Author Topic: My 12 year old son is going off the rails a bit. Any ideas? (Read 4688 times)

Pheeny · « **Reply #120 on:** November 7, 2011, 04:49:34 PM »

Quote from: isildurrr on November 7, 2011, 04:27:24 PM

how the hell man? how is this even possible?

I also started smoking at eleven.Carried on up to the age of 25.

Crosby Nick · « **Reply #121 on:** November 7, 2011, 04:51:00 PM »

I started smoking at 11 too. By quarter past I'd given up. Horrible habit.

CorKopite · « **Reply #122 on:** November 7, 2011, 05:03:15 PM »

Quote from: isildurrr on November 7, 2011, 04:27:24 PM

how the hell man? how is this even possible?

I started smoking at 10/11 aswell for about a year, gave up and started again at 14, gave up and started again at 17, barely smoke at all now apart from on a night out when I'm offered one and I smoke the odd bit of weed aswell. Haven't bought a box of fags in 3 years though and no urge to either. It's all down to where you grow up and who you are hanging around with from an early age, aswell as the peer presure you're under and you're own personal willpower IMO. I grew up in a rough estate and as a result the kicking around a football on the green turned into fags and booze before I was out of primary school as you are surrounded by people putting you under pressure to follow the crowd. Played sport competitively throughout though and still do so didn't affect me physically too much. If/when I have kids though I'll make sure they don't get surrounded by the type of people I did when I was young.

Garstonite · « **Reply #123 on:** November 7, 2011, 05:03:59 PM »

Did you try out my homemade porno idea or what, then?

ollick · « **Reply #124 on:** November 7, 2011, 05:15:25 PM »

Quote from: bleedsred1978 on November 7, 2011, 04:07:32 PM

What are we like eh.. thanks Ollick..

Haha I know!!

I went for a fag, calmed meself down abit, took what we used to call in the army a 'condor' moment.

Probably not what you wanted to hear!!!

bleedsred1978 · « **Reply #125 on:** November 7, 2011, 05:24:26 PM »

Quote from: Garstonette on November 7, 2011, 05:03:59 PM

Did you try out my homemade porno idea or what, then?

You probably wont believe me when i tell you that, No, we didn't.

bleedsred1978 · « **Reply #126 on:** November 7, 2011, 05:25:46 PM »

Quote from: Siannn. on November 7, 2011, 04:44:07 PM

I had my first cigarette when I was 13. Nothing to do with my parents, neither of whom smoke and always warned me about the dangers of starting, and everything to do with the fact that I was hanging around with kids that also smoked and I wanted to impress them. I wouldn't be too hard on yourself, mate.

Thanks Siannn. hope you're right.

Anywhichwayucan · « **Reply #127 on:** November 7, 2011, 05:28:33 PM »

To be honest mate, while smoking isn't ideal, as long as he isn't out hassling people and causing grief, I don't think it's too big a deal. I know given his age it's not something you want him doing but it's something that almost everyone has tried at some point at that age.

Bondred · « **Reply #128 on:** November 7, 2011, 05:30:21 PM »

Kick him in the fanny and tell him to download some decent porn.

MichaelA · « **Reply #129 on:** November 7, 2011, 05:39:08 PM »

Quote from: Siannn. on November 7, 2011, 04:44:07 PM

I wouldn't be too hard on yourself, mate.

Correct.

If he's still continuing to improve at school and treats you and his mum with respect then you've won half of the battle. I'd forgotten about tissue in the match box, but at the age of 13/14/15 the weekend wouldn't be complete for me and my pals without a setting fire to something, damaging something, drinking Clan Dew and smoking ciggies (for some). If we found a porno mag so much the better. These are the things that make us leaders of men in our 30's and 40's. ;wave

isildurrr · « **Reply #130 on:** November 7, 2011, 05:45:20 PM »

Quote from: Pheeny on November 7, 2011, 04:49:34 PM

I also started smoking at eleven.Carried on up to the age of 25.

wow...is it something to do with the weather maybe?

MichaelA · « **Reply #131 on:** November 7, 2011, 05:51:03 PM »

Quote from: isildurrr on November 7, 2011, 05:45:20 PM

wow...is it something to do with the weather maybe?

When Pheeny was eleven smoking was still considered to be a healthy life style choice. Especially in Wrexham (it's still a healthy option in Wrexham).

MBL? · « **Reply #132 on:** November 7, 2011, 05:56:09 PM »

At 12 I was doing just about everything bar class a's and sex, although not for lack of trying.

stevenl · « **Reply #133 on:** November 7, 2011, 06:58:44 PM »

Lighten up and stop blaming yourself. The more you want him to stop something the harder he'll try to do it. We were all teenage boys at once, and the stuff that we got upto is crazy when you think back.

As long as he isn't out robbing grannies or involved with gangs, let him enjoy his teenage years and all the mischievious, rebellious fun that comes with it.

