Author Topic: Seinfeld  (Read 111601 times)

Offline bellinter

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Re: Seinfeld
« Reply #80 on: February 16, 2007, 04:28:03 pm »
5 is one of my least favourite personally. Series 3 for me is the best.

the mango, the puffy shirt, the marine biologist, the fire, the hamptons & the opposite are among the best of the whole series i think.
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Offline dante

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Re: Seinfeld
« Reply #81 on: February 16, 2007, 04:39:44 pm »
I have 6 seasons at my disposal.
I'm currently home, resting & recovering from a ball-operation.

I've seen them all, but which season(s) should I watch today?
a what-operation ?  :o

Offline Fred Madison

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Re: Seinfeld
« Reply #82 on: February 16, 2007, 05:19:56 pm »
a what-operation ?  :o
You've read it right.
Pretty painful.

Offline Art Vandelay

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Re: Seinfeld
« Reply #83 on: February 16, 2007, 05:25:01 pm »
He's a bubble boy!


Moors!
Moops!
Moors!
Moops!
"And on the pedestal these words appear: 'My name is Ozymandias, King of Kings: Look on my works, ye Mighty, and despair!' Nothing beside remains."

Offline Tom_B

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Re: Seinfeld
« Reply #84 on: February 16, 2007, 05:25:04 pm »
the mango, the puffy shirt, the marine biologist, the fire, the hamptons & the opposite are among the best of the whole series i think.

Of course, I was actually thinking of 6 before, not 5 when I wrote what I did. 5 is one of the best.
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Offline Art Vandelay

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Re: Seinfeld
« Reply #85 on: February 17, 2007, 11:29:04 pm »
"I would drape myself in velvet if it were socially acceptable."
"And on the pedestal these words appear: 'My name is Ozymandias, King of Kings: Look on my works, ye Mighty, and despair!' Nothing beside remains."

Offline Father Ted

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Re: Seinfeld
« Reply #86 on: February 17, 2007, 11:46:07 pm »
Jerry: So you feel women and children first, in this day and age, is somewhat of an antiquated notion?
George: To some degree.
Jerry: So basically, it's every man, woman, child, and invalid for themselves...
George: In a manner of speaking.

Offline Tom_B

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Re: Seinfeld
« Reply #87 on: February 18, 2007, 02:42:13 am »
GEORGE: I've got some plans. I got plans.
JERRY: What kind of plans?
GEORGE: What's the difference?
JERRY: You don't wanna tell me?
GEORGE: I'm gonna slip him a mickey.
JERRY: What? In his drink? Are you outta your mind? What? Are you Peter Lorre?
GEORGE: You don't understand. He's got this big party coming up. He's been looking forward to this for months. This is gonna destroy the whole thing.
JERRY: What if you destroy him?
GEORGE: No. No. No. No. No. Don't worry. It's perfectly safe. I researched it. He'll get a little woozy. He might keel over.
JERRY: Well, wha - what does that do? Big deal.
GEORGE: This is what they would do in the movies! It's a beautiful thing! It's like a movie! I'm gonna slip him a mickey!
JERRY: You've really gone mental.
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Offline bellinter

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Re: Seinfeld
« Reply #88 on: February 20, 2007, 01:46:28 pm »
was watching the first few episodes again over the weekend.....

when Jerry is playing scrabble with his mother, and Kramer tells her to use the word 'quone'

Jerry: "Quone"? No, I'm afraid that I'm going to have to challenge that.

Kramer: No, you don't have to challenge that. That's a word. That's a *definite* word.

Jerry: I am challenging...

Kramer: Quone: to quone something.

as if that was all the proof needed  :D
In ceremonies of the horsemen, even the pawn must hold a grudge.

Offline bryanod

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Re: Seinfeld
« Reply #89 on: February 20, 2007, 02:24:51 pm »
yesterdays episode...the labelmaker

Kramer and Newman are on a subway car, the Risk board sits on their laps.

