Author Topic: Your Football "Theories" (Read 10057 times)

Jwils21 · « **on:** October 27, 2020, 11:31:38 am »

Made me laugh some of these, what are your football "theories"?

- Newcastle actually play all of their games at home
- Man City, Lyon, Shakhtar Donetsk and Olympiacos is a CL group every single season
- Sergio Aguero's goals aren't real. He's apparently scored 180 of them but the only memorable one is the one against QPR and the few against us
- The grass is literally greener on BT Sport than it is on Sky
- Michail Antonio scores every week but somehow only ends up with 8 goals a season
- Newcastle and Burnley have never actually played each other, neither have Newcastle and Crystal Palace
- Every Wolves goal is scored by Raul Jimenez and assisted by Adama Traore, apart from two screamers by Ruben Neves each season
- The Longstaff brothers are only contracted to play against Manchester United
- Mark Noble has been 33 since 2009
- Gabriel Jesus never plays for Man City but manages to score 15 goals a season
- Celtic and Rangers play each other 10 times a season, Alfredo Morelos is sent off in each game and Scott Brown is involved in some sort of bust up

aw1991 · « **Reply #1 on:** October 27, 2020, 11:59:06 am »

Quote from: Jwils21 on October 27, 2020, 11:31:38 am

- Gabriel Jesus never plays for Man City but manages to score 15 goals a season

I'd go as far as say Gabriel Jesus doesn't exists at all.

As for the Longstaff brothers, it's the same guy. Sometimes the commentators will call him Sean, sometimes Matty. Don't believe me? See for yourself, then apologize...

rob1966 · « **Reply #2 on:** October 27, 2020, 12:04:38 pm »

Harry Maguire is actually a plumber, he went to Old Trafford on a call out to fix a broken toilet and was mistaken for a professional footballer.

Jwils21 · « **Reply #3 on:** October 27, 2020, 12:13:32 pm »

Alan Curbishley went missing in 2008 and as a mark of respect his family have asked all betting sites to list him as a 33/1 option for all vacant premier league managerial roles for 10th place and under

Elzar · « **Reply #4 on:** October 27, 2020, 12:18:34 pm »

Quote from: Jwils21 on October 27, 2020, 12:13:32 pm

Alan Curbishley went missing in 2008 and as a mark of respect his family have asked all betting sites to list him as a 33/1 option for all vacant premier league managerial roles for 10th place and under

He actually merged into Alan Pardew.

McrRed · « **Reply #5 on:** October 27, 2020, 01:17:56 pm »

Ferguson DID sell his soul to fund their dominance.

UntouchableLuis · « **Reply #6 on:** October 27, 2020, 02:00:39 pm »

Everton have won 30 trophies without actually winning any of them.

Zee_26 · « **Reply #7 on:** October 27, 2020, 03:29:50 pm »

- Spurs transfer strategy is based entirely on relying on paper gossip for the other top 6 clubs.
- Arsenal haven't played silky passing football since about 2008.
- Zlatan is playing an elaborate Borat like caricature of an arrogant footballer and will eventually reveal himself to be a pretty decent guy.
- Adidas and Nike always sponsor the main rivals in each league to maximise their brand influence.

Crosby Nick · « **Reply #8 on:** October 27, 2020, 03:31:28 pm »

Quote from: aw1991 on October 27, 2020, 11:59:06 am

I'd go as far as say Gabriel Jesus doesn't exists at all.

As for the Longstaff brothers, it's the same guy. Sometimes the commentators will call him Sean, sometimes Matty. Don't believe me? See for yourself, then apologize...

Are they like Andrew and Freddie Flintoff?

ScouserAtHeart · « **Reply #9 on:** October 27, 2020, 03:38:08 pm »

Edward Woodward is a Liverpool fan

Crosby Nick · « **Reply #10 on:** October 27, 2020, 03:39:12 pm »

Quote from: ScouserAtHeart on October 27, 2020, 03:38:08 pm

Edward Woodward is a Liverpool fan

Loves a late Equalizer?

Jwils21 · « **Reply #11 on:** October 27, 2020, 03:40:25 pm »

Have Burnley ever actually won a game in the Premier League? I can't recall any since they beat Man Utd in around 2008 when Robbie Blake scored the winner.

LovelyCushionedHeader · « **Reply #12 on:** October 27, 2020, 03:57:34 pm »

There are only three referees in the Champions League, they just somehow manage to cover all 16 matches during a game week.

Barneylfc∗ · « **Reply #13 on:** October 27, 2020, 04:00:21 pm »

Man City are a big club

Jwils21 · « **Reply #14 on:** October 27, 2020, 04:36:03 pm »

Quote from: LovelyCushionedHeader on October 27, 2020, 03:57:34 pm

There are only three referees in the Champions League, they just somehow manage to cover all 16 matches during a game week.

Dr Felix Brych, and two clones of this fella

redgriffin73 · « **Reply #15 on:** October 27, 2020, 04:36:30 pm »

Man City play Burnley at least five times a season.

Jwils21 · « **Reply #16 on:** October 27, 2020, 04:53:06 pm »

Every West Ham manager is constantly one game away from the sack.

Bournemouth's team for the last five years has been made up of randomly generated players. Harry Daniels, Mark Cook, Charlie Wilson, Daniel Smith. None of those are real ex-Bournemouth players, but somehow they've all managed at least 38 appearances each.

I'm also still not convinced that Leicester won the league in 2015/16.

aw1991 · « **Reply #17 on:** October 27, 2020, 05:08:58 pm »

Fulham hasn't played a Premier League match since 2012

Ray K · « **Reply #18 on:** October 27, 2020, 05:10:51 pm »

The name 'Port Vale' was just an elaborate in-joke that went too far.

