Topic: Alcohol Issues - The Carl van Riel Memorial Thread

[GrandOldAuntieHelenVanriel]

Once again, wise words, eloquently expressed. I like you more and more each post. Please stay and be a permanent part of our community. We might even convert you to liking decent footie....................just stay clear of the moaning c*nt-tards in the post-match threads if you wish to preserve your sanity xxx

I’m Carls sister. It’s odd to see the word sanity used in the same sentence 🤔😂😂😂😂😂😂

[GrandOldAuntieHelenVanriel]

(Firstly, kudos for that degree of painful honesty - bromantic hug coming your way - cos you deserve it - now for dar real shit)

Hang on to that thought, friend, and if you are struggling to understand how to achieve that goal..............ASK US! We'll help. If you really, really, truly, honestly want it and are prepared to fight for it. Cos that's what you'll have to do - WANTING is one thing - doing the hard, painful, but ultimately rewarding graft is another.

Back me up here, ladles and jellyspoons.......

I’ve got to pipe up because I could well be reading one of Carl’s posts here. Listen if you can to the above advice, but for the love of god please try and keep talking about it and tell anyone you are close to what you are going through because as an observer to watching my brother literally die in front of my eyes this has to be the biggest step. Share your pain, your fears and also your triumphs. You are a young man with a future, don’t throw it to the wind, take every single day dry as a battle won in your war. You have an amazing support network on here. Use it. I’m happy to help where I can too.
As RAWKites states ... you’ll never walk alone... not while you are here with us xx

[Slightly Less Mediocre Baron Bennekov]

I’ve got to pipe up because I could well be reading one of Carl’s posts here. Listen if you can to the above advice, but for the love of god please try and keep talking about it and tell anyone you are close to what you are going through because as an observer to watching my brother literally die in front of my eyes this has to be the biggest step. Share your pain, your fears and also your triumphs. You are a young man with a future, don’t throw it to the wind, take every single day dry as a battle won in your war. You have an amazing support network on here. Use it. I’m happy to help where I can too.
As RAWKites states ... you’ll never walk alone... not while you are here with us xx

Amen!

[deFacto please, you bastards]

Have nothing useful to add but just wanted to say that there are some truly remarkable people here. God bless you all

[Billy The Kid]

Thanks for letting me post.

Thanks for sharing mate. Post away anytime. The more contributions the better!

Your post is pretty much along the exact same lines as the first post I shared in this thread

The more you share, the more we can all offer you comfort and advice. That's the great thing about this thread. It's communal

Don't ever worry about sharing things in here. Your input will be always be welcomed, regardless of weather you're sober or have sipped a few tipples

There's no judgement in here. Only an open door to whoever needs it

We've all got your back

[JLStretton]

So my current drinking habits are about 11 skol supers.  roughly equivalent to 1.5 to 2 bottles of vodka a day.

With me being so over weight I need to decide if I want to live!

[McrRed]

It's weird for me reading some of the  wonderful, sage and heartfelt comments in this thread over the years.
I feel like I have so much to offer but when I line things up in my mind it all seems like platitudes and probably not very helpful.

I was an alcoholic as a kid and can relate to some of the struggle after dealing with abuse, anxiety and depression over the years. My way out was through counselling and then therapy. Lots of it. Repeatedly, as old habits crept back in and I realised I had been ducking issues, lying to myself and others.

First tell the truth to yourself. Then share it with another. Then tell the world.

JL I hope you decide to live because nothing is insurmountable and, despite our pain and loneliness, life can be so utterly fucking beautiful. Good luck buddy! YNWA

[Maggie May]

So my current drinking habits are about 11 skol supers.  roughly equivalent to 1.5 to 2 bottles of vodka a day.

With me being so over weight I need to decide if I want to live!

Well, JL, with such enthusiastic encouragement, your body may well be on the way to making that decision for you.  Heart attack, stroke, liver and kidney failure,  take your pick or mix and match.   If you want to give it a run for its money, you could go cold turkey for a week and donate the wedge you would otherwise have pissed up the wall to Carl's Memorial Fund, 

[Corkboy]

Well, JL, with such enthusiastic encouragement, your body may well be on the way to making that decision for you.  Heart attack, stroke, liver and kidney failure,  take your pick or mix and match.   If you want to give it a run for its money, you could go cold turkey for a week and donate the wedge you would otherwise have pissed up the wall to Carl's Memorial Fund, 

I know you're probably joking but alcohol withdrawal can be deadly, especially at the levels JL is at. If anyone is drinking heavily and thinking of going cold turkey, run it by your doctor or other healthcare pro first.

