Topic: "This fella shouted"

[Oey]

There's shit loads of one liners have made me chuckle over the years (trying to rack my brains now), but this one always makes me laugh.

Shrewsbury away in '96 (FA Cup). After the game getting postponed about 20 times we eventually got down there and the game was an early kick off. We gets to the ground around 9am, and everyone just headed for this TINY cafe a few hundred yards away from the away end. It was the tiniest cafe I'd ever seen, more like a hut. Anyway, as soon as it was spotted, it was completely rammed within about 30 seconds. The woman and fella behind the counter just couldn't cope, all you could was "ee-ar, giz two bacon on, there girl!". Not to mention the woman behind the counter looked like Mystic Meg, so she was already getting "what are the lottery numbers for Sat'dy love?" etc etc. The service was really slow to serve the 20 plus people in there all screaming ordres for scran, and eventually the first sausage on toast was ready. The woman looked at the fella at the front who'd ordered it with a sauce bottle in each hand and said "what would you like on your sausage, love?" to which came a the reply from the back "Lipstick".

The whole place fell about laughing, even the fella (presumably her husband) burst out laughing, she even took it in good humour herself!

[POD]

I remember being at Ewood Park a few years ago. A bloke by me shouted "show us a trick Diouf". Quick as a flash somebody replied "Yeah, f**king dissapear!"

[Johnny Foreigner]

was at a forest-leeds game few years back - both teams deep in relegation trouble.

home fans were giving the leeds-fans "going down, going down".

then suddenly the leeds-end started "so are we, so are we" - silenced the forest-fans pretty quick.

[The_Fisherman]

Was at an Everton v Fulham match a few years back...

Big Dunc floors Rufus Brevet, like absolutely twats him everywhere, the poor c*nt goes down like you'd expect

.... oye lad... deee's no break-dancin on arr pitch, alright'!

[AdamS]

One that sticks in my mind was a game against Wimbledon at Anfield about 1998 just after Christmas.

That was when we were singing Who's Afgraid Of The Big Bad Wolf to Vinnie Jones (after that incident on Gladiators).

Best I've heard was a few years ago. We were playing some no-marks in Europe (can't remember who) and they were diving all over the place. This big fat woman about 50 years old behind us shouts out "Fuckin hell, youz are on yer backs more than me and that's fuckin saying something!"

Still tickles me now!

[Dr. Funs Doll]

Good idea for a thread this,
Nearly cried laughin reading some of those.

Funny how you remember some daft shout at the match, but forget half the actual game (well I do anyway).  Happened alot last season especially... hmm wonder why

These lads behind me on the kop are always coming out with one liners but fraid i'd probly get banned for repeating some of the things they've come out with               


I remember us playing united when bartez was in goal for them and this fella screaming his name - and nothing else but - for about 20 minutes solid.  Like that "Dan" scene in Alan Partridge.  Then just when you thought he'd given up he goes "I know you can hear me, bartez..." noone says nothing it all goes quiet... then he screams baaaaarrrrtttteeezzzzz one long final time really top of his voice! 
Is sometimes not what they say but way they say it?  Had me in stitches that one   


Not a shout but funny anyway.  The last home game of season, this fella who's a bit of a nutter anyway about 5 rows down from me will turn up topless (is usually a sunny may day but hasnt stopped him when it aint been), bladdered and even more on one than usual.  Last few years we've been having mosaics on the kop, and what do you do with your piece of card after the mosaic's over?  Well a couple of lads decided screw them into balls or turn them into aeroplanes and aim for this fella.  Suddenly everyone's waiting for this bloke to stand up on his solo again cos as soon as he does he gets fuckin bombarded by about a hundred mosaic missiles from all directions                 

[_CarraMac_]

Remember playing spurs one season, they won a corner at the kop end, Steve Archibald was lurking around when someone near me shouts.....ARCHIBALD GERRA SHAVE YA WHISKERY OWD BASTARD.........funny at the time like

[hooded claw]

Arsenal at home last year....Emile warming up right in front of us, and just as he bends over to stretch off  this guy shouts 'MOVE YOUR FAT ARSE HESKEY- I DIDN@T PAY FOR A RESTRICTED VIEW!'

