Topic: Alcohol Issues

[Johnny Foreigner]

First of al; I have to say this thread is probably the one I read with most interest on RAWK these days. the openness, ups and downs and the support people are showing is just amazing..

I was wondering if people have some opinions on how to behave/act towards children/youth and alcohol. The reason I am asking is that I'm the third generation of my family (on the male side) that has the occassional challenge with the booze. I've seen the pattern with my grand dad, my dad and myself that we are able to control it relatively ok, but the amounts gets too excessive. all of us are good humoured and well behaved, so we managed to stay away from major trouble, but I'm getting worried about the next generation.

He is only 10 and he has seen me in good spirits the occational time, but not way out. We have wines during the week-end and a bevvy or two every now and then during the weekdays. I'd say we have a low-key relationship with alcohol with the kids, but any thoughts on how we move forward ?

I'm thinking about how much we should talk about it (your dad been lucky on a few occassions - bad genes), when do we allow them to drink at home (if ever) etc etc

tks

[Rusty]

OK JF my opinion for what its worth.

Firstly, there's no absolutes - the majority of people work it out through trial and error, and there is no single "right way" of doing it. Personally I think the most important thing with educating your kids (not just with alcohol, but anything potentially dangerous) is good communication. If you are open and honest about both the benefits and dangers of alcohol/drugs/sex then I think it is much more likely that kids will feel able to be open themselves and ask questions and advice from you.

Whether or not that means allowing them a glass of beer or wine once in a while at a family meal I don't know, my parents did that with me and treated me like a grown up about it. Their attitude was that I would get exposed to it anyway through my peer group and they would rather I learned a bit about how to cope with alcohol while they were around before going off into the wide world and getting totally wrecked and unable to look after myself.

It sounds like you have a more specific issue to deal with, maybe when your lad gets a few years older and hits the teenage years then get together with him, your dad and grandad and get them to give a few bits of advice? I'm sure they have both some do's and don'ts from over the years, also it may help hearing it from them rather than you.

Either way, you'll have to work it out as you go, but hopefully some of the above helps

[HELLRAZOR]

spose the best way is to think of drink as an enemy to your wallet gut and life

just do it day by day

rome wasnt built in a day

[Sr Harvest Fiields]

be open. ive always said if you hold back too much kids will wonder what all the fuss is about and try and find out for themselves. there is no ' right ' way. instinct and experience will help you.

[WILF]

1st of all , great thread and respect to all those dealing with their issues

I have become an alcoholic in the last 3 months , since splitting with my girlfriend .
I only drink once or twice a week but then I drink to oblivion .
I went out for a semi official drink with my boss and colleagues last night , everyone else was sipping beer but I drank a whole bottle of sake (living in Japan) and then demanded a bottle of whisky .
I don't remember leaving the bar but 2 hours later I was hit by a car , who drove off .
No serious injuries but very stiff today and feeling so bad about myself and behaviour .

Sorry about putting all this out here but you are the only people I can talk to right now
I know why I drink like this .
I am 49 next month , I am divorced , no kids , have a unfulfilling poorly paid job and feel like I am total failure .
When I look at my future I see no possibility for improvement and fear that my life will be very sad and lonely , with no girlfriend/wife and no money .
So when I start drinking I feel like I want to die and so get horrendously drunk .
Last night I could have died and now I feel very scared .

I need to stop drinking completely otherwise something very serious could happen to me .

[harmar]

WILF; I ain't gonna for one second try to you how you to feel mate but for me, that's the shitty thing about breaking up, it's not the drinking. I've ended up with broken collarbones, broken ribs, punctured lungs etc ( I'm sure it's on RAWK somewhere when it happened ) via alcohol, it's just how the breakup hits you, I think anyhow. Keep your head up mate "at the end of the storm". 

[Sr Harvest Fiields]

WILF there is always light at the end of the tunnel mate.it may be far away, might be damn close but its there. you know why you drink which is a good start, if a little warped way of looking at it lol. not knowing why you drink to excess is worse imo. no need to apolgise either, thats what this thread is for i guess, like minded reds with a drink ' habit '.  im crap with advice etc but if you keep an eye on this thread there will be some very good advice and support. above all dont give up. i would say read through this thread from the start if you havent done so already, and see if there is any ideas etc that may help you.

best of luck mate and pm ANYONE if you need support or advice. i know from experience on here that they will be only too willing to help.

[WILF]

harmar and Harvest Fields , thanks a lot for the feedback , much appreciated .

