Topic: Troubles learning to drive

[S]

I've put off learning to drive for years now. I had lessons when I was a teenager and couldn't get the hang of it, so I gave up. I've had a few sporadic attempts since (albeit not actual lessons) and they've all ended in frustration too. It hasn't really bothered me much up until now, but I suddenly have a real desire to learn. I want the freedom of having my own car.

The only problem is I'm shit. Like terrible. In anticipation of having a few lessons I got insured on a friend's car and took it out a few times, just driving around various roads in a 5-10 mile radius. On the one hand I didn't crash or anything, so it's not like a complete disaster. At the same time though none of it feels at all natural. There seems to be dozens of different things to take into account in a matter of seconds and it all overwhelms me. Every little action, like changing gear, is a challenge. At no point do I feel at ease with the car, I often come back from a couple of hours of driving with a raging headache through the sheer stress of it.

I'll compare it to riding a bike or striking a football. When I do either of those it feels so natural that I'm able to take into account all the different aspects of randomness without a seconds thought. I can't comprehend those factors when driving though, and combined with the fact I'm in charge of a vehicle which can seriously injure people...well it just overwhelms me.

Any non-drivers on RAWK? Anybody suffered through a similar situation and got through it?

[Phil M]

It's like any fear, you need help with it.

Finding the right instructor is the key, you need someone who is patient enough to start from scratch and who understands your mindset and hesitation getting behind the wheel. It is an overwhelming thing but like anything it's all about practice and takes time.

Ask around your friends and family if they know of a recommended and qualified instructor in your area.

If you feel you'd be more comfortable going with a male instructor then seek one out.

All the best with it.

[S]

It's like any fear, you need help with it.

Finding the right instructor is the key, you need someone who is patient enough to start from scratch and who understands your mindset and hesitation getting behind the wheel. It is an overwhelming thing but like anything it's all about practice and takes time.

Ask around your friends and family if they know of a recommended and qualified instructor in your area.

If you feel you'd be more comfortable going with a male instructor then seek one out.

All the best with it.

I'm definitely going to hunt around for someone who specifies that they are good with hesitant learners.

One thing I forgot to add. Would it be helpful for someone in my position to do one hour lessons, or one of those intensive courses where you go out every day for a week or so?

[Phil M]

I'm definitely going to hunt around for someone who specifies that they are good with hesitant learners.

One thing I forgot to add. Would it be helpful for someone in my position to do one hour lessons, or one of those intensive courses where you go out every day for a week or so?

Lessons are expensive so be wary of that, it might be best to do a couple pf one hour sessions and see how they go with your new instructor.

If you are feeling comfortable and hopefully a little more confident then you can chat with him/her about your progress and then decide on the best course of action.

Sometimes doing a lot in a short period of time can be overwhelming, and as you described above, I think it would be good for you to start afresh.

Driving involves a lot of repetition remember so getting better at the fundamentals is your next step, a good instructor will identify your bad habits and/or see where you are particularly struggling and aim to correct and help you improve in those areas.

Be patient, don't get disheartened if things don't click for you overnight. It doesn't come naturally to everyone, I'm in my 30s and I never learned to swim for example which most people seem shocked by. I never took the time to learn but I'm determined to at some point.

So try and be positive and look forward to improving your driving skills. I'd also highly recommend you read the Highway code and get up to speed on the rules of the road as it's essential but also beneficial to your learning in the early stages.

[S]

Lessons are expensive so be wary of that, it might be best to do a couple pf one hour sessions and see how they go with your new instructor.

If you are feeling comfortable and hopefully a little more confident then you can chat with him/her about your progress and then decide on the best course of action.

Sometimes doing a lot in a short period of time can be overwhelming, and as you described above, I think it would be good for you to start afresh.

Driving involves a lot of repetition remember so getting better at the fundamentals is your next step, a good instructor will identify your bad habits and/or see where you are particularly struggling and aim to correct and help you improve in those areas.

