Author Topic: Luis Suarez: I've found God  (Read 19125 times)

Offline BreakfastPercy

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Luis Suarez: I've found God
« on: November 15, 2012, 10:46:09 PM »
There's a certain honesty that comes from mischief. We don't trust the pristine. Cristiano Ronaldo is handsome, talented, dedicated, and above all unloved. Mario Balotelli gets more adoration than an Everton loan signing. We like our angels to have dirty faces because it makes them all the more accessible; it kicks away the pedestal. What happens if you take that to its farthest reaches? Well Ladies and Gentlemen, I give to you Luis Suarez: a man who doesn't just kick away the pedestal, he's a man who sets fire to it and puts out the blaze with his own victorious piss. What the fuck are you gonna do about it?

By demonstrating the raw determination of a born Kopite, Liverpool's little Uruguayan has not only given his fans the chance to live vicariously through him, he's also united opposition supporters in hatred. It's given Liverpool fans a flag round which to rally. So, thanks for that: we needed it. And it's a proper flag at that, not one of those placcy ones the cockneys use to plug the gaping emptiness that comes from being a Billionaire's wank sock. It's like family: nothing gets a warring family together like an outside threat. 'Nobody calls my brother an arsehole but me!'

And so Luis Suarez has fought off everything from Gollum's meanest stare to Ferguson's bottle-bank. The apologist Premier League currently finds itself in the precarious position of the wide-eyed Big Game Hunter who, having just missed the onrushing beast with his last poison dart, quietly evacuates into his own pants. The gnashing teeth and guttural roars as Luis Suarez hurtles towards them is what will now be their last rites. Are you happy now David Moyes? How about you Mr Ferguson?

Suarez is a lesson in the dangers of building man into monster. Hannibal Lecter could give the Nevilles' midwife nightmares in that mask, but stick a pink bow on him and all you have is 'The Silence of Bo Peep'. Here the Premier League has a beast at least partly of their own making, through continued and overt demonization. They say 'what doesn't kill you makes you stronger', and Luis Suarez has faced hook, crook and book in England. But Luis isn't just alive, he's mutated into something more dangerous: Frankenstein's monster; a Uruguayan Werewolf in Liverpool; the big 'FUCK YOU!'

It should have all been so different. An eight match ban for racism was supposed to be the silver bullet. Above and beyond games missed, I remember claims that the incident highlighted 'the very worst of football Tribalism'. One man's ban apparently became the battle between good and evil. And so, watching England flap to a 4-2 defeat against Sweden, I thought of the delicious irony of how someone like Suarez could restore England's International lustre! How England could do with their own Pantomime Villain to add some umph.

International football in this country was already circling the toilet bowl by the time Michael Owen sold his soul to 'Ingerlund', so it's not just Liverpool fans who became increasingly unlikely to put up the St George bunting. National pride is the stuff of Churchill, of missed penalties and Gazza's tears, not midweek jaunts to give every man and his cat an England Cap in 'Meaningless Friendly 502'. When 'El Pistolero' was pilloried in the English media- and football in general- for being a 'racist', his Uruguyan countrymen closed ranks and stood shoulder to shoulder with him. When Suarez was accused of being a 'diver' by FIFA Vice-President Jim Boyce, the Uruguayan FA wrote to FIFA in a manner that can only be described as designed to make sphincters quiver. A big fuck-off handbook on how to rehabilitate the cowardly Three Lions lives and breaths in the never-say-die attitude of Luis Suarez, and yet still we form disorderly queues to feast on the entrails of our sportsmen.

England doesn't have a loveable rogue. They have a few wrong 'uns no doubt, but they're either vacuous to the point of inane or just a nasty shade of Nouveau Riche. Liverpool, however, have their first, properly mischievous little Git since Robbie Fowler was seen sniffing his way down the touchline. England never really appreciated Robbie, so there's no surprise that Suarez fails to fit the template too, and it remains to be seen what heights Suarez will soar to. How long he will stay? Part of the drama is watching a clinical trial unfold in front of us, because never before have the effects of playing every game like its your last been tested on the meager chassis of the human body. Can he last? Most players have either the talent or the attitude, Luis has an equal abundance of both. To watch Suarez is to watch inspiration grapple with perspiration like a freshly tweezed Jose Enrique in a cage match with his own sexuality.

We hope there's a good few chapters left to be written, but for now Liverpool have that cheeky goalscoring forward, around which all of the best hand-me-down stories are written. Journalists are surveying their broken greenhouses and politely asking if Luis can return stones to sender. What's great about this fella is that despite all the other bullshit in football, he makes sure there's no danger of Liverpool fans falling out of love with the game any time soon. No matter how hard the sky was falling, you'd never stop watching Robbie Fowler's Liverpool. And likewise, no matter how up the tits are, you'll never stop watching Luis Suarez' Liverpool. 'Drive fans away' my fucking arse! He has you so far off your seat you could get on the end of a Stoke through ball. Robbie Fowler will always be God, and he'll always be my hero, but -and I know pain may well follow- I think I'll tentatively announce his successor.
« Last Edit: March 10, 2014, 03:13:01 PM by BreakfastPercy »

Offline bleedsred1978

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Re: Luis Suarez: I've found God
« Reply #1 on: November 15, 2012, 10:55:27 PM »
Really enjoyed that. :)
From here on in its all FSG's doing. Good or bad they will stand or fall by the decisions they have made in the summer of 2012. Lets hope they have gotten it right.

