I found this hilarious, read it earlier from a website.
Andy Murray's mother still has inexplicably irritating face
With Wimbledon reaching fever pitch, Murray-mania has swept across Britain, as England attempt once again to claim a non-Englishman as English so they can enjoy his potential success but ultimately inevitable failure.
Scottish tennis player Andy Murray competes today to reach his third consecutive semi-final of Wimbledon, the tournament during which we all become tennis experts who have ‘always loved the sport’.
It is expected that Murray, much like the British football team, will get the nation’s hopes up before crumbling to superior opposition, making the mere notion of success a distant, forgotten memory.
Sympathy for Murray is low in Ireland, with many passive tennis fans declaring that he’s a “miserable c*nt who needs to have a couple of pints and try smiling for once” and is also “in dire need of a haircut. He’s fucking rich for God’s sake, sort it out man.”
The least surprising part of all this is that Murray’s mother, Judy, still possesses the most punchable face in the history of mankind. Judy is known for sitting in the stands with a face liked a smacked arse, next to Murray’s frustratingly beautiful girlfriend, Kim Sears. She clenches her fist and shouts with joy with her son’s successful shots, which is obviously completely understandable and acceptable, but simultaneously really, really annoying and enraging.
Judy is thought to secretly despise Sears for “taking her little boy away from her”, and that “he used to be such a good boy before he met her.”
Murray responded to worldwide hatred of his mother with a characteristically boring response that isn’t even worth writing down because of how utterly charmless and dull it was.
Come on Tim!