Perhaps you had to be there.........

[Gnurglan]

[Monty.]

Liverpool v Southampton season before last, two lads sat behing me and me mate on the kop had us nearly wetting ourselves. Generally just taking the piss, so wish I could remember what they were saying!!

Do remember at one match tho some bloke shouting "Fuckin' hell Heskey, what you standing around for, I didn't see you paying to get in!"

He must've heard, suddenly started running.

Took my housemate last year to a game, he knows fuck all bout football (which I discovered at this particular game-it was Liverpool v Bolton in the shitty Carling Cup game we lost). I remember it well as I spent the entire match wishing the ground would swallow me whole.

One of our players get's done for handball. It was a fair decision, hit him on the arm.

Pete: Fuckin' hell ref, do you even know what a hand is?!?! (funny enough til...)

Voice behind: Yeah, it's what you're probably holdin yer pie in yer fat c*nt.

Another one:

Bolton's boys training on touchline in tose interesting plus four things.

Pete: Look at their fucking kit, it's vile, what the fuck were Adidas thinking with that!?!?!

Me: It's Reebok Pete, same as ours. And can you please shut the fuck up please you're embarrasing me and I promise I'm not taking you to a match ever again.

Lads in row behind me applauded. "Good on yer love". Pete goes red and shuts up.

 

[Rob K]

was against derby about 2002(i think) when we beat em to send em down. sat in anny road, was me and my mates first match.

anelka was getting wrongly caught offside loads by the same lino. anyhow we get a corner at our end which is played over everyone and out for a goal kick. some bloke behind me stands up and shouts at the top of his voice "OFFSIDE!!"

made everyone chuckle for a good few minutes.

[PhilB]

Cant remeber who we played but Uhria Rennie was the ref and was having an awful game and in the end some fella shouted "oh fuck off you rennie all your good for is intergestion"

[Mark_P]

Last season at Pompey in the Cup, it was the dark, dark days at the end of Houllier's reign, and morale was low in our end as we trailed 1-0 to them.  Heskey had his usual half-arsed half and Baros was warming up in front of our end to come on an make his return from injury.  He got loads of applause and runs around with Sammy Lee for a bit, then shoots at the empty net, fucking up and hitting the ball over, some fella shouting "Bring on Heskey".

Or, Chester's rookie keeper coming on for the last 5 minutes at a friednly there, gets a round of appluase, abar 17 this lad ... goes a bit quiet after the applause and clear as day: "You'll never fucking make it."  Lad seems gutted.

[Andy G]

Great thread.  Just been reading the ones on the Blue Kipper too (see link in original post) and there are some great ones.  Number 47 is a classic, not from what he tries to tell us, but because of what he does tell us:

"A few years back, (96/97) Alan Shearer's just signed for Newcastle, first game of the season and we beat them 2 nothing. Games over, outside, Bullens Rd packed with both fans, some wonderfull fella next to me in a blue shirt shouts: 'Alan Shearer...15 million down to a fiver'. Love it"

[Walton_Gary]

At an away against Coventry a few years back (we won 1-0, think Phil Babb scored(?)) anyway Bjornbey was having a fuckin mare and a fella by me shouts

'Bjornbey take a walk down that tunnel lad and dont come back'

Simple but effective

[Millsee]

Two spring to mind.

Liverpool v Birmingham 4th Round FA Cup a couple of seasons back (won 3-1 I think). Amidsy all the usual fat head comments, there was a bit of a tussle going on in front of us - I forget who was involved.
Bloke next to me shouts: "Kinell, mate. If you want a shirt that badly, you can get 'em for forty quid in the shop."

The other one was a rezzies game against Leeds at Bootham rescent in York. Alan Maybury from Leeds got a throw-in, just as he was a bout to take it, some kid shouts: "Go on Maybury. With pace!" Me and Mrs Millsee were in fits, Maybury turns round with this really quizzacle look on his face.

