Topic: Review of Fat Scouser’s new book: "The Life & Opinions of Mr Nobody – Shithouse"

[Fat Scouser]

I'd love a copy here in Denmark. Any news on the "better prices", Leo?

It costs £6.40 odd pence to send to anywhere in Europe. But if you hang the latch, there should be a downloadable version soon. It's not as simple as just sending the file. In fact, formatting it for all the reading devices is a right carry on and probably beyond me. But, as I said earlier, Callaghan has stepped into the breech and is working on it. Thank fuck for that, as I don't even understand the directions he's gave me in an idiot's guide sort of way.

[rusty-la]

Hopefully soon. I know it's being worked on. Watch this space in a week or so.

Thanks Callaghan, I'll keep popping in here for updates.

[Slightly Less Mediocre Baron Bennekov]

It costs £6.40 odd pence to send to anywhere in Europe. But if you hang the latch, there should be a downloadable version soon. It's not as simple as just sending the file. In fact, formatting it for all the reading devices is a right carry on and probably beyond me. But, as I said earlier, Callaghan has stepped into the breech and is working on it. Thank fuck for that, as I don't even understand the directions he's gave me in an idiot's guide sort of way.

I'll order the hard copy then. I'm not a big fan of reading books on a screen if you know what I mean...

[bidgeir]

Just placed an order for a hard copy (Perfect bound) to Iceland and paid with PayPal. Hope you get what I'm ordering Fats as I didn't see any possibility to send you a message during the order.

Looking forward to reading it

[Fat Scouser]

Just placed an order for a hard copy (Perfect bound) to Iceland and paid with PayPal. Hope you get what I'm ordering Fats as I didn't see any possibility to send you a message during the order.

Looking forward to reading it

I sent you an email, when the order came in. But in case you never got it, I'll drop you a PM now. And for anyone else in Europe a bit of info... One of the lads in Denmark emailed me and told me it took 6 days for the book to arrive. That seems a bit slow to me, but that's first class post and that's quick as it gets. So, there's no point in arsing round with couriers or that. So that's basically it now...
£6 odd to Europe and it takes 6 days to arrive.
£10 odd to the rest of the world and fuck only knows how long that takes.
Downloadable version being worked on.

I honestly can't be arsed with it now. I'm already working on another book, so I've sort of lost interest in this one. I hope/reckon the next one will be better. There'll be no football whatsoever in it.

It's me rage against the fuckers that are fucking up this world, but hopefully it's going to be a laugh an all. And that will be that. I'll have said what I want to say, and I'll pack it in. I'm not daft enough to think me calling these wanker bankers and politicians will make a blind bit of difference, but I can't get close enough to chin them. So, I'll at least call them some funny naughty names. Viv La Revolution, eh.

[planet-terror]

I honestly can't be arsed with it now. I'm already working on another book, so I've sort of lost interest in this one. I hope/reckon the next one will be better. There'll be no football whatsoever in it.

It's me rage against the fuckers that are fucking up this world, but hopefully it's going to be a laugh an all. And that will be that. I'll have said what I want to say, and I'll pack it in. I'm not daft enough to think me calling these wanker bankers and politicians will make a blind bit of difference, but I can't get close enough to chin them. So, I'll at least call them some funny naughty names. Viv La Revolution, eh.

more power to your elbow then FS,more power to it.

[cowtownred]

Fucking hell Leo, you've got the bit between your teeth now.

[Fat Scouser]

Fucking hell Leo, you've got the bit between your teeth now.

Mate, I've got grandkids. I've got family. I love them. They are being robbed and left nothing. I can't change that, but I love your kids an all. I'll do what I can. People will mock and sneer. I don't care. Cameron left his kid in the alehouse and didn't even know it. I would have looked after it. We'd have took it home and fed it.It would have probably been happier with us shitehawks. They can go fuck off. I'm not clever but I'm not a mug. Oneday a real rain will come and wash them all away...