Offline Kop10

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Re: Luis Suarez: I've found God
« Reply #2 on: November 15, 2012, 10:59:39 PM »
/snip


That's a beast of a post.

Befitting of Suarez, really.
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Offline Y2J

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Re: Luis Suarez: I've found God
« Reply #3 on: November 15, 2012, 11:04:22 PM »
To watch Suarez is to watch inspiration grapple with perspiration like a freshly tweezed Jose Enrique in a cage match with his own sexuality.
:lmao :lmao :lmao

It is one belter of a post mate.
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Offline xstoofer

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Re: Luis Suarez: I've found God
« Reply #4 on: November 15, 2012, 11:05:40 PM »
Great post, noticed now that even the meffy "commentators" begrudgingly praise him. Normally something along the lines of " Suarez has his bad points but.." etc etc, c*nts..
"For a player to be good enough to play for Liverpool, he must be prepared
to run through a brick wall for me then come out fighting on the other side."

Offline Tombellylfc

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Re: Luis Suarez: I've found God
« Reply #5 on: November 15, 2012, 11:09:31 PM »
Fantastic post

Offline Pendzo

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Re: Luis Suarez: I've found God
« Reply #6 on: November 15, 2012, 11:09:35 PM »
THIS IS AMAZING  ;D
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Offline "Ninja Skrtel"

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Re: Luis Suarez: I've found God
« Reply #7 on: November 15, 2012, 11:27:52 PM »
Fantastic read! :D
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Offline Vork+The Knights of Good

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Re: Luis Suarez: I've found God
« Reply #8 on: November 15, 2012, 11:31:41 PM »
 :wellin
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Offline Samie

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Re: Luis Suarez: I've found God
« Reply #9 on: November 15, 2012, 11:33:45 PM »
 :thumbup

Top post mate.

Offline Gifted Right Foot

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Re: Luis Suarez: I've found God
« Reply #10 on: November 15, 2012, 11:42:19 PM »
 :wellin

belter of a post.  well in.  i am enjoying every minute we get to watch this lad play for us on the pitch, long may it continue. 
Too many negative, over-critical, spoilt, over-reactionary supporters on these boards, with no sense of the big picture, and no courage to look at the best-case scenario.

Offline Warks Moustache

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Re: Luis Suarez: I've found God
« Reply #11 on: November 15, 2012, 11:47:34 PM »
A really enjoyable post. Good work!
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Offline Hij

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Re: Luis Suarez: I've found God
« Reply #12 on: November 15, 2012, 11:48:47 PM »
:wellin mate!
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Offline Wildpool

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Re: Luis Suarez: I've found God
« Reply #13 on: November 15, 2012, 11:50:40 PM »
 It's given Liverpool fans a flag round which to rally. So, thanks for that: we needed it. And it's a proper flag at that, not one of those placcy ones the cockneys use to plug the gaping emptiness that comes from being a Billionaire's wank sock.

 ;D hahaha made me laugh that
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Offline Harinder

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Re: Luis Suarez: I've found God
« Reply #14 on: November 15, 2012, 11:51:26 PM »
Has he volunteered yet for Saturday?  I know he's deffo going to the game

 ;D

Nice read mate

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Re: Luis Suarez: I've found God
« Reply #15 on: November 16, 2012, 12:03:06 AM »
That post was gloriously entertaining. Bravo.

Offline djschembri

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Re: Luis Suarez: I've found God
« Reply #16 on: November 16, 2012, 12:13:41 AM »
Haha really enjoyed that well done

Offline elbow

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Re: Luis Suarez: I've found God
« Reply #17 on: November 16, 2012, 12:32:18 AM »
Excellent post. Fuck the naysayers!
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Offline Bob Loblaw

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Re: Luis Suarez: I've found God
« Reply #18 on: November 16, 2012, 12:38:51 AM »
And it's a proper flag at that, not one of those placcy ones the cockneys use to plug the gaping emptiness that comes from being a Billionaire's wank sock.

:lmao

Fucking bravo, not enjoyed a post on here more than that in quite a while.

Offline kingkop182

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Re: Luis Suarez: I've found God
« Reply #19 on: November 16, 2012, 12:48:25 AM »
Brilliant, thanks!!

Offline GregCharrua

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Re: Luis Suarez: I've found God
« Reply #20 on: November 16, 2012, 12:54:18 AM »
Great post, fantastic read!  :wellin

Offline simplyred84

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Re: Luis Suarez: I've found God
« Reply #21 on: November 16, 2012, 01:22:35 AM »
Great read and really well written!

