I've just been a victim of ID theft.I'm absolutely liv.
Parrot walks into a bar and asks the barman for a pint of lager'We don't serve parrots in here, sorry' says the barman and politely asks him to leaveNext day the parrot walks into the bar again'Pint of lager please' says the parrot'I told you yesterday, we don't serve fucking parrots, get out of my pub' says the barmanNext day the parrot walks into the bar again'Pint of lager please' says the parrot'WE DON'T FUCKING SERVE LAGER TO PARROTS, IF I SEE YOU IN HERE AGAIN I'LL NAIL YOUR FUCKING BEAK TO THE BAR'Next day the parrot walks into the bar again'Can I have a hammer and some nails please?'The barman goes mad 'what the fuck are you on about, where would I get a hammer and nails from?''In that case' says the parrot 'pint of lager please'
Crosby Nick never fails.
My favourite of his is:I went to the doctors. He said 'What appears to be the problem?'. I said 'I keep having the same dream, night after night, beautiful girls rushing towards me and I keep pushing them away'. He said 'How can I help?'. I said 'Break my arms!'Of course, now it gives me the excuse to add these:I bumped into an old friend the other day.He's got poor eyesight as well!A man walked into the doctors, The doctor said " I haven't seen you in a long time "The man replied "I know I've been ill" And he said 'My dog doesn't eat meat'. I said 'Why not?'. He said 'We don't give him any'This fella is on safari in Africa when he comes across an elephant lying on the ground, in distress. He investigates and finds a thorn in its foot. He removes it, and the elephant trots merrily away. Twenty years on, the man is standing in the street in London watching a circus procession pass by. When the elephant gets level with him, it stops, looks straight at him, reaches out with its trunk, lifts him bodily into the air, smashes him on the ground and jumps on him. It was a different elephant.
Anyone else being strangely drawn to Dion Dublin's nipples?
Son: why is my sister's name Teresa?Dad: well, your mum loves Easter, and Teresa is an anagram of Easter.Son: That makes sense, thanks Dad!Dad: You're welcome, Alan.
Ok, I can't be the only that doesn't get it or if I am shame on me, but well I don't get it :-)
Being a woman maybe thats why I didn't get it, nor did my Hubby, haha.
The Mrs told me she was leaving me because I am too cocky."Whatever love, just make sure you close the door on your way back in".
This forum is a joke
You lot will miss me when I'm gone
Why can't dinosaurs clap?Because they are dead.
If your moral compass is Piers Moron then I ask you to think whether someone who oversaw illegal phone hacking and published fake pictures depicting War Crimes is an appropriate person to look up to. In fact, I'd suggest you're a bit of a c*nt.
And that is why Fitzy is the true GOAT.
Guy walks up to a girl sitting at the bar in a club:- Do you want to dance?- Oh yes, I'd love to dance.- Great, then I'll have that chair.
I watched a YouTube video and decided that Paul Konchesky looked like a player.
A dead animal is a dead animal. And a piece of meat is a piece of meat.
Do enjoy this page
My Chinese mate told me he's opened a crows shop.I asked if he meant clothes shop?No, he said, come and take a rook.
I'm not vaccinated against covid and ... I don't wear masks.
