Author Topic: The Marital Sex thread...  (Read 174573 times)

Offline And Could He Play

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Re: The Marital Sex thread...
« Reply #120 on: September 26, 2011, 10:50:44 pm »
How old were you when you got married?

It was two weeks ago, he's still in the honeymoon period.
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Offline Sat1

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Re: The Marital Sex thread...
« Reply #121 on: September 26, 2011, 10:51:06 pm »
Before kids it was great, and adventurous. 3 yrs on and I'll be lucky if it's once a week. Try my Beattie get a bottle of wine down her, then I know my chances increase a thousand fold. Downside is I have to get on the lash to and end up hungover at work.

Offline And Could He Play

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Re: The Marital Sex thread...
« Reply #122 on: September 26, 2011, 10:51:48 pm »
Make up sex is the best sex.

ANGER IN THAT LADS ANGER AND PASSION.

(off to phone la femme)
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Re: The Marital Sex thread...
« Reply #123 on: September 26, 2011, 10:54:28 pm »
It was two weeks ago, he's still in the honeymoon period.
Sounds messy that.
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Offline ThepepeReina

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Re: The Marital Sex thread...
« Reply #124 on: September 26, 2011, 10:55:19 pm »
It was two weeks ago, he's still in the honeymoon period.
;D
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Re: The Marital Sex thread...
« Reply #125 on: September 26, 2011, 10:57:14 pm »
Make up sex is the best sex.

ANGER IN THAT LADS ANGER AND PASSION.

(off to phone la femme)

Agreed. Funny that she used to agree too. Not fucking doing it now though
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Re: The Marital Sex thread...
« Reply #126 on: September 26, 2011, 10:57:53 pm »
Agreed. Funny that she used to agree too. Not fucking doing it now though
Thats why they invented Rohypnol.
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Offline And Could He Play

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Re: The Marital Sex thread...
« Reply #127 on: September 26, 2011, 10:58:39 pm »
Thats why they invented Rohypnol.

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Offline Barneylfc∗

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Re: The Marital Sex thread...
« Reply #128 on: September 26, 2011, 11:00:28 pm »
Thats why they invented Rohypnol.

Have you any left?
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Re: The Marital Sex thread...
« Reply #129 on: September 26, 2011, 11:05:25 pm »
My mrs will let me have sex with her most nights if I want, which is fine.
But she won't suck my dick which really pisses me off. I'd do it myself but I can't reach. 
#must resist the urge to post a witty/sarcastic reply# ;D
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Came to this thread a bit late, but from what I've read, the real relationship trouble is not between you and your girl, but between you and a small box of Tampax. You obviously need something more substantial in your life like a huge Costco sized box of jam rags, seeing as you're such a massive fucking quim

Offline manifest

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Re: The Marital Sex thread...
« Reply #130 on: September 26, 2011, 11:07:57 pm »

had to laugh the other day watching some talk show, Larry David says he only has sex with women he doesn't like, 'cos he cannot imagine doing all that sex stuff with someone he knows and likes and who he is going to  be looking at later across the dinner table....made sense to me, but maybe it's a post age 50 thing when bodies are meh.....or just the most perfect narcissist statement from the man who best champions the cause, curbing his enthusiasm as it were.

Offline And Could He Play

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Re: The Marital Sex thread...
« Reply #131 on: September 26, 2011, 11:08:34 pm »
#must resist the urge to post a witty/sarcastic reply# ;D

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Offline Aristotle

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Re: The Marital Sex thread...
« Reply #132 on: September 26, 2011, 11:18:48 pm »
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Re: The Marital Sex thread...
« Reply #133 on: September 26, 2011, 11:20:54 pm »
had to laugh the other day watching some talk show, Larry David says he only has sex with women he doesn't like, 'cos he cannot imagine doing all that sex stuff with someone he knows and likes and who he is going to  be looking at later across the dinner table....made sense to me, but maybe it's a post age 50 thing when bodies are meh.....or just the most perfect narcissist statement from the man who best champions the cause, curbing his enthusiasm as it were.

That's the thought I had when I noticed this thread. Luckily I'm still young and get as much as ever after 4 years without marriage.