[Yorkykopite]

Cameron left his kid in the alehouse and didn't even know it. I would have looked after it. We'd have took it home and fed it.It would have probably been happier with us shitehawks.

There's your next novel Leo. That's the opening scene.

[Fat Scouser]

There's your next novel Leo. That's the opening scene.

Already got it mate...
Jimmy Mc hard as cack, shit up his belly and down his back.

Not messing, that's the opening lines.

[HarryLabrador]

Looks as if I need to bump this, which is a shame (that I need to).

A book written by one of our own, probably among the very top select passionate, from-the-heart Reds that I know.  Always bang on with his observations.  Witty and funny too.

The fella writes a book, and the level of support/interest here is shameful.

I have read the first 100 pages now, and for a first time writer, I can't believe how good this book is.

Get on it you miserable sods, and support someone who would support YOU if you are as genuine as he is.

Rant over.

PS Anyone want to spread the word about this novel/biopic to other sites?  Cos it is a fantastic, provoking read.

Hear, hear! Like you, I have read about the same number of pages. It's brilliant and witty and I'll have more to say about it when I complete it. Fats is a genius.  and those of you who haven't bought it as yet, get on with it! The hardback is quite a decent quality as well.

[the 92A]

Just ordered it, went for the a5 one, electronic versions are for bad wools.

[noggin the ngog]

Just ordered  mine. Paypal was a bit wobbly. Not the first time I have given nobody a tenner.

[The Red artist.]

Arrived back from a ten day bender in Essex to find Mr Nobody on me door mat, cheers Leo.

[Fat Scouser]

Arrived back from a ten day bender in Essex to find Mr Nobody on me door mat, cheers Leo.

Do us a favour mate... Have a read, tell us what you think, and be honest. I think it's alright meself, but I don't mind a bit of criticism. I'm going to knock another one out once this bloody sciatica will allow me to concentrate, and I'd appreciate the tips. I think that one's too long. The next one will be half the size but, hopefully, right to the point and it'll get the postage down if nothing else.

PS... ten days, that's some constitution. I can't handle half of that nowadays.

[jason67]

Just ordered my copy Fats, will let you know what I think.

[ConnieLFC]

One copy of Mr Nobody arrives safely Stateside - can't wait to dig in. 

When's the book tour?

Seriously, Leo - cheers and count me in for a preorder on the next one to boot.   

[Fat Scouser]

One copy of Mr Nobody arrives safely Stateside - can't wait to dig in. 

When's the book tour?

Seriously, Leo - cheers and count me in for a preorder on the next one to boot.   

Thanks Connie. Wait till you've read it though. You might be glad it's so fat so you can hit me on the head with it.

[sideshowme]

while formatting FS's book for kindle, i got the attached error message from microsoft word.

sticking it to the corporations...

[Fat Scouser]

while formatting FS's book for kindle, i got the attached error message from microsoft word.

sticking it to the corporations...

Every single "mistake" in there is done on purpose. I had the same conversation with Callaghan. How does something like Trainspotting ever make it into print? The book is about an illiterate nutter. The Queen's English would look ridiculous, and the lay out is exactly how I wanted it to look... warts an all.

[sideshowme]

Every single "mistake" in there is done on purpose. I had the same conversation with Callaghan. How does something like Trainspotting ever make it into print? The book is about an illiterate nutter. The Queen's English would look ridiculous, and the lay out is exactly how I wanted it to look... warts an all.

i agree completely, and it's not a criticism.  it's just the whole "FS broke the spellchecker" aspect that made me laugh.

i emailed you btw.

[Fat Scouser]

i agree completely, and it's not a criticism.  it's just the whole "FS broke the spellchecker" aspect that made me laugh.

Good job I never sat on it.

[noggin the ngog]

Mine arrived yesterday and I found it a great read for the first few pages. Then my daughter (18) started reading it and she wont give it back. She says it is brilliant. Hopefully I will get it back over the weekend.
 