It's all a learning curve isn't it?

mrsphilthefish · « **Reply #134 on:** November 7, 2011, 08:54:22 PM »

By 14 I had tried my 1st ciggy (hated it but some of my mates did like it and are still smoking today) We used to sit off in the park and get someones older brother/sister to go the offy and get us a bottle of Stock,20/20, mad dog, or any other cheap booze we could club together to get. I used to walk to school and keep the bus fare money to go the match (if it was a cup game as I had a ST for the rest) AND to buy ale.
I was clubbing in the Paradox, Kiss and The Buzz at 15/16 when me mum and dad thought I was at the pictures!!!
I know every trick in the book so now that we've got a 14 year old girl I am constantly on the look out for a streak of rebellion. She hasn't given us any trouble ever and i'm waiting for the day when she comes down the stairs with "horns" and is a "proper teenager"
However, our 11 year old keeps us on our toes and I dread him becoming a teen. He is already girl mad at this age so I dread to think what he'll be like in a few years time.
We try to keep him busy or I feel he would cause us a few worries. He goes to football a few times a week and he is proper into scooters and skateboards so we take him to ramp parks with his mates.
I don't know if he knows what he's saying or if he is just funny.....for example we were all watching X Factor the other night and we had just bought him a scooter for his Birthday. He said "Phwoarrr, i'd let Tulisa have a ride on my scooter anyday" To which his dad spat his beer out and thought it was hilarious.
The next night his dad said "Look Tulisa is dressed as a quality street".....to which my son replied "Yes, and i'd love to eat her".
Me and MrPhil have been together since we were kids and we're not naive as to what kids get upto.....we won't be going to bed early and leaving any teenager downstairs with boyfriend/girlfriend

I think most teens will rebel in some way and push boundaries.
So long as you set fair boundaries and give fair punishments when these are overstepped then that is all you can do.

bleedsred1978 · « **Reply #135 on:** November 7, 2011, 09:27:35 PM »

Quote from: MichaelA on November 7, 2011, 05:39:08 PM

Correct.

If he's still continuing to improve at school and treats you and his mum with respect then you've won half of the battle. I'd forgotten about tissue in the match box, but at the age of 13/14/15 the weekend wouldn't be complete for me and my pals without a setting fire to something, damaging something, drinking Clan Dew and smoking ciggies (for some). If we found a porno mag so much the better. These are the things that make us leaders of men in our 30's and 40's. ;wave

Cheers Michael,

We've all been there I guess. Does frighten the shit out of me thinking about what he could get up to though. If he's anything like I was growing up he will be in to everything and anything.

I suppose you just got to be there when they fuck up and keep everything around him on an even keel.

I would also say that im a bit of a control freak in so far as I like to have a handle on everything going on in my life and i have no control over this, or at least not much.

bleedsred1978 · « **Reply #136 on:** November 7, 2011, 09:31:05 PM »

Quote from: mrsphilthefish on November 7, 2011, 08:54:22 PM

By 14 I had tried my 1st ciggy (hated it but some of my mates did like it and are still smoking today) We used to sit off in the park and get someones older brother/sister to go the offy and get us a bottle of Stock,20/20, mad dog, or any other cheap booze we could club together to get. I used to walk to school and keep the bus fare money to go the match (if it was a cup game as I had a ST for the rest) AND to buy ale.
I was clubbing in the Paradox, Kiss and The Buzz at 15/16 when me mum and dad thought I was at the pictures!!!
I know every trick in the book so now that we've got a 14 year old girl I am constantly on the look out for a streak of rebellion. She hasn't given us any trouble ever and i'm waiting for the day when she comes down the stairs with "horns" and is a "proper teenager"
However, our 11 year old keeps us on our toes and I dread him becoming a teen. He is already girl mad at this age so I dread to think what he'll be like in a few years time.
We try to keep him busy or I feel he would cause us a few worries. He goes to football a few times a week and he is proper into scooters and skateboards so we take him to ramp parks with his mates.
I don't know if he knows what he's saying or if he is just funny.....for example we were all watching X Factor the other night and we had just bought him a scooter for his Birthday. He said "Phwoarrr, i'd let Tulisa have a ride on my scooter anyday" To which his dad spat his beer out and thought it was hilarious.
The next night his dad said "Look Tulisa is dressed as a quality street".....to which my son replied "Yes, and i'd love to eat her".
Me and MrPhil have been together since we were kids and we're not naive as to what kids get upto.....we won't be going to bed early and leaving any teenager downstairs with boyfriend/girlfriend
I think most teens will rebel in some way and push boundaries.
So long as you set fair boundaries and give fair punishments when these are overstepped then that is all you can do.

Thanks Mrs Phil,

I've got the T-shirt me-self from a wild youth which I thought would stand to me as he grows up and maybe it will in time. At the moment though it just means that I can picture all the stuff he wants to get up to.

mrsphilthefish · « **Reply #137 on:** November 7, 2011, 09:41:26 PM »

Quote from: bleedsred1978 on November 7, 2011, 09:31:05 PM

Thanks Mrs Phil,

I've got the T-shirt me-self from a wild youth which I thought would stand to me as he grows up and maybe it will in time. At the moment though it just means that I can picture all the stuff he wants to get up to.

