Author Topic: A Midseason Night's Cold, Wet Dream: Liverpool v Stoke - Dec. 27, 5:15 p.m.  (Read 24126 times)

Offline red mongoose

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A quick reminder of recent events ...



A quick look ahead to what is to cum come ...



To the match we go (we go the match) ...



And here are some numbers for people who like that sort of thing ...

ALL-TIME HEAD-TO-HEAD

RECORDS
Highest Aggregate:              8   Stoke City    0 - 8          Liverpool   2000/2001
Highest Liverpool score:      7   Liverpool            7 - 0          Stoke City   1901/1902
Highest Stoke City score:          6   Stoke City    6 - 1          Liverpool   2014/2015

STOKE LAST FIVE RESULTS
Stoke City 2 – 2 Leicester City
Stoke City 0 – 0 Southampton
Arsenal 3 – 1 Stoke City
Stoke 2 – 0 Burnley
Watford 0 – 1 Stoke City



OUT
Afellay, Bardsley, Butland, Cameron, Ireland, Mato Sanmartín, Wollscheid, Arnautovic (banned)

MANAGER
Mark Hughes

STADIUM
Britannia Stadium

Now I'm going to step out of the way and let you yard dogs have at it.

Merry Christmas, everyone  :wave

You'll Never Walk Alone




* DISCLAIMER *

As a few of you know, I am a wool - a bad one. I wasn't going to admit the following, because it is just too fucking stupid, but then I thought: "You know, I have lived my life in a state of permanent self-deprecation. Why should this be any different?"
And we could all use a laugh on Christmas. So here goes.

You know what a brain fart is? It's when your brain shits itself. They should probably call it a "brain shitting" or something, but they don't.
Anyfuck, a few months ago I told Titi "Yeah, I'll take the Stoke one, no worries." See I had this grand idea - and this is when my brain
pinched one off. I was convinced - despite the Bachelor's Degree in English Literature adorning my sordid past - that Shakespeare was from
"Stoke-Upon-Avon" ... I know. But sometimes the brain just has to take a shit, and there's nowhere for the shit to go, so it just sits there.
I spent days scheming about writing this epic, hilarious preview in iambic pentameter, full of Shakespeare awaking from a long sleep
in present-day Stoke-Upon-Avon, horrified at all the six-fingered mungbeasts crowding around the Sky reporter on transfer deadline day,
and Jim White giving it a White Christmas with his "Having a stroke upon the Avon" ...

I just recently - and by "recently" I mean within the last 24 hours - realized my error. So I had to change it, obviously, because what
I was thinking made no fucking sense. So I reached down for a new idea ... and there was just nothing there. Nothing but a smelly, rotten,
Evertonian pile of months-old brain shit.

So I apologize that this preview is so shit, but I hope you can get a chuckle out of my stupidity  :wave
« Last Edit: December 21, 2016, 04:42:48 PM by red mongoose »
At the hole where he went in
Red-Eye called to Wrinkle-Skin.
Hear what little Red-Eye saith:
"Nag, come up and dance with death!'"

Online Chakan

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:lmao I laughed.

Well done. Having done a match preview before I can totally relate.

Offline Conocinico

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Haha quality. Stoke-upon-Avon, that's fucking funny.
This sentence is not provable

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"Stoke-Upon-Avon" ...
Ha ha Jesus Christ RM! A brain fart of epic proportions! Thanks for following through on the write up ::) ::) ::) ::) ;D :wave
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Offline Anfield89

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Highest Stoke score 6-1

Online DHKopper

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Highest Stoke score 6-1

On that note my prediction, 6-1.

Offline spider-neil

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Will be interesting to see if Klopp rests/rotates players for this game in anticipation of the City game or if he goes big in both the Stoke game and City game and then see who is left standing for the Sunderland game.

Offline killer_heels

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Stoke have been ok away from home recently apart from at Arsenal. This wont be easy but you cannot see past a win for us.

Offline Kidder.

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Weirdest match preview ever.  ;D
Will write and direct for toilet paper.

