Topic: Alcohol Issues - The Carl van Riel Memorial Thread

[Terry de Niro]

I’m not that smart - could I send it you to share? It’s pretty cool - it’s a vid.

Please do mate.

[ToneLa]

I have a lovely rendition that Carl made for me of Eric’s claptons wonderful tonight, the record is too large to share on here - if anybody can help find a way to share it I’d be much appreciated.

It was Carl at his best on his guitar.

https://mega.io/

[ToneLa]

it's been a year today, sober for an entire year

a year that has seen:

- my father dying
- a promotion at work
- xmas on my own
- meeting a hero of mine with him trying to buy me drinks
- going out with me bird round London 4 times
- maintaining a social life in Liverpool

In other words,
No, it's not the magic bullet to a better life

But fuck me I wish I did this ten years ago.

Here's how it started:

I was sitting off on Lark Lane in the sun, with a 0% Erdinger with my mate, sunglasses on. And just the idea that.. it "isn't real" because I'm missing 3% of some chemical? Absolute bollocks.

I went to AA
I learned CBT

But mostly, I've been in the moment

The biggest win apart from my overall fitness, is the guarantee of tomorrow

No more wasted mornings, no more lost time, no more regrettable moods

My life is my own. To fuck up my own way

The sheer continuity of life.

When the choice is booze.. or everything... Booze can't win.

It wasn't easy, but it was a lot easier than I thought it would be before I did it.

Going the Smoke in a couple weeks, I love the sheer amount of 0% bars there. I'm lucky to have a partner and friends who let me get on with it - and I've had a few people not really get the idea of not drinking, which is more their problem than mine!

But I've done a year. And I doubt I'll have a year this bad anytime soon. That's me dad gone, now. If I drank then, I don't think anyone would have said owt.

But I gave my word.

Not to me bird.

Not to my mates.

To myself.

Once you break a promise to yourself, the gig is fucked.

Here's to another year of sobriety
And another
And another

And anyone who hasn't made the leap yet - on the other side of it you have the best version of yourself.

x

[spen71]

Well done Tone!   I’m 13 months myself now.  Life isn’t any easier but easier to handle while sober

[reddebs]

Congrats to all of you for taking those first steps and kept walking 👏👏👏

[AndyInVA]

Great post Tonela. Really well put.

[Peabee]

Well done, ToneLa!

[Crosby Nick]

Well done Tone!

[LuverlyRita]

it's been a year today, sober for an entire year

a year that has seen:

- my father dying
- a promotion at work
- xmas on my own
- meeting a hero of mine with him trying to buy me drinks
- going out with me bird round London 4 times
- maintaining a social life in Liverpool

In other words,
No, it's not the magic bullet to a better life

But fuck me I wish I did this ten years ago.

Here's how it started:

I was sitting off on Lark Lane in the sun, with a 0% Erdinger with my mate, sunglasses on. And just the idea that.. it "isn't real" because I'm missing 3% of some chemical? Absolute bollocks.

I went to AA
I learned CBT

But mostly, I've been in the moment

The biggest win apart from my overall fitness, is the guarantee of tomorrow

No more wasted mornings, no more lost time, no more regrettable moods

My life is my own. To fuck up my own way

The sheer continuity of life.

When the choice is booze.. or everything... Booze can't win.

It wasn't easy, but it was a lot easier than I thought it would be before I did it.

Going the Smoke in a couple weeks, I love the sheer amount of 0% bars there. I'm lucky to have a partner and friends who let me get on with it - and I've had a few people not really get the idea of not drinking, which is more their problem than mine!

But I've done a year. And I doubt I'll have a year this bad anytime soon. That's me dad gone, now. If I drank then, I don't think anyone would have said owt.

But I gave my word.

Not to me bird.

Not to my mates.

To myself.

Once you break a promise to yourself, the gig is fucked.

Here's to another year of sobriety
And another
And another

And anyone who hasn't made the leap yet - on the other side of it you have the best version of yourself.

x

In amongst all the current doom and gloom, that was a really welcome feelgood post    A really great achievement and long may it continue.

[Draex]

Hello all, I come asking for some help for my best friend whose hit crisis point. I post this with a lot of ignorance so I apolgise if I get anything wrong.

He's always been a heavy drinker, always the one drinking gin "hair of the dog" the day after a night out and this progressed to hiding his drinking through multiple relationships but he's always been a fully functioning alcoholic, but would never admit this but it's never been a big problem bar it's cost him a couple of relationships.

Over the last 12 months though he is slowly spiralled down, he was in quite a toxic relationship which didn't help, his drinking increased to the point he collapsed at work and ended signed off sick and into full blown drinking during the day, not going outside and when I met up with him to get him out for a walk he'd be pretty much paralytic and saying some pretty dark thinks, which culminating in us getting him into the priory for 30 days. This seemed to be the detox he needed but it felt from my perspective he never fully commited to stopping drinking, or filling the void with something else (exercise etc.) he continually mentioned getting back to managing his drink.

