Author Topic: For REAL Relationship Issues. NOT your latest childish Tinder/Grindr FAIL!!!!!!! (Read 553501 times)

Sir Harvest Fields · « **Reply #80 on:** September 3, 2013, 09:47:43 am »

Bang on Roady, if you have to try and keep them on their toes, then they really dont want to be there.

lauz · « **Reply #81 on:** September 3, 2013, 10:29:03 am »

Quote from: Roady on September 3, 2013, 09:19:19 am

or you could just not get involved in games. Tell her how you feel if she cant commit bin her off.Havent got time for games myself whats the point? You shouldnt have to keep her on her toes or anything.The fact she has said what he did proves she isnt really that bothered and will cheat on you.Id walk away immediately if someone said that to me.There really is no point.Relationships should not have to be hard work it should be easy and fun and you should feel committed and comfortable.Whats the point if your not or she isnt? I just would not stick with a woman if she said that to me..Its a bit like saying, your my safety blanket but ill always be up for taking a lad back when i get the opportunity.Absolutely pointless.

Roady is right here, She's cheated on you and her ex to me that says she isn't going to change her spots any time soon, and why lower your standards/morals to match her, if you want to be serious with her, just tell her don't play mind games it's stupid and every minute you spend with someone you know is the wrong person then that's every minute you could be spending with someone that is the right person.

Billy The Kid · « **Reply #82 on:** September 3, 2013, 02:00:45 pm »

Quote from: Roady on September 3, 2013, 09:19:19 am

or you could just not get involved in games. Tell her how you feel if she cant commit bin her off.Havent got time for games myself whats the point? You shouldnt have to keep her on her toes or anything.The fact she has said what he did proves she isnt really that bothered and will cheat on you.Id walk away immediately if someone said that to me.

Don't get me wrong. If I found texts on my birds phone that were evidence that she cheated on me then I'd tell her to gather her stuff and get right the fuck out. But El DP seems like he still likes her, so he doesn't want to do that. I'm just trying to tell him the tried and trusted way of bringing a girl into line

Snail · « **Reply #83 on:** September 5, 2013, 01:56:59 am »

Found out that my fiancé "necked off" with some slag a month ago. He told me so last night. I remember the night well, I'd got paid and we had an argument and I borrowed him £20 (because he didn't get paid for another couple of days) to go and have a pint to get him out of my sight for a bit. How stupid was I to trust him. Now I'm pretending I'm okay when I can barely stand him touching me, even though it was just a kiss which he said himself was to get back at me for fuck knows what. Best thing is he was in Nottingham all last weekend and I was on my own but I never worried because... yeah, why the fuck did I bother trusting him.

Snail · « **Reply #84 on:** September 5, 2013, 01:57:40 am »

I know said slag as well, she told me ages ago that she thought he was fit but I never took it seriously.

Chakan · « **Reply #85 on:** September 5, 2013, 01:59:52 am »

So he kissed a girl to get back at you? Hope you don't have any major arguments soon, otherwise he'll need a 20 for condoms.

Fiasco · « **Reply #86 on:** September 5, 2013, 02:04:15 am »

It's petty and childish at best, at worst a harbinger of more serious things to come in similar situations. I hope it can be sorted out.

Billy The Kid · « **Reply #87 on:** September 5, 2013, 02:59:05 am »

Quote from: Siannn. on September 5, 2013, 01:56:59 am

Found out that my fiancé "necked off" with some slag a month ago. He told me so last night. I remember the night well, I'd got paid and we had an argument and I borrowed him £20 (because he didn't get paid for another couple of days) to go and have a pint to get him out of my sight for a bit. How stupid was I to trust him. Now I'm pretending I'm okay when I can barely stand him touching me, even though it was just a kiss which he said himself was to get back at me for fuck knows what. Best thing is he was in Nottingham all last weekend and I was on my own but I never worried because... yeah, why the fuck did I bother trusting him.

So what's the status now? I assume you have told him to stick his ring up his arse and get to fuck?

If you don't mind me asking, how long were you two together before he popped the question?

McrRed · « **Reply #88 on:** September 5, 2013, 05:46:05 am »

Fuck me but relationships are hard.