I know my time will come so I'm trying to render my nob useless well before then ;)

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Re: The Marital Sex thread...
« Reply #134 on: September 26, 2011, 11:36:14 pm »
good to see im not on my own,

been with my girl for just over 7 years, lived together and been engaged for 5 years, we also have a daughter just turned 2,

up until my OH got pregnant she wanted sex more than me believe it or not, everyday without fail for the guts of 5 years, once she got pregnant her sex drive just went away, i thought it would come back after the baby was born, it didnt and id say in nearly 3 years we've had sex no more than 30 times,

in fairness it has picked up a bit recently, maybe once a week, but im pretty sure thats cos she wants another baby,


there's been a few nights ive had to relieve myself with her beside me in the bed, in fairness to her, she made some sex noises which helped me along the way







Offline rusty-la

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Re: The Marital Sex thread...
« Reply #135 on: September 26, 2011, 11:38:01 pm »



there's been a few nights ive had to relieve myself with her beside me in the bed, in fairness to her, she made some sex noises which helped me along the way


 :lmao :lmao :lmao

Offline JimmyGrunt

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Re: The Marital Sex thread...
« Reply #136 on: September 26, 2011, 11:42:07 pm »
Putting me right off getting wed this thread - even moreso.
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Offline And Could He Play

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Re: The Marital Sex thread...
« Reply #137 on: September 26, 2011, 11:54:56 pm »
how many people actually shag on their wedding night, cos i have been to loads of weddings and most of the grooms was in no state to get it up.
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Offline jaffod

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Re: The Marital Sex thread...
« Reply #138 on: September 27, 2011, 01:02:32 am »
how many people actually shag on their wedding night, cos i have been to loads of weddings and most of the grooms was in no state to get it up.

Me me me! :wave

I gave the Mrs a proper seeing to on our wedding night  8). I was bevvying all day but just couldn't get drunk, every fucker was buying me ale at the reception so I always had 3 or 4 pints on the go at once, probably left quite a few lying around but I must have done fucking gallons in.
 Up to the room in the Park Hotel and walloped her all over the place  :P. Probably the last time she had all the gear on as well. :(




there's been a few nights ive had to relieve myself with her beside me in the bed, in fairness to her, she made some sex noises which helped me along the way



Seriously WTF? :o

I know where you're coming from about them losing their sex drive once they get pregnant though, same happened with us...caused more than a few arguments over the years.

Offline caspertheghost

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Re: The Marital Sex thread...
« Reply #139 on: September 27, 2011, 01:11:10 am »
good to see im not on my own,




there's been a few nights ive had to relieve myself with her beside me in the bed, in fairness to her, she made some sex noises which helped me along the way

:lmao
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Re: The Marital Sex thread...
« Reply #140 on: September 27, 2011, 06:15:06 pm »
there's been a few nights ive had to relieve myself with her beside me in the bed, in fairness to her, she made some sex noises which helped me along the way

That's gold. :lmao.

Married life aye ? ;D
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Re: The Marital Sex thread...
« Reply #141 on: September 27, 2011, 09:13:22 pm »



there's been a few nights ive had to relieve myself with her beside me in the bed, in fairness to her, she made some sex noises which helped me along the way


OH MY LORRRDDDD.

:lmao :lmao :lmao :lmao :lmao :lmao :lmao :lmao

Just fell out my fucking chair :lmao :lmao


Was she only her mobile texting at the time?
« Last Edit: September 27, 2011, 09:15:07 pm by Mashy-rawr!nooo »
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Re: The Marital Sex thread...
« Reply #142 on: September 27, 2011, 09:27:33 pm »
good to see im not on my own,

been a few nights ive had to relieve myself with her beside me in the bed, in fairness to her, she made some sex noises which helped me along the way








Thats the funniest thing I've ever read on RAWK.
Sex noises while you have a tug?  Ahhaaa

Offline Extraordinarily Ordinary

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Re: The Marital Sex thread...
« Reply #143 on: September 27, 2011, 10:40:44 pm »
good to see im not on my own,......................


there's been a few nights ive had to relieve myself with her beside me in the bed, in fairness to her, she made some sex noises which helped me along the way


WTF.   I'm sitting here with tears in my eyes pissing myself laughing.    This has got to go down as the funniest post on RAWK

Offline ♠Dirty Harry♠

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Re: The Marital Sex thread...
« Reply #144 on: September 27, 2011, 11:42:28 pm »
My biggest fear with putting all the effort in; touching gently, massaging her ego and other bollocks, is that if it doesn't come off you've wasted a lot of time & energy. My preferred method is the 'Big Spoon, Little Spoon' tactic, wait 'til she turns around in bed then go for the big spoon cuddle; surprise attack her by whipping your knob between her arse cheeks and hope for the best.

