Topic: Alcohol Issues - The Carl van Riel Memorial Thread

[rob1966]

0% beer? Nah - tried that......

The drinks I turned to when I went on a 90 day dry challenge were green tea (organic - don't buy the shite from people like Liptons in bags from the supermarket - buy loose leaf from proper shops!) and my fave mocktail was a pint glass half filled with carbonated spring water and topped up with coconut water with the juice of a whole fresh lime squeezed in. Fucking lush - and great for after bike riding or running.

Do you sieve out the leaves before drinking the tea or swallow them with the tea? I've followed your recommendation and switched from bags to organic loose leaf - by far a better taste - but the leaves look edible, so not sure what to do?

[AndyInVA]

Do you sieve out the leaves before drinking the tea or swallow them with the tea? I've followed your recommendation and switched from bags to organic loose leaf - by far a better taste - but the leaves look edible, so not sure what to do?

tea leaves are not pleasant. when i was younger everyone had a little tea sieve in their kitchen to capture the loose tea when you poured it in a cup

tea bags mean you don't need to do that anymore and the bag acts as the sieve

https://www.google.com/search?q=tea+sieve&rlz=1C1JZAP_enUS877US877&sxsrf=ACYBGNSX-_HVbigCTuQYcDbo8noXz4jNVw:1578934762518&source=lnms&tbm=isch&sa=X&ved=2ahUKEwjnspKthoHnAhXmUN8KHcXXBIYQ_AUoAnoECA4QBA&biw=1920&bih=937#imgrc=ReX6SCXJ8BZrcM:

[24/7]

Too bitter (only Evertonians eat tea leaves).

Green tea should be made with water at c80 deg C, not completely boiling, and left to steep for 5 to 10 mins depending on taste.

I use one of those round metal tea leaf holders that break apart like two hemispheres. That way they can remain in the pot for as long as needed. When ready, just take the holder out and enjoy your tea.

Big tip - leave the leaves to dry out then it's MUCH easier to clean the metal holder afterwards

[rob1966]

Too bitter (only Evertonians eat tea leaves).

Green tea should be made with water at c80 deg C, not completely boiling, and left to steep for 5 to 10 mins depending on taste.

I use one of those round metal tea leaf holders that break apart like two hemispheres. That way they can remain in the pot for as long as needed. When ready, just take the holder out and enjoy your tea.

Big tip - leave the leaves to dry out then it's MUCH easier to clean the metal holder afterwards

Cheers bud. Our kid bought me a chinese tea set one christmas so I've got a pot and two chinese cups at work now I've just ordered a set of those tea leaf holders from amazon

[24/7]

Oh my god I broke the thread

[rob1966]

Oh my god I broke the thread

I can bring it back on track, her Ma told the wifes sister not to take the kids around on Christmas Day as she was spending the whole day in bed as she had nothing to do - the arl twat had turned down an invite to spend Xmas day with us all. Christmas Day, we are in the pub and guess who walks in? Rather drink with some sad c*nts she knows from the pub than see her 4 grandchildren and try and build bridges with her Daughter (my wife). Fuck her the arl c*nt.

[leroy]

I haven't posted in here before but I've done a fair bit of reading.  I don't drink but I think there are a lot of parallels (outside the physical addiction aspects) with a lot of other problems people experience and there have been some great posts in here - so thanks.

Day 3 passed successfully yesterday. Went to bed at midnight and slept through until the alarm went off at 6 which I never do. Feel so well and full of energy today. Did my 12 mile cycle in to work at full speed today and loved it. Instead of listening to the radio in a hungover state, I stuck on the full album of Whats the Story Morning Glory and sang along as I was riding in. To quote Oasis from that album, hello, it's good to be back.

Gonna have a positive day today 

Just popped into say I hope it's still going well for you mate.

[Billy The Kid]

"If you're an alcoholic, the only decision you get to make is the first."