He came out and for a month or so he was great but quite heavily medicated but he was reducing that down till he started to drink again, this had led to him losing his job and he's now right back to sitting at home drinking. Tonight he's text his ex with suicidal thoughts, and said similar to me so it's clearly escalating.

I'm really at a loss of what to advise, what to do, I keep trying to get him to move back in with his parents but I understand (from others perspectives) he was physically/mentally abused by his dad as a kid and thats where his anxiety comes from, hence the drinking originally. I also have tried to get him to book back in with the priory for a 5 day detox they do but he's really against that because the last stay whilst the detox worked there were sadly some very unwell people there which I witnessed myself and I think he's convinced himself that actually took himself backwards. I've messaged his family so waiting on them confirming they're going round (he's got 2 local brothers).

So yeah any advice I can use would be really appreciated, I'm shit scared of making things worse.

[spen71]

If he is drinking that much he defo needs a medical detox.  Doing it on your own is very dangerous as i know.  The main problem you have is that he won’t admit he has a problem,  you can’t force him to go into detox he has to do it himself.   Did they make him go to any meetings while he was in rehab?    If works for many many people but he has to be committed.

[Draex]

If he is drinking that much he defo needs a medical detox.  Doing it on your own is very dangerous as i know.  The main problem you have is that he won’t admit he has a problem,  you can’t force him to go into detox he has to do it himself.   Did they make him go to any meetings while he was in rehab?    If works for many many people but he has to be committed.

Thanks for the response, yeah I think he keeps trying to do the detox on his own, getting horrific withdrawal and drinks again.

He did but he found AA a little bit religious, but you’re right he never committed, I’ll keep seeing/speaking to him and try and get him home for some mum support.

[John C]

I know a lot of people have made a lot of effort over the years in this thread to provide good advice, but if anyone really needs help I think the best post I've seen is from Tonela above.
There's so many poignant and punchy lines that can be shared.

Well done Tone and good luck to you lad.

[spen71]

Thanks for the response, yeah I think he keeps trying to do the detox on his own, getting horrific withdrawal and drinks again.

He did but he found AA a little bit religious, but you’re right he never committed, I’ll keep seeing/speaking to him and try and get him home for some mum support.

The withdrawals are horrid and they get worse each time someone goes through them.    It’s called the kindling effect.

As well as AA, he could try smart recovery, which is more CBT based

[Draex]

The withdrawals are horrid and they get worse each time someone goes through them.    It’s called the kindling effect.

As well as AA, he could try smart recovery, which is more CBT based

Thanks spen, I'll suggest that to him.

[spen71]

Thanks spen, I'll suggest that to him.

No prob Draex.

Alcohol is a bugger to kick,  I tried for years.   It’s so entwined in our whole lives.   Massive changes have to be made.

[DangerScouse]

Fair fucking play, Tone! 👏

[AndyInVA]

Hello all, I come asking for some help for my best friend whose hit crisis point. I post this with a lot of ignorance so I apolgise if I get anything wrong.

He's always been a heavy drinker, always the one drinking gin "hair of the dog" the day after a night out and this progressed to hiding his drinking through multiple relationships but he's always been a fully functioning alcoholic, but would never admit this but it's never been a big problem bar it's cost him a couple of relationships.

Over the last 12 months though he is slowly spiralled down, he was in quite a toxic relationship which didn't help, his drinking increased to the point he collapsed at work and ended signed off sick and into full blown drinking during the day, not going outside and when I met up with him to get him out for a walk he'd be pretty much paralytic and saying some pretty dark thinks, which culminating in us getting him into the priory for 30 days. This seemed to be the detox he needed but it felt from my perspective he never fully commited to stopping drinking, or filling the void with something else (exercise etc.) he continually mentioned getting back to managing his drink.

He came out and for a month or so he was great but quite heavily medicated but he was reducing that down till he started to drink again, this had led to him losing his job and he's now right back to sitting at home drinking. Tonight he's text his ex with suicidal thoughts, and said similar to me so it's clearly escalating.

I'm really at a loss of what to advise, what to do, I keep trying to get him to move back in with his parents but I understand (from others perspectives) he was physically/mentally abused by his dad as a kid and thats where his anxiety comes from, hence the drinking originally. I also have tried to get him to book back in with the priory for a 5 day detox they do but he's really against that because the last stay whilst the detox worked there were sadly some very unwell people there which I witnessed myself and I think he's convinced himself that actually took himself backwards. I've messaged his family so waiting on them confirming they're going round (he's got 2 local brothers).

So yeah any advice I can use would be really appreciated, I'm shit scared of making things worse.

Trying to quit while on your own with no support network I think would be very very difficult. Clearly his parents may not be the answer and often that kind of personality has torched a lot of relationships alpng the way.