[24/7]

I know you're probably joking but alcohol withdrawal can be deadly, especially at the levels JL is at. If anyone is drinking heavily and thinking of going cold turkey, run it by your doctor or other healthcare pro first.

This. Seek professional advice, JL, please - it sounds like you're in a position where a) you need it and b) you're open to it which is a fantastic place to be in!

Go for it - grasp life by its warm teat and suckle on that instead of chugging another Skol - come here for help/to vent/for support/a reality check any time you like

[24/7]

First tell the truth to yourself. Then share it with another. Then tell the world.

Mos' def not a platitude

[Maggie May]

I know you're probably joking but alcohol withdrawal can be deadly, especially at the levels JL is at. If anyone is drinking heavily and thinking of going cold turkey, run it by your doctor or other healthcare pro first.

Yeah I was.  Such a damn stupid question given his consumption.  I always went cold turkey on and off, and each time it got worse, and in the end it was either stay massively drunk or go sober, so I chose the latter because, quite simply, I didn't want to be like be like that any more. 

[Maggie May]

PS.  If you do decide to take my advice JL, and bearing in mind Corkboy's remarks, do make sure you donate to Carl's fund first before you do the Turkey Trot.   

[24/7]

FYI, it's refreshing to be able to contribute ideas as well as hard currency........

Right - after a brief PM exchange with Helen, it appears she has potentially somewhat foolishly given tacit permission to seek inspiration from you lot around what to put on his headstone!!!!

Helen says she is likely to put YNWA on there anyway and she likes the "Shine On You Crazy Diamond" reference so I've explained where that comes from. We know Carl liked his heavy metal but was he into prog rock at all??
Anyway, she wants something more Carl-oriented but not too offensive (so why the hell is she giving me permission to throw this out there?! )

My idea is to build a shortlist of potential candidates then run a quick poll. List so far then:

1. "It's dark down here..."
2. "Keep the noise down up there, will you?!"
3. "Shine On You Crazy Diamond"
4. "The Kings Lynn Cavalier" (in honour of that particular story!)
5. "I look boss in my Tron suit now!"

Over to you - either here or via PM - perhaps we can get a poll going by the evening......I'll keep looking

[rob1966]

So my current drinking habits are about 11 skol supers.  roughly equivalent to 1.5 to 2 bottles of vodka a day.

With me being so over weight I need to decide if I want to live!

This is the post Carl made to open this thread 8 years ago. You seriously need to get professional help before its too late.

Now i know this isnt an agony aunt forum etc but can any of you guys and gals help.

i have a lil drink problem and i need to seriously cut it down. i cant go to the docs for help. does anyone here have any ideas? i dont want to quit, just drink say 2 times a week, for the footy etc.

presently im drinking about 5-6 pints of export and 5 pints of 7.5% cider a day. i know its not immense amounts but its cost me my marriage already.

sarcastic comments welcome as well cos knowing Rawk someone is itching to drop one lol.

[Billy The Kid]

JL definitely go see a doctor a.s.a.p

Make that your first step and the rest will follow

[AndyInVA]

JLS - you have been on here several years havnt you

Didnt you have this beat for a while a few years ago ?

[JLStretton]

JLS - you have been on here several years havnt you

Didnt you have this beat for a while a few years ago ?

Yes mate, I just stopped before lasted over 2 years then I started again.  Today I am not drinking and the plan is to not drink again.

[AndyInVA]

Yes mate, I just stopped before lasted over 2 years then I started again.  Today I am not drinking and the plan is to not drink again.

Are you able to recognize what the trigger was and be able to prep yourself for whenever that trigger is likely to happen again

I think being able to go cold turkey is possible. I think you have to manage it a bit. The body will crave sugar. My strong suggestion is keep ice cream in the house.

I used ice cream to help me manage the cravings at night time. When I wanted a drink I would have a small bowl of ice cream.

It will be a tough few weeks ahead.

Don't discount your local AA group. Think about getting prescribed some anti D's if you think it will help.

Reach out here, Billy will of course keep you straight with loads of tough love.

[24/7]

Think about getting prescribed some anti D's if you think it will help.

