Author Topic: Father Ted (Read 20678 times)

Mrs. Doyle: It's a bit much for me, Father. "Feck this" and "Feck that"
Father Ted Crilly: Yes, Mrs Doyle.
Mrs. Doyle: "You big bastard." Oh, Dreadful Language. "You big hairy arse." "You big Fecker." Fierce Stuff! And of course the F-word father, the bad F-word. Worse then Feck. You know the one I mean.
Father Ted Crilly: Yes, I do, Mrs Doyle
Mrs. Doyle: "F you" "F your effing wife" I don't know why they have to use language like that. "I'll stick this effing pitchfork up your hole" That was another one.
Father Ted Crilly: I see what you mean, Mrs Doyle
Mrs. Doyle: "Bastard this" and "Bastard that". You can't move for the Bastards in her novels. It's wall-to-wall bastards.
Father Ted Crilly: Is it Mrs Doyle?
Mrs. Doyle: "You Bastard" "You Fecker" "You bollocks! Get your bollocks out of my face."
Father Ted Crilly: Yes, you just go and prepare for the nuns.
Mrs. Doyle: "Ride me sideways" was another one.

doc_antonio · « **Reply #407 on:** June 1, 2012, 11:31:25 AM »

Quote from: corkboy on June 1, 2012, 11:27:59 AM

Mrs. Doyle: It's a bit much for me, Father. "Feck this" and "Feck that"
Father Ted Crilly: Yes, Mrs Doyle.
Mrs. Doyle: "You big bastard." Oh, Dreadful Language. "You big hairy arse." "You big Fecker." Fierce Stuff! And of course the F-word father, the bad F-word. Worse then Feck. You know the one I mean.
Father Ted Crilly: Yes, I do, Mrs Doyle
Mrs. Doyle: "F you" "F your effing wife" I don't know why they have to use language like that. "I'll stick this effing pitchfork up your hole" That was another one.
Father Ted Crilly: I see what you mean, Mrs Doyle
Mrs. Doyle: "Bastard this" and "Bastard that". You can't move for the Bastards in her novels. It's wall-to-wall bastards.
Father Ted Crilly: Is it Mrs Doyle?
Mrs. Doyle: "You Bastard" "You Fecker" "You bollocks! Get your bollocks out of my face."
Father Ted Crilly: Yes, you just go and prepare for the nuns.
Mrs. Doyle: "Ride me sideways" was another one.

pictured that whole scene in my head there and cried with laughter.

Macphisto80 · « **Reply #408 on:** June 1, 2012, 11:38:23 AM »

Quote from: corkboy on June 1, 2012, 11:27:59 AM

Mrs. Doyle: It's a bit much for me, Father. "Feck this" and "Feck that"
Father Ted Crilly: Yes, Mrs Doyle.
Mrs. Doyle: "You big bastard." Oh, Dreadful Language. "You big hairy arse." "You big Fecker." Fierce Stuff! And of course the F-word father, the bad F-word. Worse then Feck. You know the one I mean.
Father Ted Crilly: Yes, I do, Mrs Doyle
Mrs. Doyle: "F you" "F your effing wife" I don't know why they have to use language like that. "I'll stick this effing pitchfork up your hole" That was another one.
Father Ted Crilly: I see what you mean, Mrs Doyle
Mrs. Doyle: "Bastard this" and "Bastard that". You can't move for the Bastards in her novels. It's wall-to-wall bastards.
Father Ted Crilly: Is it Mrs Doyle?
Mrs. Doyle: "You Bastard" "You Fecker" "You bollocks! Get your bollocks out of my face."
Father Ted Crilly: Yes, you just go and prepare for the nuns.
Mrs. Doyle: "Ride me sideways" was another one.

Reading lines like that makes you realise the genius of that show.

Buck Pete · « **Reply #409 on:** June 1, 2012, 12:00:21 PM »

Ted: What was it Jack used to say about the needy? He had a term for them.

Dougal: A shower of bastards.

mbyx6cg2 · « **Reply #410 on:** June 1, 2012, 02:11:13 PM »

Ted: That was one of Jack's problems, he wasn't very fond of strangers.

Dougal: And people he knew

Yabazza · « **Reply #411 on:** June 1, 2012, 05:51:37 PM »

Just found that on twitter

Here's the link.

KERRYKOP · « **Reply #412 on:** June 1, 2012, 11:39:35 PM »

A whole load of lol

http://www.tedstees.com/

AM76 · « **Reply #413 on:** June 2, 2012, 09:06:01 AM »

Father Dougal: They have horse riding as well. I remember I did it last year. Well it wasn't really a horse, it was actually this oul fella. He couldn't go very fast so I had to hit him with the whip a few times.
Father Ted: How old was he?
Father Dougal: I'd say he was about 80.
Father Ted: And how long were you up on him?
Father Dougal: About an hour?
Father Ted: So you were up on an 80-year-old man's back for 60 minutes, whipping him around the place. Do you realise that image will stay with me for the rest of my life?

