Author Topic: "This fella shouted"  (Read 589606 times)

Offline The Red artist.

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Re: "This fella shouted"
« Reply #200 on: January 30, 2005, 11:34:37 pm »
Slightly off topic but:

I was working in A+E, and this lovely old dear, 90 +, bright as a button,well spoken, Hollywood granny features, comes in with a fractured wrist.

Have a bit of a gab with her, and tell her I will have to sedate her whilst I pull her wrist back into shape.

Just before I start giving her the drug, she tells me she is an avid Fulham fan, been watching them at home for over 60 years. I tell her I am a Liverpool fan, and then she starts telling me how she dislikes Man U, to which I agree.

I push in a bit of drug, and ask her , "What do you think of Alex Ferguson".

She replies, quick as a flash, and at the top of her voice in a packed a+e, which suddenly goes deadly quiet:

" Alex Ferguson? Alex Ferguson? I think he's a ruddy faced c*nt of a bastard"Class,good on ya ol girl.

I was pissing myself so much it took me two attempts to get her wrist right. Wonderful things, drugs.
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Offline Maggie May

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Re: "This fella shouted"
« Reply #201 on: January 30, 2005, 11:47:53 pm »
Another gem Mr Mottman.   :wellin :wellin
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Offline Branno

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Re: "This fella shouted"
« Reply #202 on: January 31, 2005, 12:26:23 am »
Not football related but a great cricket sledge none the less.

I think it was McGrath (Aus) bowling to Raratunga (Sri Lanka) a few years back. MrGrath is bowling a superb spell and Raratunga cant hit a shot for toffee.

Anyway, McGrath is getting a little peeved at this lack of action so walks up to (rather fat) Raratunga and says "Hey Raratunga! How come you got so fat?".....he replies "Because every time I fuck you missus she gives me a biscuit!!!!"  ;D
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Offline saph

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Re: "This fella shouted"
« Reply #203 on: January 31, 2005, 12:29:47 am »
in liberec for our uefa cup game and its fuckign freezing. i'm with the bootle boys and a random czech (we're in their bit) has a HUGE bottle of tullamore dew. passing it round when gary mac comes down to by us to warm up. the bootle boys offer him some whisky to warm up. he says he'll have some after the match.

not that hilarious but a nice touch imho.
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Offline sirjames

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Re: "This fella shouted"
« Reply #204 on: January 31, 2005, 01:41:17 am »
bit off topic again, but was talking to my dad(hes a manc- twat) he was telling me when he went over to bayer leverkusen and he ses to his mate "were is tommy?", his mate said "he fuked of yesturday said he had no cash- got a job labouring on a site" then ma dad ses to me "hes not bin back since"  ;D was funny to here that as a story.
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Offline ♠Dirty Harry♠

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Re: "This fella shouted"
« Reply #205 on: January 31, 2005, 02:01:28 am »
My oul' boy supports Chelsea, imagine livin with that. Im gonna get wanker put on the back of his shirt when he's on holidays.

Offline neutron

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Re: "This fella shouted"
« Reply #206 on: February 1, 2005, 12:12:26 am »
I think this is my first contribution too! Reading this brilliant thread just brought back a memory...don't know if anyone remembers Alec Lindsey...left-footed left back in the 70s..he was famed for the precision of his passing. Shankly always used to say with his left foot he could drop the ball on a sixpence.. so in the middle of some game - no idea who we were playing - Lindsey completely mishits a pass and the ball goes to absolutely noone, nowhere near anyone and the ball tamely bounces out for a throw in...over to my left a voice rang out, "someone must have dropped a fucking tanner over there then..." It still makes me laugh now!

Offline Lee1-6Liv

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Re: "This fella shouted"
« Reply #207 on: February 1, 2005, 10:00:52 am »
 ;D @ Neutron

Offline AndyJ45

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Re: "This fella shouted"
« Reply #208 on: February 1, 2005, 03:21:58 pm »
Slightly off topic but:

I was working in A+E, and this lovely old dear, 90 +, bright as a button,well spoken, Hollywood granny features, comes in with a fractured wrist.

Have a bit of a gab with her, and tell her I will have to sedate her whilst I pull her wrist back into shape.

Just before I start giving her the drug, she tells me she is an avid Fulham fan, been watching them at home for over 60 years. I tell her I am a Liverpool fan, and then she starts telling me how she dislikes Man U, to which I agree.

I push in a bit of drug, and ask her , "What do you think of Alex Ferguson".

She replies, quick as a flash, and at the top of her voice in a packed a+e, which suddenly goes deadly quiet:

" Alex Ferguson? Alex Ferguson? I think he's a ruddy faced c*nt of a bastard".

I was pissing myself so much it took me two attempts to get her wrist right. Wonderful things, drugs.