Be patient, don't get disheartened if things don't click for you overnight. It doesn't come naturally to everyone, I'm in my 30s and I never learned to swim for example which most people seem shocked by. I never took the time to learn but I'm determined to at some point.

So try and be positive and look forward to improving your driving skills. I'd also highly recommend you read the Highway code and get up to speed on the rules of the road as it's essential but also beneficial to your learning in the early stages.

Thanks for the advice mate, I'll also try and take on board the quote under your avatar!

[Phil M]

Thanks for the advice mate, I'll also try and take on board the quote under your avatar!

Indeed.

[Coat Of Arms]

Is it controlling the car you struggle with (clutch control, gears etc) or just being on the road in general?

[S]

Is it controlling the car you struggle with (clutch control, gears etc) or just being on the road in general?

Controlling the car is the main issue. Clutch control, gears and the like. I hear people talk about getting the "feel" of a car, and I know what they mean by that, but I just can't get to grips with it. For example technically I can change gear, but when I do so it feels like I'm kind of getting lucky with the timing rather than doing it by intuition.

I feel slightly more at ease with steering etc. The idea of traffic is daunting, but I think that's mainly as a result of the other issues.

[Inpeace]

Controlling the car is the main issue. Clutch control, gears and the like. I hear people talk about getting the "feel" of a car, and I know what they mean by that, but I just can't get to grips with it. For example technically I can change gear, but when I do so it feels like I'm kind of getting lucky with the timing rather than doing it by intuition.

I feel slightly more at ease with steering etc. The idea of traffic is daunting, but I think that's mainly as a result of the other issues.

Why not get an automatic license, can get used to the road and then get a manual if necessary in a few years

[Phil M]

Hey S, forgot to say that you could consider switching to an automatic transmission if you're struggling to get grips with the clutch control
and gear shifting etc.

[S]

Why not get an automatic license, can get used to the road and then get a manual if necessary in a few years

Hey S, forgot to say that you could consider switching to an automatic transmission if you're struggling to get grips with the clutch control
and gear shifting etc.

Would probably go down that route but I have a close friend who's essentially willing to give me his car and it's a manual. Find it hard to turn down such an offer given that lessons themselves are already expensive.

Sorry, should've mentioned that in my initial post!

[Coat Of Arms]

Controlling the car is the main issue. Clutch control, gears and the like. I hear people talk about getting the "feel" of a car, and I know what they mean by that, but I just can't get to grips with it. For example technically I can change gear, but when I do so it feels like I'm kind of getting lucky with the timing rather than doing it by intuition.

I feel slightly more at ease with steering etc. The idea of traffic is daunting, but I think that's mainly as a result of the other issues.

Clutch control & gears were the main things putting me off learning to drive & I was tempted to go down the automatic route but I'm glad I didn't.

Just like everything else in life, it takes practice. At some point down the line it will feel as easy as riding a bike or kicking a football.

[jed the red]

Is there anywhere near where you live like an old airfield or large industrial area/ empty car park?

the reason I ask is that I was the same as yourself, however I did a course with the army which was condensed into a week, but before we got onto the roads we did everything until we knew it and then slowly incorporated everything else until we felt confident.

Now I appreciate you cant necessarily do a full week but a few hours on a Sunday or something similar may help, it certainly did with me. That way, only when you feel ready can you start going on the roads and you wont feel as pressured as if you just go straight back out, you control the pace of learning.

Just a thought mate. 

[rob1966]

A good way to learn the clutch is to go somewhere really quiet and sit with the car in gear, handbrake off and foot on the clutch. Keeping your foot off the accelerator, slowly lift the clutch and you'll feel the car start to move as the clutch bites, then push the clutch back down.

[reddebs]

A mate helped me with this before I even started to learn by getting me to change gears for him whilst he drove.  He made me listen to the engine and change when it sounded right rather than him telling me when.

[Daniel Cabbaggio]

Your best bet is a big empty car park or an industrial estate or in my mums case an abandoned airfield! a couple of hours or a day there you will be fine, your car control will improve alot. Practice makes perfect so try to drive as much as you can. When your on the road try not to worry as much as you are, as the anxiety will make you drive worse, everyone had to learn at some stage. Take no notice of people tailgating you and just focus on yourself. You'll be fine.