Here's the thing about anti-D's - they're really, really, really good at getting you into a stabilised space where you're ready to accept and work with whichever talking therapy is suitable for you, JL. I say this out of personal experience and an academic understanding of the principles. The meds don't "cure" you - they prepare you for the work that follows that helps you reach the state you seek to be in!

One SUPER important thing though - the meds won't work when you're drinking. Just saying.

Remember, brother, you are amongst family here - if that's too much of a psychological stretch, then remember you are amongst friends........

[JLStretton]

I started again after my relationship fell apart, thing is I probably just used that as a excuse to get back on the ale.

I have dabbled on and off it sometimes but this is my last chance so I must take it, besides I made a promise to my mum I would stop just before she passed away.

[TepidT2O]

I started again after my relationship fell apart, thing is I probably just used that as a excuse to get back on the ale.

I have dabbled on and off it sometimes but this is my last chance so I must take it, besides I made a promise to my mum I would stop just before she passed away.

One thing I’ve noticed form this thread....

Doing it for other people doesn’t seem to work.  Do it for yourself mate, do it because you deserve happiness.

[Peabee]

One thing I’ve noticed form this thread....

Doing it for other people doesn’t seem to work.  Do it for yourself mate, do it because you deserve happiness.

Agreed. 

My family were so supportive of me with my drug use (after the initial shock and retribution), but I threw it back in their faces.  I only stopped once I’d decided it was what I wanted.  Having the support of family and friends can really make a huge difference, but it has to be down to the individual. 

[spen71]

So my current drinking habits are about 11 skol supers.  roughly equivalent to 1.5 to 2 bottles of vodka a day.

With me being so over weight I need to decide if I want to live!

Mate,  please put the ale down.   It will only get worse,  alcoholism is progressive!   I’ve seen it loads of times Over the last 7 years but with the amount of booze you’re having I would see a doctor about a home detox.   If you can trust yourself maybe cut down gradually.   Having proper DTs is horrible and was the scariest time of My life.

As people have mentioned earlier you must do this for Yourself and nobody else.   The resentments of thinking you did it for your family will not help you at all.    I was very fortunate that the day I woke up and decided enough was enough the obsession left me.

If you need someone to talk to I’m always here.

[Billy The Kid]

I started again after my relationship fell apart, thing is I probably just used that as a excuse to get back on the ale.

Are you drinking socially? Or drinking on your own?

[JLStretton]

Are you drinking socially? Or drinking on your own?

On my own.

[24/7]

Today is Carl's funeral.   

A very...........sobering.............thought.

Feel free to leave messages on the condolences thread. His siblings read them.

[BRdispatch05]

I’ve got to pipe up because I could well be reading one of Carl’s posts here. Listen if you can to the above advice, but for the love of god please try and keep talking about it and tell anyone you are close to what you are going through because as an observer to watching my brother literally die in front of my eyes this has to be the biggest step. Share your pain, your fears and also your triumphs. You are a young man with a future, don’t throw it to the wind, take every single day dry as a battle won in your war. You have an amazing support network on here. Use it. I’m happy to help where I can too.
As RAWKites states ... you’ll never walk alone... not while you are here with us xx

Thank you Helen. Particularly today I know it isn't easy receiving a notification of a reply in this thread. What you said is why I'm posting in here again. I am so sorry for your loss, Carl was so helpful to me, when drunk and sober. You remind me of my sister when she had known I was drinking. I avoided talking about it, and hid it from everyone I could, but in the end all I'm doing is pushing away anyone that cares about me to continue this habit. It's counter productive but effective in continuing it.

BRdispatch05, as much as I'm reluctant to admit it : Jim is right in everything he has written (to you) so far.

I've dealt with anger issues for the most part of my life. I know this is the Alcohol thread but I wanted to say that no matter your issue changing it requires determination and willpower. I came to a point where my wife sat me down with my children and asked them to tell me to my face how scared I made them when I had my tantrums. That hit me right between the eyes and I started to be aware of how I behaved. Furthermore I added counselling to the mix and I have now managed to be able to control my anger when it starts boiling inside of me. I'm not saying it's easy at all, and I can imagine having a physical craving on top of the mental things must be even harder.

But as Jim says we're here for you mate. Tell us what's going on and we're more than willing to help and support!! YNWA!

Appreciate that Bennekov. I know talking about it will help, but I need to talk about it when sober. I resist this thread like it's the plague when I am. I have no idea why.