Thats the best. No competition, thats the best.

Offline Djimi

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Re: "This fella shouted"
« Reply #209 on: February 1, 2005, 03:28:21 pm »
yeah that one is the best ;D

i was at an ards match (me da supports them and dragged me down to watch a 'real' football team)
  i was slaggin off there keeper after the match saying things like 'he could catch a bus if it were right in front of him' and  ' if that cross was a pie he would have caught it' and a few other things.
  then all of a sudden all i hear is 'excuse me miss, do you think you could do a better job' i suddenly turn round to find the keeper id been slagging off standing right behind me
 and me da was standing there pissing himself laughing
« Last Edit: February 1, 2005, 04:21:53 pm by agent-57 »
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Offline BillobShaisley

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Re: "This fella shouted"
« Reply #210 on: February 1, 2005, 04:31:43 pm »
NOt a real candidate as it was up in Ibrox, but the Celtic fans upon hearing of his schitzophrenia(sp?) started chanting.

"There's only twooooooo........ Andy Gorams,
only twoooooo...."

Offline SMD

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Re: "This fella shouted"
« Reply #211 on: February 1, 2005, 06:48:44 pm »
Isn't it weird that after this thread gets steam, a similar feature appears on Football365?

Someone post the Steve Gerrard song!
"The ultimate measure of a man is not where he stands in moments of comfort and convenience, but where he stands at times of challenge and controversy."

Offline Djimi

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Re: "This fella shouted"
« Reply #212 on: February 1, 2005, 07:07:59 pm »
 :lmao
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Offline sammydodds

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Re: "This fella shouted"
« Reply #213 on: February 1, 2005, 11:16:27 pm »
Liverpool v Sheffield Wednesday at Anfield 5-1 game, week before Hillsborough always remember this fella standing up by where me dar used to stand in 'shitbags corner' on the Kop and the wednesday fans were singing in full voice ' c'mon wednesday, c'mon wednesday - next thing this fella shouts " why is it fuckin giro day on a wednesday in sheffield!!", didn't know the fellas name but he stood by me and me dar for years, you didn't know peoples name it was a nod of head every second week to acknowledge them, it was the last time we seen him as he died at Hillsborough the week after :'(
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Offline Brick Tamland

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Re: "This fella shouted"
« Reply #214 on: February 2, 2005, 03:11:38 am »
" fella's behind me today given Dean Kiely some real stick in the 2nd half. Was funny as.
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Offline RazorRat

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Re: "This fella shouted"
« Reply #215 on: February 2, 2005, 11:50:57 am »
last season at elland road before the match,i was sitting in the top tier of the stand we were in.
a rather LARGE steward was at the top of the steps,one minute he was standing there looking at the pitch,the next minute he was rolling down them backwards at some speed, this was about 15mins before kick off so there was quite a few off us in there watching this,everyone sat there watching this big ball of a man letting gravity do its best,and as he approached the bottom of the steps he sort of bounced and crashed into the boards at the bottom.
if he had bounced any higher im convinced he would have made it over to the lower tier.
as he hit the bottom board he layed there for about 5 seconds,bearing in mind theres a hundred or so people watching this,he suddenly got up and tried to look around as if to see, and hope that no one had seen him.
but the best bit was as he looked up everyone who had seen this was now looking the opposite way to him absolutele pissing themselves,which he probably knew because everyones back was shaking where they were trying not to laugh.once he had gone there must have been about twenty of us crying.
even during that match it kept popping in to my head and i was bursting out laughing.  ;D

Offline Djimi

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Re: "This fella shouted"
« Reply #216 on: February 2, 2005, 12:01:20 pm »
 ;D
LIVERPOOL FC - CHAMPIONS LEAGUE WINNERS 2005

I'M A VOYEUR, AND A DAM GOOD ONE AT THAT!

THE GAWA PROVIDED NOT ONLY A 12TH MAN BUT A 13TH AND A 14TH AND 3 MORE ON THE BENCH.

Offline Don Vito Corleone

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Re: "This fella shouted"
« Reply #217 on: February 2, 2005, 12:53:34 pm »
In the First National last night, watching the big screen, when this fella lets out a totally incomprehensible blood curdling scream.

I naturally turn to face the direction of which the sound came from and duly miss Mori's goal

Little did i know at the time that the screens upstairs are 5 seconds or so ahead, and he was merely celebrating the goal, which in turn made me miss it

c*nt
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Offline paulrazor

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Re: "This fella shouted"
« Reply #218 on: February 2, 2005, 12:57:09 pm »
was at united game one year

two moans were funny, dunno why

"fuck off forlan"
"van nistelrooy ya tart""

dunno why but i cracked up
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Offline AdamS

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Re: "This fella shouted"
« Reply #219 on: February 2, 2005, 01:01:32 pm »
In the First National last night, watching the big screen, when this fella lets out a totally incomprehensible blood curdling scream.