[pooley]

Mine arrived yesterday and I found it a great read for the first few pages. Then my daughter (18) started reading it and she wont give it back. She says it is brilliant. Hopefully I will get it back over the weekend.

My auld feller is 81 and he is chuckling away reading it, It was a good job I snaffled it before him, he  takes ages to read these days!

[boots]

Loving it so far FS. Definitely the most unusual book ive ever read. I think you should send a free copy to the Liverpool's Uni Sociology dept. Honestly.

I like the way youve used the vernacular. To me thats very Rabbie Burns.

I wish you every success and look forward to 'Fat Scouser - The Movie'

[Terry de Niro]

Decent review of it here...  http://www.theredmentv.com/blog/p/276

MISTER NOBODY - REVIEWED BY MARK HAYHURST

You hear it a lot on RAWK, especially on the ‘Auld Arse’ thread, though in other places too. ‘Fat Scouser’ will have just posted an hilarious account of an ‘80s European away-day, a tormented description of a three-day hangover, or a blistering attack on the mercantile character of the modern game, and someone will say “Why don’t you write a book mate?” I’ve said it myself several times, the first, I’m sure, after he wrote one of RAWK’s greatest-ever pieces about an old Liverpool boxer he knew as a young man.
 
Fats would reply “thanks” or “fuck off” (often synonyms for him) and then put a straight bat out and say either, “No, I’m no writer”, or (the self-evidently absurd) “I’ve nothing to say”.
 
Stupidly, I came to believe him. Yet all the while something was incubating in that generous and deranged mind of his. And now we have it. The Life and Opinions of Mr Nobody – Shithouse is a massive, sprawling, politically savvy, hilarious, disgusting, poignant, morally dubious, utterly uplifting novel. I read it a couple of weeks back, swept up in its picaresque yarn, and I’m now recommending it to everyone who comes on this site.
 
The first thing to say is that it comes from Fats’s unmistakeable hand. You’ll know what I mean if you’re a reader of his posts. Style is the hardest thing to acquire as a writer because you have to be faithful to your own voice and not let cliché, tired modes of expression and second-hand opinions get in the way – which they will always do if your guard drops. Fats’s voice – the voice of his best posts on here – comes through beautifully in this book. You can hear the cackle of his laughter, the acid drip of his opinions and the barely credible (all-too credible!) world he has created around his central character, Mr Nobody – Shithouse.
 
I just called it a ‘novel’, but is that what it is? A novel? Or is it a memoir? A fantasy? A sustained piece of reportage? It’s impossible to say for sure and pointless trying to work it out. Probably it’s a genre-defying combination of all four. Certainly it has the tang of truth running it through it and, for all the unreliable narration, has authentic roots in time and place.
 
Broadly Fats’s book is about growing up and becoming a man in Liverpool in the 1960s and 70s – and testing that ‘Liverpoolness’ in the rest of the world thereafter.
 
A lot of people on here will want to know “Ah, but is it about Liverpool Football Club?” The answer is ‘yes’, but only in part. There are brilliant passages about seeing floodlit Anfield from a boy’s bedroom window in the early ‘60s (“a lovely glow to the city and me”), about hearing the strange, haunting sounds of the Kop rolling down the terraced streets, about going to the ground for the first time, about Heysel and about Istanbul. There’s also stuff about Shankly, who serves as much for Mr Nobody as a reference point for an idea about life (the fellowship of socialism) as he does for an idea about football. There’s stuff too about “childhood heroes” like Peter Thompson and Ian Callaghan, as well as the recent campaign against the ownership of Hicks and Gillett. There’s a little bit about RAWK too and a moving tribute to Ray Osbourne, who many here will know as ‘Shanklyboy’ who helped spearhead the supporters’ fight back against the cowboys.
 