AM76 · « **Reply #414 on:** June 2, 2012, 09:09:22 AM »

Father Fintan Stack: What are we watching?
Father Ken Dillon: We're looking at the sports day.
Father Fintan Stack: Lots of young fellas running around in shorts? That's the kind of thing you like looking at. (Turns to Father Shanahan) And I'll bet you like that too. You're probably imagining what they'd look like without shorts. You're sitting there, imagining that, with a big smile on your face. Ya dirty fecker!
Father Ted: Father Stack, if you're trying to embarass us, you're not succeeding.
Father Stack: Yes I am.
Father Rory Shanahan: Well I have to say, I think that you're a very rude man.
Father Stack: If you ever say that to me again, I'll put your head through the wall.

DougLFC94 · « **Reply #415 on:** June 7, 2012, 10:01:51 PM »

More4 now

HELLRAZOR · « **Reply #416 on:** June 7, 2012, 10:03:36 PM »

Quote from: DougLFC94 on June 7, 2012, 10:01:51 PM

More4 now

happy days

HELLRAZOR · « **Reply #417 on:** June 7, 2012, 10:04:48 PM »

dreamy sleepie nighty snoozy snooze

KERRYKOP · « **Reply #418 on:** June 7, 2012, 10:24:57 PM »

Dick Byrne would have to be a manc wouldnt he

Aido LFC · « **Reply #419 on:** June 7, 2012, 10:27:42 PM »

"THESE ARE FAKE HANDS!"

HELLRAZOR · « **Reply #420 on:** June 7, 2012, 10:29:26 PM »

dick said it was an extra special forfeit cos your such a big cheatin bastard

courty61 · « **Reply #421 on:** June 7, 2012, 11:28:02 PM »

Quote from: HELLRAZOR on June 7, 2012, 10:29:26 PM

dick said it was an extra special forfeit cos your such a big cheatin bastard

Probably the best line in that episode!

Also the bit with Mrs Doyle taking Dougal's flag is funny.

Andy @ Allerton · « **Reply #422 on:** June 8, 2012, 08:41:41 AM »

I've got the book of the complete scripts. Makes you laugh out loud every time you read it

tommyLFC · « **Reply #423 on:** June 13, 2012, 11:38:34 PM »

Unbelievable banter from the Irish fans...

Statto Red · « **Reply #424 on:** June 13, 2012, 11:48:07 PM »

All the Women watching the Football, "GO WIDE, GO WIDE"

Mrs Doyle, switches TV on to the football, opens a can of Lager "Go on my son"

Bishop Brennan, "I'n only here for a short time, as i've got an audience with the Pope in Rome tomorrow"
Father Douga l"It's all right your Grace, they repeat those shows all the time"

Bishop Brennan at The Vatican "HE DID KICK ME UP THE ARSE"

CornerFlag · « **Reply #425 on:** June 14, 2012, 12:01:29 AM »

Quote from: tommyLFC on June 13, 2012, 11:38:34 PM

Unbelievable banter from the Irish fans...

There is nothing about that picture that isn't awesome in several ways.

doc_antonio · « **Reply #426 on:** June 14, 2012, 10:05:38 AM »

Quote from: tommyLFC on June 13, 2012, 11:38:34 PM

Unbelievable banter from the Irish fans...

we are hilarious.

anfieldpurch · « **Reply #427 on:** June 14, 2012, 11:18:43 AM »

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4iBCp9Oqu4A&feature=relmfu

HELLRAZOR · « **Reply #428 on:** June 14, 2012, 12:10:03 PM »

i remember patricks day earlier this year we had a priest who sounded like father jessop doing the mass

i half expected him any minute to go "Crilly jumped through the window"

Le Jake · « **Reply #429 on:** June 14, 2012, 12:36:11 PM »

Quote from: tommyLFC on June 13, 2012, 11:38:34 PM

Unbelievable banter from the Irish fans...

That's easily the funniest thing I have ever seen, those men should be given a million quid/euros.

Rox · « **Reply #430 on:** June 14, 2012, 02:33:43 PM »

You know those '20 Epic Fail' 'articles' you see around on the net? One of them showed two people at a proper protest doing the same thing with the classic Father Ted signs... The write up said something like, "How stupid do you have to be to be so vague with your protest banners?"

The comments section was chock-a-block with people pointing out the irony of the author making their own 'epic fail'.

Ferg · « **Reply #431 on:** June 17, 2012, 10:08:26 PM »

The first episode on now.

NorthamptonKopite · « **Reply #432 on:** June 18, 2012, 08:27:08 PM »

"Don't tell me I'm still on that fecking Island!"

Best line of the whole thing for me.

Aido LFC · « **Reply #433 on:** July 14, 2012, 03:13:05 AM »

Where am I?

What's that there?

Are those my feet?

HELLRAZOR · « **Reply #434 on:** July 16, 2012, 01:32:10 PM »

"IM A HAPPY CAMPER"

Rob Dylan · « **Reply #435 on:** July 16, 2012, 02:22:51 PM »

'No Dougal, these cows are small, but the ones out there are far away...'

Rob Dylan · « **Reply #436 on:** July 16, 2012, 02:28:05 PM »

'So I hear you're a racist now, Father. How did you get into that type of thing then?'

Anywhichwayucan · « **Reply #437 on:** August 1, 2012, 03:56:54 AM »

courty61 · « **Reply #438 on:** August 14, 2012, 07:42:20 PM »

Follow Graham Linehan on twitter @glinner and just tweeted about this website

http://www.tedstees.com/

Lawnmowerman · « **Reply #439 on:** October 11, 2012, 09:25:09 PM »

"The Chinese.......a great bunch of lads"