I have just been speaking to a couple of friends/drinking mates and said that I realise I have a serious problem , so they should not offer me alcohol any more . they are both very supportive and said they will be happy to share a tea together instead .

I'm gonna soak in a hot bath now and hope to feel less stiff and in pain .

I will make this thread part of my daily routine from now on

[Brentie]

Wilf mate, that was a great post. You know why? Because your honesty shone through it.

You realise you have a problem and want to deal with it. Most importantly, and this is what struck me the most, you have a very lucid view on why you're drinking. You have pinpointed several areas of our life which drive you to the drink:

Your loneliness
The lack of emotional affection in your life (lack of wife/gf)
Your sense of not feeling productive/succesful at work
Your sense of lacking any ambition for the future/not seeing any way how your life is going to improve
Your perception of yourself as being no good/a failure

All these are enormously important points. You are very clear in what's wrong in your life, what's missing in your life and the only way you know how to change them is by engulfing yourself in your favored substance.

Your lucidity and awareness of some of the reasons why you drink, along with the honesty you've displayed by sharing them with us, is very impressive.

Now there's no straight solution to your problems. The first step of course is getting clean. But that's the easy part. You can check into rehab and get clean. But you'll only stay clean if you deal with the reasons you mentionned above that drive you to drink. The only way to do that is by continuously talking about your problems. It's about sharing your problems with people, understanding your past, your presonality and the roots of your addiction. Try to get into rehab is my advice, but if you cant, get some close people are talk to them. Or see the AA over there. And talk to us here.

You almost died the other night but the good thing for you is how scared you are now. That shows you want to quit mate. If you didnt, you'd just get up and do the same thing again. I remember once I popped 30 strong painkillers and collapsed and woke up in hospital with broken teeth and nose, yet the minute I came out the one thing on my mind was scoring drugs. I didnt think about quitting. The fact that you are is a hugely important step.

[HELLRAZOR]

kinda in the middle here a bit. i hate not drinkin weekends. i just need it to get away from things for a while.

i usually go out during the week once but havent for a while

the stress of being a homeowner for first time. drives me to drink at weekends but cant do it during the week cos of money

[WILF]

Brentie , thanks very much for your post , you summed things up for me very well.
Can't type much now cos I'm at work and my left hand is too painful to use , v slow typing one handed .
 I'll get back on here after work
Thanks again

[Mr Mojo Risin']

1st of all , great thread and respect to all those dealing with their issues

I have become an alcoholic in the last 3 months , since splitting with my girlfriend .
I only drink once or twice a week but then I drink to oblivion .
I went out for a semi official drink with my boss and colleagues last night , everyone else was sipping beer but I drank a whole bottle of sake (living in Japan) and then demanded a bottle of whisky .
I don't remember leaving the bar but 2 hours later I was hit by a car , who drove off .
No serious injuries but very stiff today and feeling so bad about myself and behaviour .

Sorry about putting all this out here but you are the only people I can talk to right now
I know why I drink like this .
I am 49 next month , I am divorced , no kids , have a unfulfilling poorly paid job and feel like I am total failure .
When I look at my future I see no possibility for improvement and fear that my life will be very sad and lonely , with no girlfriend/wife and no money .
So when I start drinking I feel like I want to die and so get horrendously drunk .
Last night I could have died and now I feel very scared .

I need to stop drinking completely otherwise something very serious could happen to me .

Just thought i'd say good luck with this.

[spen71]

WILF.  Most of us in here know how hard it is to stop drinking when it becomes such a part of your life and how you function.  It is hard but with people with talk to it makes it eaaier.

[WILF]

Thanks Spen and Mr Mojo .

I know I have to change this time , I won't get another chance .
It feels like a bit of an epiphany .
Maybe sometimes pain is the only way we can learn .

Good luck to everyone who is on their path to recovery .

[Rusty]

I have become an alcoholic in the last 3 months , since splitting with my girlfriend .

Sorry about putting all this out here but you are the only people I can talk to right now
I know why I drink like this .
I am 49 next month , I am divorced , no kids , have a unfulfilling poorly paid job and feel like I am total failure .
When I look at my future I see no possibility for improvement and fear that my life will be very sad and lonely , with no girlfriend/wife and no money .

One of the worst possible things is to feel like there is no hope in the future, it can make you feel completely helpless. The good news is that as soon as you identify your problems and then start to remedy them, there is hope again, hope that your future will be better.

I agree with the previous comments, it is really important that (i) you have worked out what the root causes of your drinking are, and (ii) are able to admit them.