But it would be misleading to readers – and unfair to Fats – to say that ‘Mr Nobody’ is just a book about LFC. It’s far better than that. The great West Indian writer CLR James once prefaced Beyond a Boundary, his famous book about Caribbean cricket, by asking: ‘What do they know of cricket who only cricket know?’  It was his excuse to get beyond the cover drives and the scorecard to talk about plantation life in Trinidad, schooling, colonialism, racism, literature and political liberty. It meant that when he did get down to describing the refined beauty of Garfield Sobers or the ferocity of Wes Hall you saw these things through different, all-encompassing, eyes. Well, for my money, Mr Nobody does a similar thing for Liverpool football. It’s possible to follow Liverpool FC without knowing anything about the city, the author seems to be saying, but you’ll never understand it and therefore you’ll never really love it.
 
And so through the character of ‘Mr Nobody’ – “a rogue, a thief, a scally” and a self-proclaimed “shithouse” – we negotiate the rapids of post-industrial Liverpool, a city clinging on to life with self-deprecating humour (always the best kind) and a resilience and cynical knowingness born of desperation and hard times.
 
The beauty of the book is that familiar sociological ideas about Merseyside are rendered into human comedy and tragedy, and often it’s hard to know where to draw the line.  The description of Mr Nobody’s family moving out to an unnamed new town on the borders of the city (Kirkby?) teeters on the pathetic until it is yanked wildly back into black humour. I don’t know whether the befuddled conversation between the displaced slum family and the terrified bus-driver at this semi-rural terminus ever took place. It hardly matters. But it feels real enough. And it is side-splittingly funny. It also says more about alienation than a suitcase full of sociological textbooks on the subject.
 
Mr Nobody himself is a staggering mix of saint and sinner whose own moral compass is boxed all over the place. He’s a man of amazing contradictions who lashes out at all the types who have made modern life so miserable – politicians, shrinks, coppers, social workers, town planners – but who is constantly confounded in his prejudices by meeting individual politicians, shrinks, coppers etc who he actually likes. In similar fashion he rails against the corporate ‘thieves’ and ‘robbers’ who have swindled the Liverpool working class out of their inheritance while rejecting his father’s passion – organised working-class politics – and choosing, for his own career, the life of a pickpocket and shoplifter.
 
It’s of a piece that there’s no moralising in this book – which is not to say that it lacks any moral sense at all. Mr Nobody may dip into pockets outside football grounds and railway stations but unlike one colleague – who is ostracised by fellow dippers for robbing a nun and endures the name ‘Rob Nun’ for ever more – he confines his targets to “men in their peak-earning years”. He’s nothing if not up for a challenge. Incidentally, the descriptions of how to pick pockets and rob department stores are superb, as is the tension in the story-telling when certain heists are described. One particular spree, which ends with our hero peeling off his wet clothes and replacing them, through sheer desperation, with the crimes-to-fashion he’s had to nick from a suburban washing line, is told with aching comic genius.
 
The one fixed point in Mr Nobody’s life, apart from the club he follows, are his grandparents – the beloved ‘Nina’ and ‘The Kaiser’. But there’s no soft ride here either. Nina’s love for her grandchildren would be described as ‘tough love’ these days and she has her own corner of scouse darkness – a passionate dislike of Roman Catholics.  The Kaiser, meanwhile, is introduced as “a proper hard man”. “At the age of 13” we are told,
 
“he’d walked practically every step of the way from Glasgow to Liverpool because there was no work up there in Scotland. Seems a bit daft heading to Liverpool looking for a job. But, as he said, Liverpool was the crossroads of the world then….
‘If  aww roads led tae Rome, Laddie, all wahter met in Libpool.”
 
These are vividly sketched characters, but not the least of the book’s successes, is the way they handled by the narrator. “I’ll have to pack that in, writing in his accent”, says Mr Nobody, immediately after telling this anecdote. But of course he can’t resist and after long periods where the dialogue is conventional scouse the Kaiser is suddenly rendered into cod Caledonian again, only to trigger another round of self-recrimination and false promises from the narrator.
 
