Topic: Write a Rawkite a Wiki intro

[Billy The Kid]

Harvest Fields

Harvest Fields is a well known internet stalker who is best known for his love of the portly female population of Suffolk. HF first shot to fame after an infamous incident in the back seat of an Opel astra back in the early 80's. It was widely rumored that his partner in the scandal was Liverpool's former center forward Stan Collymore. However, when later quizzed about the incident, HF replied "it wasn't an Opel astra you daft dopey twats, it was a fucking Vauxhall Cavalier". Despite his often barbed use of diction, HF is best known to his fans as a keen lover of womens clothing and spider man outfits

Anywhichwayucan

BMX biking legend Anywhichwayucan, is Detroit native who now resides in a Council estate in the south east region of Ireland. As a devoted father of 2, 3, possibly 4 children [citation needed], Anywhichwayucan spends most of his days on football websites, where he likes to talk about the subject of ......you guessed it......professional wrestling and female pop singers. As a proud bisexual, he has dated numerous celebrity males such as CM Punk and more recently Niki Minaj, with whom is rumored to be the mother of one of his 4 [citation needed] children

Andy@Allerton

Andy "I'm just not convinced yet" Allerton is the much maligned bastard love child of former Manchester United manager Mr. Ferguson and Fifa official Howard Webb. As a troublesome adolescent, Andy began showing his disdain for his parents in his early teens. "Why have I got 2 dads? All my friends have a dad and a mom. I mean, maybe it will work out long term, but from what I've seen so far, I'm just not convinced".  Andy soon began venting his frustration in the sanctuary of football forums where he successfully managed to expose his corrupt parents which led to their inevitable retirement. Upon taking the credit for their exit, Andy famously declared "I said all along I wasn't convinced, and I'm still not, Steven Gerrard simply has no business taking corners. Why is he so rubbish at them? Why?".
 

[Crosby Nick]

Haha good stuff Billy!

The 5th Benitle

The 5th Benitle is a convicted serial stalker who developed his infamy through roaming the streets of London in his van, looking for females who may have vaguely resembled girls he thought he had seen before on the Internet. A keen and enthusiastic singer, in 2011 Benitle reached the Judge's Houses stage of the X Factor. However he was asked to leave by the producers after unsettling celebrity judge Tulisa by repeatedly insisting she was "Lady Brandybuck off of RAWK". A die hard QPR fan, Benitle achieved a lifelong dream in 2011 when he signed to play in goal for his boyhood club. He achieved mixed success at QPR but was still selected to play in goals for his native Brazil at the 2014 FIFA World Cup. Benitle was voted Chiswick's 3rd most eligible batchelor by readers of Heat Magazine, finishing behind Ant from Ant & Dec and William Hogarth [citation needed].

[Sir Capon of Debaser]

Billy The Kid


Billy on his way to the shops,during the school holidays!



Billy The Kid (born William Agnus Pyabb,18th march 1927),was an irish singer/song writer and actor.,famous for his Arthur Askey/George Formby style jokes/songs and pink swimming trunks! Born in Appley Bridge,near Chorley,and raised in Ireland,William soon became interested in show business,and the extravagant lifestyle stars such as Fatty Arbuckle and Charles Chaplin led!! After an early career as a rent boy and cleaning lady at the local whorehouse,William spent the next 20 years living as a woman due to him being born without a willy!(see picture above). This was a problem for young William,as he wanted to fight in the War! But due to his abnormality,William ended up making Munitions in a knicker factory in Penwortham for the duration of that time,and going by the name ''Cecilia''! Famed for his ''Physical Slapstick Comedy'' which would later influence stars such as Norman ''GA GA GA GRANVILLE'' Wisdom and Frank ''Oooh Betty....I think ive just done a whoopsie!!'' Spencer,Williams career never hit the heights his early promise had shown! This would turn him to drug,alcohol and sausages addiction(see picture above).His manager,the late Barnaby Raspbridge later shed light on his troubled past,blaming his struggle with being a transgender(see picture above),and not being able to fight in the War like a real man,or go for a wee standing up! Instead,as mentioned before,working in a knicker factory in Penwortham,and having to sit down for a piss!

