Topic: Fat Sam Allardyce on Twitter (@TheBig_Sam tweets only!)

[El Rey, por favor]

http://twitter.com/BigMickMcCarthy

[Chakan]

LOL

 
Just finished a 47-minute MSN chat with Sir Alex. It had everything. It was informative, entertaining, educational, sexy AND intriguing.

 
But it's so soul-destroying to finish such a magical chat and then have to listen to the missus talk nonsense and look at her shit tits.

[Rotation]

BigMickMcCarthy
I love sitting outside at night with a brew. It's bliss. I just sit and ponder. Was Souness really a hard man?
about 2 hours ago via mobile web

[Una cerveza, por favor]

LucasLeiva21

Travelling on road to Madrid. Before we go I have to pop into Home Bargains for some Apple Tango for the journey. Excited!

A nice scouse man referred to me as a 'useless escaped goat'. Must be a regional compliment. Lucas is a happy man.

Jamie and Stevie were straight into the back seat of the coaches and have taken my Apple Tango. I waited with Rafa for the front seats.

Dirks saying he 'bagsyd' the seat next to Rafa. Rafa says he is a respector of the bagsy system and so I'm going to have to sit by El Zhar.

Jamie intervened, apparently there is no higher authority than a 'bagsy'. Nabil wants to discuss the upcoming Election, Lucas wants some kip

I can see Dirk trying to get Rafa to watch episodes of Eurotrash on his iPod. Rafa isn't interested. Bet he doesn't respect bagsy now.

Ryan is in front of us, him and El Zhar are rapping together as the "Nabil 'n Babel" connection. God I hate Dirk. I'm Rafa's lost son. I am.

This is going to be a long journey. Maybe I'll just sit in the toilet. If I get really desperate though theres a seat next to Kyrgiakos.

Screw that, Soto has an industrial sized tub of Houmous. And no bread. Or spoon. Its like a drink to him. He's a monster.
 
Going to try and sleep through, got my cassette of birdsong in. Thinking of happier times, winning the best player award in Brazil. Bliss.

1 minute ago via web

[Eileen]

LucasLeiva21
Ryan is in front of us, him and El Zhar are rapping together as the "Nabil 'n Babel" connection. God I hate Dirk. I'm Rafa's lost son. I am.

[Something Else]

LucasLeiva21

Travelling on road to Madrid. Before we go I have to pop into Home Bargains for some Apple Tango for the journey. Excited!

A nice scouse man referred to me as a 'useless escaped goat'. Must be a regional compliment. Lucas is a happy man.

Jamie and Stevie were straight into the back seat of the coaches and have taken my Apple Tango. I waited with Rafa for the front seats.

Dirks saying he 'bagsyd' the seat next to Rafa. Rafa says he is a respector of the bagsy system and so I'm going to have to sit by El Zhar.

Jamie intervened, apparently there is no higher authority than a 'bagsy'. Nabil wants to discuss the upcoming Election, Lucas wants some kip

I can see Dirk trying to get Rafa to watch episodes of Eurotrash on his iPod. Rafa isn't interested. Bet he doesn't respect bagsy now.

Ryan is in front of us, him and El Zhar are rapping together as the "Nabil 'n Babel" connection. God I hate Dirk. I'm Rafa's lost son. I am.

This is going to be a long journey. Maybe I'll just sit in the toilet. If I get really desperate though theres a seat next to Kyrgiakos.

Screw that, Soto has an industrial sized tub of Houmous. And no bread. Or spoon. Its like a drink to him. He's a monster.
 
Going to try and sleep through, got my cassette of birdsong in. Thinking of happier times, winning the best player award in Brazil. Bliss.

1 minute ago via web

thats brilliant

[redgriffin73]

LucasLeiva21

Travelling on road to Madrid. Before we go I have to pop into Home Bargains for some Apple Tango for the journey. Excited!

Love this one - there's something about it that's so cute it could almost be true.

EDIT - same goes for this one.

# about to leave for Anfield. In other news, I won an orange Rockport fleece in the Echo today

[Spoo]

Big Sam is a plume of gritty volcanic ash, grounding the airplanes of arrogance and causing havoc to the flight schedules of nonchalance.
1:45 AM Apr 19th via web

 

[In the Name of Klopp]

LOOOOOOL this is quality 

[Derry-Red]

Quality stuff!!

[Ginamos]

Screw that, Soto has an industrial sized tub of Houmous. And no bread. Or spoon. Its like a drink to him. He's a monster.
 
That one just made me crack up with laughter.

[Something Else]

 The_PhilBrown
 
Bumped into sally stalker, my stalker, told me I can tickle her bottom with my tongue, super power bum time http://yfrog.com/0sq3xxj


the pictures superb

[rushyman]

Doubled up with the Fat Sam stuff.

about 18 hours ago via web Just finished a 47-minute MSN chat with Sir Alex. It had everything. It was informative, entertaining, educational, sexy AND intriguing.

'But it's so soul-destroying to finish such a magical chat and then have to listen to the missus talk nonsense and look at her shit tits.
 

[electric_bloom]

LucasLeiva21

Bodmin motorway services. Popped in for a piss. Nabil bought Skittles Sours. He'll be bouncing off the walls.

Christ, hes off his rocker. Nabil is shouting '2012, 2012, they kept me hear till 2012' in fits of hysterical laughter waving a Morocco flag

Gone to sit next to Kyrgiakos, Nabil has lost the plot. Don't give that boy sugar. Soto is banging on about being an ancestor of Zeus again.

I lent on Sotos chair by accident. Big mistake. Apparently ive 'compromised Olympus'. He's now spouting poetry in Greek with his eyes shut.