[Party Phil]

A mate helped me with this before I even started to learn by getting me to change gears for him whilst he drove.  He made me listen to the engine and change when it sounded right rather than him telling me when.

How did you get your foot onto the clutch? Must have been very uncomfortable.

[S]

Just like everything else in life, it takes practice. At some point down the line it will feel as easy as riding a bike or kicking a football.

Confidence is so strange. I don't take into account any of the things needed to stay balanced on a bike, I just do it. Like you say, hope the same happens with this.

Is there anywhere near where you live like an old airfield or large industrial area/ empty car park?

Your best bet is a big empty car park or an industrial estate or in my mums case an abandoned airfield! a couple of hours or a day there you will be fine, your car control will improve alot. Practice makes perfect so try to drive as much as you can. When your on the road try not to worry as much as you are, as the anxiety will make you drive worse, everyone had to learn at some stage. Take no notice of people tailgating you and just focus on yourself. You'll be fine.

Yeah a couple of people have recommended something similar. I'll keep an eye out for a good empty space. Part of the anxiety is the real life consequences, like the possibility of hitting another car. It'd be nice to experiment without those worries.

A mate helped me with this before I even started to learn by getting me to change gears for him whilst he drove.  He made me listen to the engine and change when it sounded right rather than him telling me when.

A good way to learn the clutch is to go somewhere really quiet and sit with the car in gear, handbrake off and foot on the clutch. Keeping your foot off the accelerator, slowly lift the clutch and you'll feel the car start to move as the clutch bites, then push the clutch back down.

Will try these out guys, thanks.

[Kelwell]

Everyone says it, and you will get fed up of hearing it, but it will just click one day - takes perseverance. I never thought I'd get it, but you do in the end.

[CraigDS]

Personally I don't think it becomes 100% natural until well after you've passed your test and you get out there driving a fair bit - but it will click at some point and just become second nature.

You just need to realise you're no different to everyone else, no one was born knowing how to drive and it took time for every single person with a license to get used to it.

Also, don't rely on driving with family/friends, as you'll pick up a shit load of bad habits even if they don't think they are giving you any. Of course practice with them as much as you can, but do it alongside lessons with a trained instructor so you can do what they teach you.

[surfer. Fuck you generator.]

You shouldn't be out on roads yet if you're still mentally figuring out what does what consistently. Spend hours on an empty lot just perfecting gear changes, clutch release and also vehicle awareness ie knowing exactly where the edges of your car body are without having to look, get a sense for the dimensions.

In time, you will realise good driving is 90 percent reading the road / traffic. Controlling your own car will barely register on your consciousness, you just have to break down the initial process and spend that time on gear-clutch-accelerator practise to the exclusion of pretty much all else. Once it's done, you do it competently without thinking, everything else is a piece of piss.

[CraigDS]

You shouldn't be out on roads yet if you're still mentally figuring out what does what consistently.

You're not from the UK are you?

[reddebs]

Ainsdale beach was always the place to go for getting a general feel for the car pre lessons in my day.  Not sure if that still happens though.

[surfer. Fuck you generator.]

You're not from the UK are you?

Not been in a long while but there are far worse places to drive! India tops the list for me.

[CraigDS]

Not been in a long while but there are far worse places to drive! India tops the list for me.

More meant the way learning tends to work is you start on the roads near enough straight away, all be it quieter ones. You'll go to car parks for a few things, normally maneuvers, but general driving you're right onto the roads!

[surfer. Fuck you generator.]

Ah ok.

[Ziltoid]

Those reverse parks into a parking bay uphill on an angle were a bitch.

Remember doing my test and was perfect apart from one minor mark until the last junction on an incline.  Stalled it!! remained perfectly in control and swanned into the Test Centre where my tutor was head in hands as he'd seen me.  Still passed with 4 minor marks so the stall only cost me 3 which i thought might have cost me more.