William,or Agnus as he was known to his friends,was a cult figure in albania,where he was one of the few Western actors whose films were allowed in the country during the dictatorship of Enver Hoxha.Films such as ''Eh Mother,have ye fixed that chuffin wheelbarrow?'' and  ''Crikey,is that the time? I best get a move on'' are still favorites to this day!

Personal life

William now lives by the name Agnus Battersby and is happily married to Errol Battersby,whom she has been married to now for over 50 years! They both live happily in Hull with their pet dog ''Colin'' and run a successful traditional fish and chip shop in the local city centre!

Filmography

''Eh Mother,have ye fixed that chuffin wheelbarrow?'' (1941)
''My date with a Sailor!'' (1942)
''Oooh,hello Duck,do ye come here often?''  (1942)
''The sandwich filler!'' (1943)
''Just a minute! I can't get my fly undone!!'' (1944)
''My date with 2 Sailor's!'' (1944)
''The Cleaning Lady (as himself)'' (1944)
''My date with 3 Sailor's!'' (1945)
''Crikey,is that the time? I best get a move on!!'' (1945)

Discography

''MAM,OUR BARRYS WEARING MY UNDIES AGAIN!! TELL HIM WILL YE!!'' (1941)
''I see ye got that chimney fixed?!'' (1942)
''Our Deidre likes Piccalilli and ham'' (1942)
''Uncle Alberts got the shits again'' (1944)

[TepidT2O]

That's wasted on RAWK ....

[Lady_brandybuck]

so far

[Billy The Kid]

Capon you really are a gargantuan sized twat. I just want you to know that

[Anywhichwayicant]

 


Surprised this thread hasn't been more active

[adopted_scouser]

Haha good stuff Billy!

The 5th Benitle

The 5th Benitle is a convicted serial stalker who developed his infamy through roaming the streets of London in his van, looking for females who may have vaguely resembled girls he thought he had seen before on the Internet. A keen and enthusiastic singer, in 2011 Benitle reached the Judge's Houses stage of the X Factor. However he was asked to leave by the producers after unsettling celebrity judge Tulisa by repeatedly insisting she was "Lady Brandybuck off of RAWK". A die hard QPR fan, Benitle achieved a lifelong dream in 2011 when he signed to play in goal for his boyhood club. He achieved mixed success at QPR but was still selected to play in goals for his native Brazil at the 2014 FIFA World Cup. Benitle was voted Chiswick's 3rd most eligible batchelor by readers of Heat Magazine, finishing behind Ant from Ant & Dec and William Hogarth [citation needed].

[Sir Capon of Debaser]

 

Capon you really are a gargantuan sized twat. I just want you to know that

Hahaha nob ed

[The Gulleysucker]

Inspired my man, inspired.

[Sir Capon of Debaser]

Inspired my man, inspired.

Haha think ive upset billy

[bigbonedrawky]

This thread 

[Red Genius]

ha ha ha this thread has well cheered me up

[Ziltoid]

That fucking picture of Billy the Kid 

Brilliant stuff

[Lady_brandybuck]

Capon Debaser



Formerly known as Captain Tsubasa, Is the love child of Roy Keane (hence the looks). He is a well known DJ in the dark alleys of RAWK, releasing such hits as RAWK - OldCold Fights https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=U4oOIjVQgi4, RAWK - OldCold Fight's (Je t'aime... moi non plus mix) https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=82c_yhMhnMw, RAWK - OldCold Fights (Cock N Bollocks Blue Oyster Bar Mix)https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=l8UacgNUgg4- this last one being his personal favourite. He colaborated with the mix on the failed RAWK Christmas XFactor special from 2011 http://youtu.be/zzQc5qTrt1M?list=UUwI0ZNNVjEX-RBCzIc1E69Q. He's also a music adviser for some mods and regular posters of the site.

