You’ve not really enjoyed it have you
Why did you stick with it? If you don’t mind me asking.
Honestly? It was one of my dream jobs as a kid, like I always wanted to have that role. You get good teachers that inspire and others that are just worn down, or don't want to be there, or are completely unsuited. I've felt like the latter a lot but when you have those moments that make you feel like the former and you leave a classroom with a smile on your face because you know you've done your job and well, those moments have (occasionally) off-set the worst moments.
The level of it is something I pretty much know I'm not cut out for. The level of work you take home with you, the onus while I've been at uni to get stuff done for that as well as managing my home life, it's taught me a lot. The support I've gotten from most of the teachers has been fantastic, the kids make you laugh and those relationships are fun, especially the Year 7 kids, I enjoy teaching those the most (along with the sixth formers).
I guess it's just spending a lifetime dropping out of courses when I could have pushed myself and I've felt myself wandering close to the brink at times, the depression has been back with avengance, and it's not to say that the financial aspect of the bursary has helped push me along too as it's meant my wife and I (and my son) have been able to move out of my in-laws. I'm registered with a couple of agencies for temporary and supply work but I want to build my confidence back up with it and ease into the responsibilities, but for now I'm going to be looking for employment away from the sector. It's not fair on the kids to be taught by a self-doubting teacher who can't do them justice, and it's not fair on me to put myself to the point where I went fairly dark in my head multiple times.
Teaching is such an underappreciated job in the mainstream of life and I wish that everyone could spend a few weeks in a role where they spent time imitating a teacher to see what it's really like, especially those who go "But what about the holidays?" "They're all finished by 3!" and stuff like that. Ł23k starting salary for an NQT (albeit with a slightly reduced timetable)... I dunno.
It's not all been bad though!