[MikeD]

Villa at Anfield, Dwight Yorke (famous for his sh1t-eating grins) taking a throw in front of us, some lad shouts "Give us a smile Yorkie" ,  to no response.

This request went out again, with no response. Third time lucky he turns around with a huge grin...

The response, in the same requesting tone.

"Fcuk off Yorkie!"

[Hoff]

One home game two seasons ago (were we finished 5th) and Traore was playing centre back for us.  Djimi was closing his man down and a fella behind be shouted "Fuck him up, Djimi!".

Made me laugh anyway.

[Litherland_Leon]

theres been loads but can't really remember them.  At the graz game Cisse showed a burst of pace and some 70-75 year old fella next to me said "fuckin' 'ell, i wouldn't i wouldn't wanna legga off him!".

[Maggie May]

Away to Southampton donkeys years ago.  Micky Mills was talking a throw in just by the corner flag at our end.  He rises to his toes and starts to arch his back - slowly, slowly, still arching as far as he can go.  Everyone is watching this performance open mouthed.  Complete silence.  And then, just as he is about to throw, someone shouts "The glory days are over now Micky".  He drops the ball.  We fall over laughing.  (Which was a bit unfortunate.  The Southampton away end was not in the best of nick those days and we usually ended up standing in a small lake.)

[Tarpaulin]

Coventry away on 97....Bjornabye was having a fuckin mare. At half time as he's walking off the pitch with his head hung down, a lad with us shouts "Get yer fuckin boots on Stig, yer comin off"

[Walton_Gary]

Coventry away on 97....Bjornabye was having a fuckin mare. At half time as he's walking off the pitch with his head hung down, a lad with us shouts "Get yer fuckin boots on Stig, yer comin off"

 

At an away against Coventry a few years back (we won 1-0, think Phil Babb scored(?)) anyway Bjornbey was having a fuckin mare and a fella by me shouts

'Bjornbey take a walk down that tunnel lad and dont come back'

Simple but effective

[Tarpaulin]

That'll be why I had Coventry in me head then mate  . Was an away that season, and the team was in blue.....but cant for the life of me remember exactly who.

[Rory Fitzgerald]

My work colleague (Man Utd) got complimentary tickets from a broker to go and see Liverpool vs Man Utd with the broker however they were seated in the Main Stand about 5 rows from the pitch.

Anyway, the ball goes out for a throw and Luke Chadwick runs over to collect the ball when a scouser stands up and says:

"Ah f**k off Chadwick, I'm only over me dinner"

He says he p!ssed himself laughing aswell - of course he put on the scouse accent aswell when telling the story - class 

[Walton_Gary]

Possilbly the same game, stig was fuckin shit

[The Bill Hicks Appreciation Society]

a bit off topic but still...

my mate worked as a croupier in stanleys when a few of the liverpool lads came in, someone span the ball on the roulette wheel but it was a no spin as it flew out of the wheel right towards the ever alert David James who put his gigantic hands out to catch it, but it went right through his fingers.....my mate was standing on the next table pissing himself.

i worked in soames/grosvenor and dealt 3 black jacks in a row to David James to much ribbing from the rest of the punters around the table......"it's only cos he plays for liverpool etc etc"

[Al Bol]

Today
Fella A: Have a word will yer, Stevie?!
Fella B: In Spanish!

[KiNki]

back of the kop in block 304 this fella was trying to get the attention of his son matt.

He shouts matt....MATT.....MATT....MATT......MATT about 10 times walking up and down the stairs.

He spots what he thinks is his son who he thinks is sitting in the wrong seat...and points to him trying to get his attention calling out his name again.

Next thing ya hear is about ten different fellas in block 304 shouting....what?...what?! what? what? one after the other like an echo.

This fella is shaking his head but persist "MATT"

This other fella, sitting next to the boy matt, looks over and the dad yells have a word with him will yer.