I've driven an automatic for 10 years now and i'm not sure if i could handle a manual again.  Automatics are so easy i love them.

[007.lankyguy]

Personally I don't think it becomes 100% natural until well after you've passed your test and you get out there driving a fair bit - but it will click at some point and just become second nature.

Yep. For a little while after I passed, my driving more or less consisted of picking up/dropping off members of my family if they needed me to. I used to tell myself that once I left home, I wouldn't use a car other than in an emergency, such was my general discomfort with driving (not overwhelming by any stretch but certainly enough to make me look for other means of transport if I could). At some point though, it became totally natural to me and I find it almost too easy now.

I think it just goes back to the 'Four Stages of Competence'. Before you drive you're unconsciously incompetent; as you start learning, you become consciously incompetent, and then over time, you make the transition to becoming consciously competent, where you're developing the ability to drive but you're still very conscious of the process by which you're doing everything. At some point, with experience, you become unconsciously competent, where you don't really have to think about what you're doing. All drivers go through it and annoying as it is to hear, over time it does just become natural.

[UntouchableLuis]

I was the same - hated driving lessons. I used to get incredibly anxious before them and if I made a mistake it would weigh one me for ages.

Passed first time though but never really been a big driver - I only really used the car for work.

However I got a job in Southport this year and got myself an automatic. Absolutely love it. It's so easy and it helps me relax and enjoy driving more. I'd say pass on manual then try for an automatic - I wouldn't go back myself.

[SP]

It is a matter of practice. I drove a couple of thousand miles before my test. Any car journey my parents wanted to make, I drove them. If you practise, it becomes second nature, and without really noticing the transition, you move to concentrating on the other road users rather than the controls. It is daunting, but it takes time for everyone.

Best piece of advice is not to worry about other road users. I took a perverse delight in how long a queue I was able to get behind me by driving at the speed limit. Most drivers will give you plenty of room if they see your L plates. But be extra careful at junctions where cars approach side on. Being T-boned is not fun, but they will probably not see the L-plates, so you will not get allowances made.

The people overtaking you in ridiculous places are arseholes. They do it to people who have passed their tests too.

[End Product]

First few lessons I was awful,  hesitant and awkward. Ended up passing first time, which makes you part of a social elite and the right to be smug when the convo happens years down the line.

All good advice for in here, everyone learns in different ways so figuring out how you learn will help. Knowing what your doing and relaxation worked for me.

Remember reading that Anthony Hopkins rehearses the lines for a scene over a hundred times so he is relaxed.

First you need to know what your doing step by step. Write them down after a  lesson ensuring they are correct.  The steps to a hill start reverse Park etc. Practice going through those maneuver physically,  putting your foot on am imaginary pedal etc, do this 5 times a day and don't make it a hassle(combine it with a dump?).

If you practice the routine everyday. It will become 2nd nature surprisingly quickly. A sideeffect will be that you will be relaxed as you, like Hopkins, are not worried about forgetting a line, and you are not thinking when to check your fucking mirror as you have inhabited it physically.

Do your test on s Sunday morning, roads are less busy and will be less stressful experience.

Get a good instructor.  Try three and work with one you work best with.

Good luck.

[M(oaning) B(ecomes) E(mbarrassing)]

I thought I would never get the hang of driving and assumed it was something that wasn't for me.  Then my instructor did something that was so liberating, I have done the same with both my sons when they were at the same stage and all three of us passed our driving test first time!  What was it?  He got out of the car!  He took me to a big car park for the local town's football rec and got out of the car and completely ignored me.  It was early evening and there was nobody around so I had all the space in the world.  I could drive on my own without wanting/needing to impress the instructor.  I could make my own frequent mistakes and learn from them very quickly.  I could drive without fear of other cars or without the restraints of the width of the roads/traffic lights/zebra crossings/pedestrians etc.  I learned more from that than anything else I could have imagined. 