Once you have done that you can work out how to start changing them for the better. First up it is good that your mates understand and want to help. If you can find something to do together that doesn't involve alcohol that would be a great way to keep you busy and also spend time with other people (avoiding solitude which can often turn to boredom which can often turn into a drink).

With your job situation, are there any other jobs you would like to do but aren't wualified? If so then look into what evening courses there are, again another way to keep your mind occupied (and off the grog) and also meet people.

As for women - well, they are hard enough at the best of times!! So yes it is a valid concern, but don't try to sort out everything in your life all at once. It takes time. My advice would be to focus on getting out of your old routines first, and enjoying your mates' company, and find something to keep yourself busy. If you can do that then you will have taken one of the most important steps to turning your life around.

And of course as others have pointed out, you can always pop into this thread, whether it is for advice, a chance to confess your lapses, somewhere to have a rant... lots of people in here will be looking out for you mate.

All the best

[Jonathan Hall ☆☆☆☆☆]

I really hope you've all locked the alcohol away after this evening.

[PeterJM]

I really hope you've all locked the alcohol away after this evening.

and the razor blades

[Jonathan Hall ☆☆☆☆☆]

and the razor blades

Shit, i've got those razor blades.

On a serious note though lads. Keep up the good work and get yourselves better.

[And Could He Play]

Went out for a couple last night, thank god needed it with that match. didnt drink when i got in though. My main problem was carrying on drinking when i got in. Wilf stay strong mate, i went off the rails mainly due to a reltionship ending, got my shit together and got back with her (ironic thing is i'm not in ther house tonight with her due to a non alcohol related argument). won't be drinking tonight though.

[jason23]

Went out for a couple last night, thank god needed it with that match. didnt drink when i got in though. My main problem was carrying on drinking when i got in. Wilf stay strong mate, i went off the rails mainly due to a reltionship ending, got my shit together and got back with her (ironic thing is i'm not in ther house tonight with her due to a non alcohol related argument). won't be drinking tonight though.

Keep up the good work Paul. Start a thread about your argument and let RAWK help you out

[zimmie'5555]

Went out for a couple last night, thank god needed it with that match. didnt drink when i got in though. My main problem was carrying on drinking when i got in. Wilf stay strong mate, i went off the rails mainly due to a reltionship ending, got my shit together and got back with her (ironic thing is i'm not in ther house tonight with her due to a non alcohol related argument). won't be drinking tonight though.

Last night's game would have done that to you! Doing well though there mate, all things considered after reading everything you've gone through. Keep it up mate.

[AndyInVA]

1st of all , great thread and respect to all those dealing with their issues

I have become an alcoholic in the last 3 months , since splitting with my girlfriend .
I only drink once or twice a week but then I drink to oblivion .
I went out for a semi official drink with my boss and colleagues last night , everyone else was sipping beer but I drank a whole bottle of sake (living in Japan) and then demanded a bottle of whisky .
I don't remember leaving the bar but 2 hours later I was hit by a car , who drove off .
No serious injuries but very stiff today and feeling so bad about myself and behaviour .

Sorry about putting all this out here but you are the only people I can talk to right now
I know why I drink like this .
I am 49 next month , I am divorced , no kids , have a unfulfilling poorly paid job and feel like I am total failure .
When I look at my future I see no possibility for improvement and fear that my life will be very sad and lonely , with no girlfriend/wife and no money .
So when I start drinking I feel like I want to die and so get horrendously drunk .
Last night I could have died and now I feel very scared .

I need to stop drinking completely otherwise something very serious could happen to me .

Wilf,

heres my 10 cents, which I realise is an expression i have picked up in the States. What you are describing is basically depression coupled with drinking a lot. As someone else mentioned, getting clean will allow you to approach the depression better, but vice cersa is also true

if you manage your depression better, you stand a better chance of dealing with the booze better

I have taken this line with other people who have suggested a drinking problem

anti depression meds are not something that anyone wants to admit to needing

I didnt

yet six months later I came off my meds and was better able to get a grip on my life bit by bit which finally led to quitting booze 4 1/2 months ago

its just a suggestion, if thinks dont get better, go see a doc and agree to go on meds for about three months. if you still need them after that, prolong them on month at a time

if you hadnt improved in six months you really do have a real problem, but most likely you will have given your mind and body a better chance to heal itself

I was too proud to do it for a long time and the people around me suffered

[spen71]

A lot of people do not realise that alcohol is a depressant and if you suffer depression the alcohol is only a temporary pick me up before you come crashing down,

[Brentie]

The thing thats important for me is understanding the cause of your drinking/drug taking.