I naturally turn to face the direction of which the sound came from and duly miss Mori's goal

Little did i know at the time that the screens upstairs are 5 seconds or so ahead, and he was merely celebrating the goal, which in turn made me miss it

c*nt
;D
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Offline Djimi

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Re: "This fella shouted"
« Reply #220 on: February 2, 2005, 03:03:33 pm »
was at united game one year

two moans were funny, dunno why

"fuck off forlan"
"van nistelrooy ya tart""

dunno why but i cracked up

was it a manure fan that shouted them
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Offline Hightown Phil

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Re: "This fella shouted"
« Reply #221 on: February 2, 2005, 06:13:19 pm »
In the First National last night, watching the big screen, when this fella lets out a totally incomprehensible blood curdling scream.

I naturally turn to face the direction of which the sound came from and duly miss Mori's goal

Little did i know at the time that the screens upstairs are 5 seconds or so ahead, and he was merely celebrating the goal, which in turn made me miss it

c*nt


May have been Ronaldo scoring for United, about half of the place I was in were waiting for the replay of that to come on when Morientes scored.

Offline Kanonkop

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Re: "This fella shouted"
« Reply #222 on: February 3, 2005, 12:16:52 am »
Think it was Bolton or some equally rubbish 1st division team in the FA cup in 92 or thereabouts (think we lost).  One of their players goes down injured and this short arsed 'magic sponge' man with a very respectable mop of long white hair runs out.  Instantly the chant goes out throughout the ground,

"Jim'll fix it, Jim'll fix it"

Absolutely classic
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Offline paulrazor

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Re: "This fella shouted"
« Reply #223 on: February 3, 2005, 01:44:01 pm »
was it a the Mancs fan that shouted them

no
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Offline sutty

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Re: "This fella shouted"
« Reply #224 on: February 3, 2005, 02:51:32 pm »
Not football related but a great cricket sledge none the less.

I think it was McGrath (Aus) bowling to Raratunga (Sri Lanka) a few years back. MrGrath is bowling a superb spell and Raratunga cant hit a shot for toffee.

Anyway, McGrath is getting a little peeved at this lack of action so walks up to (rather fat) Raratunga and says "Hey Raratunga! How come you got so fat?".....he replies "Because every time I fuck you missus she gives me a biscuit!!!!"  ;D

That was Edo Brandes.

Ranatunga's was  when as usual he was knackered having batted for 30 minutes and feigned an injury to get a runner. Ian Healy said "You don't get a runner for being a fat unfit c*nt".

Another class cricket one was Shane Warne and Daryl Cullinan. Cullinan had a nightmare against Warne and hadnt been picked for South Africa against Aus because Warne always used to get him out early.

Cullinan walks out to bat and immediately they bring Shane Warne on.

"I've been waiting to for 2 years to bowl at you Daryl" says Warne.
"And it looks like you've spent the whole time eating" replies Cullinan.


Offline hindsy101

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Re: "This fella shouted"
« Reply #225 on: February 3, 2005, 03:08:21 pm »
1-0 up at half time in the Worthy Cup Final against the mancs, i decided to go to the toilets, only to be greeted in there by 200+ scousers singing "Piss when we're winning, we only piss when we're winning!"

Offline Maggie May

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Re: "This fella shouted"
« Reply #226 on: February 3, 2005, 03:59:41 pm »
1-0 up at half time in the Worthy Cup Final against the mancs, i decided to go to the toilets, only to be greeted in there by 200+ scousers singing "Piss when we're winning, we only piss when we're winning!"

Brilliant.  :wellin :wellin :wellin
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Offline Djimi

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Re: "This fella shouted"
« Reply #227 on: February 3, 2005, 08:42:50 pm »
 ;D
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Offline RedKennedy

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Re: "This fella shouted"
« Reply #228 on: February 3, 2005, 08:52:17 pm »
Another one a lad by me told, he was coming home from gratz i think and the plane hit a bit of turbulence and it got a bit scary, e some fella shoputed 'fuckinhell slow down drive'

 ;D
Quote
:lmao

At the watford game last week the bloke in front of me was avin a rant about Biscans passing abilities?

'Fuck me, he couldn't play pass the parcel without fuckin it up'  ;D

Offline kevinbrodie

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Re: "This fella shouted"
« Reply #229 on: February 3, 2005, 09:11:28 pm »
I have told this story before, but this topic is great so here we go:

UEFA cup final in the Holiday Inn after the match in Dortmund. I think it was one of the only places open that night, must have been about 200 reds in this small bar.
Chris de Burgh is in a booth drinking champagne and celebrating and most of the supporters are speaking with him while checking out his daughter (she later became miss world or something). Anyway she was absolutely stunning... 