Offline markedasred

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if you'd left it as Stoke on Avon, people would have either A: Believed you, or B: thought you were being ironic. Our retirement home, somehow doubt Crouchy gets a game very often even in cups. Liked seeing Joe score the other week, just hope he doesn't get all uppity and try it against us. two or three nil I hope. Great game for Daniel to break his season duck. Imagine the odds the bookies would have given for Liverpool to be 2nd at xmas with not a goal scored in the league by Sturridge.
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Offline Red Beret

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Re: A Midseason Night's Cold, Wet Dream: Liverpool v Stoke - Dec. 27, 5:15 p.m.
« Reply #10 on: December 21, 2016, 07:04:26 PM »
Stoke have some dangerous players.  We aught to know as we sold them to them.

It's very simple though.  Everton is done.  We go again.
Jürgen Klopp does not adapt to English Football.  English Football adapts to Jurgan Klopp.

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PROJECT WAKE UP UK

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Offline Crimson_Tank

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Re: A Midseason Night's Cold, Wet Dream: Liverpool v Stoke - Dec. 27, 5:15 p.m.
« Reply #11 on: December 21, 2016, 07:42:40 PM »
Proper laughed at this Red mongoose.  ;D
Brill I'll do this and start of second then wrap this fucking toaster.
My wife laughed so hard her tits shook.

Offline gatcliffe

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Re: A Midseason Night's Cold, Wet Dream: Liverpool v Stoke - Dec. 27, 5:15 p.m.
« Reply #12 on: December 21, 2016, 07:59:33 PM »
Another game in our quest 3 points and move on.
Like a bottle of wine the reds get better and better.

Offline Fitzy.

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Re: A Midseason Night's Cold, Wet Dream: Liverpool v Stoke - Dec. 27, 5:15 p.m.
« Reply #13 on: December 21, 2016, 08:00:51 PM »
Allen returns to haunt Klopp? Hope not.

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Re: A Midseason Night's Cold, Wet Dream: Liverpool v Stoke - Dec. 27, 5:15 p.m.
« Reply #14 on: December 21, 2016, 08:06:24 PM »
Great preview. Especially as I could never get my head around iambic pentameter (obviously I don't read Shakespeare).
Id go all out to win this and not worry overly about city. Dont know what the third game in the hectic schedule is, but six points min from nine wouldn't be shabby.
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Offline Samie

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Re: A Midseason Night's Cold, Wet Dream: Liverpool v Stoke - Dec. 27, 5:15 p.m.
« Reply #15 on: December 21, 2016, 08:12:44 PM »
Purple dildo's for everyone.

Offline riismeister

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Re: A Midseason Night's Cold, Wet Dream: Liverpool v Stoke - Dec. 27, 5:15 p.m.
« Reply #16 on: December 21, 2016, 08:18:14 PM »
Just win.
If you assume that there is no hope, you guarantee that there is no hope.

Offline SpionBob

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Re: A Midseason Night's Cold, Wet Dream: Liverpool v Stoke - Dec. 27, 5:15 p.m.
« Reply #17 on: December 21, 2016, 08:19:43 PM »
That 6-1 defeat still makes me feel physically sick when I hear mention of it!!!!!

I was surprised Brendan survived that, but in hindsight he probably didn't. I suspect Klopp was approached during the Summer of 2014  and he probably left it as 'I want to take a year's break but if I change my mind and fancy a quicker return to football then my agent will let you know.'

The rest is the history he is now creating!
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Offline RedRedTom

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Re: A Midseason Night's Cold, Wet Dream: Liverpool v Stoke - Dec. 27, 5:15 p.m.
« Reply #18 on: December 21, 2016, 11:22:07 PM »
"RECORDS
Highest Aggregate:              8   Stoke City    0 - 8          Liverpool   2000/2001
Highest Liverpool score:      7   Liverpool            7 - 0          Stoke City   1901/1902 "

Erm....
Luis Garcia... tries his luck........

Offline Souness1

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Re: A Midseason Night's Cold, Wet Dream: Liverpool v Stoke - Dec. 27, 5:15 p.m.
« Reply #19 on: December 21, 2016, 11:30:48 PM »
Will be interesting to see which of Can and Wijnaldum will start and which 2 of Klavan, Lovren and Matip too. I suspect Matip is a given if fit but Klavan and Lovren have looked incredibly solid last 2 games.

Offline cashmere pringle

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Re: A Midseason Night's Cold, Wet Dream: Liverpool v Stoke - Dec. 27, 5:15 p.m.
« Reply #20 on: December 21, 2016, 11:40:55 PM »
I dont think i have ever actually laughed out loud reading shite on the internet, until now. Well done . 