I'd have said that was worth the equivalent of about five lessons in one hour!  And since then, I definitely did get the hang of it as I've now got (officially!) one million miles of driving under my belt!  I've always been a regional salesman with large territories and have driven at least a documented 35,000 miles per year and have been doing that for over 30 years now so have comfortably crossed the million mile mark! 

[reddebs]

A mate helped me with this before I even started to learn by getting me to change gears for him whilst he drove.  He made me listen to the engine and change when it sounded right rather than him telling me when.

Ainsdale beach was always the place to go for getting a general feel for the car pre lessons in my day.  Not sure if that still happens though.

These were just a couple of things that helped me before I even had lessons with an instructor.  The mate who got me doing the gear changes was a farmer and I learned my steering and maneuvering the car in the fields after baling using the bales as a training course. 

He also had a private road to the farm, a single track with ditches either side and made me learn my 3 point turns on them and I also used to practice them on our driveway with the added bonus of parking up in the garage, reversing in or out.

I was lucky that I worked for my dad so once I'd got the basics I was able to drive to and from work every day, it helped that he'd done his advanced test as I didn't get any bad habits and only had 6 actual lessons before taking and passing my test.

Whichever way you do things, you can't beat daily practice.

[rob1966]

Those reverse parks into a parking bay uphill on an angle were a bitch.

Remember doing my test and was perfect apart from one minor mark until the last junction on an incline.  Stalled it!! remained perfectly in control and swanned into the Test Centre where my tutor was head in hands as he'd seen me.  Still passed with 4 minor marks so the stall only cost me 3 which i thought might have cost me more.

I've driven an automatic for 10 years now and i'm not sure if i could handle a manual again.  Automatics are so easy i love them.

I passed my HGV test 10 years ago, you have to do it in a manual. I did it in a truck with a 4 over 4 gearbox. This type of box goes 1st, 2nd, 3rd and 4th in low range and then you flick a switch on the front of the gearstick to go into high range, so first becomes 5th, 2nd 6th and so on. Easy enough to get the hang of. Then you have the 12 speed splitter boxes, which I didn't drive, which is controlled with a button on the side of the gearbox, giving Lo and Hi in each gear. So in 1st, you start with the splitter button down, set off, flick the button, then depress the clutch, this changes into high, you then flick the button back, move the stick into second which gives 2nd Lo, then flick, clutch, 2nd Hi and do this up the box so you go from 1st to 12th.

After passing my test, I started working 2 in 4 Saturdays, so I don't drive anywhere near as much as a FT driver and nearly everything I've driven has been 12 speed auto's, I've driven manuals 5 times in 10 years, once a straight 8 Mercedes (laid out like a car, but 8 gears) two 8 speed 4 over 4 Scania and two 12 speed Scanias with splitters. I haven't driven a manual for about 4 years now and I'd struggle if we had any. The auto's are a piece of piss to drive.

[S]

So I started this thread in October but didn't actually get round to taking my first lesson until about a week ago.

I've only had two lessons so far, so it's difficult to know whether or not I'll stick with the instructor long term. On occasions when I've made mistakes he was kind of impatient with me but I'm wondering if that's basically to be expected and if it could actually be a good thing if I get used to it. If I take issue with something like that I almost feel as though I'm being oversensitive.

At the moment I find I'm really struggling with the multitasking aspect. For my second lesson we basically went straight into roundabouts and junctions. In those situations I find myself focusing on one aspect at the expense of others. So for example, I'll be concentrating on getting my positioning correct but then completely forget about which gear to be in and vice versa. Seems like there's just a ton of information to take in all at once. Of course it's the same for everyone, but it's almost as if in this scenario I can't process it as well as others. I've likened it to striking a ball on the half volley. As someone who has played football, I subconsciously take note of all the variables in a split second. I can't seem to reach that equivalent point with driving, despite several attempts. I'm the David Ngog of the roads.

Posting this partly to get it off my chest, partly to see if anyone has any words of advice.

[Phil M]

So I started this thread in October but didn't actually get round to taking my first lesson until about a week ago.