BMW, how hot is she? Don't mean to be too shallow (well, I guess I do!) but it's a consideration.
When you're in love with a beautiful woman and all that...
The poll currently says let go. It sounds like you've decided to stick it out.

Red Genius · « **Reply #89 on:** September 5, 2013, 09:23:31 am »

I could work through most things in a relationship, god knows i'm no walk in the park.....but cheating? nah....anyone cheated on me they'd be fucked right off, selfish bag of wank thing to do in a relationship IMO.

PhilV · « **Reply #90 on:** September 5, 2013, 09:46:00 am »

Fuck About.

Personal opinion, when the trust is broken, that's it, I'd just get rid, you will never fully trust someone 100% again if they chea on you so why pretend?

Just move along, everyone (well, most people) deserve happiness and you won't get it with someone who doesn't appreciate what they have with you (e cheating) and if they can do it once they can do it again.

Yeeeep.

Billy The Kid · « **Reply #91 on:** September 5, 2013, 07:10:40 pm »

Quote from: PhilV on September 5, 2013, 09:46:00 am

Personal opinion, when the trust is broken, that's it, I'd just get rid, you will never fully trust someone 100% again if they chea on you so why pretend?

This is true. When I was 25 I was in a relationship with a bird who I thought was a 10/10. In my eyes she was a knock out. I found out she snogged some bloke while on a night out for her mates birthday. So being the soft fool that I was, I forgave her rather than pass up on the chance to remain with her. Which was the wrong call as I only delayed the inevitable. i.e her cheating on me again.

I think when you're in your 20's its easy to be a bit naive about relationships. I know I definitely was. After all, you're still relatively new to adult hood. You think you're grown up, but in truth, you're still as green as grass. No offense to anyone in their 20's. I don't mean to sound condescending or anything like that. But if you were to ask anyone in their 30's, if they would have done things differently in their 20's, had they known then what they know now, then I'm sure most would say yes.

AndyInVA · « **Reply #92 on:** September 5, 2013, 08:19:20 pm »

Quote from: Siannn. on September 5, 2013, 01:56:59 am

Found out that my fiancé "necked off"

read this and couldnt help but wonder what 'necked off' means

I dont know that most guys would admit to something simple like a drunken snog, but my male mind suggests he fucked her and the guilt was building up

its easier to admit to a small thing than a big thing

but what do i know

it doesnt sound good though

being engaged is when you are supposed to absolutely love each other

but hey, two divorces behind me, what do i know

lauz · « **Reply #93 on:** September 5, 2013, 08:29:52 pm »

Quote from: AndyInVA on September 5, 2013, 08:19:20 pm

read this and couldnt help but wonder what 'necked off' means

I dont know that most guys would admit to something simple like a drunken snog, but my male mind suggests he fucked her and the guilt was building up

its easier to admit to a small thing than a big thing

but what do i know

it doesnt sound good though

being engaged is when you are supposed to absolutely love each other

but hey, two divorces behind me, what do i know

necked off is kissing, but if a boyfriend just said he had a drunken kiss, i would assume he would of taken her home if given the chance but she said no, but i think sians situation is different she knew the lass wanted him...

Snail · « **Reply #94 on:** September 5, 2013, 08:55:20 pm »

He couldn't have "taken her home" anyway, I live with him and he came back that night.

He texted her today to say sorry that he hadn't replied to her texts (yes he gave her his number) He hasn't said sorry to me for kissing her, but he's said sorry to her. He told me about that text as well, it's fucking bizarre.

Red Genius · « **Reply #95 on:** September 5, 2013, 09:16:12 pm »

So what you doing about it Sian? You kicking him into touch, or letting him stew on it for a bit before you tell him what the score is gonna be...

zero zero · « **Reply #96 on:** September 5, 2013, 09:25:09 pm »

Quote from: Siannn. on September 5, 2013, 01:56:59 am

Now I'm pretending I'm okay when I can barely stand him touching me, even though it was just a kiss which he said himself was to get back at me for fuck knows what.