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Re: A Midseason Night's Cold, Wet Dream: Liverpool v Stoke - Dec. 27, 5:15 p.m.
« Reply #21 on: December 21, 2016, 11:41:57 PM »
Would leave Klavan in the team, deserves his place. Lovren is a booking away from a suspension so maybe let him sit on the bench for this one, depending on Matip being fit for this.  Think alot could depend on who Jurgen wants starting against City so we may well see a few changes giving Sturridge and Can a chance to get some match sharpness.
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Offline Sheer Magnetism

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Re: A Midseason Night's Cold, Wet Dream: Liverpool v Stoke - Dec. 27, 5:15 p.m.
« Reply #22 on: December 21, 2016, 11:56:33 PM »
Hopefully we can blow through them in the first half and Klopp can make some changes to make sure our big names stay fresh for the City match.

Is the hen meant to signify Charlie Adam?

Offline deFacto

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Re: A Midseason Night's Cold, Wet Dream: Liverpool v Stoke - Dec. 27, 5:15 p.m.
« Reply #23 on: December 22, 2016, 12:21:11 AM »
Will be important to continue winning at home after dropping points against West Ham. I expect us to be more free flowing and playing like we have earlier in the season at Anfield. Maybe Dani starts maybe he doesn't whatever the case may be we need to win and we need to move the ball quickly.


Offline Kovai Red

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Re: A Midseason Night's Cold, Wet Dream: Liverpool v Stoke - Dec. 27, 5:15 p.m.
« Reply #24 on: December 22, 2016, 05:08:57 AM »
Just get 3 points.

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Offline Redcap

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Re: A Midseason Night's Cold, Wet Dream: Liverpool v Stoke - Dec. 27, 5:15 p.m.
« Reply #25 on: December 22, 2016, 06:03:25 AM »
In order of importance

1. 3 points/no injuries
2. Clean sheet
3. Goal for Firmino/Sturridge/Wijnaldum

I would be pretty stunned if we got anything less than 3 points against Stoke, to be honest. I can't see Mark Hughes ever having the measure of Klopp, and I don't see why this game will be any different. He's not defensively stodgy enough to cause us any real problems with breaking through, and they play with just enough flair and ambition that our natural style should slice them apart. Heck, we smashed them 4-1 last season with a lineup including Ojo and Stewart. We'll actually field a first team with far better players this time, and unlike last season, when our eyes were firmly focused on the Europa League, we'll be absolutely desperate to win this time to keep the pressure on Chelsea.

We didn't have Coutinho for that game either (he didn't get off the bench), and played something like a 4-4-2 with Firmino and Sturridge up front. I wouldn't mind seeing both of them starting this one again, but in a 4-3-3. If we can pull away to a comfortable early lead, we can hook them both off ahead of the City game.

Offline Sheev-Palpatine

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Re: A Midseason Night's Cold, Wet Dream: Liverpool v Stoke - Dec. 27, 5:15 p.m.
« Reply #26 on: December 22, 2016, 06:06:10 AM »
3 points.

The rest of you sweeper keeper and forward passing stat acolytes can sod off.
Someone should do the right thing - go back in time to 1992 and destroy the codes to Championship Manager before it is ever released

Offline vinothmct

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Re: A Midseason Night's Cold, Wet Dream: Liverpool v Stoke - Dec. 27, 5:15 p.m.
« Reply #27 on: December 22, 2016, 08:14:21 AM »
We need to win the next three games to have some Hope of Title challenge.

Chelsea Might drop points against Spurs . We shouldn't do any favours to Chelsea by dropping silly points. I feel we have got back our rhythm. 2-1 Victory for us,

Come on Boys.

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Re: A Midseason Night's Cold, Wet Dream: Liverpool v Stoke - Dec. 27, 5:15 p.m.
« Reply #28 on: December 22, 2016, 08:17:59 AM »
We won't win the next theee games.  Our fixtures are insane,,,.

7 points would be utopia!
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Offline Toshack_Keegan_One_Nil

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Re: A Midseason Night's Cold, Wet Dream: Liverpool v Stoke - Dec. 27, 5:15 p.m.
« Reply #29 on: December 22, 2016, 08:37:32 AM »
Michael Oliver reffing this.

Offline Souness1

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Re: A Midseason Night's Cold, Wet Dream: Liverpool v Stoke - Dec. 27, 5:15 p.m.
« Reply #30 on: December 22, 2016, 08:53:04 AM »
We won't win the next theee games.  Our fixtures are insane,,,.

