I've certainly noticed a rise in people who are feeling depressed and down over the last few months, clearly all linked to what's been going on.
It got the point where even I could feel myself getting depressed, or rather stressed.
For years I've suffered with health anxiety, I've tried CBT but because it was a large group talking openly I just put my barriers up and said nothing.
Over the last few weeks, since the end of June really, my stomach has been playing up, bad cramps, bloating and all that. Needless to say the doctors sent me for a blood test and to take a stool sample.
The doctors weren't happy with the first sample so sent me for a second which after a few weeks came back as normal, but the pains were still there.
Anyway, long story short I convinced myself, because of my health anxiety, that it was bowel cancer. It sounds ridiculous typing it out now, but when it gets in your head its horrible. You spend hours on the internet looking at symptoms, it really is a bad situation.
Last week I finished work and took myself into A&E and asked for help. After hours of blood tests, thousands of questions and poking and prodding at my stomach I was told there was nothing significant wrong with me. They tested for everything and all looked fine.
It was then, that a beautiful young lady doctor called Emily sat on the edge of the bed and spoke candidly with me for well in excess of an hour.
Apparently the cause of my stomach problems is a combination of stress and anxiety, coupled with a poor lifestyle and diet. In the last 15 months I've lost my mum (and best friend) suddenly, had to organise her funeral, buy the house off the council, grieve for her, then one of my closest mates took his own life over Christmas. Added to that I'm a manager for 14 people in work, alongside Covid and organising working from home, one of them had a miscarriage, another found out her husband of 28 years was having an affair, so I've listened and supported them too.
The doctor said what's happened to me in 15 months should really happen over a space of years. Add to all of this my diet has been garbage during lockdown. Continual takeaways, no exercise, drinking loads, coffee etc. Plus living on my own I have nobody to reassure me (or say give yer head a wobble).
What is funny and slightly ironic is, I am a massive Only Fools & Horses fan and there is a scene in the episode Sickness and Wealth when Del Boy ends up in the hospital with a very similar thing.
So starting from now its cutting right back on the takeaways, more exercising and laying off the beers for a while. I'm starting that Intermittent Fasting which the doctor recommended (she said she'd lost four stone since January due to it) and most importantly of all I've put my name down for one-to-one counselling.
Hi mate. I can't say I'm in the least bit surprised by your post. I've sort of followed your posts around your issues since you lost your mum.
With most people, it's not single life events that see them go into a downward spiral. Well, not unless it's a really traumatic thing like bereavement, job loss or the ending of a relationship or marriage. What tends to be the culprit is when a number of things go wrong in a short space of time, leaving the person feeling overwhelmed. To be fair, you've gone through an awful lot of stuff in a short time and are still processing it all. Now that takes its toll. Add the pandemic and how life has been turned upside down this year, and we have something resembling the perfect storm.
We all deal with things in our own ways, of course, and many turn to food and/or drink. I won't bother going on about other drugs since you've not mentioned them at all. But anyway, what I'm getting at is that when many people feel stressed and anxious, they can turn to things they find comfort in. Often, these things feel good in the moment, but make you feel worse in the longer term. It's not long before you overeat and/or drink to excess. You end up looking worse and feeling worse, so you then overeat and/or drink to excess in order to block it out and feel momentarily better again. A destructive cycle becomes routine.
I've done this cycle countless times myself. I've been overwhelmed so I've ate like a horse because I get comfort from it. I went running for years, but stopped dead after losing my dad and my partner's dad within the space of two weeks in late 2017. Since then I went on the downward spiral and also ended up having hospital tests for stomach issues too. Stress and anxiety always gave me stomach trouble. It gave me an ulcer back in the 90s too. Since 2017 I've also had a colonoscopy to try to get to the root of it, but all tests were clear and the issue was, again, put down to psychological reasons. I had cramps, aches, pains, bloating etc. Back in my 20s I'd also get horrendous acid reflux that was so painful it actually floored me once or twice. IBS for years too, and all down to anxiety and stress. Even in junior school I was under the hospital for issues later traced back to psychological issues rather than physical.