It's rarely 'just a kiss'. We're adults now and he's made a series of bad decisions that lead to him choosing to be unfaithful. He's made his choices and it's never justified. Your fiancé has a broken moral compass. He's willing to chuck away his integrity and your relationship over an argument. What's next? You prang the car and he goes off to find someone to 'get back at you'?

Quote from: Siannn. on September 5, 2013, 08:55:20 pm

He couldn't have "taken her home" anyway, I live with him and he came back that night.

He texted her today to say sorry that he hadn't replied to her texts (yes he gave her his number) He hasn't said sorry to me for kissing her, but he's said sorry to her. He told me about that text as well, it's fucking bizarre.

Giving her his number - bad choice. Keeping in contact her after confessing - bad choice. Not saying sorry - Bad choice and unremorseful.

Siann, the bit before marriage is the test drive.

Welshred · « **Reply #97 on:** September 5, 2013, 09:49:31 pm »

Quote from: Siannn. on September 5, 2013, 08:55:20 pm

He couldn't have "taken her home" anyway, I live with him and he came back that night.

He texted her today to say sorry that he hadn't replied to her texts (yes he gave her his number) He hasn't said sorry to me for kissing her, but he's said sorry to her. He told me about that text as well, it's fucking bizarre.

Yer wha? He got off with her and gave her his number, then apologised for not replying to her texts?

Now if I go on a night out, get off with a girl and give her my number it's not because I want to keep in touch and just be friends. It's either because I think there's a chance of a relationship and dating, or I wanna sleep with her.

Chakan · « **Reply #98 on:** September 5, 2013, 09:51:22 pm »

Sounds like he has already moved on, probably best for you to do the same.

Snail · « **Reply #99 on:** September 5, 2013, 11:07:36 pm »

Quote from: Chakan on September 5, 2013, 09:51:22 pm

Sounds like he has already moved on, probably best for you to do the same.

That's helpful.

Chakan · « **Reply #100 on:** September 5, 2013, 11:08:05 pm »

Quote from: Siannn. on September 5, 2013, 11:07:36 pm

That's helpful.

If don't want an opinion don't post.

He hooked up with another girl, he's given her his number, he's texted her to apologize and hasn't said boo to you.

Red Genius · « **Reply #101 on:** September 5, 2013, 11:50:27 pm »

Quote from: Chakan on September 5, 2013, 11:08:05 pm

If don't want an opinion don't post.

He hooked up with another girl, he's given her his number, he's texted her to apologize and hasn't said boo to you.

Bit of empathy wouldn't go amiss mate, although the conclusion you draw aint to far from my own.

thegoodfella · « **Reply #102 on:** September 6, 2013, 01:01:30 am »

Quote from: Siannn. on September 5, 2013, 11:07:36 pm

That's helpful.

Something tells me that he wants you to make a tough decision here. You should probably have a serious conversation with him, let him do most of the talking and see how remorseful he is and if he's willing to beg for forgiveness or not.

Also, maybe confront him about how many times has he talked to her over the phone or text/chat with the other girl over the said period.

Roady · « **Reply #103 on:** September 6, 2013, 09:51:13 am »

Siann Sorry to hear that.Clearly you love the man otherwise youd have just binned him off immediately.Its very tough.IS this out of character for him? I dont mean the cheating? I mean was he being strange before this happened was anything unusual? Theres no excuse for he done none at all, i dont condone anyone cheating and id personally leave if i were you.But the fact is i understand its easier said than done.You need to find out why he did it,what made him do it.You havent been engaged too long have you? How long have you been with this fella for in total? Theres a lots of ifs and buts .My feeling on it is if i were you i just couldnt trust that person and id walk away.But i do get its different for everyone.You need to sit him down and fire questions at him,you need to talk and find out why? Being drunk isnt an excuse.Try and get ot the bottom of it,theres always a reason for someone cheating.Coming up with a bullshit excuse that he done it to get back at you is just that bullshit.Its childish at best.
Im seriously concerned about some folk on here im not having a go at you directly siann but some peopkle just seem to settle with being with anyone for the sake of being in a relationship.They should not be hard.They should be easy.Arguments happen in the best of relationships dont get me wrong but when you feel insecure or your worried or arguing,you shouldnt be in a relationship.