It sounds to me mate you're doing a boss job already. It's easy to think back at what we got upto and think "I don't want my kid/s doing that". When really, you seem to have come out the teen years ok. I know we have.
I wasn't bad in any way compared to some of my friends but I still wouldn't want mine to get upto 1/2 as much as I did (even tho I know they will).
It's all a learning rollercoaster and we've just got to keep going on this ride. I suppose we'll never get off it as me mum and dad still worry about us even tho i'm 35 with 4 kids.
You'll still be worrying when he's flown the nest and got kids of his own, it's just other stuff then to worry about.

bleedsred1978 · « **Reply #138 on:** November 7, 2011, 10:02:24 PM »

Quote from: mrsphilthefish on November 7, 2011, 09:41:26 PM

It sounds to me mate you're doing a boss job already. It's easy to think back at what we got upto and think "I don't want my kid/s doing that". When really, you seem to have come out the teen years ok. I know we have.
I wasn't bad in any way compared to some of my friends but I still wouldn't want mine to get upto 1/2 as much as I did (even tho I know they will).
It's all a learning rollercoaster and we've just got to keep going on this ride. I suppose we'll never get off it as me mum and dad still worry about us even tho i'm 35 with 4 kids.
You'll still be worrying when he's flown the nest and got kids of his own, it's just other stuff then to worry about.

Cant wait.

Thanks again for taking the time to post. Feel a bit better now about it.

Just got to roll with it and hope his good nature comes true.

Not tying to get too heavy or anything but kids these days are under so much pressure, i'm trying to find a balance between stern and fair.

So many young lads are unable to deal with things these days and turn to drink or drugs or worse do away with themselves altogether. It's very hard to know what's going on inside their heads.

sisterbliss · « **Reply #139 on:** November 7, 2011, 11:10:51 PM »

You are damn right about peer pressure these days for the teenage years especially, I have a 15 year old daughter myself and she says that if you do not smoke, sleep around and get bevvied every weekend you get ripped to bits verbally. Try not to be so hard on yourself you are doing a good job and you should give yourself a pat on the back now and again. I would not lecture him because the more you lecture him the more he will do it, kids certainly know how to press us parents buttons and like to push the boundaries so to speak. We as parents need to set limits and for them to know if they step over these limits they will expect the consequences just like they do at school. Communication is a key element too, do not get me wrong sometimes they do not want to listen to us nagging as they say. T hey think they know best but always let him know he can talk to you no matter what. I tell my daughter that the more she shows she is acting responsible the more I will negotiate and be fair on privileges, go against that and it is simple she will lose them privileges.
No rule books come with being an adult but we do what we think is best in our kids interests, they may not see it now because being a teen is not as easy as it used to be but so long as you are there for him that is what matters most.

CHOPPER · « **Reply #140 on:** November 7, 2011, 11:23:24 PM »

Kids eh, how they've changed. All I wanted to do was to make hand fanny's with me mates and have a little feel with me thumb.

It was a simple life.

Speedy Gonzalez · « **Reply #141 on:** November 8, 2011, 04:26:04 PM »

I'm being honest, if you laid down the law to him, and act maybe a slight tyrannical, it might get to his head he is being a dick (no offence)
Have a honest talk to talk with him.

WraithXx · « **Reply #142 on:** November 8, 2011, 05:13:48 PM »

Jezza789 · « **Reply #143 on:** November 9, 2011, 06:06:59 AM »

As someone who has recently passed the early teens and is now 17 I can say that there is not that many problems with the signs your son is showing. I first became aware of porn first year of high school, as everyone had it on their phones and sent it around. I also have done a few things with matches and deodorant that I probably shouldn't have, but we generally grew out of it. I do find that friends play a big part in what you do as a teenager, my group of friends pretty much went through the same crazes all at the same time. I have never ever tried a smoke, and only now do i drink, and lightly at that. I guess what my parents (esp my dad) did for me is never discipline me harshly, they explained why when I did get in trouble, but most importantly I had huge respect for them. Dad used to take me to the cricket nets and we had the biggest rivalry ever going on. I now go golfing with dad, and I really enjoy his company.

From a reasonably young age I was around dad's friends. They wouldn't let me drink but they respected me, included me, and I felt really special having adult friends. I respected them as well. I guess if you accepted your son into your group of friends like my dad did, he can mature a lot easier, and 5 people telling you something is much more powerful than one. He can also feel a lot easier around alcohol, smokes (if any of your friends do so) and general talk that all lads have.

Smoking is the biggest problem, and I feel that is down to the friends he has, not your parenting. At school there are groups that are friends, and coincidently, they all smoke. Its all about self confidence for your son to resist peer pressure. I chose not to drink when I was younger and I am proud of that decision now.

In my opinion you just need to be a good role model for your son, but also explain what you were like when you were younger. He is much more likely to listen to you when you tell him of your stories from a young age rather than preaching to him about how you never ever thought about banging any women, drank anything but water or stayed out past 5pm until you were 18, because then he will know that you have experienced the true life of most teenagers. He will also feel much more connected to you than he would otherwise.