ?

Indian.

[Haemoglobin]

I'm tossing Ms Evel Knievel in with Mr Loose Wires and Mr Antique Arrow into the 'utterly perfect Sabufied names' balti dish. His best ones for me are the most simple and elegant, which fit nicely in a phonetic sense, and which just effortlessly say so much about the character they're describing - Ms Carneiro is now known for being one of very few people with the balls to dare take on that overindulged egomaniac, and she who dares, wins. She took some batterings but wouldn't stay down, and emerged triumphant. Smartly done, o pandit Sabu.


Not his most dense of works, but here's a quick interpretation for anyone struggling nonetheless:


How happy are you with the season? What would you give it out of ten?

My dear scousers, Peter Sissons [daft play on the word 'season' and News at Ten] has got gravitas and that, but he's way down the pecking order. e.g. SABU rates ITN piss-artist the deceased Reginald Bosanquet, John Craven, Mr/Mrs Reeta Chakrabarti, etc. but SABU ain't giving it no marks [no-marks], not even giving it one, as happens in a committed relationship.

Reflecting on our summer business last year, how would you judge it now?

It [I.T.]'s always improved because Bill Gates and his Microsoft [Transfer Windows] is really quite a successful company and they've got plenty of dollars with which he can do research and development.


The appointment of Klopp was greeted with a fair amount of delirium round these parts. Now this has passed (has it?  ), have you been impressed? Do you think there are things he could work on?

Herr Klopp can walk on water and is the best manager Liverpool could hope for. The Klopp's tan coloured fangs (something to do with his charismatic rapport with the fans? A sly dig at old bleached-gob Brendan? Just plain admiration for Jurgen's untamed, unsanitised, take-no-prisoners manly Alpha beasthood? not so sure) are "impressive, most impressive", to quote Skywalker senior [Darth Vader], although SABU would like to see 'it' (this Klopp beast) use The Force on the touchline, e.g. roundhouse kicks and rabbit punches. [loads of bestial imagery in here]


Most enjoyable game of the season?

Midtjylland 2 Man United 1


Worst performance of the season? (What did we learn from it, if anything?)

Getting beat by Mrs Pundit in Top Trumps (Indiana Jones version), AND it was her debut.


Player of the season?
 
Tiger Woods ('Player'): because the leopard doesn't change its spots overnight, so SABU reckons he's banging cocktail waitresses at least two at a time, like the ill-fated Frodo in Las Vegas [might be a reference to recent film The Trust, but I haven't seen it].

Honourable mention to Ms Eva Carneiro who brought down Jose Mourinho.


Looking at our squad at the time of writing, what are the three key positions we need to improve?

Finding, inserting, and twisting.


Leicester City are champions. Honestly, how does that make you feel in regard to our pursuit of number 19? Has an opportunity been missed or does it signal a time for renewed optimism?

How the bloody hell has the home of Red Dwarf, this Leicester [Dave Lister] City, won the Barclays Premier League? Liverpool had both Luis Suarez and Daniel Sturridge in unbroken-mode, and also no games in Europe, but still fucked it up like Mr Greedy after Ramadan ['forking'], so SABU makes a plea: that Brendan Rodgers be sacked again by the board. Shame, shame, shame. Thank you very much.

[thisyearisouryear]

Indian.

WHAT ?! 
That is not true! 

[19th Nervous Title]

I have never understood his posts (apart from play on names) without some kind soul translating it. It requires creativity beyond my level I think   

PS: Btw what accent is this supposed to be ? Some distortion of scouse ?

 Indian. It also helps to read them aloud. Preferably when no one else is around. Slowly also helps.

[thisyearisouryear]

Indian. It also helps to read them aloud. Preferably when no one else is around. Slowly also helps.

Haha.. Will do that  Maybe I also need to record my voice and hear the playback. But till then, I refuse to believe that is an Indian accent 

[MichaelA]

Haha.. Will do that  Maybe I also need to record my voice and hear the playback. But till then, I refuse to believe that is an Indian accent 

Let's see how many cultures and life choices we can offend:

<a href="https://www.youtube.com/v/VSy4KPdTY1U" target="_blank" rel="noopener noreferrer" class="bbc_link bbc_flash_disabled new_win">https://www.youtube.com/v/VSy4KPdTY1U</a>

Britain in the 70's. Sadly, not much different from Britain in 2016.

[thisyearisouryear]

Let's see how many cultures and life choices we can offend:

<a href="https://www.youtube.com/v/VSy4KPdTY1U" target="_blank" rel="noopener noreferrer" class="bbc_link bbc_flash_disabled new_win">https://www.youtube.com/v/VSy4KPdTY1U</a>

Britain in the 70's. Sadly, not much different from Britain in 2016.

In office right now. Will give it a listen when back home.
And mate - not offended at all The fact is, there are gadzillion accents and languages within India itself.

[Alan_X]

WHAT ?! 
That is not true! 