Ryans sat by Nabil and so the chair next to Javier is empty. This is my chance. The fans seem to hate this - me 'sitting' next to Mascherano

Jamie just shouted "This isn't fucking musical chairs Lucas". I don't get it. I think he's still angry at me for nutmegging him in training.


This Lucas one is the best yet!

[kavah]

is the lucas one someone of here? he has a great turn of phrase:

Rafa says he is a respector of the bagsy system   ...  Its like a drink to him... .

[Something Else]

arry_redknapp

Caught Lamps burping the worm when he was 13 watching Catchphrase. That Mr Chips fella give the chubby little porker the right horn!

[Oingy Boingy]

"Been barred from our local shop. Was pissed out of my head and caused a bit of a scene when I was in there last week.

Took my cock out and pretended it was a snooker cue. Then I began to "chalk" it with a Creme Egg.

Was striding round the shop singing the 'Big Break' theme tune, potting cans of Baked Beans with my tadger. Utterly disgraceful."

Genius

[Rotation]

I've never laughed harder at anything than that Lucas thing. It's absolutely brilliant, cuz I canactually see him saying all of that in his head..

Ryans sat by Nabil and so the chair next to Javier is empty. This is my chance. The fans seem to hate this - me 'sitting' next to Mascherano

[Something Else]

new one in the lucas mould, sent to me by a mate

http://twitter.com/pepe_reina25

Just played touch Ngog's cock. We all won

[Rotation]

This is the best part lol...

Name Lucas Leiva
Location Liverpool
Bio Liverpool defensive midfielder and Brazilian attacking midfielder

[classycarra]

new one in the lucas mould, sent to me by a mate

http://twitter.com/pepe_reina25

Just played touch Ngog's cock. We all won

did you write those?

[Something Else]

did you write those?

sadly no, though i believe my mate may well be, or at least someone in his office.

I am following him though

[Rotation]

@LucasLeiva21 top notch tweeting. What's Yosser reading?
about 1 hour ago via web in reply to LucasLeiva21

@sevenbeescafe Any travelling we do Yossi sleeps right through. Not even sure if he can read. Who needs literacy when you have his dribbles
about 1 hour ago via web in reply to sevenbeescafe

[Finn Solomon]

The Lucas one is absolute genius, hope it doesn't stop.

[Something Else]

The Lucas one is absolute genius, hope it doesn't stop.

Love to know if it is someone off here, its very good indeed, the big sam one is too, and the arry redknapp one

[redgriffin73]

Love to know if it is someone off here, its very good indeed, the big sam one is too, and the arry redknapp one

Got a link to Harry's?

[Something Else]

arry_redknapp

Caught Lamps burping the worm when he was 13 watching Catchphrase. That Mr Chips fella give the chubby little porker the right horn!

so www.twitter.com/arry_redknapp

[redgriffin73]

so www.twitter.com/arry_redknapp

Cheers.

[electric_bloom]

Someone's started a Stevie one as well. Not quite as good as the Lucas one, but still funny.

http://twitter.com/Stevie_Gerrard

"Long journey to Madrid tonight. Carras sorted us a smart happy als coach from barnseys. No ale allowed though. Devo'd."
"Yossi reckons we'll get away with vodka in a bottle of fanta. Me an carra are gonna put our cans inside pringle boxes though. Sorted."
"Javier said we can just threaten to stab the driver if he trys to take the ale off us. We all laughed but I don't think he was joking."
"Swiped a load of pick n mix from the Tesco Express. Carras robbed some porno mags. Come on, we ARE on Happy Als!"

[Phil M]

Case of too many cooks with these now.

The Allardyce one is top notch.

[ItchySpoons]

Case of too many cooks with these now.

The Allardyce one is top notch.

Was thinking the same, some of the others are decent but the Big Sam one is the best by a long way.

[Rotation]

Lucas: Jamie (wearing full LFC kit) just 'wet willied' Glen. The English have such fun. I wish I was one, would Capello notice me?

[Something Else]

from the arry one

Smuggled a Jap circus midget through customs hidden in Gerry Francis’ mullet once. Died of hairspray-inhalation b4 he could juggle me balls.

[Frank.]

LucasLeiva21
 
Aquilani and Degen have made a 'den' at the back of the coach out of sleeping bags. Sign on the front of it saying 'No Physios Allowed'

[redgriffin73]

LucasLeiva21
 
Aquilani and Degen have made a 'den' at the back of the coach out of sleeping bags. Sign on the front of it saying 'No Physios Allowed'

This one from Stevie's made me laugh...

On the Eurostar. Thought I had 2 seats 2 meself then who comes and sits next to me? Fucking Lucas. Ipod on, shuffle, bit of meatloaf.

[KERRYKOP]

LucasLeiva21
 
Aquilani and Degen have made a 'den' at the back of the coach out of sleeping bags. Sign on the front of it saying 'No Physios Allowed'

Was just about to post that. This is brilliant, iv got a feeling its the same guy who does Big Sam , the way they are written are very similar.

[Captain-Carra]

Jamie (wearing full LFC kit) just 'wet willied' Glen. The English have such fun. I wish I was one, would Capello notice me?

http://twitter.com/LucasLeiva21

 

[rodderzzz]

lucas one is shite i think. if its someone on here please to god stop it! I dont even think the fat sam one is that good.

[♠Dirty Harry♠]

lucas one is shite i think. if its someone on here please to god stop it! I dont even think the fat sam one is that good.

Jesus Christ, why do you bother looking at them then?

[Chakan]

lucas one is shite i think. if its someone on here please to god stop it! I dont even think the fat sam one is that good.

well we can be safe in the knowledge that whoever is doing it is not just doing it for you.....