I've done the cycle so many times now that I have seen many times how these psychosomatic symptoms disappear when I'm on an even mental keel once more and life is less stressful. It also coincides with when I've decided to bin most of the sugar, caffeine, fat and excess carbs in favour of a more balanced and healthy approach to eating and exercise. That doctor sounds right on the money. You've gone through the mixer and are still in there to an extent. On top of that, this year has been unlike most of us will have ever known in our entire lives. It sounds like you've been a support to others, but who is there for you? We all need an outlet for our feelings.
With that in mind I'm glad you have put your name down for counselling. I'm not surprised that you clammed up in group CBT though. A lot of people do not like that scenario and feel vulnerable, so just shut down. One-to-one should give you the time and space to talk things through. Sometimes, all a person needs is to have someone listen to them and hear them. Just verbalising the stuff in our heads and getting it out there can be very therapeutic. When it's all running around our heads it can be difficult to unravel it and look at it, but talking it through can help with that.
Regarding health anxiety, I find the more you focus on it, the worse it gets and the worse you can feel. Psychological issues can certainly trigger physical symptoms. When I look back on my life, most of my physical issues have actually been psychosomatic. The mind is a powerful thing. One rather light-hearted example for me is that I always dread getting ill just before I go on holiday. I get anxiety over illness ruining my time away. Now I guarantee that without fail I get a sore throat and/or a cough the week before. I then start panicking and downing the paracetamol. My mind goes into overdrive looking for more 'symptoms' to back up my concerns. On the plane I've usually got the sore throat I dreaded and I'm stuffing throat sweets down me every ten minutes. Thing is, once we check-in, get settled and have a sleep, those 'symptoms' disappear. Basically, the mind often provides you with what you do not want simply because you focus on it so much. Anxiety about being ill when you are actually well can, in a roundabout way, make you ill.
What I see when I read you post is actually a rather normal picture. Your reaction to a concentrated period of life-changing and deeply traumatic events. In terms of the bereavement process, it's still quite early days for you. OK, we all cope differently, and in our own time. There is no set time period for grief, but your loss is still relatively recent. Add all the other things into the mix and I'd say that although you are clearly having some difficulties, you have coped remarkably well and continue to do so. So long as you do not set out to block the process, you'll come through it in your own time. When I say ''block'' I mean that some people refuse to go through the grieving process because of the obvious pain involved. They may use drink, food, drugs or whatever to block it all out and not face it. This can leave a person stuck in their grief for many years. The only way through the process is to be willing to experience it, as tough and as heartbreaking as that undoubtedly is. People willing to experience the process come through it a lot quicker and in a more healthy way than those who are determined to push it away.
All the best with turning the eating, drinking and exercise issues around. I think getting started is the toughest time, but once in the routine it gets so much easier and so much more enjoyable. I drink decaf now as caffeine is terrible for anxiety sufferers. It's a small step, but positive change is simply a series of small steps. When I pull myself out of my downward spirals I bin off excess, but I don't punish myself. I still have a drink with my partner at the weekend if we feel like it. I'll still have some chocolate or whatever, but just not to excess. I've never bought into diets. They are just a massive money-making industry. Basically, expend more calories in a day than we take in, and we lose weight. If a man generally burns 2,500 cals per day, I know I can eat what I want so long as I keep the cals around 2,000 per day and the weight will still fall off me. Clearly, the better choices we make with our food and drink intake, the more we can actually eat. Fruit, veg etc doesn't have that many calories, does it. When I set out to lose weight, I actually eat quite a lot, but it's ok because it's good quality stuff that's not dripping in calories.
Anyway, I wish you all the very best and every success with the changes you make. Take care of yourself, and I hope the counselling helps once it gets up and running.