He has a speech impairment that makes most of his posts difficult to understand, creating confusion on whether he's being funny or incoherent, some posters have theories on him being Sabu Pundit, which he's not. Capon has an on-and-off well established relationship with Amir and loves to bring up Billy The Kid's fashion faux pas with pictures of him using pink speedos. Capon also has a tendency to finish his posts with #sausages

[Motty]

Billy and Nick's were good but Capon ,that was fucking brilliant mate

[Billy The Kid]

Ha ha ha. Nice on Kat

Capon's just a jealous bastard, who can't do justice to a good pair of speedo's like I can

[Sir Capon of Debaser]

The 5th Benitle



The 5th Benitle (born Onslow ''Night Fever'' Salgado,24th September 1962),was a repeated failed X Factor contestant and washed up has been who shot to fame for the stalking of female celebrities and the brutal murder of television presenter Jill Dando!

Early Life

Chipmunk faced sunbed addict and cock eyed popstar wannabe Benitle was a lonely child,often taking pictures of himself singing and posing infront of a mirror, using a dildo as a microphone! (The Dildo would later become his signature weapon when attacking women late at night in parks in and around the London area!).Wearing nothing but night vision goggles,camouflaged face paint and a white ''Elvis'' costume,whilst carrying an acoustic guitar when hiding in nearby bushes! He would surprise his victims by shouting ''AWOOGA!!'' as he jumped out from behind dimly lit areas,then strike his victims over the head with a giant floppy 10 inch illuminous Lemon coloured rubber penis, often leaving them very angry!! On leaving the scene of his attacks,he would utter the words ''Thank you very much!...A HOH HUR!!'' in homage to his hero ''Elvis Presley'' to his victims before waddling off in an uncomfortable manner due to his heavy derriere,and very short legs! Hence the reason he became known as ''The Daisy Duck arsed stalker of Clapham''!


Throughout his life, Benitle publicly denied his homosexual orientation and put this down to his flamboyant hairstyles(using up to 4 cans of hair lacquer a day) and his outrageous dress sense! Often wearing sunglasses indoors,hawaiian shirts and flip flops to go the pub! People would often say ''Look at that wally!! Bet he bloody loves himself,that one!! Who does he think he is? Timmy Fucking Mallett??? The suntanned nob ed!!''

Criminal convictions and investigations

On the morning of 26 April 1999,Jill Dando was shot outside her home! Police had no evidence of Benitle commiting the crime,other than he was a weird bastard who stalked women online,so threw the fucking book at him! And rightly so.

Personal life

Benitle never married and owns 2 sheep.He lives on his own in a caravan in Middlesborough with his sheep ''Harold'' and ''50 Cent''

Filmography

X Factor - As himself

The 5th Benitle on X Factor
<a href="http://www.youtube.com/v/QeooG13vzdw?version=3&amp;" target="_blank" rel="noopener noreferrer" class="bbc_link bbc_flash_disabled new_win">http://www.youtube.com/v/QeooG13vzdw?version=3&amp;</a>

[Billy The Kid]

Ha ha ha. Fucking hell

[Crosby Nick]

Crikey.

[Alan_X]

Where the fuck did you get that picture?

[Sir Capon of Debaser]

Hahaa Its Robert Zdar of Maniac Cop fame

[rednich85]

hahaha fucking hell Cap.

[Crimson_Tank]

Brilliant thread, Capon is winning by far.

[Chakan]

Flipping hell that's fantastic

[Gifted Right Foot]

 

[Samie]

Capon killed it. 

He should write an entry for everyone.

[paulrazor]

some hilarity here

[royhendo]

Marvellous.

[Jonathan Hall ☆☆☆☆☆☆]

Royhendo

Born 30th February 1942 as Adolf Goldstein, son of Jeremiah and Lucy Goldstein. Called Adolf due to his dads job as Head greenkeeper at Croydon Municipal Golf Course, and the fact he was conceived in one of the bunkers whilst on the run from the Gestapo.

Feigns Scottishness at every turn, yet the closest he has ever been to his alleged Birthplace of Dundee is having a piece of cake forced down his throat at 8 yrs old.

Well known to wear shite trabs whilst turning up at random London pubs claiming he's on his way to five-a-side.

Used to work at Dyson but a snapshot has appeared of his former day job.



Now rumoured to be working in Edinburgh on the trams, walking in front of one of these mythical beasts waving a red flag to warn the local hobbit population of the dangers that one day it might travel between two stops.

[Lady_brandybuck]

[SP]

Royhendo

Wrong picture...

[royhendo]

Fair comment that.