Author Topic: Swindon Exam Answers  (Read 1842 times)

Offline Roger

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Swindon Exam Answers
« on: May 19, 2004, 07:33:11 AM »
The following questions and answers were collected from last year's GCSE exam results in Swindon. These are genuine responses!! (16 year olds)!
 
Geography
Q: Name the four seasons.
A: Salt, pepper, mustard and vinegar.
 
Q: Explain one of the processes by which water can be made safe to
drink.
A: Flirtation makes water safe to drink because it removes large
pollutant like grit, sand, dead sheep and canoeists.
 
Q: How is dew formed?
A: The sun shines down on the leaves and makes them perspire.

Q: What causes the tides in the oceans?
A: The tides are a fight between the Earth and the Moon. All water
tends to flow towards the moon, because there is no water on the moon,
and nature abhors a vacuum. I forget where the sun joins in this
fight.


Sociology
Q: What guarantees may a mortgage company insist on?
A: If you are buying a house, they will insist you are well endowed.

Q: In a democratic society, how important are elections?
A: Very important. Sex can only happen when a male gets an election.

Q: What are steroids?
A: Things for keeping carpets still on the stairs.


Biology
Q: What happens to your body as you age?
A: When you get old, so do your bowels and you get intercontinental.

Q: What happens to a boy when he reaches puberty?
A: He says goodbye to his boyhood and looks forward to his adultery.

Q: Name a major disease associated with cigarettes.
A: Premature death.

Q: What is artificial insemination?
A: When the farmer does it to the bull instead of the cow.

Q: How can you delay milk turning sour?
A: Keep it in the cow. [He got an A]

Q: How are the main parts of the body categorised? (e.g. abdomen)
A: The body is consisted into three parts - the brainium, the
borax the abdominal cavity. The branium contains the brain, the borax
contains the heart and lungs, and the abdominal cavity contains the five
bowels, A,E,I,O and U.

Q: What is the Fibula?
A: A small lie.

Q: What does "varicose" mean?
A: Nearby.

Q: What is the most common form of birth control?
A: Most people prevent contraception by wearing a condominium.

Q: Give the meaning of the term "Caesarean Section."
A: The caesarean section is a district in Rome.

Q: What is a seizure?
A: A Roman emperor.

Q: What is a terminal illness?
A: When you are sick at the airport

Q: Give an example of a fungus. What is a characteristic feature?
A: Mushrooms. They always grow in damp places and they look like umbrellas.


English
Q: Use the word "judicious" in a sentence to show you understand its meaning.
A: Hands that judicious can be soft as your face.

Q: What does the word "benign" mean?
A: Benign is what you will be after you be eight.


Technology
Q : What is a turbine?
A : Something an Arab or Seikh wears on his head

 ;D

Offline Steve.L

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Re: Swindon Exam Answers
« Reply #1 on: May 19, 2004, 08:35:55 AM »
The following questions and answers were collected from last year's GCSE exam results in Swindon. These are genuine responses!! (16 year olds)!
 
Technology
Q : What is a turbine?
A : Something an Arab or Seikh wears on his head

 ;D


 ;D ;D ;D
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Offline wellsie82

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Re: Swindon Exam Answers
« Reply #2 on: May 19, 2004, 12:29:08 PM »
Quote
Q: What is a terminal illness?
A: When you are sick at the airport


lol  ;D
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Offline -HH-

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Re: Swindon Exam Answers
« Reply #3 on: May 19, 2004, 12:34:52 PM »
Hands that judicious can be soft as your face  ;D

That made me smile  ;D ;D ;D
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Offline Redders

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Re: Swindon Exam Answers
« Reply #4 on: May 19, 2004, 01:05:31 PM »
Q: What guarantees may a mortgage company insist on?
A: If you are buying a house, they will insist you are well endowed.



 ;D

Offline Brick Tamland

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Re: Swindon Exam Answers
« Reply #5 on: May 19, 2004, 01:27:25 PM »
The following questions and answers were collected from last year's GCSE exam results in Swindon. These are genuine responses!! (16 year olds)!

Wiltshire is the intelligence capital of the World.

 :wanker   :P
"I'm Brick Tamland. People seem to like me because I am polite and I am rarely late. I like to eat ice cream and I really enjoy a nice pair of slacks."