Always ask why. Always.

For example, saying Im drinking because my relationship ended is bollocks. Your drinking because you're unable to cope with the feelings of the breakup. So pinpoint the feelings? Do you feel lonely? Unworthy? Unnatractive? Lost?

Do that and start to draw parallels in your life of when you also felt like this. Try to understand your feelings, always asky why you're feeling what you're feeling.

End of the day, a huge percentage of addicts are highly emotional, highly sensitive individuals. We take substances because we're unable to live through/understand our feelings, or unable to confront our past or future. The only, only, long term solution to any addiction is to understand yourself by heart and to learn how to cope with your feelings.

Until you do that, you'll always struggle with addiction. Because the only way we know how to do all these steps is by taking substances.

[spen71]

The thing thats important for me is understanding the cause of your drinking/drug taking.

Always ask why. Always.

For example, saying Im drinking because my relationship ended is bollocks. Your drinking because you're unable to cope with the feelings of the breakup. So pinpoint the feelings? Do you feel lonely? Unworthy? Unnatractive? Lost?

Do that and start to draw parallels in your life of when you also felt like this. Try to understand your feelings, always asky why you're feeling what you're feeling.

End of the day, a huge percentage of addicts are highly emotional, highly sensitive individuals. We take substances because we're unable to live through/understand our feelings, or unable to confront our past or future. The only, only, long term solution to any addiction is to understand yourself by heart and to learn how to cope with your feelings.

Until you do that, you'll always struggle with addiction. Because the only way we know how to do all these steps is by taking substances.

That sounds if it is out of AA's big book lol.

[Brentie]

That sounds if it is out of AA's big book lol.

It may be I dont know, the rehab I did had nothing to do with the AA.

But its so true on so many levels. The actual act of drinking or taking drugs is the end result of so many different emotions you're feeling.

We all take/took substances in order to supress our feelings or to search for new ones.

Either way, pinpointing and dealing with your emotions is the only way out of addiction.

[WILF]

Rusty :               thanks for the comments , especially about not trying to sort out everything in one go . One step at a time .
Andhecouldplay : cheers mate , I have read about your relationship problems , I hope it is all sorted out well now .

AndyInVA :           I have taken Lexapro in the past and it helped me get through panic/anxiety attacks and I was more able to deal with some of my problems at that time . I don't know if I want/need  to take them again this time , but I am certainly not against the idea .

Spen :                yes you are right . the drink is only a temporary high , followed by a bad low for me at the moment .

Brentie :            wise words , it is of course about our emotional responses to certain ( stressful ) situations and how we cope with our emotions that lead us to use and abuse various substances .


Thanks very much to everyone who has given their time to respond to my original post . I am still in some physical pain but the body is recovering . I came home from work this evening and felt quite down , wanted a drink but instead cooked some healthy food and watched a crap movie (Armored) . I am getting good support from friends and also my boss , so in the short term I think I will be ok .

My main worry is looking ahead to the next 10/20 years and feeling that I will not be able to find a good relationship or any financial security . That depresses me and leads to the negative emotions which I want to hide from , in a bottle at the moment .
I know I have many good things in my life and there are many people far worse off than me , so I have to find a way of living happily without a partner and somehow find some financial security for my old age .

I used to work in a clinic in London , doing Shiatsu , helping people with alcohol/drug/mental health problems . It often seems easier to help others than to help myself .
I don't want to have to stop drinking completely in the long term , just stop drinking to get obliterated . But for now I have stopped completely .

Thanks again everyone , you are a very good group of people 

[AndyInVA]

My main worry is looking ahead to the next 10/20 years and feeling that I will not be able to find a good relationship or any financial security . That depresses me and leads to the negative emotions which I want to hide from , in a bottle at the moment .

Holy shit mate if we all look ahead that far things can always look fairly crap

all you can do is worry about what you control

fix yourself first, then start working on some kind of relationship, then on and on

if you allow to worry about EVERYTHING, its no wonder its overwhelming

[Pheeny]

I am getting good support from friends and also my boss , so in the short term I think I will be ok .

out of interest is your Boss Japanese? My lad just spent a year in Osaka and from what I can gather Alcohol is a big part of Japanese life,so it can't be easy for you.Good luck and if you ever feel like getting rat arsed lock on to RAWK and read this thread.

