Can an addiction be managed. Any addiction?
Yes of course it can be managed. It can be managed by not indulging in it
Managing it and controlling it are 2 separate paradigms. In my opinion there is a big difference between the two.
The best analogy I can give to describe it is this: Its like standing on the outside of a boxing ring. You're standing there cool, calm and collect. Inside the ring is this big fucker who's goading you to get in there with him. He's taunting you, mocking you, and doing every thing he can to drag you down to his shitty level. You know that the best thing to do is to just walk away. You know that by walking away and not stooping that low makes you the real winner. But the c*nt wont stop. He's in there dancing around, calling you a coward, a loser, a boring little dry bollox. He's got that "I fucked your bird last night" grin on his face.
It winds you up to the point that you want to get in there and start thumping his fucking head off because you know you'll enjoy it. Every time you leather him you know you'll get a buzz that just gets better and better. You know you can take all your frustration out on him and ram his words back down his throat. So you snap. The thought of going in there and throttling him eats you up. So you get in there and you start battering him all over the shop. Like Mike Tyson in fit of steroid rage, you kick him all over the ring. It feels great. He's squirming like a little bitch. You feel all the empowerment.
But the c*nt wont stay down. Then you realize he wasn't actually squirming at all. He was just fucking with you. Slowly but surely you run out of steam. Now you can't land those blows anymore. Its drained out of you. Then you realize he's just completely fucked you over because he managed to taunt you into stooping to his level. Now you're the one on your knees, fucked, wasted, with nothing left. Hes standing over you laughing, waiting to land his one killer blow. Then you think "why did I get in here with this absolute c*nt? I could have just walked away and won. Now I've let this shit house win again. Fucker just tricked me. Not only that, but now that I think of it, hes done this to me a thousand times. Why the fuck didn't I clock what was going on when I was still outside the ring"
Once that happens enough times, you'll eventually stop thinking all that and just say "you know what? Go on you big c*nt. Just put me out of my misery and fucking kill me". And that's the fear. I've been in the ring with that c*nt so many times now that I fear if I go for it again, I'll reach that point where I'll just want him to kill me. Andy's back in the ring now. If I were him I'd get the fuck back out sharpish. Because in the long run, the other c*nt will eventually win. That's how you manage it. Just stay the fuck out of there. Get in there and he'll con you into thinking you're in control of him. But you're not. He'll just take everything you throw at him, and when you run out of steam, your ass is his. The only way to manage it is to walk away. The control is all his, no matter how hard you try to convince yourself otherwise. That's how I see my addiction. My addiction is that c*nt and I know better now than to fuck with him anymore