Newman:  Are you sure you know where the impound yard is?
Kramer:  Oh, stop stalling.  Come on.
Newman:  I can't think, there's all this noise.
Kramer:  Or is it because I've built a stronghold around Greenland?  I've driven
you out of Western Europe and I've left you teetering on the brink of complete
annihilation.
Newman:  I'm not beaten yet.  I still have armies in the Ukraine.
Kramer:  Ha ha, the Ukraine.  Do you know what the Ukraine is?  It's a sitting
duck.  A road apple, Newman.  The Ukraine is weak.  It's feeble.  I think it's
time to put the hurt on the Ukraine.
Ukrainian:  I come from Ukraine.  You not say Ukraine weak.
Kramer:  Yeah, well we're playing a game here, pal.
Ukrainian:  Ukraine is game to you?!  Howbout I take your little board and smash
it!!

The Ukrainian pounds the game board, destroying it and sending army pieces
flying.
Men of lofty genius when they are doing the least work are most active

- Leonardo Da Vinci

Offline dante

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Re: Seinfeld
« Reply #90 on: February 20, 2007, 03:42:02 pm »
Telemarketer: Would you be interested in a subscription to the New York Times?
Jerry: Yes.
[hangs up]



Elaine: All right, let's go, I'll give you half an hour.
Jerry: You're serious?
Elaine: Jerry, we have to have sex to save the friendship.
Jerry: Sex to SAVE the friendship. Well if we have to, we have to.



Jerry: This isn't a good time.
Telemarketer: When would be a good time to call back, sir?
Jerry: I have an idea, why don't you give me your home number and I'll call you back later?
Telemarketer: Umm, we're not allowed to do that.
Jerry: Oh, I guess because you don't want strangers calling you at home.
Telemarketer: Umm, no.
Jerry: Well, now you know how I feel.
[hangs up phone]
« Last Edit: February 20, 2007, 03:46:38 pm by dante »

Offline theCanadian

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Re: Seinfeld
« Reply #91 on: February 20, 2007, 05:01:35 pm »
The Serenity Now episode is my favorite.
Those who dwell, as scientists or laymen, among the beauties and mysteries of the earth are never alone or weary of life. - Rachel Carson

Offline bellinter

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Re: Seinfeld
« Reply #92 on: February 20, 2007, 05:08:29 pm »
Frank: I got no leg room back here. Move your seat forward.
Estelle: That's as far as it goes.
Frank: There's a mechanism. You just pull it, and throw your body weight.
Estelle: I pulled it. It doesn't go.
Frank: If you want the leg room, say you want the leg room! Don't blame the mechanism!
George: All right, Dad, we're five blocks from the house. Sit sideways.
Frank: Like an animal. Because of her, I have to sit here like an animal! Serenity now! Serenity now!
In ceremonies of the horsemen, even the pawn must hold a grudge.

Offline Art Vandelay

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Re: Seinfeld
« Reply #93 on: February 20, 2007, 05:12:59 pm »
Who's gonna turn down a Junior Mint? It's chocolate, it's peppermint -- it's delicious!
"And on the pedestal these words appear: 'My name is Ozymandias, King of Kings: Look on my works, ye Mighty, and despair!' Nothing beside remains."

Offline Tom_B

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Re: Seinfeld
« Reply #94 on: February 20, 2007, 05:16:21 pm »
Jerry: Over the balcony, bounced off some respirator thing into the patient!
George: What do you mean "into the patient?"
Jerry: Into the patient, literally!
George: Into the hole?
Jerry: Yes, the hole!
George: Didn't they notice it?
Jerry: No!
George: How could they not notice it?!
Jerry: Because it's a little mint. It's a Junior Mint.
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Offline bellinter

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Re: Seinfeld
« Reply #95 on: February 21, 2007, 11:25:51 am »
The Gymnast

KATYA: In my country, they speak of a man so virile, so potent, that to spend a night with such a man is to enter a world of such sensual delights most women dare not dream of. This man is known as the "Comedian". You may tell jokes, Mr. Jerry Seinfeld, but you are no Comedian.
In ceremonies of the horsemen, even the pawn must hold a grudge.