If you're a problem drinker then that is probably true. If you're a chronic alcoholic, then it isn't. Here's a snippet from AA that sums up and explains what happened to Carl and why he died

"At a certain point in the drinking of every alcoholic, he passes into a state where the most powerful desire to stop drinking is of absolutely no avail. This tragic situation has already arrived in practically every case long before it is suspected. The fact is that most alcoholics, for reasons yet obscure, have lost the power of choice in drink. Our so-called will power becomes practically nonexistent. We are unable, at certain times, to bring into our consciousness with sufficient force the memory of the suffering and humiliation of even a week or a month ago. We are without defence against the first drink. The alcoholic may say to himself in the most casual way, "It won't burn me this time, so here's how! "When this sort of thinking is fully established in an individual with alcoholic tendencies, he has probably placed himself beyond human aid, and unless locked up, may die or go permanently insane. However there is a solution"

[AndyInVA]

Good article on the BBC today. The one phrase I liked is at the end. It talks about living an authentic life without booze. You actually get to live your own life without excuses for decisions made while boozing.

https://www.bbc.co.uk/bbcthree/article/82d08622-2557-4f68-a611-4d1b0ac6a4ea

[Johnny Foreigner]

Question to people that knows more than me. When your brain/patterns whatever signals to you that today is a good day to drink and hard.. what drives it and how can you fight it ? thanks for a good thread

[Hij]

Question to people that knows more than me. When your brain/patterns whatever signals to you that today is a good day to drink and hard.. what drives it and how can you fight it ? thanks for a good thread

How do you mean mate? Do you mean like when you've had a long day at work on a Friday and your brain is telling you that it's a good chance to go and treat yourself (eg have a few)? I know that can be a trigger for some people. I've found substituting other 'rewards' can help. When I got my job offer the other day I was well chuffed and part of my brain tried to suggest I should celebrate with a few beers - I decided to get a takeaway instead.

[AndyInVA]

Question to people that knows more than me. When your brain/patterns whatever signals to you that today is a good day to drink and hard.. what drives it and how can you fight it ? thanks for a good thread

Ill try and answer

for me there were two triggers. One was happy social eg going out with friends and being the one to not drink. This was hard and for me I simply didn't go out.

other trigger for me was a shit day at work. I would always make an excuse to myself and buy booze on the way home. after you go through the first phase of quitting booze and I mean like the first few months of zero intake, it became a point of pride to me, that work could throw at me whatever it could and I could still avoid booze and not just slip into making excuses and find a reason to drink

reading the above posts you can see that boredom is an issue. You have to find something. exercise is obvious, some hobby is another, academic work another, religion another, attending loads of AA meetings is another

initially I feel you just have to quit for several months before you can face the harder triggers long term

but basically its one day at a time for quite a while

[Johnny Foreigner]

so how are people doing ? bit shit just staying at home and no normal routine etc but cant really complain when people are dying and people losing their loved ones

in front of the tv/pc and drinking is probably not a long term strategy..

trying to get out for some walks and that is good, but a couple of more weeks gonna be challenging..

take care

[AndyInVA]

I thought about this thread the other day. Biggest enemy of alcoholics is boredom. I hope everyone is finding a safe route for themselves amongst the boredom of lockdown.

[Billy The Kid]

I wasn't sure whether or not to post this in here, but if I figured if it encourages someone or someone they know to seek help then it will be worth it

I woke this morning to a text from a friend of mine. One of our mutual friends was found dead yesterday. He had been drinking heavily for a number of years. He lived alone and would often withdraw from going out for weeks at a time. I took him for lunch a few weeks back and it was clear his mental health was suffering. I tried telling him that unless he changed for the better then it was only a matter of time before his body would give up. I offered to take him to AA. He agreed he would go but then reverted to drinking again and not answering his phone or front door. When I heard the news this morning my immediate reaction to myself was "why didn't you do more? You knew this was going to happen!"