Likewise a digression becomes so interesting to the writer that he breaks off to explain he’ll get back to his main story later on. It must be said he’s as good as his word and in the end nothing is left hanging. But it means he can go literally anywhere. In the middle of a wonderful anecdote about a glass-eating Kopite in the 1970s, Harry Redknapp’s tax arrangements come up for scathing comment, before the narrator gets back to commiserating with the man who ate beer glasses to raise his entrance money to the match only to see the recession make punters more miserly and only prepared to cough up to see the ticketless man feast one of those chunky beer glasses with a handle on it.
 
I guess the title of Fats’s book gives us a clue to the style. ‘The Life and Opinions of Mr Nobody’ apes the title page of Laurence Sterne’s 18th century novel ‘Tristram Shandy’ – another picaresque tale told by a narrator who believes that digression is the most interesting thing about story-telling. But to write in this way you need enormous discipline and enormous craft. You also need an ear for the spoken word and a respect for the economy of language. Fats has these things and the book, as a result is a triumph.
 
I want to end the review by quoting a passage about Istanbul – not just because it’s about one of the great moments in football history, but because it shows the writer’s style.
 
“Never mind, sentimental, this was proper mental. Unbeknownst to me, something in me had changed that night. Obviously a lot of things done it, me Nina, The Kaiser, me up-bringing, me family, even me Father, the sight of Shite Twin, Shame, Istanbul, it all had effect. But more than anything it was the thought of Shankly, Paisley, Fagan and the sight of Rafa. I suddenly realised I wanted to be like them…a good, decent, honourable man.
 
I didn’t go all sanctimonious like a born again Christian or ex-drug addict, plonky. No. Fuck that malarkey. But I was getting on a bit, so I sort of knew I had to change”.
 
That’s not the end of the story. For those who know Fats, even just through this place, there’s bound to be a sting in the tail.
 
If you want to be entertained this summer, if you want to laugh, if you want to get angry, if you admire good writing, or if you just want to find out something about your beloved club that nobody else can tell you, then get on the lad’s website and get yourself a copy of this marvellous book.

[royhendo]

I had The Kaiser in my head last night.

[finnansounderrated]

For Kindle use, all you need to do is to transfer the .PDF into 'Calibre' and then convert it into a .mobi.

Simply sell it as a .pdf.  Pay your money. Then send the .PDF by email.  If anyone wants to convert into EPUB or .mobi, they can do it themselves.

Id buy it but I dont like owning books anymore. Everything is on my kindle.

Ive got an ecologically educated friend that is disgusted by my behaviour.  He says that if people stop buying books, paper companies will stop managing trees and forests and then evil companies will come along instead build houses where the trees are and not repopulate.

Never considered that before.  How kindles will eventually destroy forests lol.

[Fat Scouser]

For Kindle use, all you need to do is to transfer the .PDF into 'Calibre' and then convert it into a .mobi.

Simply sell it as a .pdf.  Pay your money. Then send the .PDF by email.  If anyone wants to convert into EPUB or .mobi, they can do it themselves.

Id buy it but I dont like owning books anymore. Everything is on my kindle.

Ive got an ecologically educated friend that is disgusted by my behaviour.  He says that if people stop buying books, paper companies will stop managing trees and forests and then evil companies will come along instead build houses where the trees are and not repopulate.

Never considered that before.  How kindles will eventually destroy forests lol.

I haven't got a clue about any of it, and I've been too knackered and busy to do anything about any of it. But, as always on here, someone has stepped in to help. 2 good lads, who know what they're doing, Callaghan and Sideshowme, are sorting things out. I'll be posting info soon, and anyone still waiting on the hard copy... Sorry for any delay. Please bear with me. The printers promised I'd have some more copies last week. They never arrived. I've been on the phone. They've promised me, they'll be here tomorrow or Wednesday. We'll see. But as soon as they do arrive, I'll have them in the post.