The smart arse has a word with this matt lad turns back and shouts.....

....he says he loves ya...

....fucking crocadile dundee style...

..everyone was pissin themselves

dad realises that the lad isnt his son...his son is coming up the stairs...laughing at him too. 

[[streety]]

Liverpool vs. Valencia pre season friendly.
We were sitting in the Centenary and Biscan wasn't playing too well.  Some bloke shouts "Igor, you can cross that white line" Referring to the half way line 

[Alf]

In 202 of the Kop today after a fine save by Jerzy Dudek this fella shouted after the chant of we've got a big pole in our goal had been drowned out, I've got a big pole in my pants!

[Drobs]

In 202 of the Kop today after a fine save by Jerzy Dudek this fella shouted after the chant of we've got a big pole in our goal had been drowned out, I've got a big pole in my pants!

Always the ones with peckers.

[Tarpaulin]

Possilbly the same game, stig was fuckin shit

Fuckin ell....he was awful

Crossing the ball from mid way in his own half!!!

[Rafa-Revolution]

Early seventies and my mate took his girlfriend to the match in the middle of the Kop. "Tell em to stop pushing" she said.

[Roddysul]

Am glad I have moved my seat for this season - last season I was stuck behind two moaning Murphy-haters.  This one there is a guy a row or two back that comes out with some corker instead.

Funniest yesterday was when Finnan had tangled with a WB player right in front of us - and he shouted out - "Stevie that's it - sort that fucking tart out will ya - he's a bigger tart than you"

[The Red Voyeur]

New Year's day (about '87?). Home against Sheffield Wednesday.
Dad decides to take his other half to the match. So we're standing there in the middle of the Kop. She turns to me and says "When they closing the doors at the back, bit of a draft". Makes me laugh anyway...

Last season away to Fulham. 1-0 up at the time and we start singing: "You can stick yer fuckin' Harrods up yer arse..." Then these lads start chanting "Matalan, Matalan, Matalan..."

[LFCJim]

Towards the end of last season, in 202 Kop and the usual portly steward comes up the stairs to tell everyone standing on the back row to sit down. He has a go and says his usual piece about the camera taking pictures so we'll get stopped from getting tickets. Just as he turns to make his way back down the stairs some next to me sings as loud as he can " ALLEZ ALLEZ, THE FAT STEWARD IS GAY!" Everyone cracks up as this is much more interesting than the shite on the pitch at that time and the steward quickly walks down looking a bit embarassed.

Funny at the time! 

[Big Mac]

Long time lurcher - first time poster.   Great thread to make my debut!   

Few years ago, Easter Monday I think.   Mundane end of season stuff vs Crystal Palace and the oversized munchkin that is/was Thomas Brolin was in the Palace side.

Someone screams "Get Berger on", to which the bloke next to me shouts "Don't bring Berger on.....Brolin will fucken eat him!"

Classic!

[kemlyn1974]

One of my first games alone in the kop -about 12 I think. Went for a piss just before half time. Lovely. Everywhere empty. Went in the ladies by mistake though did'nt I. Had no idea. Came out and this steward shouts " It say ladies mate not laddies"
By now there are what seemed like the entire crowd outside the bogs. Never been so embarrased.
Funny now though. The kids just love that one. 

[Em5y]

 Great thread

I remember going to Gresty Road a few years back to watch a pre-season game.  One of the Crewe players went down injured and their physio came leggin on.

He must have been at least 60 - long grey hair and beard - straggly and all over the place.  This bloke stands up behind us and starts singing "ONE FREDDIE BOSWELL"

[Terry de Niro]

always remember when we played Man City in the 80s at home it was just after Crimbo, anyway we won 5-2, just after the 5th goal goes in theres a bit of a lull in the game, when some mad kopite shouts out to Citys goalie at the time Joe Corrigan "Hey Joe yer fat bastard Looks like you ate too many fuckin mince pies the other day" every one was on the floor laughin, he must of heard it cos the fella who shouted was right behind the goal,  classic