Along with the sorrow of his loss, I can't help but feel an element of guilt that I didn't do more. I probably should have done more. And so if anyone reading this is concerned about a friend/family member/neighbour/whoever I urge you to act and get them the help that they need. Don't assume that someone else will. He rang me 2 weeks ago. He seemed fine on the phone. He was laughing and joking and in high spirits. Little did we know he had less than a fortnight to go. Another needless loss to this bastard fucking disease

[Crosby Nick]

Sorry to read that Billy. Don’t beat yourself up about it though, it’s clear from reading this thread over the years that you have always gone above and beyond and always try to help others in this situation.

[damomad]

Billy that is heartbreaking, RIP to your mate.

I'll echo what Nick said, you've always been one of the first to help people here over the years. Probably saved a few lives because of it. You can't be there for everyone, all the time but it does sound like you gave your mate some hope that he might beat the disease in his final weeks, more than anyone else would.

[24/7]

Billy, you have undoubtedly saved lives before. Sorry for the loss of your friend. Your immediate thought of could you have done more is natural. You know the answer though. I'm glad you posted it though - it's part of the process.......

[The Bournemouth Red]

Billy, sorry to hear this sad news.

You've always been on here helping people, but some people just don't or can't be helped. I lost a good friend four years ago to the drink. His wife had died suddenly and he just lost the will to live, I think.

We took him to his doctors, went round to his regularly, talked often, but in the end his mind was set. I, too, asked myself what more could have been done, don't let it consume you, I doubt anyone on here would think you didn't do what you could.

[Son of Spion]

Hi Billy.

I'm so sorry to hear about the loss of your friend.

Condolences to all who knew and loved him.

To be honest, Billy, within the grief I think its natural to wonder if you did enough. I think that's a thought that crosses so many people's minds when they lose someone. It's often a very common part of the grieving process.

I know from coming into this thread over a period of time that you are a helper, a caring person, a giver. You've helped educate me on this subject before. You've helped me get more understanding and perspective on it. This has been valuable to me and I thank you for that. It's clear that you've helped a lot of people here too.

It's natural for you to feel raw at the moment and to also ask yourself if you could have done more, but th facts are that you, yourself, are very aware of the fact that you can show a horse where the water is. You can even lead him to it but, ultimately, only the horse can decide whether or not to drink.

You offered your help and your support like the fantastic human being you are. You can't kidnap people and force them to change. I know this, and you most certainly know it too.

You did do enough, Billy. But as we all know in the complex world of the human mind, human emotional and psychological problems, even doing that and going way beyond the call of duty doesn't always result in the outcome we would have liked. That's sad, it's tragic, but it's true.

Basically, it's natural to question yourself. It shows you care. But try not to cross the line where you beat yourself up and torture yourself over it.

RIP Billy's friend.

Take care Billy. You've lost a friend, but you did what you could. No one could ask for more from you.

[realtarragona]

Billy, it’s been almost five years since I stopped drinking. From the brink of divorce, losing everything and who knows what worse than that, I’m now happier than ever and me and my wife had a second boy just over a year ago. Without doubt your posts (along with many others) helped significantly when I was trying to stop. So I don’t think it’s an exaggeration to say you played your part in turning my life around and I’ll forever be grateful for you (and this thread in general). So don’t beat yourself up too much, unfortunately you can’t help everyone, especially as is so common with alcohol, when they don’t want your help.

[AndyInVA]

Terrible news Billy.

It is a very sad things when it seems its start to go downhill with someone it is both the body in bad shape and clearly some serious depression as well. Carl seemed the same. He took advice and did change but could never seem to stick to it.

I would imagine you helped him in some way and in his head he knew that at least someone cared enough to call him a couple of weeks ago.

Short of knocking the door in, there is not much that we can do when a mature adult has pretty much given up trying.

You have genuinely helped a lot of people.  Me included.

Thanks for everything that you do.

