This is exactly my position. You get a much better discussion when you allow both sides equal airtime, trolling and ad hominems aside obviously. We never get to an age when we are finished learning. There is a lesson in everything if you remain open minded. I have a problem with people throwing accusations around because they are either easily triggered or feel the need to be offended on behalf of a group of people they don’t identify with. “Racist” .... “Transphobe” ... it’s easy and it’s also actually the worst form of bullying and ‘hate speech’ there is, dishing out labels that are harmful and potentially mentally damaging. Those doing it are using double standards. You don’t encourage a loving, welcoming, we’re all equal here atmosphere by being more hateful back especially when what these people are railing against was accidental or unintentional or simply not there, unlike their responses which are intentionally hurtful.
Like you SoS, I read this forum for about a year before joining. I was impressed with the level of intelligent conversation and honestly you are one of the leading lights in that respect. You are balanced and open in your approach. I find myself agreeing with practically everything you say although, as you’ve pointed out, we won’t agree on any religious discussions, not that I have any intention of getting involved in that topic either. I must admit that prior to registering on here, while browsing I only focused on about three threads, transfers, match day and Everton and didn’t explore the site any further so was unaware of all the off topic content. I found out the hard way (after joining) by venturing onto an American politics thread and truth be told it completely altered my view of how welcoming this place seemed as I couldn’t have got the message any clearer that anything I had to say was neither wanted nor welcomed. Assumptions were made that were way off the mark. I will never try a political debate again. I have never and will never understand how you can hate someone based on their political view. It’s funny how those trying to shut down perceived transphobia or whatever don’t see the irony, hypocrisy of harbouring vehement hatred for those with an opposite political view. It’s a funny old world!
As far as the internet goes, this site is very good indeed. I wouldn't bother with it otherwise. I've never knowingly met anyone off here, but there are a lot of people I have the utmost respect for and time for. There really are a hell of a lot of damn fine human beings on here. We won't all agree on everything, but that's fine. That's life. If we can disagree in a respectful manner, then even better. We can all lose our rag under certain circumstances though. We are all human, and what triggers me may be water off a duck's back for someone else. Vice versa applies there too.
I agree with you regarding learning. I'm 58 but I learn something new every day. That process only stops the day we check out and pop our clogs. We rarely learn much by only being around those who think and feel exactly the same as we do, so it's good that we can hear others out, get their perspectives and understand their mindset a bit more. If, on reflection, we still disagree with them, then fine. At least we've heard each other out and maybe learned a little from each other.
In the modern age everything is a bit of a minefield though. What is deemed acceptable changes so fast that it's hard to keep up. My area is in counselling/therapy, as is my partner's, and in that we see acceptable terms changing all the time. In an age where many seem to relish taking offence on behalf of others, this can be a real minefield that can sometimes see something innocuous blowing up in your face.
In my time on other forums (mental health) I've witnessed heterosexuals being offended on behalf of gay people when even gay people responding to the thread have said they are not offended, so don't be so on our behalf. Same thing with some I've seen going on about some vague, perceived slight against Transpeople and who have then gone on to double down and argue against the Transpeople contributing in reply whilst pushing their right to be offended on their behalf. All the time, completely ignoring the thoughts and feelings of those they are supposedly standing up for. It's rather bizarre when you think about it.
I've related some very deep and personal stuff on certain topics in my time. Topics where I've lived the life and walked in the shoes. Then I've had certain people who wouldn't have a clue about it because they've admitted they've never been there and never gone through it, tell me I'm wrong because they see it all differently. There are many out there who will completely invalidate your own life experience because it doesn't fit their view. Again, it's all so bizarre.
Thing is, on the internet, too many think it's all about winning. You have to win a debate, win an argument, and your viewpoint has to win over other viewpoints. This often means that views become entrenched and no one is prepared to listen to what others have to say. So, nothing is learned from any of it. It's a pretty immature way of conversing with fellow human beings really. It also often sees the defender of all things become the bully they never set out to be and never really wanted to be.
All things considered though, this site is brilliant. Nothing's perfect, of course, and never can be. It's a big and very diverse community, and I love that about it. It must be tricky to moderate and try to keep everyone happy too. I wouldn't want the task myself. I think the mods do a great job, because it's rare I ever see stuff that I think went over the top but was left to fester too long. I don't read every thread of course, so I may miss stuff, but from what I do see, this is one of the best moderated sites I've seen.
Like in any walk of life, there will always be topics that trigger extreme reactions in some people. It's no different on here. In the current climate of Brexit, Trump, pandemic and all the stress and fear they stir in people it's no surprise that things like politics, religion and similar topics might see some of us blow a fuse. Heads are choc-full anyway, and certain topics can see things overflow. It's all quite human, even if it isn't all that helpful or productive in any sense other than blowing off steam.