Offline -HH-

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Re: Swindon Exam Answers
« Reply #6 on: May 19, 2004, 02:03:50 PM »


Wiltshire is the intelligence capital of the World.

 :wanker   :P

Jen was right, you are a funny guy ;)  :P
Rest in Peace our 96 friends - Gone but never forgotten.

Supporting your team is not conditional on success.

Offline Brick Tamland

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Re: Swindon Exam Answers
« Reply #7 on: May 19, 2004, 02:05:25 PM »


Jen was right, you are a funny guy ;)  :P

She was only lauging at my webb feet.
"I'm Brick Tamland. People seem to like me because I am polite and I am rarely late. I like to eat ice cream and I really enjoy a nice pair of slacks."

Offline -HH-

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Re: Swindon Exam Answers
« Reply #8 on: May 19, 2004, 02:20:51 PM »
 ;D

Tell her it's better than a tatty head ;)
Rest in Peace our 96 friends - Gone but never forgotten.

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Offline blurred

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Re: Swindon Exam Answers
« Reply #9 on: September 25, 2007, 09:53:46 AM »
Some more silly exam answers:








Offline leighton

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Re: Swindon Exam Answers
« Reply #10 on: September 25, 2007, 10:23:53 AM »
.
Everton fc, the slogans club. More slogans than trophies - now available in pink.

Offline bradigor

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Re: Swindon Exam Answers
« Reply #11 on: September 25, 2007, 11:03:50 AM »

Offline -HH-

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Re: Swindon Exam Answers
« Reply #12 on: September 25, 2007, 11:21:50 AM »
Loved this thread first time round. Still ace. ;D
Rest in Peace our 96 friends - Gone but never forgotten.

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Offline KOTP

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Re: Swindon Exam Answers
« Reply #13 on: September 25, 2007, 12:00:39 PM »
very good made me laugh

Offline MomoIsBoss

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Re: Swindon Exam Answers
« Reply #14 on: September 25, 2007, 12:08:56 PM »
Walt Whitmans a whiny ass pussy ;D
We're all laughing at Everton, ha ha ha ha

Offline AnfieldIron

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Re: Swindon Exam Answers
« Reply #15 on: September 21, 2009, 11:58:32 AM »
Some of these are amazing ;D




















Offline Mark Walters

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Re: Swindon Exam Answers
« Reply #16 on: September 21, 2009, 01:20:20 PM »
Ha haaaa, that last one is brilliant simply because the marker has absolutely no idea! ;D
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Offline CHOPPER

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Re: Swindon Exam Answers
« Reply #17 on: September 21, 2009, 01:34:09 PM »
a) Find x 
No. There is an elephant in the way.


LOL
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Offline Helsinki Red

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Re: Swindon Exam Answers
« Reply #18 on: September 21, 2009, 02:26:05 PM »
Another great thread :lmao






Offline NatD

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Re: Swindon Exam Answers
« Reply #19 on: September 21, 2009, 04:40:24 PM »

That literally made me LOL, Kung Fu Gland, genius!!!  And that 2 Girls 1 Cup essay was superb!!!!

Best thread I've read in ages!!!!!
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Offline rowan_d

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Re: Swindon Exam Answers
« Reply #20 on: September 21, 2009, 05:05:04 PM »
That 300 one is classic. I really hope that the majority of the original post's answers are supposed to be witty, because they're fucking hilarious

Offline Ultimate Bromance

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Re: Swindon Exam Answers
« Reply #21 on: September 21, 2009, 05:09:01 PM »
Those essays were the funniest things i've seen in ages, and the 300 thing ;D
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Offline CF999

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Re: Swindon Exam Answers
« Reply #22 on: September 21, 2009, 05:14:28 PM »
Brilliant thread. I always take the piss in exams that don't matter.

Offline scatman

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Re: Swindon Exam Answers
« Reply #23 on: September 21, 2009, 05:25:45 PM »
fuck me hahha this shit is off the hook
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Online lawrie

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Re: Swindon Exam Answers
« Reply #24 on: September 21, 2009, 05:51:30 PM »
 Why would the question "What guarantees may a mortgage company insist on?" appear in a Sociology exam?