99% of the time it fails, but at least that's only a few seconds of energy wasted trying for a ride, rather than swanking around the house like Rico Suave dropping kisses on her neck, whilst she's loading the washing machine with your dirty togs and reeking of Persil, and lying to her that she looks great in a head-to-toe bathrobe that would make a Burka look like a g-string.
« Last Edit: September 27, 2011, 11:44:50 pm by ♠Dirty Harry♠ »

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Re: The Marital Sex thread...
« Reply #145 on: September 27, 2011, 11:48:52 pm »
I'm not married but I find serenading your partner with Usher's 'Trading Places' usually goes down a treat.

Offline zimmie'5555

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Re: The Marital Sex thread...
« Reply #146 on: September 28, 2011, 12:24:58 am »
I mis-read the title as the 'Martian Sex Thread . . . '

Offline rusty-la

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Re: The Marital Sex thread...
« Reply #147 on: September 28, 2011, 08:41:46 am »
My biggest fear with putting all the effort in; touching gently, massaging her ego and other bollocks, is that if it doesn't come off you've wasted a lot of time & energy. My preferred method is the 'Big Spoon, Little Spoon' tactic, wait 'til she turns around in bed then go for the big spoon cuddle; surprise attack her by whipping your knob between her arse cheeks and hope for the best.


There are some very disturbed minds out there in RAWKland.  Still gonna give this a try though.

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Re: The Marital Sex thread...
« Reply #148 on: September 28, 2011, 09:02:02 am »
I mis-read the title as the 'Martian Sex Thread . . . '

Some would argue that there is more evidence that this occurs than the topic in the thread title.

Offline rusty-la

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Re: The Marital Sex thread...
« Reply #149 on: September 28, 2011, 09:13:55 am »
I mis-read the title as the 'Martian Sex Thread . . . '

*paging SirHarvestFields to the Marital Sex Thread........ paging SirHarvestFields*

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Re: The Marital Sex thread...
« Reply #150 on: September 28, 2011, 09:22:20 am »
My wife finally came out of her confinement the other day. And we finally got it on last night. She's a monster.
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Offline caspertheghost

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Re: The Marital Sex thread...
« Reply #151 on: September 28, 2011, 10:01:11 am »


there's been a few nights ive had to relieve myself with her beside me in the bed, in fairness to her, she made some sex noises which helped me along the way

Sex noises? Snoring?

Sorry mate but me and the guys in work are :lmao
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Re: The Marital Sex thread...
« Reply #152 on: September 28, 2011, 10:18:01 am »
*paging SirHarvestFields to the Marital Sex Thread........ paging SirHarvestFields*


Im no longer married mate ;) Martian sex eh? Ive seen some weird crap on the internet but never this. I may have found me a little niche in the market here.
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Re: The Marital Sex thread...
« Reply #153 on: September 28, 2011, 10:20:06 am »

Martian sex eh? Ive seen some weird crap on the internet but never this.

I've heard it's always done in silence: "We come in peace"

Offline Kochevnik

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Re: The Marital Sex thread...
« Reply #154 on: September 28, 2011, 10:46:20 am »
I must be the lucky one.  9 years in, 2 kids, and we still go at it at least 2-3 times a week.  It was more before kids came along, granted, but it's still regular enough to satisfy.

Of course, it occurs to me that some of it might be down to the fact that, due to religious beliefs, we didn't have sex before we got married.  I suppose that changes the equation a bit, but still, I'm surprised to read that so many of you are having such long dry spells with the missus. 

The lad with the wife making "sex noises" next to him while he deals with the problem by himself ...  :lmao :lmao
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Re: The Marital Sex thread...
« Reply #155 on: September 28, 2011, 11:23:13 am »
Right you sad bastards. Foolproof way to get both of you off.

When the bird is asleep or just gone to bed, get yourself in the shower and get squeaky clean, then get under the covers and sniper your way up between her legs and lick her into a coma.  At that point she's putty in your hands and should never say no to this particular approach unless you're an abject failure..
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Re: The Marital Sex thread...
« Reply #156 on: September 28, 2011, 11:35:47 am »
Putting me right off getting wed having kids this thread - even moreso.

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Re: The Marital Sex thread...
« Reply #157 on: September 28, 2011, 11:38:11 am »
 ;D Im not having kids if it makes things worse!
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Re: The Marital Sex thread...
« Reply #158 on: September 28, 2011, 11:44:23 am »
I think this thread may be an argument to adopt a ready made kid rather than make your own one :D


...tucker and his missus' sex noise while he is having a little shake on the knob :lmao
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Re: The Marital Sex thread...
« Reply #159 on: September 28, 2011, 11:51:20 am »
I think Tucker may have been joking about the part where his missus made noises (hope he was anyway!)...has he even posted since or is he just going to leave us hanging so to speak.