My biggest suggestion is to push him towards a group of like minded people trying to do the same thing. AA does genuinely have some pseudo religous sounding mantras but once you get past that and see it as a positive organisation trying to do good in the world then it can be helpful. Also getting a good sponsor can be a huge benefit.

His situation sounds terrible and he is lucky to have you as a friend.

Geeting through it on your own will be almost impossible, he will absolutely need a suppor group of some nature IMO.

[Draex]

No prob Draex.

Alcohol is a bugger to kick,  I tried for years.   It’s so entwined in our whole lives.   Massive changes have to be made.

Well everyone who battles it is a warrior in my books.

Trying to quit while on your own with no support network I think would be very very difficult. Clearly his parents may not be the answer and often that kind of personality has torched a lot of relationships alpng the way.

My biggest suggestion is to push him towards a group of like minded people trying to do the same thing. AA does genuinely have some pseudo religous sounding mantras but once you get past that and see it as a positive organisation trying to do good in the world then it can be helpful. Also getting a good sponsor can be a huge benefit.

His situation sounds terrible and he is lucky to have you as a friend.

Geeting through it on your own will be almost impossible, he will absolutely need a suppor group of some nature IMO.

Thanks for the advice, it's appreciated. I'm working with his family to get him into a detox somewhere.

[ToneLa]

Wow thanks for the feedback all - I am proud of that post, you can see the passion steamin off me

Anyone else needing to kick the drink you CAN do it, but don't be too hard on yourself either x

[damomad]

Loved your post ToneLa. I'm onto my 13th month now. Looking back at this thread, it was a few posts from some sensible heads that really helped spell out the issue to me in black and white.

I never grew out of binge drinking. I wasn't addicted to alcohol in the sense that I could happily go weeks without a drink. My issue was a complete lack of control on a binge, not even in the volume drank but the behaviours. Just really embarrassing shit that would set me back mentally for a weeks. Until I did it all over again.

The part about it not being a magic bullet is completely true. Life will forever create its own problems beyond our control. Those are more than enough to deal with than creating more for ourselves.

[Johnny Foreigner]

So how are people doing and thinking about the upcoming holiday period ? Myself have been dry for a couple of months now and actually looking forward to the first alcohol free christmas for god knows how many years. made the final call some time back and feels kind of relieved after too many issues and fuck-ups. Not worried about temptations, but probably some awkward situations etc - but considering the alternative - some awkwardness is nothing really..

[spen71]

I’m 18 months sober this time around,  luckily after the first couple of months I get no cravings

[Tepid water]

Hugely impressive both of you.  You can be proud of what you’ve achieved

[DangerScouse]

Very much so. Well done lads!

[spen71]

How did all the non drinkers get on over Christmas?

[24/7]

Hugely impressive both of you.  You can be proud of what you’ve achieved

Just want to echo that. Hugely inspiring and exactly the thing we like seeing.

[BarryCrocker]

How did all the non drinkers get on over Christmas?

Just did my first one. Have surrounded myself with some quality zero alcohol options. Whether it's good beer (Nort), sparkling prosecco with non-alcoholic italian bitters or my personal favourite Four Pillars Bloody Shiraz Gin with tonic.

Still feel like I'm participating in all the festivities without any of the shittiness the next morning. It's only been 77 days and it hasn't been easy. However, not hitting the 'On' button means I don't have regrets in not hitting the 'Off' button from the previous day.

[kesey]

it's been a year today, sober for an entire year

a year that has seen:

- my father dying
- a promotion at work
- xmas on my own
- meeting a hero of mine with him trying to buy me drinks
- going out with me bird round London 4 times
- maintaining a social life in Liverpool

In other words,
No, it's not the magic bullet to a better life

But fuck me I wish I did this ten years ago.

Here's how it started:

I was sitting off on Lark Lane in the sun, with a 0% Erdinger with my mate, sunglasses on. And just the idea that.. it "isn't real" because I'm missing 3% of some chemical? Absolute bollocks.

I went to AA
I learned CBT

But mostly, I've been in the moment

The biggest win apart from my overall fitness, is the guarantee of tomorrow

No more wasted mornings, no more lost time, no more regrettable moods

My life is my own. To fuck up my own way

The sheer continuity of life.

When the choice is booze.. or everything... Booze can't win.

It wasn't easy, but it was a lot easier than I thought it would be before I did it.

Going the Smoke in a couple weeks, I love the sheer amount of 0% bars there. I'm lucky to have a partner and friends who let me get on with it - and I've had a few people not really get the idea of not drinking, which is more their problem than mine!

But I've done a year. And I doubt I'll have a year this bad anytime soon. That's me dad gone, now. If I drank then, I don't think anyone would have said owt.

But I gave my word.

Not to me bird.

Not to my mates.

To myself.

Once you break a promise to yourself, the gig is fucked.

Here's to another year of sobriety
And another
And another

And anyone who hasn't made the leap yet - on the other side of it you have the best version of yourself.

x

Well in mate !