Something struck a chord with me when I read this part. The idea that you can live a lie and hide things so long that you actually think you have everyone fooled, when in reality they all know too well but don't know how to approach you about it so they ignore it or flirt around it. At least I think this is what you're saying in a way.

Jim's spot on. Wanting is very easy. What isn't easy is action. Admitting you have a problem is indeed a big step but you have to continue to move forward from that point. If you're lucky, years could pass and you could find yourself still resting on the idea that 'hey, I've admitted it, so I'm getting somewhere.' Things wont change or be fixed overnight, but it is all about progress.

I've not had need to venture into this thread often but RAWK has been a godsend for me over the years with other issues. The anxiety and depression threads, this alcohol thread started by our friend Carl, one or two others. They are all linked by a daisy chain I feel, at least very loosely. If you or anyone else needs to talk via PM you are always welcome to message me, it wont be a problem and I'll be happy to help if I can. I might just be another voice in the small hours, or a conversation about something else might develop which occupies you and lifts your mood one percent. Every little does indeed help.

Keep your head up mate.

I know admitting it is a big step. The first. But you're right in that nothing happens just knowing that information. I knew damn well I was going to drink again tonight, hence the lack of response til now. I've known what I am for some time now. It's funny, the only time I wish I wasn't drunk, is when I am. And the next morning. When I'm desperately trying to recover to interact with other people trying to prove I'm not.They actually probably don't know, as anyone I tell after I get to know them would have never guessed it.

I just wish there were a pill or "perfect advice" to stop me from killing myself essentially. I know that's what's happening, and at the same time accepting I'm still alive so I'm fine.

I'm simply existing. Not contributing anything to this world worthwhile. And I hate that. Why can't I see myself that way sober. I just don't care when I am.

[AndyInVA]

it is shocking to be writing the same things to JLS and BRD as we used to Carl. Reading Helens words makes you realize that we simply do not have forever to fix ourselves. If we allow ourselves to keep repeating those mistakes we end up in a hospital bed being scared looking at your sibling (paraphrase of Helens words)

I wish you could try to quit for one day.

Nothing more.

Then see how you feel the day after and go from there.

[JLStretton]

it is shocking to be writing the same things to JLS and BRD as we used to Carl.

Carl might of been a few years older but I've been a heavy drinker since I was at school and that's why I left a year early.  I don't/or shouldn't need strangers telling me what is best.  As to be honest I know.  But I'm here putting part of my story out there so people will jump at the chance to put their 2 cents worth!

[24/7]

It's cos we care, JL. Besides I've said before that the best and most effective advice is the one that's been sought. I really hope that you don't feel ganged up on or TOLD what to do.......there seemed to be an implicit cry for help for lack of a better phrase a few days ago so I will ask as gently as I know how.....


What do you get out of reading and posting in this thread and what kind of responses would give you the better feeling, not one of being told what to do or the two cent worth feeling? Can we help?

[Slightly Less Mediocre Baron Bennekov]

Appreciate that Bennekov. I know talking about it will help, but I need to talk about it when sober. I resist this thread like it's the plague when I am. I have no idea why.

I think the answer is rather obvious: Fear of admitting to a problem when sober. Being under the influence of alcohol makes you open up and the guards go down, but once sober the guards are back up and the denial sets in. That's why you resist (and avoid) this thread when you're sober.

I hope I'm wrong but I fear I'm not...

This is in no way meant in a patronising way - I just want to open your eyes mate...

[GrandOldAuntieHelenVanriel]

Thank you Helen. Particularly today I know it isn't easy receiving a notification of a reply in this thread. What you said is why I'm posting in here again. I am so sorry for your loss, Carl was so helpful to me, when drunk and sober. You remind me of my sister when she had known I was drinking. I avoided talking about it, and hid it from everyone I could, but in the end all I'm doing is pushing away anyone that cares about me to continue this habit. It's counter productive but effective in continuing it.

But you are trying to face it!!!! I’m not going to be forceful in my advice, that’s the last thing you need. It was the last thing Carl needed and only now do I realise that. I should have got my head out of my arse and realised that he was telling me everything by telling me nothing at all. I was so angry with him about his addiction, I had spent so many fantastic times with him when sober and I resented him taking that away from me. I was so wrapped up in how it affected ME and our family that I didn’t see HIM.
What I’ve learnt is that I was in no way able to help Carl because I did not understand his addiction. Unless you have ever been there I don’t think anyone really can. But I do know that I can listen, really listen and hear things that are not being said. So, if you need to bend an ear, with no unwanted nagging, I’m happy to offer mine. I’ve lost my brother. I would hate for your sister to lose hers xx

Appreciate that Bennekov. I know talking about it will help, but I need to talk about it when sober. I resist this thread like it's the plague when I am. I have no idea why.