Offline dante

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Re: Seinfeld
« Reply #96 on: February 21, 2007, 11:27:00 am »
The Gymnast

KATYA: In my country, they speak of a man so virile, so potent, that to spend a night with such a man is to enter a world of such sensual delights most women dare not dream of. This man is known as the "Comedian". You may tell jokes, Mr. Jerry Seinfeld, but you are no Comedian.

ouch   ;D

Offline Art Vandelay

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Re: Seinfeld
« Reply #97 on: February 22, 2007, 11:56:30 pm »
George: Ah, you have no idea of the magnitude of this thing. If she is allowed to infiltrate this world, then George Costanza as you know him,ceases to exist! You see, right now, I have Relationship George, but there is also Independent George. That's the George you know, the George you grew up with -- Movie George, Coffee Shop George, Liar George, Bawdy George.

Jerry: I, I love that George.

George: Me too! And he's dying Jerry! If Relationship George walks through this door, he will kill Independent George! A George, divided against itself, cannot stand!
"And on the pedestal these words appear: 'My name is Ozymandias, King of Kings: Look on my works, ye Mighty, and despair!' Nothing beside remains."

Offline slamjam

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Re: Seinfeld
« Reply #98 on: February 23, 2007, 10:02:00 am »
Mr. Lippman: It's come to my attention that you and the cleaning woman have engaged in sexual intercourse on the desk in your office. Is that correct?
George Costanza: Who said that?
Mr. Lippman: She did.
George Costanza: [pause] Was that wrong? Should I not have done that? I tell you, I gotta plead ignorence on this thing, because if anyone had said anything to me at all when I first started here that that sort of thing is frowned upon... you know, cause I've worked in a lot of offices, and I tell you, people do that all the time.
Mr. Lippman: You're fired!
George Costanza: Well, you didn't have to say it like that.


[staff meeting at J. Peterman; Anna, one of Elaine's employees, enters wearing George's Yankee jacket]
Elaine: Anna, whose jacket is that?
Anna: It's mine.
Elaine: Oh really? Because, it looks a bit big on you. It looks like something a short, stocky, slow-witted bald man would wear.

George Costanza: My father was a quitter, my grandfather was a quitter, I was raised to give up. It's one of the few things I do well.

Jerry: [George comes out of the doctor's office looking puzzled] So how was it?
George Costanza: I was in there for two minutes. He didn't do anything: touch this / feel that, 75 bucks.
Jerry: Well, its a first visit.
George Costanza: Well, its 75 bucks. What, am I seeing Sinatra in there? Am I being entertained? I don't understand this.
[long pause]
George Costanza: I'm only paying half.
Jerry: You can't do that.
George Costanza: Why not?
Jerry: He's a doctor. You gotta pay what he says.
George Costanza: Oh no, no, no, no, no. I pay what I say.

George Costanza: So I tell her, 'I think I should leave now'. And she looks at me surprised as if she couldn't understand what had just happened and why I was leaving... The only excuse that I could fathom would be acceptable is to tell her that I am indeed Batman, and I'm sorry I just saw that Bat signal out the window.

Offline bryanod

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Re: Seinfeld
« Reply #99 on: February 23, 2007, 11:29:24 am »
Newman- "You want to know why you can't go in front first? I'll tell you why. Because it signals a breakdown in the social order. Chaos. It reduces us to jungle law."

Elaine "You gotta open the vault."
Jerry "Open my vault?"
Elaine "Open your vault."
Jerry "Once I open the vault, it ceases to be a vault."
Elaine "You have no choice."
Jerry "Oy ga-vault."


"The jerk store called, they're running out of you!"

"I'm going with jerk store. Jerk store is the line. Jerk store!"

"Jerk store would've smoked that guy!"

"It's smart. It's a smart line, and a smart crowd will appreciate it. And I'm not going to dumb it down for some bonehead mass audience!"

"You know, George, the ocean called. They're running out of shrimp."
"Oh yeah, Riley? Well, the jerk store called. They're running out of you!"
"What's the difference? You're their all-time best seller."