Sabu was a famous Indian film star back in the day. Starred in 'Elephant Boy' and a live film version of the Jungle Book.

http://m.imdb.com/name/nm0754942/

[AirConGipsyRed]

where is Sabu Pundit. I miss him. Especially now

[RobbieRedman]

where is Sabu Pundit. I miss him. Especially now

This...

[jambutty]

 
Tiger Woods ('Player'): because the leopard doesn't change its spots overnight, so SABU reckons he's banging cocktail waitresses at least two at a time, like the ill-fated Frodo in Las Vegas [might be a reference to recent film The Trust, but I haven't seen it].

Fredo Corleone was banging thusly in Da Godfadda.

[Haemoglobin]

Fredo Corleone was banging thusly in Da Godfadda.

Ah, of course... Moe Greene even said exactly that! 

Totally slipped my mind, that scene, but Sabu employs such a bewildering array of references within every artfully mangled sentence, across the entire high-low cultural spectrum and to varying degrees of subtlety, it's easy to miss some of the more straightforward ones. We'll have to assemble a crack team for the York Notes series when Sabu inevitably becomes part of the national curriculum.

[RobbieRedman]

My scouse thems used to banging about it: “the Libpole whey” and now it is Moores like other dairy product because Klub is got egged right up in the face. and also sum custard pies rights SABU PUNDIT. The nobel art of the Tap Pup  is too diffikult to master for the Libpole. The furs rue of the Tap Pup is “gnome body torques about the Tap Pup” but WOT did someone go and do and then the Sow Amateurton FC “the Sates” they had enuff is enuff and dig Claire that the Tap Pup is been disrespected of its authorities and seek and dim arm a satisfactions.  WHO or WHOM is the big gob that toad the Papiss and also the Meteor in gender all:  “Mr Vagisil Klondyke reject all other overture and want make it with the Hair Jerk UNcloth and thumb up his nose to Mange Seedy fames ex-Barker manger the Senior Pip Gladioli and further tell him to stuff the INterFlorals”.  WHOm WHO are YOU? The Klub knead a root and branch and tree investigature of this mole who toad hall, this bladdy thicko rat, bickers now the deal is Noel deal. It or she is brake the rue of Oh Merte that has held and swayed in Sick Silly all this years. So the Sates aka Chris “Sutton”  has threaten to in folk the terra of the Local Brassy i.e the FA. To a void an all out Waugh and going to the mattress backs that this would end tail the Libpole making fake Apollo gist . The cleverer peoples will make note that staid mint never men shun the Tap Pup at all: thus so avoid braking the gold and rue instead  go on about “reason meteor speculumsation” and “misanthropic standing”: this is a Dele burt mealy mouthing and show of RESPEC and kissy of the rings to smooth the water that has got oh so rippled. Libpole is been hump balled in pub lick.  and this is a cocked up at thyme of general erection but only Libpole is court with pants around her ankle and I’m sayin’ to you again you may re mamba she has got a form for it and was done for TAP PUP on biactol poster boy Hair Chris Danzig Urgh from Mido’s Bra under the rein of Long Ball Sartre i.e Missyour the le Gerrard Holy Age.  Thank you very much.

[TepidT2O]

Just brilliant.

[paulrazor]

havent a fucking clue what i am reading from him 99% of the time

but it seems to work for most of rawk

brings in a bit of humour.

i keep reading his posts in the voice of Akira from the simpsons

[Crimson_Tank]

Deer doe-eyed Phylis el in bodyment of masculinty,

SABU is Sikh off the eagle-testical player, the soak alt “pre-McDonald’s” who rate themself oh so high when are in FACHT Lidl more than a WIMPY. Miss Phylis Continue: you are no Mr Loose Wires, you are not the crème Keith Deller  crème and yore howse is a bugger joint NOT a restaurant: SABU must educate this deluded fun size homunculus of what you is RIGHTS SABU PUNDIT.

Oh Phylis, with yore “inner scent” baby faece, the buttocks wouldn’t meld in the mouse, the under developed Tess tickles and Gillette-less face like fallow jaffa El Ninny of yester cheer. You so seedless  and “merely a child”… and so was the blood Suker leach in Mr Chow Dick Ing’s oh puss “BLEACH HOUSE”: amoral Mr Skin Pole. The c@ck. SABU is cultured and far far beyond your Ray Parlour tricks and  skull diggery fore we scene it, this Dejan View, this James (not Rodriguez) acting before: there is nuttin nude under The Scum apart from p3: that is the painful day-today reality of SABU’s turban existence.

Pathetic microscopic entity , you spread vial lice about “sour relationship” with Herr Krupps but no-one is fooled. Your angling for a move is obtuse and acutely obvious which reflex your pour judgment and yore degree is M.Phil because is a baiter. Contemptible pig me: weather you leave before end of Augustus or not you have soiled the Libpole experience and will be pampers no more. “But] je suis sud American so mus join the BastardLoner or Royale McDrid”… do ye see SABU the INjun inner hurray to move back to bladdy Jullundar? EXACTLY. Thank you very much.