[cj]

out of interest is your Boss Japanese? My lad just spent a year in Osaka and from what I can gather Alcohol is a big part of Japanese life,so it can't be easy for you.Good luck and if you ever feel like getting rat arsed lock on to RAWK and read this thread.

Dito everything that's been said so far. Alcohol is a depressant over time. It might provide us with instant relief, but if we drink too much and too often it will certainly drag us down into the abyss.

I've been there plenty of times and you're not alone mate, remember that.

[And Could He Play]

Been having lots of trouble sleeping lately, 6am this morning finally nodded off, well that was the last time i checked the time. Not lying there thinking about ale but surelys its connected.

[spen71]

Been having lots of trouble sleeping lately, 6am this morning finally nodded off, well that was the last time i checked the time. Not lying there thinking about ale but surelys its connected.

A lot of it depends on how long you have been drinking for and how heavily.  The brain is so used to being supressed by the alcohol that when it is "free" of it it takes time to become normal again.  Your brain is being overactive at the moment.  This is also called PAWS (post-acute withdrawal)

[And Could He Play]

Thanks mate.

[Rusty]

A lot of it depends on how long you have been drinking for and how heavily.  The brain is so used to being supressed by the alcohol that when it is "free" of it it takes time to become normal again.  Your brain is being overactive at the moment.  This is also called PAWS (post-acute withdrawal)

Yeah its like when I quit fags, my sleeping patterns were disrupted (in that case because nicotine is a stimulant, not a depressant like alcohol). It's hard - but in the long run you will be better off for it, your body recovers and repairs itself a lot more effectively if there is no alcohol in your system.

Over the years there's almost certainly been a build up of toxins, your body probably needs a while to get rid of them - and it will take a while until it has got to a stage where it is comfortable with the new system.

If it stays really hard to sleep then you could try sleeping tablets, though if you can avoid them then its obviously preferable not to go on them.

[WILF]

I have just got through the weekend without any alcohol .
I went out for dinner Friday , Saturday and tonight and made sure I drove each time so that I wouldn't drink anything .
It felt a bit weird not drinking with friends while eating out , especially tonight in a group of 7 with everyone else on the beer .

So , a big thank you to all who responded to my original post , I really appreciated all the support .

Pheeny : My boss is Canadian and understands that I have a problem at the moment and is being helpful and supportive . You are right about alcohol being a big part of the working/business life here in Japan though .

I read the recent posts about sleeping problems with interest : sympathies to AndHeCouldPlay , I hope your sleep pattern evens out soon .

[Sr Harvest Fiields]

thats a fucking HUGE step WILF.  its not that you need a drink, its just things that make u want a drink that push you you to it. i took a week sabbatical from RAWK and its great to see progress.

and Paul, that seems to be the norm mate. i suffered that for ages. fucking makes u want to drink its so bad lol.

as for me, im back on the booze and hitting the fast lane big time. i feel pathetic and useless and im sick of ppl telling me i am a big man and i can beat this. have they had this problem? no. i know i can do this but every time there is a problem i reach for the booze. its that or start trouble and go back inside and i dont wanna do that. fucks sake. think ill head for a grifter rant to cheer me up. im gonna have to man up and get help cos i cant do this alone but i was doing well. fucking women. ruin my head.

[JLStretton]

First off, well done all who are staying off the ale, I must admit I'm not, been drinking this weekend, went from last sunday to thursday off it then this weekend has been a wet one, so pissed off with myself, but can only try again, need to sort it out as I need to stop the drinking to then loose weight but not going to loose any while drinking.

This week start a fresh, and once again a massive well done to all still off it, and us that aint yet, don't give up, we will get to where we want to be.

[Sr Harvest Fiields]

thats not bad jl stretton.  4 days off the booze is good mate. keep it up though.

[zimmie'5555]

im gonna have to man up and get help cos i cant do this alone but i was doing well. fucking women. ruin my head.

Mate, they ruin everyone's head Seriously though, mate, if you don't think you can get through it on your own, then I think the best thing is to get any help you can. Not only from all of your mates and/or family, but if needs be, it may be best to get external help if you can mate, it might be the only way to sort it for good. Best of luck mate.

[WILF]

Harvest Fields : sorry to hear you are having a hard time of it mate . I understand the feelings of being pathetic and useless , not a nice place to be and very difficult to let go of sometimes . I think one day at a time is a good way to go  , trying to find one positive thing to do each day . And even if one drinks try not to have any serious problems like injury or legal problems or losing one's job .

One day at a time mate , try to make today a good day in some way