I know admitting it is a big step. The first. But you're right in that nothing happens just knowing that information. I knew damn well I was going to drink again tonight, hence the lack of response til now. I've known what I am for some time now. It's funny, the only time I wish I wasn't drunk, is when I am. And the next morning. When I'm desperately trying to recover to interact with other people trying to prove I'm not.They actually probably don't know, as anyone I tell after I get to know them would have never guessed it.

I just wish there were a pill or "perfect advice" to stop me from killing myself essentially. I know that's what's happening, and at the same time accepting I'm still alive so I'm fine.

I'm simply existing. Not contributing anything to this world worthwhile. And I hate that. Why can't I see myself that way sober. I just don't care when I am.

[JLStretton]

It's cos we care, JL. Besides I've said before that the best and most effective advice is the one that's been sought. I really hope that you don't feel ganged up on or TOLD what to do.......there seemed to be an implicit cry for help for lack of a better phrase a few days ago so I will ask as gently as I know how.....


What do you get out of reading and posting in this thread and what kind of responses would give you the better feeling, not one of being told what to do or the two cent worth feeling? Can we help?

Oh I know it's because people care mate and it's very much appreciated, it really is.  I don't really know why I post in this thread because the times I do are the ones when I stopping/cutting down I guess it's to be held accountable I stay on track.  In real life I'm always straight to the point I don't see the point any other way. 

Some people think admitting you have a problem is one of the hardest but I don't agree with that at least not for me anyway as I have known for years I've had/got a problem. 

I also guess what scares me is I've known people who have died young from drug or drink issues and I still have abused it. 

I suppose it's when you in your teens and 20s you think you are invincible now coming up to my 40s I am a ticking time bomb.

Another thing about posting in here it makes it more real and not something I can just push to the back of my mind and carry on thinking my body is different to everyone else's and I'll live forever.  [I don't think like this btw, I'm not insane, well I might be who knows] 

Anyway that's enough rambling on from me.

[tinner777]

JL definitely go see a doctor a.s.a.p

defo this JL, we all have our demons, you're not alone....

Make an appointment and let a professional tell you your options. It's a start

[A-Bomb]

Today would be what I describe as a 'bad day' all the ingredients exist for me to go and get shit faced - triggers are well and truly alive.

My abstinence from this thread is ordinarily a bad sign, so I've decided to chat this morning rather than 'get on it's

I miss my ex incredibly, this time last year everything was ace - had a promotion, somebody I loved  - was looking forward to a future (for the first time in years I felt I was working towards something good)

I sit here now with all that lost, for once through little fault of my own - getting shit faced is a temptation I don't know if I can ignore. I genuinely couldn't careless - it's a self medicating prick, however, numb is exactly what I'd like to feel right now.

[Rich]

Take care of yourself mate.  Things may have taken a downward turn over the last 12 months but think about what you want the next 12 months to look like. 

[spen71]

A stark reminder today for me.   A bloke who helped me in my early sobriety died.   He went back out there drinking and couldnt get back into the rooms.

[Mini Soda Scousephile]

we simply do not have forever to fix ourselves. If we allow ourselves to keep repeating those mistakes we end up in a hospital bed

I know I cut a bit on each side of the quote, but - this is darn good advice.

[AndyInVA]

Today would be what I describe as a 'bad day' all the ingredients exist for me to go and get shit faced - triggers are well and truly alive.

My abstinence from this thread is ordinarily a bad sign, so I've decided to chat this morning rather than 'get on it's

I miss my ex incredibly, this time last year everything was ace - had a promotion, somebody I loved  - was looking forward to a future (for the first time in years I felt I was working towards something good)

I sit here now with all that lost, for once through little fault of my own - getting shit faced is a temptation I don't know if I can ignore. I genuinely couldn't careless - it's a self medicating prick, however, numb is exactly what I'd like to feel right now.

so what did you do on this instance ?

did you give in to it and get numb

or did you fight through it and hope tomorrow would be a better day