Rear guards,


SABU PUNDIT

[Oddball]

Cracking but hurts my head trying to decipher it

[Buck Pete]

I think the VVD and Coutinho nonsense has really annoyed Sabu going by his last few posts

Oh Phylis, with yore “inner scent” baby faece, the buttocks wouldn’t meld in the mouse

[Alan_X]

First go.

Spoiler

Dear doe-eyed Phillip, embodiment of masculinity,

SABU is sick off the egotistical player, the so-called “primadonnas” who rate themselves oh so high when they are in fact, little more than a wimp. Mister Phillip Coutinho: you are no Mr Luis Suarez, you are not the crème-de-la crème and your house is a burger joint not a restaurant: SABU must educate this deluded fun-sized homunculus of what he is writes SABU PUNDIT.

Oh Phillip, with your innocent babyface, the butter wouldn’t melt in the mouth, the under developed testicles and unshaven (Gillette-less) face like fellow virgin El Nino (Torres) of yesterday. You're so impotent (seedless) and “merely a child”… like the bloodsucking leech in Mr Charles Dickens' opus “Bleak House”: amoral Mr Skimpole*. The cock. SABU is cultured and far, far beyond your parlour tricks and skulduggery. We've seen it before, this deja vu, this [James (not Rodriguez)] play? acting: there is nothing new under The Sun. That is the painful day-to-day reality of SABU’s urban existence.

You pathetic microscopic entity, you spread vile lies about a “sour relationship” with Herr Klopp but no-one is fooled. Your angling for a move is obtuse and acutely obvious which reflects your poor judgment and your degree is Masterful because is [a baiter]?. You contemptible pigmy: whether you leave before the end of August or not you have soiled your Liverpool experience and will be pampered no more. “But I am South American so I must join Barcelona or Real Madrid”… do ye see SABU the indian in a hurry to move back to bloody Jullundur? No. Thank you very much.

Regards,

SABU PUNDIT

*Skimpole:

A self-described man-child, Skimpole is a parasitic mooch who lives a life completely free of responsibility. Claiming to understand nothing about money or other adult matters, he is clearly a phony. He eventually betrays his main patron Jarndyce.

Bleak House has many very realistic and sympathetic characters, but Skimpole is not one of them. He is a leech who pretends that he is just too naïve and charmingly childlike to understand responsibility. In reality, of course, he is way too clever for any of that baloney to be true.

https://www.shmoop.com/bleak-house/skimpole.html

[close]

[jambutty]

First go.

Spoiler

your degree is Masterful because is [a baiter]?.

[close]

Spoiler

Phil has a Masturbators Degree?

[close]

[Buck Pete]

Hidden behind Sabu's genius writing is a whole load of truth.

As its Sabu he also gets to open a thread dedicated to having a right old go at Phil

Right on Sabu 

[shook]

love the casual RAWK racism. Need some more of it!

[markedasred]

love the casual RAWK racism. Need some more of it!

Is that what killed off the posts from him?. A pathetic misunderstanding of the subversion involved. We had something great in him, like no other team in the world most likely. Obtuse, densely concentrated greatness. Maybe some of the mods ought to watch a bit of Lenny Bruce, and if anyone knows who he is, invite Sabu back as soon as possible.

[24/7]

Errrr.....you think the mods don't miss Sabu?? I personally never saw anything even remotely racist in his posting. But then again, offence is taken, not given.....

I wish he'd post again.

[ChaChaMooMoo]

Wait. What? Someone found his posts racist?

[24/7]

Wait. What? Someone found his posts racist?

Not sure - but there appears to be a suggestion somewhere that the mods need to lighten up a bit regarding Sabu's posts and/or anyone misinterpreting them. I can assure you, the Staff Room misses him and I have no recollection of there being any discomfort from within it about his style.

Youth Never Wore Cologne is one of the funniest things I've ever read by the way - and it was great to see Dan wearing a customised t-shirt with that slogan!

[paulrazor]

Wait. What? Someone found his posts racist?

someone speculated that above

he hasnt posted in about 18 months i dont think

i dont think anyone found his posts racist

[TepidT2O]

Ten Daleks Under-arm Hold is a personal favourite

[WillG.LFC]

Mr Loose Wires

[Buck Pete]

Mr Loose Wires

Absolute genius

[ChaChaMooMoo]

Youth Never Wore Cologne is one of the funniest things I've ever read by the way - and it was great to see Dan wearing a customised t-shirt with that slogan!

Wark on, Wark on
Withe Thorpe injure Park

Thats his signature. :

[TepidT2O]

Just genius stuff...

So clever the way things have two sometimes 3 different meanings..

[markedasred]

So is it true, as I saw on one of my very few visits to twitter (after googling him) that nobody here knows who he is?.

[coct3au]

I miss Sabu Pundit. The only season preview I want to read!