Chris Brunt has played in every season of the premier league since it began in 1992

The West Brom - Burnley match last week never took place. It was a computer simulated result that both sides agreed to beforehand.

Jwils21 · « **Reply #19 on:** October 27, 2020, 05:33:25 pm »

Quote from: aw1991 on October 27, 2020, 05:08:58 pm

Fulham hasn't played a Premier League match since 2012

Mark Schwarzer, Chris Baird, Brede Hangeland, Paul Konchesky, Damien Duff, Clint Dempsey and Bobby Zamora were the only players playing for them. The rest of the XI were fans.

Crosby Nick · « **Reply #20 on:** October 27, 2020, 05:35:03 pm »

John Collins and Collins John were the same player, brought about by an error when the Fulham team sheet was submitted incorrectly.

Mr Benn please? · « **Reply #21 on:** October 27, 2020, 06:46:04 pm »

James McArthur and James McCarthy are the same person and Mick McCarthy is their dad.

Kekule · « **Reply #22 on:** October 27, 2020, 06:54:36 pm »

Hull, Wigan and Birmingham circa 2009 were, in fact, all the same team managed by Steve Bruce and they just changed their kit accordingly.

Nitramdorf · « **Reply #23 on:** October 27, 2020, 07:27:34 pm »

Chelsea always get drawn at home in domestic cup ties. ( this is actually true....ish. I looked into it and over the last 10 years, in 2 out of 3 ties they play at home)

gazzam1963 · « **Reply #24 on:** October 27, 2020, 07:54:12 pm »

Jordan Ibe has never played a competitive knockout cup match

S · « **Reply #25 on:** October 27, 2020, 08:50:10 pm »

The bigger the space between the goal line and the net, the more goals will be scored.

When Setanta Sports had rights to the Premier League, every match was Wigan v Arsenal.

There are more red cards in the early Saturday kick off than any other fixture slot.

The less “prestigious” the tournament, the longer a penalty shootout will last.

Goalkeepers are only allowed to wear tracksuit bottoms if they play for a team in Pot 3 or 4 in the Champions League.

Celtic have been going for their 10th league title in a row since 2014.

bradders1011 · « **Reply #26 on:** October 27, 2020, 09:07:01 pm »

Bungs are commonplace.

slaphead · « **Reply #27 on:** October 27, 2020, 09:24:12 pm »

Ryan Shawcross scores 10 headed goals a season

Jwils21 · « **Reply #28 on:** October 27, 2020, 09:43:12 pm »

Guillermo Ochoa, Siphiwe Tshabalala and Domagoj Vida don’t actually play club football, they’ve only ever played in International tournaments.

I've been a good boy · « **Reply #29 on:** October 27, 2020, 10:46:34 pm »

Florent Sinama Pongolle and Anthony Le Tallec are still 19 years old, they're expected to break through soon.

1892tillforever · « **Reply #30 on:** October 27, 2020, 10:57:17 pm »

Under Ole, Manchester United receive a record-breaking number of penalties.

Jordan Pickford has outstanding distribution.

Man City always lose when they concede the first goal.

Ben Foster has time on his side.

Burnley are just Stoke in a different kit, and Pulis is wearing a Sean Dyche mask.

All of the Burnley/Stoke team were born in the north of England, and all of them voted in favour of Brexit.

keano7 · « **Reply #31 on:** October 27, 2020, 11:01:42 pm »

The 2014/15 season didn’t involve a Liverpool match apart from the 6-1 loss to Stoke on the final day.

Jwils21 · « **Reply #32 on:** October 27, 2020, 11:11:45 pm »

Quote from: 1892tillforever on October 27, 2020, 10:57:17 pm

All of the Burnley/Stoke team were born in the north of England, and all of them voted in favour of Brexit.

And despite the fact they’re all as northern as a pint of gravy, they all have at least 1 cap for Ireland

slaphead · « **Reply #33 on:** October 27, 2020, 11:21:15 pm »

J-Lingz is a good young player and has potential

bornandbRED · « **Reply #34 on:** October 28, 2020, 01:24:39 am »

Ole Gunnar Solskjaer is actually Gollum before he got the ring.

Mike Dean has been around since the inception of refereeing.

elsewhere · « **Reply #35 on:** October 28, 2020, 03:14:01 am »

Westham, Aston Villa and Burnley are actually the same team.

Gifted Right Foot · « **Reply #36 on:** October 28, 2020, 03:56:09 am »

Mark Noble has been 33 for the past 10 years

kloppismydad · « **Reply #37 on:** October 28, 2020, 05:11:53 am »

Shane Long is an experiment to see how long do Premier League clubs persist with bang average strikers.

Olivier Giroud only plays as a substitute and comes on to score the equaliser or winning goals only.

Zee_26 · « **Reply #38 on:** October 28, 2020, 06:15:39 am »

Quote from: Jwils21 on October 27, 2020, 09:43:12 pm

Guillermo Ochoa, Siphiwe Tshabalala and Domagoj Vida don’t actually play club football, they’ve only ever played in International tournaments.

Add Gio dos Santos and Carlos Vela to that list.

elsewhere · « **Reply #39 on:** October 28, 2020, 08:43:09 am »

Zaha and Pogba still plays for Man Utd youth academy team.

Scott Parker is the first female coach of the PL.

Yeboah was not a football player. He was a designed robot created to attract fans to the sport.

Jordan Henderson is an English teacher in The University of Liverpool.

Minamino is a Japanese billionaire who came to Liverpool just to see the club before he makes a bid to take over.

Paolo Maldini is younger than his son Daniel Maldini.