[Billy The Kid]

Thank you all for the kind words. I appreciate it greatly. I suppose its the shock of it that makes you question if you could have done more 

[Slightly Less Mediocre Baron Bennekov]

I'm a bit late here but my sincere condolences, Billy. I hope he's in a better place now.

I hope you're all doing good in this period of time.

[Slightly Less Mediocre Baron Bennekov]

Happy Birthday up there, Carl. I hope you're annoying the fuck out of all the passed Man. U, Manchester City and CSKA London fans today!! 

[24/7]

Happy Birthday up there, Carl. I hope you're annoying the fuck out of all the passed Man. U, Manchester City and CSKA London fans today!! 

Just came in here to extend similar sentiments.

Turn the fuckin music up, ya bad bellend

[rob1966]

Happy Birthday up there, Carl. I hope you're annoying the fuck out of all the passed Man. U, Manchester City and CSKA London fans today!! 

Made them all watch the documentaries on us.

[Billy The Kid]

Just said I'd pop in to say merry Christmas to all the regulars of the thread.

It's strange that even after being sober for as long as I have, I still get urges to get absolutely blotto at Christmas

So far so good though. Hope you're all safe and keeping well!

[AndyInVA]

Hi everyone. I thought about this thread recently as well. It is weird but I also get that feeling. I really want to go out and buy a bottle of vodka and drink most of it in one sitting on my own and try to get the 'want to just a lose a day to booze' feeling out of my head. Things have changed for me so much since I first started posting in this thread but that self destructive tendency still sits there in the back of my mind, thankfully a long way back these days.

I wish every one well and I hope we can get through Christmas happy and safe.

[24/7]

Hi all, hope you're well. 8 avoid most of the usual Xmas threads or sites. Fuckin hate this time of year, but that's me.


Just sharing one of the ways that I tend to stay sober during these times and that's volunteering to be the designated driver. My sense of responsibility stops me having even one tipple then.

[McrRed]

Xmas is the shittiest time of the year for a.lot of people and that's without a pandemic.

Hope you're all well and sending prayers (and positive energy) to each and every one of you! x

[24/7]

How are youse all doing?

Dry January is almost over........for those doing it.

Some of you, especially Billy the Kid, might remember me proudly announcing I'd realised I was hitting it too hard back in Jan 2018 and pledged to have a dry month - my birthday's on Jan 1st so I always had an issue with Dry January, see, so I thought I was doing something boss.

Well, Billy quite rightly called me out on going for the shortest month and said he wouldn't be impressed with anything less than three months..........bastard.........so I took him up on it - which wasn't easy at times - but I persisted and did it. Changed many things in my life......

I've had some more recent life upheavals, some heavy emotional shit to deal with and have had to face down some demons again, some new, others the old familiars I'd thought I'd dealt with - so this year I've decided I need a clear head again and, having missed Dry January, have decided to repeat Billy the Kid's Three Month Challenge.

I hope that, one day, I will never feel the urge to have a drink again - I'd like to reach a point where I not only don't want one but actively recoil at the thought. Maybe it'll be this year, who knows?

One thing is for sure - from May 2018 until last Xmas, I had a much better, healthier, 'responsible' relationship with booze - but I could feel it slowly slipping away - and putting on 5kgs over xmas/new year (okay, the gyms were shut but still I'm not totally stupid, I know what I was doing.........!) reminded me of the benefits of going zero.

If anyone's interested in joining me, I'm happy to go into an Accountability Buddy arrangement, with regular check-ins and support if either is struggling.

Love and light, my friends.

(In loving memory of that mad twat Carl.)

[TepidT2O]

Good luck to you... Great idea

[Slightly Less Mediocre Baron Bennekov]

How are youse all doing?

Dry January is almost over........for those doing it.

Some of you, especially Billy the Kid, might remember me proudly announcing I'd realised I was hitting it too hard back in Jan 2018 and pledged to have a dry month - my birthday's on Jan 1st so I always had an issue with Dry January, see, so I thought I was doing something boss.