I wish you the best of luck but you need to sit down and have a chat about it all.I knwo thatd be tough and you may find out a few things you dont want to know.Just make sure thats its done sober too!

Samie · « **Reply #104 on:** September 6, 2013, 12:05:01 pm »

I don't like to get involved in these sort of topics but hope you can sort it out Siann. But I hope you bin him if he aint truly remorseful.

Rusty · « **Reply #105 on:** September 6, 2013, 03:22:40 pm »

Just about to move to Oz for my other half (been together just over 5 years, engaged for 18 months, she's Aussie, we met while I was living out there a few years ago and have lived together both over there and for the last few years over here).

All in all I'm excited and ready to make a go of it but fuck me it doesn't half put a strain on the relationship when we disagree about something, invariably the first thing that comes into my head is "I sacrificed being near my family and long-term friends just for [insert trivial item that has caused argument here]". Especially when her extended family (Aussies of Italian heritage) start getting into her ear and telling her what she should and shouldnt be doing etc etc

Plus we still have the whole wedding to organise over in Oz and she's definitely got a Bridezilla streak in her, again all I can think is "a load of my friends won't be able to make it because we had it in Oz so your family could all be here, and you're arguing about the venue/cake/music/[insert other trivial thing here]". And again, her mum and aunties all want to stick their oar in and tell us how we should do our wedding, unfortunately my mrs doesn't seem to have it in her to tell them to bugger off so it ends up instead of feeling like "Us against the world" it feels like "Me against her and her extended family".

Grrrrr.

.adam · « **Reply #106 on:** September 6, 2013, 03:40:31 pm »

Siann - you need to discover if your fiancé is remoreseful for what he has done and if he is apologetic for doing it. If he doesn't seem bothered, I'd fuck him off pronto as he'll probably do it again.

You got engaged quite quickly (if memory serves) so the fact that he is your fiancé is irrelevant really, you actually haven't been together that long and he might be changing his mind about what he wants his relationship status to be.

My girlfriend and I have had a couple of big(ish) arguments over the years and afterwards I've told myself if she didn't apologise for what she'd done, I would leave. I'd suggest this is one of those situations.

Snail · « **Reply #107 on:** September 7, 2013, 12:51:58 pm »

So I've been speaking to a friend from work and she says she saw him in the pub that night and he was talking to a bunch of people (the girl included) but she never saw him do anything, she saw him leave as well. When we were arguing I said something to him to hurt him and he came back at me with that - I'm good friends with this girl and she wouldn't lie to me, and he's never met her before so it's not like he'd have told her what to say. So that's that.

Red Genius · « **Reply #108 on:** September 7, 2013, 02:37:31 pm »

Quote from: Siannn. on September 7, 2013, 12:51:58 pm

So I've been speaking to a friend from work and she says she saw him in the pub that night and he was talking to a bunch of people (the girl included) but she never saw him do anything, she saw him leave as well. When we were arguing I said something to him to hurt him and he came back at me with that - I'm good friends with this girl and she wouldn't lie to me, and he's never met her before so it's not like he'd have told her what to say. So that's that.

I genuinely hope i was just a bawls up blip.... we all make mistakes (ok not all of us fall on some bint and kiss her then text her afterwards apologising)

Word of advice mate - i know its a great goal to aim at, getting married... but, put this one on the back burner for a little while, the guy needs to understand the significance of his actions, it sounds to me he's a bit immature still and needs to grow the fuck up.

Barneylfc∗ · « **Reply #109 on:** September 7, 2013, 04:56:37 pm »

Quote from: Siannn. on September 7, 2013, 12:51:58 pm

So I've been speaking to a friend from work and she says she saw him in the pub that night and he was talking to a bunch of people (the girl included) but she never saw him do anything, she saw him leave as well. When we were arguing I said something to him to hurt him and he came back at me with that - I'm good friends with this girl and she wouldn't lie to me, and he's never met her before so it's not like he'd have told her what to say. So that's that.

