I would like to issue a statement to the fans and the club
Through recent events this afternoon i would like to issue an apology, firstly to the fans who adore me and worship the ground i walk on(let's be honest i've been carrying this team for almost a year now) I apologise for the embarrassment I have put on myself, it was not intentional and it was as a joke who a certain someone did not take a liking to. Secondly, to the club I apologise for the embarrassment i have put the club through over the last nuber of hours.
I would also like to state that Pisty(Pistolero, run with it.) does not infact look like Phil Jones and i offer an apology for such a ridiculous and insulting joke (let's be honest Jones looks like Rooney who was tried to make acceptable to modern culture through surgery and tests on finding the cure for uglyness and failed.. miserably) and that infact does look like Messi, but sadly he is not as good.. but he does play a bit more like Emile Heskey.
To Mr.Kipling....umm.. thank you for such delightful cakes.
and finally to J-Mc, i would like to state that although i apologise for publicly slating your accuracy, a few extra hours on the training ground wont kill ya and Your galaxy's in the post.
I would also like to confirm that Mr.J Mc is infact a brother who does infact come from another mother, and i would like to ask people not to bring it up as I have a very disfuctional family.