:lmao

« Last Edit: February 23, 2007, 11:31:18 am by bryanodowd »
Men of lofty genius when they are doing the least work are most active

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Offline bellinter

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Re: Seinfeld
« Reply #100 on: February 23, 2007, 11:36:51 am »
Yeah? Well, I had sex with your wife.
In ceremonies of the horsemen, even the pawn must hold a grudge.

Offline bryanod

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Re: Seinfeld
« Reply #101 on: February 23, 2007, 11:47:19 am »
Yeah? Well, I had sex with your wife.

His wife is in a coma.
Men of lofty genius when they are doing the least work are most active

- Leonardo Da Vinci

Offline Tom_B

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Re: Seinfeld
« Reply #102 on: February 23, 2007, 01:24:37 pm »
His wife is in a coma.

GEORGE: 'My wife's in a coma.' Yeah? Well, the life support machine called and... Wait! Yes! That's what I should've said! D'ohh! Huh haha! You're meat, Reilly! You just screwed yourself! Ha ha!
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Offline bryanod

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Re: Seinfeld
« Reply #103 on: February 26, 2007, 12:04:06 pm »
Jerry: Looking at cleavage is like looking at the sun. You don't stare at it. It's too risky. Ya get a sense of it and then you look away.
Men of lofty genius when they are doing the least work are most active

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Offline bellinter

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Re: Seinfeld
« Reply #104 on: March 2, 2007, 06:26:07 pm »
Elaine: Did you read the whole thing?
Kramer: Oh! yeah.
Elaine: Huh . So What's it about?
Kramer: Well it's a story about love, deception, greed, lust and...unbridled enthusiasm.
Elaine: unbridled enthusiasm...?
Kramer: Well , that's what led to Billy Mumphrey's downfall.
Elaine: Oh! boy.
Kramer: You see Elaine, Billy was a simple country boy. You might say a cockeyed optimist, who got himself mixed up in the high stakes game of world diplomacy and international intrigue.
Elaine: Oh! my God.
In ceremonies of the horsemen, even the pawn must hold a grudge.

Offline Art Vandelay

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Re: Seinfeld
« Reply #105 on: March 5, 2007, 03:30:07 pm »
[Jerry reads newspaper]
Jerry: Hospital receives grant to conduct DNA research. Government funds genetic research at area hospital... Yeah, so?
Kramer: Pigman, baby. Pigman.
Elaine: Oh, if I hear about this pigman one more time...
Kramer: I'm tellin ya the pigman is alive. The governments been experimenting with pigmen since the fifties.
Jerry: Will you stop it. Just because a hospital gets a grant to study DNA doesn't mean they are creating a race of mutant pigmen.
Kramer: Oh. Jerry wake up to reality. It's military thing. They're probably creating a whole army of pig warriors.
George: I wish there were pigmen. You get a few of these pigmen walking around I'm looking a whole lot better. Then if somebody wants to fix me up at least they could say, Hey he's no pig-man!
Jerry: Believe me, there'd be plenty of women going for the pigmen. No matter what the deformity you'll find some group of perverts attracted to it. Ooo that little tail turns me on.
"And on the pedestal these words appear: 'My name is Ozymandias, King of Kings: Look on my works, ye Mighty, and despair!' Nothing beside remains."

Offline Brian Blessed

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Re: Seinfeld
« Reply #106 on: March 5, 2007, 05:36:52 pm »
You stole my Jesus fish!

Offline dante

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Re: Seinfeld
« Reply #107 on: March 29, 2007, 12:29:00 pm »
"This is going to be my first opportunity to not kiss her hello."
    "What is the big deal about putting your lips on somebody's face?"
"It's the obligation. You know, as soon as this person comes in, you know you have to do this. I mean, if you could, say, touch a breast as part of the kiss hello, then I think I could see the value in it a little better."
    "How about an intercourse hello? How would that be?"
    - Jerry and Elaine, in "The Kiss Hello"

Offline bellinter

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Re: Seinfeld
« Reply #108 on: March 29, 2007, 01:17:06 pm »
a good bump dante!
In ceremonies of the horsemen, even the pawn must hold a grudge.

