We've all heard the same old excuses haven't we?
"well I know I don't live there anymore but.."
"it's strange but my mate over the road is within the council boundary so I can't understand why we aren't..."
"I actually live closer to the Liver Building than you as the crow flies..."
and the unforgettable
"I know it's Gio Goi but I really like it..."
So come on enough talking, take this easy multiple choice test to find out once and for all: Are you a bad fucking wool?
1. You walk into a local footwear store. After perusing the items on sale for some time you come across something that catches your eye as a must have. Is it
a) A pair of limited edition Adidas Gazelles.
b) A pair of white Lonsdales with a single large velcro strap.
c) A pair of Hello Kitty trainers that light up when you walk.
2. You are walking along the street. What is your preferred method of perambulation?
a) A slow but sure saunter
b) A ridiculous swagger whereby your hands alternately touch the floor with each step you take
c) A jaunty skip whilst taking care not to touch the pavement cracks in case you break your back.
3. You are in Liverpool City Centre. What is your preferred method of public transport for you to get home?
a) Jump the bus or train a few stops.
b) Embark on an expedition that involves a bus, a train and a ferry, bridge or tunnel.
c) At the front on the top deck of a double decker bus so you can pretend to be the driver.
4. You are feeling a bit hungry. What is your idea of a nice meal?
a) A plate of your nan’s Scouse.
b) A babba’s head, mopped up with lashings of pie split.
c) A packet of cherry Fiz Wiz and a candy necklace.
5. Your neighbour has just bought a new car that you must admit has got you tinged with jealousy. What is it?
a) A new 5 series BMW
b) A green Renault Clio Campus 1.0l with blacked out windows, the spoiler off an old red XR3i welded onto the roof, speakers that fill the boot and most of the back seats, a chrome Fat Boy exhaust that cost more than the car itself and a sunbed nailed to the underside of the chassis.
c) A 12v Barbie electric jeep with forward AND reverse mode.
6. It is your wedding day. What are you most likely to wear for this special occasion given a choice from the following?
a) A simple Paul Smith suit and Jeffery West shoes
b) A pair of Voi jeans, a Henleys Shirt (tucked out) and a pair of Nicholas Deakins boots.
c) A Tinkerbell fancy dress outfit, your mum’s shoes that are ten sizes too big and some smeared lipstick.
7. You have some rubbish you need to get rid of. What is the colour of the receptacle in which you choose to dispose of it?
b) Not purple
c) Pink with pictures of Peppa Pig around the sides.
8. You need a haircut. What are the most crucial implements required in order to perform this duty?
a) A pair of clippers
b) A pair of scissors, a flat top comb, some spiky wet-look hair gel and a bowl.
c) A lollipop
9. You are some distance away from your house and you don’t want to walk. A friend offers to give you a ride on their bike. What do they offer you?
a) A takey
b) Any number of ridiculous phrases that isn’t a takey.
c) A ride on the back of their bike.
10. You have you birth certificate in front of you. What does it say?
a) Born in Oxford Street or Mill Road
b) Born in Billinge, Arrowe Park, Whiston, Ormskirk, Warrington or Chester
c) You have no idea but you think there might be a kicking k on it somewhere.
All As: It seems that you might not be one of the others but stay on your guard and be careful of trips to the outer limits of Walton, Old Swan, Childwall and Allerton. Always do your duty by reporting anyone who looks like they might be about to buy a Le Shark jumper.
Any B answers (even one): You are a bad fucking wool. Please stay out of this thread and city for everyone's sake.
All Cs: You are a four year old girl. Let's hope you were born in the Women's otherwise can I please refer you to the above when the time comes.