Topic: News Flash - Panic in Surrey

[Tweedy]

Reuters Reports:

There's been considerable panic in sport clothing shops in the English County Surrey. In recent years Surrey's inhabitants have only had to change their football allegiances on a yearly basis, usually switching between the correlating fortunes of Manchester United and Arsenal. Since Christmas however, there has been a shift from last year's successes of Arsenal to Chelsea and the colour in the public houses and bistros has moved to blue. In the light of last night’s Champions League Semi-Final, where Liverpool knocked out Chelsea, sports shops have reported hundreds of angry and puzzled supporters queuing for refunds on their Chelsea shirts, trades for Liverpool shirts and general advice on who exactly they should be supporting.

"They've been going crazy." Said John Green, owner of Reigate Sports, "It's been easy until last night. You pick the best team from the following year, or for the real footie fans see who looks like winning at Christmas and buy that shirt. Now though, nobody knows where they stand it's just not fair."

Peter Hughes (Bandwagon Shirts, Guilford) stated "I never seen panic on this scale since Newcastle threw away the league."

Police state that the crowds are contained at the moment and although understandably confused they are appeasing them by playing chants of "Ingerland" over a PA system. Chief Inspector Charles Wood-Player insists there is no need for alarm, "It will soon pass and may even give us cause for excitement with Surrey uniting behind two teams. We are assured however, that David Beckham is due to change his haircut soon, this will give the lads a diversion and will keep the hairdressers in business again."

[liverpoolpaddy's son]

 

[Slugworth]

  

[Red Moose]

Excellent post 

[Reds_Mostar]

LOOOOOOOOL!!! 

[Cookie-7-]

[You never wore cologne]

 

I can just hear those pricks in their local pubs saying "Samantha Doublebarrel-dumbfuck always thought the blue jersey clashed with my green wellingtons dreadfully anyway...  Oh well, at least I kept my Arsenal shirt from last year to use for the cup final." 

[Tweedy]

Again from Reuters:

ITV to investigate “Football”


ITV Executives have today confirmed that they are told hold an emergency meeting with the English FA over “serious confusion over general football rules.”

Last night viewers were “shocked and appalled” while watching ITV’s coverage of The Champions League Semi-Final between Liverpool and Chelsea to discover that there were actually two teams playing.

“This goes against everything ITV has led us to believe.” Said one disgusted viewer. “I always thought the other name in the title of the match was just a reference to where the match was being played rather than an “opposition” as such. Certainly at no point have I ever seen any mention of an “opposition” during any of ITV’s coverage of European games. Imagine my disgust when I turn on and find that not only is there a “Liverpool” but they seem to be winning too.”

A similar shock for most viewers, but ITV insist that they put into place emergency procedures at this point and hailed their disaster recovery plan as a huge success.

“It was simple,” states, Nigel Pickard Director of Programming “we quickly managed to alert our commentators to the situation and they expertly handled it by closing their eyes and pretending that this “Liverpool” weren’t there.”

Despite ITV’s claims that there wasn’t any other team playing last night, to some their emergency meeting with the FA is a sign of a possible cover-up. Cryptofootballologist Marcus Garner states that this is another sign of a sinister cover-up, “We have footage from at least 4 other games that clearly show there was another team playing. Although the footage we have isn’t conclusive, as it was never shown again and our copy is a bit grainy, we can clearly see in it someone we suspect as being the legendary “Ronaldinho” scoring two goals against Chelsea. ITV can no longer continue in it’s denial of there being an opposition in these games, it’s conclusive!”

Sceptics say that although the video does appear to show somebody fitting the description of the legendary Ronaldinho, they aren’t convinced that it isn’t just a bird flying past the camera or a weather anomaly. James Prendergast of the Football Sceptics Association claims “it’s not the first so called “opposition” we seen from these nut cases. Recently somebody tried to show us two goals being scored against Manchester United by AC Milan. They even went as far as to produce witnesses, but we can confirm that on both occasions it was just a weather balloon crashing.”

Recently though the sceptic’s case suffered a set back as initially ITV reported that Arsenal had lost 3-1 to Bayern Munich. However, Gabby Logan of ITV Sport quickly retracted this report and our minds were put at rest to discover that it was just interference from a near-by baby monitor.

[gramck24]

Brilliant!!