I'm a single parent with two girls, aged 11'teen' and 13. We're at Kos, Mark Warner resort. Brilliant place, full of stuff for the girls to do, clubs where they can learn to sail, sub-aqua and kayaking and so on. My two love it ... and there's the rub..... I'm on my tod, my lonesome, nobody to talk to, for hours....and hours....
Yes, there are others here in a similar boat, I see blokes at breakfast on their own with their children - but blokes don't go up to each other and start a conversation, do they? God forbid, they might think you're gay! And there's women on their own with children but, if you strike up a conversation with them, well, that's fraught with problems and potentially another story.....
So, yesterday, I was sitting on the sun lounger on my own around a crowded swimming pool.
A single bloke, on his own....reading his book, and occasionally, people watching....
I like little girls. When I see little girls and they remind me of my own, I can't help smiling and, if they come close enough, I might even say something like' having a nice time ?' or something similarly innocous.
I think you might be able to see where I'm going with this now....?
So, back to the sun-lounger, I'm sitting up, just generally enjoying the scene when two little girls (aged about 5/6) in swimsuits come past, holding hands, chatting away to each other.
I say 'be careful you don't slip - someone split suntan lotion there'....and smile. They say 'oh, thank you' and smile back.....I continue smiling as they walk off....
It's then that I notice that I've caused a bit of a 'stir' around the pool...
All I can liken it to is a tribe of Meerkats who've discovered a predator on their patch.
First one head pops up, then another, then another, with a lot of whispering and nodding and pointing in my direction going on.
I fear trouble. Do I stand up and make a speech 'hey, sorry, I can see what that looks like but. don't worry, I'm a Dad....of little girls....' Big smile. Settle back down, everybody happy.
No, probably not, well, not without evidence that would support my claim of being a member of the 'parent club'. I look around for proof. There's nothing, absolutely nothing. No water wings, or buckets and spades. Nothing....
Then I see her. Daughter No 2. Off on the other side of the pool. I spring into action but in languid style e.g. I walk slowly towards here, calling her name 'katie'...she ignores me..so ....'Katie'.....again, no response.....'KATIE!!'
The Meerkats are all now looking in the same direction as me...My languid walk now becomes a run but strangulated at the knees e.g. top half of the legs are moving slow,...but going ten to the dozen below the knees, e.g. I'm legging it but secretly.....
She, being 11teen, does what any 11teen would do when she sees her dad coming and fears that she's going to be publically humilated (you know, like having to talk to me or even worse, having sun tan lotion applied - how cruel! how embarrassing!). She starts walking fast, in the other direction...
So, picture the scene being played out in front of the Meerkats. Sole male, first observed smiling and engaging in conversation with little girls, is now chasing one around the pool...who is trying to escape.
Undeterred - this is now a matter of life or death, I feel - with a fixed grin/grimace, I start to run (languidly but with purpose) past all the Meerkats, sights firmly fixed on the target, my daughter.
She now legs it.
All pretence of languidity has now been forgotten, I'm now also legging it and, as I catch up with her, its with every fibre of my willpower that I stop myself slide-tackling my daughter into hedge. I grab her arm instead. Gently. She's laughing.....laughing!!
I drag....no, walk her back to my sun-lounger, on full display. My trophy daughter, held firmly in a fatherly embrace e.g. half-Nelson.
The Meerkats are reassured and settle down to resume their grooming. I have morphed from a potential predator back to being just another harrassed parent - nothing to see here!
Today, I'm buying water-wings from the shop....
(And taking the time to stitch the 'S' back on my Speedo cosi
)
Cheers!