Offline bryanod

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Re: Seinfeld
« Reply #109 on: March 29, 2007, 01:58:11 pm »
Cosmo Kramer: The bus is outta control. So I grab him by the collar, I take him out of the seat, I get behind the wheel, and now I'm driving the bus.
Jerry: Wow.
George Costanza: You're Batman.
Cosmo Kramer: Yeah, yeah, I am Batman. Then the mugger, he comes to and he starts choking me. So I'm fighting him off with one hand and I kept driving the bus with the other, ya know. Then I managed to open up the door and I kicked him out the door, ya know, with my foot, ya know, at the next stop.
Jerry: You kept making all the stops?
Cosmo Kramer: Well, people kept ringing the bell.
Men of lofty genius when they are doing the least work are most active

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Offline brendanbrady

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Re: Seinfeld
« Reply #110 on: March 29, 2007, 02:18:49 pm »
As a huge NY Mets fan, I have to say the Keith Hernandez 2-part episode is the best.

"Who's this chucker?"

Offline bellinter

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Re: Seinfeld
« Reply #111 on: March 29, 2007, 02:22:48 pm »
I have to dribble, if I give it to you, you just shoot!!


Babu: Very good.

Jerry (thinking): Very good? No, not very good, very great. I am very, very great.
In ceremonies of the horsemen, even the pawn must hold a grudge.

Offline brendanbrady

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Re: Seinfeld
« Reply #112 on: March 29, 2007, 02:22:49 pm »
He is a good time killer if you are bored at work:

http://www.seinfeldscripts.com/

Offline bellinter

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Re: Seinfeld
« Reply #113 on: March 29, 2007, 02:23:58 pm »
He is a good time killer if you are bored at work:

http://www.seinfeldscripts.com/

many a boring day has this site got me through! :D

useful for the copy/paste for this thread too ;)
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Offline Father Ted

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Re: Seinfeld
« Reply #114 on: March 29, 2007, 03:20:38 pm »
Frank Costanza: I got no leg room back here. Move your seat forward.
Estelle: That's as far as it goes.
Frank: There's a mechanism. You just pull it, and throw your body weight.
Estelle: I pulled it. It doesn't go.
Frank: If you want the leg room, say you want the leg room! Don't blame the mechanism!
George: All right, Dad, we're five blocks from the house. Sit sideways.
Frank: Like an animal. Because of her, I have to sit here like an animal! Serenity now! Serenity now!
George: What is that?
Frank: Doctor gave me a relaxation cassette. When my blood pressure gets too high, the man on the tape tells me to say, 'Serenity now!'
George: Are you supposed to yell it?
Frank: The man on the tape wasn't specific.

Offline Garstonite

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Re: Seinfeld
« Reply #115 on: March 29, 2007, 03:26:23 pm »
Seinfeld never seems to be on anymore. Which is a shame.

Offline bellinter

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Re: Seinfeld
« Reply #116 on: March 29, 2007, 04:04:26 pm »
Seinfeld never seems to be on anymore. Which is a shame.

time to come to ireland, lad, on Channel 6 every night ;)
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Offline bryanod

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Re: Seinfeld
« Reply #117 on: March 29, 2007, 08:23:19 pm »
Oh, Elaine. The toll road of denial is a long and dangerous one. The price? Your soul.

Oh, and by the way, you have til' 5:00 to clear out your desk. You're fired.
Men of lofty genius when they are doing the least work are most active

- Leonardo Da Vinci

Offline Tom_B

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Re: Seinfeld
« Reply #118 on: March 29, 2007, 08:48:26 pm »
Seinfeld never seems to be on anymore. Which is a shame.

Paramount lost the rights to it.

I am grateful for my DVD sets and my downloaded episodes.
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Offline RedTerry

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Re: Seinfeld
« Reply #119 on: March 30, 2007, 01:44:02 am »
I've never seen an episode. I don't know why.
"Who's bigger than Liverpool?" Jamie Carragher when asked by Sky Sports if he'd thought of moving to a bigger club.