She might not have seen it, doesn't mean it didn't happen. She can't have been watching him all night. Sounds like you're trying to convince yourself it didn't happen. Do you think what you said justifies him saying he cheated on you? Surely he wouldn't say that if it didn't happen? If it didn't happen, and he said it to hurt you, he's a c*nt in my opinion. The doubt of whether it did or it didn't will never leave. What did you say to him?

please, I have my reasons for it but... · « **Reply #110 on:** September 7, 2013, 05:00:01 pm »

Siann, I know I might be an outside and it seems to me that you really love the guy. If I were you, I'd have dumped him but then again I don't know the full situation to judge.

Best thing to do now seeing that you're engaged and are undecided is that you don't rush with marriage, let's see how he might react in some other situations and get to know him even more before rushing into marriage.

My 2 cents anyway.

macca888 · « **Reply #111 on:** September 7, 2013, 05:26:23 pm »

Quote from: Siannn. on September 7, 2013, 12:51:58 pm

So I've been speaking to a friend from work and she says she saw him in the pub that night and he was talking to a bunch of people (the girl included) but she never saw him do anything, she saw him leave as well. When we were arguing I said something to him to hurt him and he came back at me with that - I'm good friends with this girl and she wouldn't lie to me, and he's never met her before so it's not like he'd have told her what to say. So that's that.

Sian, you're a very smart girl, so I hope I'm not insulting you when I say this, but I'd just like to give you another perspective on this latest turn of events. Him copping a feel of some random bird in a pub is bad in itself. The thing is, he wouldn't have even thought about whether it was going to hurt you at that moment in time, because the ale combined with the blood rushing elsewhere from his brain would have impaired his though process. But if it didn't happen, he has thought about it and used it as a way to really hurt you. So you have to then ask yourself why would he go out of his way, so coldly and calculatingly, with the only intent on his mind to hurt you in one of the worst imaginable psychological ways. Just from the responses on this thread, the majority of people would say that if they were cheated on, they'd kick their partner to the kerb. So by making up a story about infidelity, was that what he was consciously or subconsciously hoping to achieve? Or was it to see your reaction when he hurt you and see whether you'd be the forgiving type, because this might then give him licence to roam in the future. All I'm saying is that you need to think about every side of this particular situation, and if and when you're ready, to talk through it with him.

Do feel free to PM me if you'd like to talk through things more.

Snail · « **Reply #112 on:** September 7, 2013, 11:12:58 pm »

It 100% didn't happen. My original post I was pissed off in the heat of the moment and I twisted his words so my original post wasn't completely true, he didn't say he necked off with her. I said some awful stuff to him too to be fair. I'd like to leave it now.

adopted_scouser · « **Reply #113 on:** September 7, 2013, 11:25:46 pm »

Quote from: macca666 on September 7, 2013, 05:26:23 pm

Sian, you're a very smart girl, so I hope I'm not insulting you when I say this, but I'd just like to give you another perspective on this latest turn of events. Him copping a feel of some random bird in a pub is bad in itself. The thing is, he wouldn't have even thought about whether it was going to hurt you at that moment in time, because the ale combined with the blood rushing elsewhere from his brain would have impaired his though process. But if it didn't happen, he has thought about it and used it as a way to really hurt you. So you have to then ask yourself why would he go out of his way, so coldly and calculatingly, with the only intent on his mind to hurt you in one of the worst imaginable psychological ways. Just from the responses on this thread, the majority of people would say that if they were cheated on, they'd kick their partner to the kerb. So by making up a story about infidelity, was that what he was consciously or subconsciously hoping to achieve? Or was it to see your reaction when he hurt you and see whether you'd be the forgiving type, because this might then give him licence to roam in the future. All I'm saying is that you need to think about every side of this particular situation, and if and when you're ready, to talk through it with him.

Do feel free to PM me if you'd like to talk through things more.

Who are you, and why have you hacked macca666's account?

macca888 · « **Reply #114 on:** September 7, 2013, 11:49:33 pm »

Quote from: adopted_scouser on September 7, 2013, 11:25:46 pm

Who are you, and why have you hacked macca666's account?

Ah, I prefer to show my more sensitive side to the ladies on here. If it was you or any of the others, I would have just said something along the lines of "I wouldn't take your bird back if I was you. Not after she snogged my helmet."