Well, Billy quite rightly called me out on going for the shortest month and said he wouldn't be impressed with anything less than three months..........bastard.........so I took him up on it - which wasn't easy at times - but I persisted and did it. Changed many things in my life......

I've had some more recent life upheavals, some heavy emotional shit to deal with and have had to face down some demons again, some new, others the old familiars I'd thought I'd dealt with - so this year I've decided I need a clear head again and, having missed Dry January, have decided to repeat Billy the Kid's Three Month Challenge.

I hope that, one day, I will never feel the urge to have a drink again - I'd like to reach a point where I not only don't want one but actively recoil at the thought. Maybe it'll be this year, who knows?

One thing is for sure - from May 2018 until last Xmas, I had a much better, healthier, 'responsible' relationship with booze - but I could feel it slowly slipping away - and putting on 5kgs over xmas/new year (okay, the gyms were shut but still I'm not totally stupid, I know what I was doing.........!) reminded me of the benefits of going zero.

If anyone's interested in joining me, I'm happy to go into an Accountability Buddy arrangement, with regular check-ins and support if either is struggling.

Love and light, my friends.

(In loving memory of that mad twat Carl.)

Nigh swan, Jim! Fingers crossed here...

[Billy The Kid]

That's great to hear Jim. Good on you. Keep us posted on your progress!

[24/7]

That's great to hear Jim. Good on you. Keep us posted on your progress!

Thanks Billy!

I knew something was up when I was getting through a bottle of Spiced Rum every 2 days......slippery slope that. Also, when the gym re-opened, I was horrified to see I'd put on 7kgs over xmas/new year. Fuck THAT!! 

Just posted this on FB:

"Week 1 of the 3 month teetotal challenge, plus 1 day a week in Feb as a vegan.

Success on both fronts!

The food thing - it's surprisingly good - have found a block of 'fake' cheddar, as good as any ordinary one, which is great (grate! haha!) and also a fake cheese spread which is better than Philadelphia and not much more expensive 🙂

As for the zero alcohol thing, I had a couple of reminders of how times will test me on that one - watching my team lose at football twice when sober is, well, sobering.......also, other trigger points, like being on me tod on a Friday night when in the past I'd be on the lash with colleagues and friends.......

How to get past these? Self-discipline? Not always - just self-love and reminding myself why I'm doing it....

Top Tip - look in the mirror in your birthday suit and see the wobbly bits you're working hard at losing cos you want to be healthier and fitter 🤔🤣

Bye, bye love handles and cake belly! ❣

Week 2 starts tomorrow. 83 days to go."

[unclebob]

Good on you Jim, don't get on here much these days but I pop in now and again. I sure like a lot of the lads on here past and present we know how hard that it can be. Good on you for sticking at it.

[Nobby Reserve]

How to get past these? Self-discipline? Not always - just self-love and reminding myself why I'm doing it....

Yeah, I always find having a wank distracts me from my troubles, too.

 

[24/7]

Yeah, I always find having a wank distracts me from my troubles, too.

 

Haha you loon! Lie down on your arm for an hour, then do it - feels like someone else then.........

Week Two - feeling great! I remember last time I did this having bad cravings at first - not getting them this time - I guess my lifestyle and circumstances are much better (in relative terms, not material ones - which is also significant - meaning I've let go of a lot previous attachments to things and stuff.........fuck, I'm either getting old or going almost full zen.............om mani padme hum <3 )

[Andy @ Allerton!]

Thank you all for the kind words. I appreciate it greatly. I suppose its the shock of it that makes you question if you could have done more 

Really sorry to hear that and I've been in a similar situation.

You wish you could have 'said this' or 'done that' but really their mind is made up.

Sorry for your loss, but as people said don't blame yourself. Nothing you could have done other than what you tried to do..