She is enjoying herself with the lads and ends up standing next to me in a circle of about 9 men. One of the lads says to her, "Do you sing as well?"  She replies, "only in the shower" The oldest man in the group, who is about 80+, quick as a whip, says, "I don' t believe you lets go find out if you are lying"
Classic stuff. Classic night.
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Offline Djimi

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Re: "This fella shouted"
« Reply #230 on: February 3, 2005, 09:16:40 pm »
that biscan one is classic
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Offline Woodbury

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Re: "This fella shouted"
« Reply #231 on: February 3, 2005, 09:29:44 pm »
When Andy Goram was diagnosed with mild schizophrenia the Rangers fans sang "There's only two Andy Gorams!"  ;D
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Offline Djimi

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Re: "This fella shouted"
« Reply #232 on: February 4, 2005, 02:42:04 pm »
ah thats rangers fans for you
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Offline mr_mad_master

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Re: "This fella shouted"
« Reply #233 on: February 4, 2005, 02:54:00 pm »
1-0 up at half time in the Worthy Cup Final against the mancs, i decided to go to the toilets, only to be greeted in there by 200+ scousers singing "Piss when we're winning, we only piss when we're winning!"
;D
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Offline bigmac7

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Re: "This fella shouted"
« Reply #234 on: February 4, 2005, 05:54:48 pm »
I am not normally a poster more of a reader but I am laughing out loud at some of these shouts and had to add one of my own that made me laugh.
When we signed Zeige a few years back we all had high hopes of him being the answer at left back. My own opinion was good on the ball and going forward but could not defend, anyway enough of my opinion this fellas opinion was a lot funnier. After a less than glorious start to his Liverpool career there had been a few critics and this bloke stood up in a quiet moment and with all the anger and snarl of a Pitbull involved in an underground dogfight. This fella wanted blood the veins on his neck could rival Deidre Barlow.
" 50 Grand a week!! 50 Grand a week!! Fuck off back to Middlesbrough you spotty face German Twat"
It was such a quiet moment I was sure the poor lad heard him.  While I would never slag off a player directly like that at a game it made me laugh so much I had to share it.

One more that made me laugh was a shout to Rooney in the Manure game a few weeks ago.

Those of you in the Lower centenary halfway between the 18yrd box and the halfwayline will remember this bloke standing up and giving a constant tirade of abuse to the c***.  What are the fuckin prozzies like in Manchester eh Rooney can't be any worse than the one that looked like yer old Ma"
Ouch you could feel the anger in the glare that Rooney gave him. At that point everybody around this bloke were calling Rooney a wanker and anything else that came into their heads just for the fact he gave a reaction.

Offline M(oaning) B(ecomes) E(mbarrassing)

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Re: "This fella shouted"
« Reply #235 on: February 4, 2005, 07:35:53 pm »
Hate to be a bore, but schizophrenia has nothing to do with split personality.

Seconded.  Whilst I despise Goram with a passion bordering on hatred, schizophrenia does indeed have nothing at all to do with a split personality. 
It is difficult to get a man to understand something when his salary depends upon his not understanding it.

Offline SMD

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Re: "This fella shouted"
« Reply #236 on: February 5, 2005, 06:19:27 am »
Yeah, that's right.
"The ultimate measure of a man is not where he stands in moments of comfort and convenience, but where he stands at times of challenge and controversy."

Offline SMD

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Re: "This fella shouted"
« Reply #237 on: February 5, 2005, 06:19:55 am »
No it isn't!
"The ultimate measure of a man is not where he stands in moments of comfort and convenience, but where he stands at times of challenge and controversy."

Offline Ilsonred

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Re: "This fella shouted"
« Reply #238 on: February 5, 2005, 10:07:48 am »
Bruce Grob's testimonial game was televised (not the bit with the gladiators doing cartwheels though boooooo !). My Dad taped it. When I got home he had the tape wound back, ready to go to a specific bit. Can't remeber who was going to take the throw in, Just at that point clear as a whistle you could hear a young lads voice "Dad tell him Gary's farted again and it smells like the seashore" Laughing writing it.

Not too sure what they'd been feeding him.

That is purely belter, ive got tears in my eyes  :lmao :lmao :lmao :lmao

Offline Hightown Phil

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Re: "This fella shouted"
« Reply #239 on: February 5, 2005, 06:22:43 pm »
At the game today:

"Why aren't you having a word Styles yer c*nt?"

Straight in.

"Cos he's blind, he didn't fuckin see anythin."

Probably only funny cos of the quick wit.