I've only had two lessons so far, so it's difficult to know whether or not I'll stick with the instructor long term. On occasions when I've made mistakes he was kind of impatient with me but I'm wondering if that's basically to be expected and if it could actually be a good thing if I get used to it. If I take issue with something like that I almost feel as though I'm being oversensitive.

Quick reply... if you don't feel at ease with the instructor and they are being impatient or you feel like they're not giving you the advice/ support you need to progress or you feel under pressure to placate or impress the, then try someone else for the next lesson mate.

You'll also benefit from another instructor's viewpoint and guidance.

[S]

Quick reply... if you don't feel at ease with the instructor and they are being impatient or you feel like they're not giving you the advice/ support you need to progress or you feel under pressure to placate or impress the, then try someone else for the next lesson mate.

You'll also benefit from another instructor's viewpoint and guidance.

We seem to get on fine and when I've relayed my struggles he describes some of the psychology involved in a helpful way. Just seems a bit short in the moment itself, though like I said this might be complete standard for instructors and I'm just being too sensitive through nerves and whatnot. I'll see how the next couple go with him and if I'm still unsure look elsewhere . Thanks for the advice mate.

[rob1966]

We seem to get on fine and when I've relayed my struggles he describes some of the psychology involved in a helpful way. Just seems a bit short in the moment itself, though like I said this might be complete standard for instructors and I'm just being too sensitive through nerves and whatnot. I'll see how the next couple go with him and if I'm still unsure look elsewhere . Thanks for the advice mate.

No its not standard with instructors, even when taking my HGV 11 years ago after driving for 20 years, the instructor was still patient with me when I had initial struggles. If the instructor is being short with you and making you uncomfortable, change instructors, there are plenty of good ones out there. You need your instructor to be patient and understanding with you, you'll develop as a driver a lot better if you are comfortable in the car.

Learning to drive is not an easy thing for most people, its a whole new lot of skills to learn. Don't worry that you are focusing solely on on thing, its how it goes until you develop your skills. On one class 1 lesson I asked the instructor about where I should be on the road, he said never mind that, look where the trailer is - it was on the pavement !!! I failed my first test as I almost hit a building coming out of the test centre and the examiner had to shout at me to stop - again I was concentrating on where I was going and forgot about the trailer.

As you progress with your lessons, things that you are thinking about now will start to come naturally and one day you'll realise that you're not thinking about things, just doing it.

[S]

No its not standard with instructors, even when taking my HGV 11 years ago after driving for 20 years, the instructor was still patient with me when I had initial struggles. If the instructor is being short with you and making you uncomfortable, change instructors, there are plenty of good ones out there. You need your instructor to be patient and understanding with you, you'll develop as a driver a lot better if you are comfortable in the car.

Learning to drive is not an easy thing for most people, its a whole new lot of skills to learn. Don't worry that you are focusing solely on on thing, its how it goes until you develop your skills. On one class 1 lesson I asked the instructor about where I should be on the road, he said never mind that, look where the trailer is - it was on the pavement !!! I failed my first test as I almost hit a building coming out of the test centre and the examiner had to shout at me to stop - again I was concentrating on where I was going and forgot about the trailer.

As you progress with your lessons, things that you are thinking about now will start to come naturally and one day you'll realise that you're not thinking about things, just doing it.

Hmm, yeah after reading your message I think I'll look around for another instructor.

One thing I haven't mentioned yet - the car itself. My lessons so far have been in an almost brand new Focus. In terms of dimensions it's bigger than I feel comfortable with, but it's extremely forgiving in terms of stalling. I guess this is something you only really find out once you get in, but I'm wondering if there's any do's and don'ts in that regard? Would a smaller car perhaps be easier?

[OperationIvy]

My first instructor was useless. He always used to use the pedals on his side, so I had no idea how I was driving. I ditched him after about 7 lessons and got some lady, who almost never used her pedals.

But, the thing that helped me the most is that my dad used to take me to the trading estate at night so I could practice when there was hardly any cars around. I really recommend this, because the more hours you do, the better you will become.