Offline Kansti

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Re: Luis Suarez: I've found God
« Reply #22 on: November 16, 2012, 01:32:46 AM »
snip

What a belter of a post. Thank you for that!
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Offline hitman89762000

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Re: Luis Suarez: I've found God
« Reply #23 on: November 16, 2012, 01:33:09 AM »
Quote
I think sometimes the opposition fans are more interested in booing Luis Suarez for the problems he had or because he's gone down for something than they are in their own team!

I love luis.
Quote
@Robbie9Fowler robbie fowler
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Offline U13

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Re: Luis Suarez: I've found God
« Reply #24 on: November 16, 2012, 01:43:56 AM »
Brilliantly written and I agree with it wholeheartedly.

Offline ryatnalkar

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Re: Luis Suarez: I've found God
« Reply #25 on: November 16, 2012, 01:55:59 AM »
Amazing post. Except for the what doesn't kill you reference. It was a good movie dialogue in dark knight and then some fucker made a song out of it.

Anyway, great post. Apologies but I have been wanting to vent my anger at that song for a while. ;)

Offline Rossie

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Luis Suarez: I've found God
« Reply #26 on: November 16, 2012, 02:13:34 AM »
Really enjoyed that mate, well done. Another great piece of RAWK writing.
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Re: Luis Suarez: I've found God
« Reply #27 on: November 16, 2012, 02:25:22 AM »
I echo the sentiments of the others, that was enjoyable. I really liked the last line too because that's how I feel.

Our most loved striker before Suarez was Torres and it was a different kind of attachment from our fanbase to him. We relied on him to pull us out of the mirk at times and we loved him for doing that, but with Suarez we've stood, as you say, shoulder to shoulder with him against the people who oppose him and we've fought his battles alongside him. We never had that with Torres. It's made him one of us and he knows it, and there's a different kind of bond.

I really, really hope with have a lot more years left with him. He plays for us like he grew up in the estates nearby dreaming of making it big at the club like Gerrard did, and it's really refreshing to see especially with all the off field shite that's gone on.
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Offline Ronnie1932

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Re: Luis Suarez: I've found God
« Reply #28 on: November 16, 2012, 02:57:58 AM »
WOW mate that was brilliant.

Offline Bunter

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Re: Luis Suarez: I've found God
« Reply #29 on: November 16, 2012, 03:04:48 AM »
Mischievous genius indeed. Even on his best behaviour he seems to wind up rival fans no end and evoke irrational outbursts of bitter rage. Look at the Wigan fella in the Spyin Kop, he's let our Luis get in his head and ended up loosing the plot and making an absolute arse of himself. Love it ;D

Offline idontknow

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Re: Luis Suarez: I've found God
« Reply #30 on: November 16, 2012, 03:28:48 AM »
That is a high-energy post, superb, and I wish I hadn't quite locked onto the Enrique sexuality cage-fighting image  :-[. Hey-ho.

Luis Suarez is brilliant, eccentric, electrifying, he's a ball-wizard, he can make a whole stadium full of people rise up and shout, for him, against him, but he can make them all watch what he's doing.
He is what football is all about.

I agree with hitman, I love Luis.
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Re: Luis Suarez: I've found God
« Reply #31 on: November 16, 2012, 03:34:27 AM »
What a brilliant opening post!

Really enjoyed that. You should write more often.
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Offline forrest1980

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Re: Luis Suarez: I've found God
« Reply #32 on: November 16, 2012, 04:09:11 AM »
Great read.... ;D
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Offline Urugol

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Re: Luis Suarez: I've found God
« Reply #33 on: November 16, 2012, 04:17:59 AM »
I give to you Luis Suarez: a man who doesn't just kick away the pedestal, he's a man who sets fire to it and puts out the blaze with his own victorious piss. What the fuck are you gonna do about it?

Top post mate.  Loved this bit!

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Re: Luis Suarez: I've found God
« Reply #34 on: November 16, 2012, 04:19:21 AM »
Brilliant that. Great one Percy
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Re: Luis Suarez: I've found God
« Reply #35 on: November 16, 2012, 05:24:35 AM »
Brilliant that - please keep em coming!
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Offline DaveCharlie

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Re: Luis Suarez: I've found God
« Reply #36 on: November 16, 2012, 06:26:14 AM »
Quality post, I think you'd have to say we are now polytheists (i.e. worship multiple Gods).

THERE IS A GOD, HIS NAME IS LUIS.

Offline Kopitian

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Re: Luis Suarez: I've found God
« Reply #37 on: November 16, 2012, 06:36:43 AM »
polytheists??

blasphemy.  For me i think jesus has always been my one true god



..but then i heard he took steroids for his resurrection.


Offline woof

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Re: Luis Suarez: I've found God
« Reply #38 on: November 16, 2012, 06:45:59 AM »
Edgar Allan Poe would have been proud.

Suarez is Maradona, Fowler and Cantona rolled into one.

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Re: Luis Suarez: I've found God
« Reply #39 on: November 16, 2012, 07:03:50 AM »
Fantastic stuff. Well played BreakfastP!