[surfer. Fuck you generator.]

I haven't got a clue about any of it, and I've been too knackered and busy to do anything about any of it. But, as always on here, someone has stepped in to help. 2 good lads, who know what they're doing, Callaghan and Sideshowme, are sorting things out. I'll be posting info soon, and anyone still waiting on the hard copy... Sorry for any delay. Please bear with me. The printers promised I'd have some more copies last week. They never arrived. I've been on the phone. They've promised me, they'll be here tomorrow or Wednesday. We'll see. But as soon as they do arrive, I'll have them in the post.

I'm sure the two boys helping you are aware of it (if not, they should after my post!) but sell a pdf version as well, as the other poster mentioned. Would prefer that, than any formatted ones for kindle etc.

[sideshowme]

I'm sure the two boys helping you are aware of it (if not, they should after my post!) but sell a pdf version as well, as the other poster mentioned. Would prefer that, than any formatted ones for kindle etc.

well it would be trivially easy to produce a PDF, so it's always an option.  as for calibre conversions, they are often glitchy and contain formatting problems to the extent that i gave up on them for reading on my kindle.  but each to their own, i guess.

having a well-formed mobi file also simplifies the process for uploading to amazon, should FS wish to do that.

as for leo, he stopped replying to my emails after i told him i was OOT...

[Fat Scouser]

as for leo, he stopped replying to my emails after i told him i was OOT...

~Liar. I'm Tarka, The OOTer

[And Could He Play]

You going on the telly Leo?

[Fat Scouser]

You going on the telly Leo?

Crimewatch

[Fat Scouser]

Absolutely pissed off here...
I ordered more copies of the book a couple of weeks back. I was assured they'd be here in a week to ten days. It's gone that, so I just phoned the printers. They said they are sending out a proof copy for me to check before starting on the print run/order.

I'm honestly very miffed about this. Obviously on the first run of books, they had to send a proof for me to check, but there was no reason to do this a second time round. They should have just sent the books straight out. Believe me, I'm more than pissed off with them, especially as I could have got it done cheaper but picked a small independent business out of principle.

Anyway, the outcome is, I'll probably be waiting another week to ten days for them to get the books to me. The lad is trying to speed things up and will get back to me later today. All I can do is, say I'm sorry for the delay and assure anyone that's waiting... as soon as the books get to me, they'll be in the post to you.

Doing me head in this. I'm honestly, starting to regret even writing the fucking thing. Anyone else thinking of writing a book...
I ended up sat on me arse so much, I got terrible sciatica. Me fucking head's wrecked. I could have spent that time in the pub, having a laugh, instead of in me back bedroom, getting bollocked for "Click-click-clicking." It's give me fuck all but grief, and there's not even any money in it. Other than that, it's been shite.

[the 92A]

I'm waiting and pretty chilled about it, you're keeping us informed and it's out your hands so don't worry.

[happydaze]

No worries FS....is there any chance of my copy being backed with either brown paper or wallpaper like what us auld arses used to do with school books back in the good old days !!!

[Fat Scouser]

I'm waiting and pretty chilled about it, you're keeping us informed and it's out your hands so don't worry.

Thanks mate. And I'm sure people will be alright about it and bare with me, but you don't know the half of it. It's been a constant headache from start to finish, and I'm honestly regretting ever doing it. It's not a nice thing to do and I'm starting another one. I must be radio rental.

Oh well, thanks to everyone for baring with me. I honestly apologise for the delay and I'll get all back orders in the mail the moment the books land.

[TepidT2O]

How many copies have you sold now FS?

[Fat Scouser]

No worries FS....is there any chance of my copy being backed with either brown paper or wallpaper like what us auld arses used to do with school books back in the good old days !!!

It was always Shoot magazine for me... Billy Liddle, Elisha Scott.