I have a story for you all, but be warned before reading, it is a bit vile and contains strong sexual references. Viewer discretion is advised.
A lad I know lived at home with his parents, along with his mothers dog. It was a little Jack Russell, but it had been trying everyone's patience as it was taking ages to train it not to shit in the house. After about 6 months or so, it had gotten better but every now and then it'd do a turd in the house.
"If that dog shits in here one more time, I'm going to get it put down" said the mother one afternoon. Slightly harsh you migh think, but after six months of cleaning up shit, she'd obviously reached the end of her teather.
One night, my mate's parents had gone out so he had the house to himself. He invited his girlfriend down, and they proceeded to get a bit drunk on beer and wine, and also polished off a curry from the take-away. Beef I think it was, possibly chicken, either way it's not important.
With a belly full of food and alcohol, they decide to take advantage of the empty house with a little bit of 'How's Your Father', or 'sex', depending on what you call it. Anyway, they are at it on the couch, when she says, ever so delightly:
"Bend me over and do me from behind"
He obliges, and as he's doing it, he let's out an SBD. They both know it's happened, the smell is so bad, but they're busy so carry on.
What happens next is equally as disgusting as it is hilarious. Without knowing her exact words, she basically told him to give her a bit of anal sex. Lucky man you might think? Think again!
Just before he 'enters the tunnel' or 'puts his penis in her anus', if you aren't good at innuendoes, the girl let's out a rasping fart.
"Oh my God. Sorry. I'm so embarrassed" she said drunkenly.
My mate says it's ok, mainly becuase he wants to give her some bum love. Both regain composure and begin the anal sex, when she says "My stomach feels weird, you'll have to stop." With that, he removes himself from her backside, and she immediately drops a fart. But this isn't any fart, it's a shart! She shits all over him and the couch! He's obviously pissed off and runs straight to the shower leaving the girl crying downstairs. He gets clean and goes downstairs to find her trying to clean the couch. The problem is, it's a fabric couch and the wet poo has soaked in. They try all they can, but it's stained and stinks.
They loose track of time, and as they're cleaning, in walk his folks. Luckly, my mate and his girl are bow dressed, but the living room stinks of crap. When theology asks what's happened, he says "Your stupid dog pooed on the couch"
The mum buys the story, and the girlfriend is relieved to know that the shit hasn't hit the fan (just the couch!)
The lad and his girl go off to bed, wake up the next morning and go downstairs. The room still stinks, but mum and dad are gone. When they arrive back, mum has a tear in her eye.
"What's up mum"
"We've just had the dog put down, if it's shitting on the couch, we can't keep it, plus the smell was so bad, he must be really ill"