7 points would be utopia!

Wouldnt call them insaneat all, we have two home games that I would back us to win. City look worse than us at the back and we are far superior in attack. The only problematic part about it is that we play Sunderland less than 48 hours after City at home. Id back our second xi to win at Sunderland.

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Re: A Midseason Night's Cold, Wet Dream: Liverpool v Stoke - Dec. 27, 5:15 p.m.
« Reply #31 on: December 22, 2016, 09:06:48 AM »
Wouldnt call them insaneat all, we have two home games that I would back us to win. City look worse than us at the back and we are far superior in attack. The only problematic part about it is that we play Sunderland less than 48 hours after City at home. Id back our second xi to win at Sunderland.
45 hours... 
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Re: A Midseason Night's Cold, Wet Dream: Liverpool v Stoke - Dec. 27, 5:15 p.m.
« Reply #32 on: December 22, 2016, 09:15:38 AM »
Get thee to a pottery.
Scepticism is the chastity of the intellect.

Offline Red Raw

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Re: A Midseason Night's Cold, Wet Dream: Liverpool v Stoke - Dec. 27, 5:15 p.m.
« Reply #33 on: December 22, 2016, 09:27:36 AM »
Is this a D.Agger I see before me . . .

Offline Kelvinlfc

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Re: A Midseason Night's Cold, Wet Dream: Liverpool v Stoke - Dec. 27, 5:15 p.m.
« Reply #34 on: December 22, 2016, 09:42:32 AM »
Remember I was in Vegas for the 6-1, got up at 7am to watch that thought I was stupidly tired and tripping balls but nope it actually happened.

That won't happen this time, we will smash them.

Offline redk84

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Re: A Midseason Night's Cold, Wet Dream: Liverpool v Stoke - Dec. 27, 5:15 p.m.
« Reply #35 on: December 22, 2016, 09:47:05 AM »
We need to win the next three games to have some Hope of Title challenge.

fucccccccccccck that sorta pressure now?! Hope the players aren't thinking like that

Absolutely go out to win every game but with the rest we have inbetween games its gonna be tough for everyone. (Still seething that Chelsea have more rest than anyone else tho!!!!)

Anyways, this could be a game where we struggle to get going. I can see it being a bit sluggish if we don't get an early goal.

We can destroy them when on song and I hope we can just get it together for long enough to be able to score and win. Just win lads, would be great and it'd take the pressure right off going into the City game

Firmino looked tired in the last game but I still expect him to start with origi...I think Klopp will  play the same team but hope that he can make changes quickly so an early goal here would be brilliant. But unlike the West Ham game we'd need to extend our lead instead of dropping off. This team seems to learn quickly from mistakes so hopefully it has

2-0 to the Reds but I wouldn't be surprised with a stalemate
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Re: A Midseason Night's Cold, Wet Dream: Liverpool v Stoke - Dec. 27, 5:15 p.m.
« Reply #36 on: December 22, 2016, 09:49:20 AM »
We won't win the next theee games.  Our fixtures are insane,,,.

7 points would be utopia!

I don't know about us not winning all 3. It'll be tough, but not impossible. If we get through this period with 7-9 points we'll be laughing.

Offline fowlermagic

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Re: A Midseason Night's Cold, Wet Dream: Liverpool v Stoke - Dec. 27, 5:15 p.m.
« Reply #37 on: December 22, 2016, 10:35:57 AM »
The old match write up would read well at 1am after a few beers n a whiff of something lol still cant believe these bastards hammered us in 2015. The best way to ease those memories is a continuous beating from us for the next decade and more starting on the 27th. Will be a toughie I think as decent team capable of roughing it up while ever improving under Sparks management. Three points would be a perfect tonic for any hangover that day.
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Re: A Midseason Night's Cold, Wet Dream: Liverpool v Stoke - Dec. 27, 5:15 p.m.
« Reply #38 on: December 22, 2016, 10:45:35 AM »
Joe Allen is town!
Going to be a good game.

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Re: A Midseason Night's Cold, Wet Dream: Liverpool v Stoke - Dec. 27, 5:15 p.m.
« Reply #39 on: December 22, 2016, 11:06:00 AM »
I vote for the original preview to be posted,  would be pretty funny now I reckon.